Under the Oaks

February is looking Busy!

2012-01-24T18:14:00.000-06:00

Seems I'm doing about 1 blog a month now. I guess that's good--means nothing too bad is happening health-wise! :) Life is busy though, and that's good too.
Work is going well. Every time I complain about it I remember 1. it's only 3 hours, and 2. I get lots of days off! The 3 hours part can be deceiving though. It's a very busy 3 hours, and 1 hour of it is outside. It gets hard on my neuropathy, not to mention my poor aging skin! I have other problems that are aggravated by so much walking around too.
There is another job, though, that I've been thinking about, and may see if I can do it temporarily over the summer. It involves lots of paper work, and sounds like heaven! My sister was describing it to me and everything she said just made it sound better and better. Most people wouldn't like to be searching through stacks of papers and working on the computer, but to me, that is the PERFECT job. The pay is less, but I would be working year round and therefore would be making more money annually than I do now. Just something I'm thinking about at this point.
Another job I would like to do would be helping out the elderly--especially with their computers. Many want to get e-mail and be on Facebook to see what everyone is doing, and look at pictures, but don't know how. Think anyone would hire me to come over once or twice a week and help them get online? It's just one of those thoughts that tumble around in my head!
Excuse me if I ramble on a bit today. I had to take a pain pill, and that makes me a little loopy! I will fill you in a bit on some issues I have been having, but don't want to get in to too much detail because of the "delicate" nature of these issues. (If you have read my blog from the beginning, you know that I used to just tell it like it is, since it's hard not to when talking about colon and breast cancer. But it's been awhile since I've had to talk much about these things). Last Thursday I saw the colon-rectal surgeon again that I saw back in Oct. or Nov. I definitely have a fistula this time. My backside has been very painful; some days worse than others (like today). There are also tender skin issues from radiation and today is a day when both things are painful at the same time! A fistula is a tunnel that develops under the skin, between two organs, or from the inside to the skin surface. Normally the surgeon would cut the top off of it and then it would fill in and close up with scar tissue. I can't have surgery back there because my radiated skin might not heal. Also my surgeon told me the procedure could leave me incontinent (because of radiation or my colon resection, or maybe both)--no thanks!! In Feb. I will be having a procedure where my surgeon can "explore" the area and hopefully put in a tiny tube to help it drain (not sure if this will help it close up?). This will be done under anesthesia. Sounds fun doesn't it? Another side effect of that wonderful radiation. (A side note--someone asked me how to word a blurb about the radiation her daughter would be having--I told her the right way to word it, then told her there are many other words I could put with the word radiation--and none of them very nice!! It's the only time I swear, or think of swearing, these days!)
Also coming up in Feb. will be my labs, ct scans (for colon cancer), and 3 month visit with my oncologist; also a visit with my primary for a pre-op check up. I plan on talking to her about my neuropathy at that time, to see if there is anything more I should be doing to keep it from getting worse. So, it will be a busy month! Feb. 6th will be 3 years since my tumor was found during a colonoscopy, and on the 20th it will be 3 years since 18" of my colon was removed.
March is my "breast cancer" month. I'll have a mammogram and MRI.
It's crazy what I've been through in the last 3 years! Sometimes it seems so far away, and other times it seems like it was just yesterday I was lying in bed in a chemo fog, unable to even shower! I am so grateful to still be here, 3 years later. Even with all the side effects, life is still wonderful. The blog community has lost several lovely people to cancer the last few months (from young children, to mom's with young children, to the elderly), and others have had their cancer get worse. I know how blessed each day is that I am cancer-free. My prayer list grows long...
Well, I think that's enough for today. Maybe in a few days I'll post more about non-cancer related parts of my life (like my awesome little grandsons!). Stay tuned!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-23T20:49:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!"
I hope everyone is able to spend some time with their loved ones, and enjoy the sights and sounds of the holiday season. I'm praying for anyone that might read this who isn't looking forward to Christmas and is sad and/or lonely. May God give you a miracle as we celebrate the birth of His son. May He comfort you and give you the peace that only He can give. May you feel his arms around you and feel safe and loved beyond your wildest imagination. Accept the gift of His Son, Jesus, and you'll have a new home (Heaven) and a new family (the body of Christ)!
I'm posting some recent pictures of my family. The one with all of us is on Thanksgiving (2011), the one where Rich is giving me a foot rub I included because this shows how I sometimes have to deal with the neuropathy in my feet! Rich's foot rubs really help! The other 2 were taken 12-18-11 on Charlie's Dedication day ( at our church we dedicate babies to the Lord, and they can choose to be baptized when they are older).

Love and blessings!
Tina

The Holiday Season is Upon Us!

2011-11-29T19:26:00.001-06:00

I can't believe Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas is quickly approaching! I feel like I'm behind already! You'd think this would be a normal feeling for me, since I am always behind, but I wish I could be ahead just one Christmas season. Well, it's still early (not even December yet!), so maybe I'll catch up.
I do love this time of year though--a national day just for giving thanks to God, and of course Christmas, the celebration of the birth of God's greatest gift--our savior Jesus! I hope everyone takes the time to soak in the meaning of the season. Don't rush through and miss the beauty of it all!
We had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! We've been having it here, at our house, the past few years, with our kids and grandkids, and usually my sister too. It's very nice. Everyone brings something, and my turkeys have been turning out PERFECT! That's a big deal to me, because years ago, as a young wife and mom, I tried to make a turkey and it didn't turn out. I cried. My wonderful, patient, husband ran up to the store to buy some deli chicken to go with the rest of the meal I had prepared. I said I'd never cook another turkey! Well, about 20 years later, I thought I'd give it another shot, and it turned out great!
This was Charlie's 1st Thanksgiving! He is getting to be such a big boy! He has physical, occupational, and speech therapy privately and through preschool. He is learning to crawl, stand, and walk. All his muscles are being worked--including core and mouth. I love all his facial expressions. He is a happy, funny, little boy.
His little brother, Brennan, is growing quickly too! He knows all his colors, and his ABCs. He loves pointing out letters and saying them all. I love the way he says things, in his own Brennan way!
Shonna came home for the holiday. She was going to be here for just a few days, but she surprised us and came home early! She is back at school now, but will be back in a few weeks for a whole month!
I had my 3 month bloodwork and check-up with my oncologist recently. Everything looks good! My hemoglobin is back up into the normal range for the first time in over 2 years. Still would like it a bit higher though. My neuropathy in my feet has been bothering me more often. Right now my feet feel tingly and like the bottoms are burning. I found something that helps though--a foot massage! Really, it does help, and I'm blessed with a husband who is willing!
My next check-up will be in 3 months, and I'll have more bloodwork and ct scans before I see my onc. My next mammogram and MRI will be in April. After all those tests are done, I might get my port removed. I like having it for the tests; it saves my veins.
Well, I'm going to go get a much needed foot rub now! May the next few weeks bring you abundant joy and blessings! Even when life doesn't seem so good, we can have true joy in knowing Jesus as our Savior, friend, and Lord!
Love,
Tina

There's a Name For It!

2011-10-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

Since this blog is still primarily about my health and cancer issues, I'm going to share some personal things with you. I won't get into too much detail though...
I saw my doctor about a week and a half ago, after having a lot of pain and missing a day of work so I could rest and take some Percocet. She and I both thought I had a fistula (not going to describe that here, other than to say it's a major pain in the bum!). I was supposed to see my surgeon, but he referred me to a colon-rectal surgeon. I was able to get in this past Thurs., due to a cancellation. I'm so glad I was able to get in to see an expert in my issues! Good news was, there is no fistula. There are some other minor problems that could be fixed with surgery, but since I had radiation there is a risk that the area wouldn't heal. Surgery of a radiated area is always risky due to the damage done to the skin. So no surgery! I'm so glad!
I started telling her (the surgeon) of some of my problems and pain, and she said my surgeon must've mentioned these things to me, and I said, no, he didn't! She told me my problems are very common for my type of colon resection (low anterior resection), so common in fact, that there is a syndrome named for them--Low Anterior Resection Syndrome! We talked about how my colon now functions, and she gave me some tips and ideas on how to improve things. It's mostly trial and error, as each person is different. I can't tell you how nice it was to talk to someone openly and have them understand exactly what I was saying! I hope some of the things we talked about will work. Problem is that it takes time to figure out what works and what doesn't.
I had a pretty good week and a half or so, but the pain came back full force today. I couldn't wait to get home from work today and take a pain pill! I feel much better now, and hopefully tomorrow won't be so bad.
Other news-- This past week I had Wed., Thurs. and Friday off of work. Wed. I stayed home and did some MUCH needed cleaning. Thurs. I ran some errands, saw the surgeon, and packed for the weekend. Friday morning Rich and I left for Kansas City, MO. We went to visit Shonna. I haven't seen her since early Aug. and that's way too long!
Friday night we had a late dinner with her, then we spent all of Saturday together. We visited a couple of Jesse James historical sites. We love that stuff! Shonna has loved museums and history stuff since she was about 3 or 4. After supper on Sat. she came to our hotel and we sat in the hot tub and then hung out in our room for a bit--a lovely evening! Sunday we took her and one of her roomies to brunch, then Rich and I headed home. We could have spent more time there, but Shonna has very little time during the week to visit. Rich and I both had to get back to work today (Monday).
Rachel and Alyssa were also gone this weekend. Rachel and her 2 boys went to Alabama with another mom and her 3 kids to visit some other families that adopted from the same orphanage. Sort of a little reunion! But what a long drive! All survived though, and they had a good time!
Alyssa flew to AZ to visit her best friend that recently moved there. Alyssa HATES flying, but she did it by herself---tells you how much her friend means to her! She flew once before by herself to see Jaren before he went to Iraq. I think she's very brave!! I got to see her today and got to here all about her trip. Tomorrow Rachel is coming over with the boys and I'll hear all about their trip. It'll be so nice to see them all!
Life has been busy, and good (mostly!). I really wish I could take a break from cancer though. I think it's really starting to sink in that this is my life now, and cancer will always be a part of it. I sort of knew that before, but now I'm living that reality! I can't complain too much though--I'm still here and there is no sign of any cancer in my body! There are too many people I know that have had their cancer spread, or return. They are always in my prayers!
Well, that's my update for now. I'll try and update soon with some pictures of the boys--I know they are the real reason you are here! ;D
Love and blessings!!
Tina

Cancer: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

2011-09-29T20:16:00.000-05:00

The title of my blog is something you hear frequently in the cancer world. It's not very often a person who has had cancer doesn't have some lingering side effects, either physical or psychological, or both. I have been dealing with some painful side effects lately. 2 years ago I finished radiation for my colon cancer, and I am still suffering from the damage that caused. It's not something I can talk about in too much detail, because it's just too personal, but I'll just say that some pretty tender tissues are fried! And having 18" of colon removed causes some changes in the gastro system that contribute to the problem also. I complain to my dear husband, and today I gave my nurse an earful! I had to go in to get my port flushed, and my usual nurse, whom I adore, was there. She started asking how I was doing and I said fine, except....then I told her everything, in detail. It was SO NICE to be able to tell someone what's been going on with me. And really, I wouldn't have told her so much, except, being the great nurse she is, she kept asking questions, and of course she will fill my oncologist in on everything too. I told her I may be needing some more Percocet soon, as my bottle is a year old, so it's good that she will be filling the doc in on everything. That way when I come asking for more drugs, he'll know why. :) Percocet not only stops the pain, but it also slows down my system, which is helpful.
My shoulder has been hurting more lately, and that all started after my mastectomy. I thought it was all better, but it started hurting again mid August. Sometimes if I hold my arm a certain way for a while, when I move it, I get really sharps pains. Like it gets stuck and it takes a bit for it to move without hurting again. The pain is right in front of my shoulder socket--kind of a weird place. Then the last few days it's started hurting up by the clavicle. That is a spot that was hit by radiation, so that concerns me a little bit. If either of these continue, I will go see my primary physician.
Then there is the ever present neuropathy. There was an article recently about a study done on Oxaliplatin, which is the chemo that causes the most trouble with neuropathy. It showed that in many cases, the neuropathy got worse for a few months after chemo, and is sometimes permanent. They are finding that it is worse than they thought. My neuropathy really is just a minor nuisance though. I'm so thankful it isn't painful like some people's.
Who knew that cancer keeps giving and giving? Sort of like the song that never ends...except this is the disease that never ends!
Ok, after all that negative stuff I just want to say that life is really good right now, and I count my many blessings everyday! God is good, I'm alive, my cancer has not spread, my family is wonderful, and I have the 2 cutest grandsons ever!
Speaking of the boys, Charlie is healing really well from surgery. Brennan is very happy to have his family all back together and at home! He missed his brother! He gave him lots of hugs, and played with him a lot those first few days at home. Charlie will be resuming physical, occupational and speech therapy 2 days a week next week, and starting preschool in 2 weeks!
May God bless you all!
Tina

Awesome Charlie

2011-09-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

Charlie had his heart surgery last Friday (9/16). We were all very worried about his recovery--even his surgeon and doctors thought it was going to be a rough few days after the surgery. They kept watching and waiting for things to get worse--but they never did! 5 days later, on Wed., he got to go home! His blood pressure, lung pressure, everything---all ok! It's a miracle, plain and simple. Thank you so much for all your prayers! God has plans for this sweet little boy. He has very few restrictions--just can't pick him up under his arms, and of course, nothing should hit him in the chest.
Brennan went to a daycare for a few days, and I picked him up at 2:30. He really liked it there. He wore a little Elmo backpack--SO CUTE! And Rachel even packed a lunch for him. Just like a big boy. He turns 2 on Monday!
He is such a good little boy. But he really had enough of Grandma and just wanted to be home with his mommy, daddy and Charlie! I felt so bad for him. I took him down to the hospital one day and he was happy to see Charlie. When Rachel and I took him out of the room he kept signing "Charlie" and just wanted to go back and see him. Brennan has been very happy to have his brother home!
Check out Rachel's blog for more info on Charlie. The link to "Love is Sugar Free" is on the right side of my blog.

Here's a picture of Charlie in the hospital on Tues., after he was moved out of ICU:

Here is B with his back pack:

That's all for now!
Blessings!
Tina

Back To Work, Back To Life, and a Charlie update

2011-09-14T21:02:00.000-05:00

Work has been going really well! I work in kindergarten and first grade in the morning, then supervise lunch and recess. I was VERY tired and achy the first week, but that is getting a little better each day (and it helps to take ibuprofen every morning!). I still am tired, but am able to at least function after work and make supper. I even got groceries after work yesterday! Last week I pretty much came home and collapsed! Who knew 3 hours could be so tiring! I am on my feet the whole time and an hour of it is running around the playground doing recess. I'm so glad the weather is cooler--I don't like being outside when it's hot!
Today Alyssa came over shortly after I got home, then Rachel brought the boys over for us to watch (I'm SO thankful Alyssa was here for that!), then Jaren stopped by, and Rich came home, and Rachel came back, then, finally, Dee stopped by (she saw everyone's cars here!). Whew! Was crazy here for awhile! But I love it! They all cleared out by about 6:15, and now Rich and I are taking it easy. Just need some quiet time for a bit!
I noticed, while trying to peel the paper off the back of some velcro, that my fingers are more sensitive than I realized. That is still from the neuropathy. There is only a slight numbness left, but they hurt when I try to do things like untie knots and such (something I seem to have to do a lot of at school!). After working with the velcro the tips of my fingers hurt for a couple of hours, The bottom of me feet often feel numb when I'm walking around the playground. Being on my feet seems to aggravate the neuropathy there. But it's not painful, so I will just ignore it. I wore tennis shoes today for the first time (I've been wearing flip-flops and sandals), and my toes did not like being inside shoes! Again, there was more numbness. My feet will just have to get used to it! Too bad I can't wear my slippers to work. :)
I had a lot of other radiation-caused pain this weekend, that I took some pain pills for. Radiation damage is nasty, and something I'll just have to put up with. Thankfully the pain eventually goes away and stays away for a few weeks.
Monday night Rich and I got to watch Jaren get sworn in as a police officer. We are very proud of him! He and Alyssa have been together since they were in 10th grade. It's been a blessing to watch them grow and mature together.
I just "skyped" with Shonna! She had to get new tires today, so I wanted to check in and see how it went. It's so great to be able to actually see her while we talk. I still miss her a lot! Rich and I will be going down to see her in Oct. when I have a break from work.
Well, now for the big news. Charlie is having his heart surgery this Friday. At least we are praying they will finally be able to go through with it and fix his heart! I was so glad I got to snuggle with him and hold him today. Most of my focus will be on Brennan while Charlie is in the hospital, so I just held him and prayed for him, and kissed and hugged him! Brennan will be at his other grandparents' house for 2 nights, then come here Sat. We'll have him a lot the next week. Please keep Charlie in your prayers. He will be very critical the first few days, as they will be leaving his chest open. Rachel and Ken need your prayers too--lots of stress and very little sleep for them! It will be good to finally get this done, so that wonderful little boy can get on with living and growing and learning!
Life is really good for me right now. As I was standing out in the yard with my dog this morning I was thinking about what I felt like 2 years ago. I couldn't even get out of bed some days to take the dog out, and if I did it took all my energy and I was in a fog. 1 year ago the chemo wasn't quite as bad, but I was taking Percocet for the pain it caused and still tired and weak. What a blessing to be able to stand out there today with my face to the sun, enjoying the beauty all around me! Such a difference. I pray I am done with cancer forever, but for sure I am done with cancer RIGHT NOW, so I am just going to enjoy every day I have. No one knows when their time is up, cancer or not. So get out there---ENJOY EVERY MOMENT GOD GIVES YOU!!
Blessings to you all!
Tina

My Grandsons

2011-08-30T14:17:00.001-05:00

Today was supposed to be Charlie's surgery day. He was finally going to get that hole in his heart fixed. Rachel had everything ready for the week, Brennan's schedule worked out, and Ken took the week off. They took Charlie into surgery at 8:30 am, and a little while later the surgeon came out. Not a good sign! Charlie's fever went back up to 102.2. He has had fevers off and on all summer. They have done zillions of tests and can't find the reason. So, now they do a bunch more tests and cultures and see if they are missing anything. He is still intubated and sedated, and they should let him wake up in about an hour or so. Rachel and Ken are waiting for the test results and will talk to the specialists and decide what to do. You can read more details here: Love is Sugar Free.
In other news about Charlie, he is doing so well in so many ways! He knows several signs (sign language), and says a few words. He has been having physical, occupational, and speech therapy twice a week and they are getting him to use his legs! At first he wouldn't even put his feet on the ground, and now he can use his legs to support himself! He is happy and loves to snuggle. Now if only we could get his heart healed...
Brennan will be 2 on Sept. 26th! He knows most of his colors and the signs for them! He is talking a lot more, although he is hard to understand unless you know the context. But he will try to say most everything now. He even makes up signs for things too! He says things like "mommy's car gold" and "Sissa's(Alyssa's) car". He recognized Alyssa's car after just seeing it one time before! He is a sweet, fun little boy. Of course he has the occasional melt down--but they don't last very long.
I am getting excited about going back to work (although this surgery stuff is putting a damper on that now). I start next Tues, Sept. 6th. I even did a little clothes shopping--it's been awhile since I've needed clothes for work! I wish I could say that I've lost all the weight I gained this last year, but I haven't. I'm working on it though! I'm feeling pretty good, and getting my strength and stamina back!
Please keep Charlie in your prayers. God is hearing those prayers, I know. I'm sure there is a good reason the surgery was cancelled, because God was there with Charlie and the surgeons.
Love and blessings!
Tina

Scans, Labs, Oncologist, and Last Herceptin!

2011-08-15T14:38:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm done!  I couldn't be more excited (well, I could be if I weren't tired from the Herceptin!). I had my ct scans (chest, abdomen, and pelvis) and bloodwork done last week. Scans are all clear, and bloodwork is good. One of the liver tests (alkaline phosphatase) was elevated, but I think that is from a minor bladder issue I have had since my colon resection. We'll check it again in 3 months.
Today I saw my oncologist and had my LAST Herceptin infusion. I asked my onc., Dr. J, if I can call my self NED (No Evidence of Disease) now and he said yes, both cancers are in remission. He said I was actually NED when I had surgery, because there was no evidence of the cancer after that. I said I wanted to wait until I was done with everything before saying that. It's not too exciting to be NED when you still have to go through chemo and radiation!
When my nurse called me back to the infusion room she had a big smile, and several other nurses congratulated me. Unfortunately my 2 regular nurses weren't there, and one will probably be on maternity leave when I go back. But it was nice that everyone was so happy for me. They know what a long road it has been!
In 6 weeks I'll go back to get my port flushed, then 6 weeks after that (3 months from now) I'll have labs done and see the oncologist again. 6 months from now I'll have more ct scans, labs, and see the onc. again. I only need a mammogram and MRI once a year, so that won't be until next April. Mammo and MRI are for the breast cancer; the ct scans are for the colon cancer.
Well, that is the cancer update!! In other news, we moved Shonna back to KCMO a week ago. She moved into a different house, so we had to paint and move furniture. I MISS HER! It was so nice having her here for a few months over the summer. Now I have to get used to her being gone all over again. I want to go visit her in October when my school will be on break.
Yes, I am going back to work, finally! School starts Sept. 6th. Yikes! Just a few weeks away!  I am looking forward to it. I think I am really ready to get on with life. Took me awhile! I have enjoyed being home, but it's time to get back to working. I'm only working 3 hours a day, though. I wanted to be able to help Rachel out with Brennan and Charlie as much as possible.
Charlie's surgery date is set for Aug. 30th. They will close the hole in his heart at that time. It is a risky surgery, but it's necessary. Until the surgery he will be getting worse because more fluid will be building up. He'll be short of breath, and get worn out easily. Even eating will be hard work for him. He takes Lasix to reduce the fluid in his body, but they don't want to increase that before surgery. So please pray for his comfort, a successful surgery, and a quick recovery. Remember Rachel and Ken in your prayers too! This will be a stressful time for them as well!
Alyssa and Jaren are doing well! Cheerleading is in full swing, so that keeps Alyssa busy (she's coach), along with her part time job at Noodles and Co. They like her so much there they want to make her shift manager already. Jaren will start next week as a part time police officer in our local police dept. He'll be fulltime in Nov. when he is done with school and gets sworn in. They recently got baptised together in a nearby lake! I'm so proud of them both!
Well, Brennan will be here soon, so I better get off the computer! Charlie has physical, occupational, and speech therapy twice a week, so I watch Brennan during that time. Tomorrow C has a ct scan, so B will be here early, and spend most of the day here.  I think I get Thurs. and Fri. off!! I'll have to plan a lunch or something!
Blessings to all!!
Tina

Best Birthday Ever!

2011-07-24T20:56:00.001-05:00

My past two birthdays weren't much fun at all. Two years ago I was in a lot of pain from radiation for the colon cancer, and that summer I spent a few weeks in the hospital. I remember the awful pain that my inflamed and irritated intestines caused! You can read what I wrote here.
Last summer, I was getting a harsh chemo combo for a second cancer, unrelated to the first. I was sick and so tired I could hardly get out of bed. You can read what I wrote that day here. (Re-reading that just brought tears to my eyes! I can remember exactly how awful I felt.)
In that last post I wrote that I told my family we were going to make up for my 2 missed birthdays this year--by going to Duluth! And we did just that! We had so much fun! We stayed just 2 nights, but we made lots of memories. Rachel, her husband and 2 sons, Alyssa, and her hubby, and Shonna were all there. It was so much fun to see my grandsons experience the waves of Lake Superior for the first time! We also went to the Zoo and Enger Tower, and spent time just hanging out in Canal Park. I was tired, sore and sunburned, but oh, so happy!

Duluth is such a special place for us: Rich and I went there on our honeymoon (nearly 27 years ago!); Rachel and Ken were married there (at Enger Tower); Jaren proposed to Alyssa there (again at Enger Tower!). Shonna once said she wanted to get married at Enger Tower, but says her sister stole that idea! :) (Enger Tower is a stone tower that has about 5 stories. It is in a park above the city of Duluth and the views of the city and lake are amazing! There are gardens and a gazebo there too.)
Tomorrow I have another Herceptin infusion. After this I'll only have one left! Aug. 15th is my last one! The week before I will have my ct scan and labs done, then I'll see my onc. on the 15th before my infusion. So close!
We'll be moving Shonna back to Kansas City, Mo around the 6th of Aug. She is moving into a house that is owned my a woman who rents out rooms to girls at IHOPU. She'll have her own bedroom and bath, and use of the rest of the kitchen and living areas of the house. Somehow we have to get her twin bed down there--not sure how yet! It might fit in the van--Rich has to measure it. I'm not looking forward to having her leave again, although I do enjoy watching her be a responsible young adult!
God has been so amazing to me and blessed me with so much. I am continuing to learn so much about Him, and myself. I've got a lot left to learn--but thankfully God has an endless supply of grace and mercy!
Blessings!!
Tina

Letting Others Write My Blog

2011-07-08T13:53:00.000-05:00

I've read a couple of very good blog posts lately, and instead of writing my version of them, I am going to include links to them so you can read them yourselves.
First, read this writer's take on the new cdc report about colon cancer screening: Michellwillwin
Then, read this post from Ann about things you should and shouldn't say to people with cancer (and her snarky responses). Ann is a great writer, and is able to talk about tough subjects with her always present sense of humor: butdoctorihatepink
And then, for an update on my grandsons, you can read about them here: loveissugarfree
These are all well written, easy reads. Please check them out!

As for me, life has been GREAT. I have been busy with my kids and grandkids, having lunch with friends, and helping my mom with some doctor appointments. I have 2 Herceptin infusions left, and then I am DONE. SOON!! In mid August I will have a MUGA scan for my heart and a chest/abdomen/pelvic ct scan to make sure I am still clear of cancer. Then, I will see my onc., and have my final Herceptin. Oh, and a bunch of blood tests too. I think after that I won't have to see my oncologist for 6 months. Won't that be wonderful?!?!
Near my birthday this month we are going up to Duluth for a few days. Last year on my birthday I told everyone to plan to spend a few days with me in Duluth this year. My girls, their 2 husbands, and my 2 grandsons will all be up there with Rich and I. I had been getting treatment for cancer the past 2 summers, so I really wanted to do something fun this year!
We all feel so blessed. God has been good to us!
Hope all are enjoying the summer--around here it'll be gone too soon!
Tina

Life Lately

2011-06-15T15:50:00.001-05:00

I often think of things I should blog about, and even "write" posts in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting it all down for others to read. My chemo brain definitely makes coming up with words more difficult!
There has been a lot of "cancer" thoughts lately. Not because of anything going on with me, but because of people around me. There is a lady at church that just found out she has uterine cancer. She won't know the details until after she has surgery next week. It may be a rare, aggressive form of cancer. I knew her face, and had heard the name, but finally met her on Sunday and put the two together. I hope I can be of some help to her. Then there is a young (19!) friend of our family who may have melanoma. It's almost impossible to think of her with cancer! The latest test showed it may be precancerous, but it is being sent for more testing. I'm thankful that both of these people are strong Christians; I know their faith will help them get through whatever life throws at them.
Then there are the people I know through blogs. One lady, Ann, finds out today if her bc has spread to her liver. (Sadly, it did. Stupid cancer! Hugs and prayers being sent!!)) Another's husband is still fighting colon cancer after 6 years! There have been recent deaths of people who's blogs I have read. (This is especially hard for me). It seems cancer is never very far from my thoughts! I have a long list of people I pray for. I know many of you also know people with cancer--it seems to affect us all in one way or another. Keep praying for a cure!!
Speaking of "slogans", there is much discussion about breast cancer slogans and such. And even among those that have had breast cancer, there is a variety of opinions. I, personally, do not like such campaigns as "I Heart Boobies", and "Save the Tatas". I think my LIFE is more important than my BREASTS. I think these campaigns are demeaning, and, really, quite ridiculous. We all know teenage boys are wearing "I heart Boobies" bracelets because they like the word, more than they want to save anyone's life. I'm sure there are a few out there that know someone personally with cancer, and they wear the bracelets to show support--but that is not the majority. Of course, there are bc survivors that like to get attention of any kind on bc, and I respect their opinions. We all feel differently. Having had colon cancer also, I sure would like to see more attention/awareness brought to that. Colons are not sexy, but having yours checked may save your life! To me, saying "Get Your Butt Checked" is not demeaning to anyone. It might raise awareness, which colon cancer needs more than breast cancer (BOTH need cures!!). I think I'll stop there...that's just my 2 cents. I always appreciate and respect other's opinions.
While all these thoughts and discussions make me sad, I am thankful I don't worry about cancer returning. That is a fear that God has taken away from me. I rarely think about it, and if I do think about it, it is without any fear. Wow, God has brought me through so much. I am blessed by His refining of me!
Aside from the sadness I sometimes feel, I am very happy overall. I am babysitting less, so I have more time to do the things I have been wanting to. Like organizing, getting out to lunch with friends, doing things with the girls, volunteering at church. And then there are some days, like today, I just really don't know what to do with myself! Do I start a project? Watch a movie? Read? Exercise (yeah, right!)? So many of my projects need my husband's help--and that might never happen! Maybe I should just start digging in by myself and see what happens! :0) Oh-- and about the babysitting less--I still get to watch the boys about once a week, but Charlie hasn't had too many appointments lately, so Rachel hasn't needed me for Brennan very often. I love watching them, but am glad for some "me" time. I have waited a long time to feel well and have some time to myself! That sounds so selfish, but hopefully you all understand. And I am trying to use some of my "me" time to help others too! Soon, Charlie will start physical therapy 2 days a week, and I will have Brennan those afternoons, and I look forward to that time with him!
I plan on going back to work in the fall, when school starts. Some days I'm excited about going back, and other days I dread it. But I cut my hours to only 3 a day, so that shouldn't be too bad. Then I will still be available to help Rachel in the afternoons, if she needs me. I'm so blessed to be able to cut my hours. Sometimes I feel guilty because my husband works so hard for our family. But his working also helps his daughter and grandsons, because then I can work less and help them out! I figure I'll eventually have to work more--maybe if I do we can retire earlier. I want Rich to be able to enjoy life too--and not just work all the time!
Take care everyone! And may God bless each and everyone of you! Prayers are being sent up for whatever your needs are--I may not know, but God does :)
Love,
Tina

Gotta Love That Daughter of Mine!

2011-05-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Apparently, when Rachel was over here using my computer the other day, she decided to make a blog post for me! It took me a few days to figure it out! Some things never change :)
Well, yes, I am still alive! It's been awhile since I've posted! I have been busy with my grandsons, Shonna, my messy house, etc.
Shonna is home for the summer, well, at least until the beg. of Aug. Then she will go back to KC for another year of school at the International House of Prayer (IHOPU). Today she sang on the worship team at church. It's been awhile since she's been able to do that; it was good to see her back up on the stage.
The boys are doing great! Charlie is gaining weight and is learning things fast! Brennan is still a good little brother, but sometimes he gets a little tired of Charlie! I still watch B often because C has had a lot of dr. appointments. It'll be awhile before Charlie has any surgery though, there are other things they need to work on first. You can check out Rachel's blog (Love is Sugar Free) for more info on the boys. (Link is over there
---->)
I don't think about cancer much anymore. I do still get annoyed at the side effects I'm left with though. I went over all the side effects in one of my last blogs. I think I forgot to add my sore shoulder though. It has been stiff and sore since my mastectomy last May. It got worse for awhile, but now it's slightly better. It didn't hurt as bad when I had to lay it above my head for my last MUGA scan. I was always going to get physical therapy for it, but I just haven't. I think I'm just tired of medical appointments! I still need to see the dentist too! It's been over a year. I see my primary doc on Thurs. to go over some things and get some blood tests. Just routine stuff. I haven't seen her in a long time.
I saw my oncologist the last time I was in for my Herceptin infusion. My MUGA showed my heart is still doing good on the blood pressure med I am on. I take the med not for high blood pressure, but because my heart function was decreasing from the Herceptin. My onc was pleased with how well I was doing. I will see him again when I have my last Herceptin in Aug. I'll have another MUGA , ct scan, and bloodwork a few days before I see him. Oh--speaking of bloodwork--my hemoglobin is finally back in the normal range! The fist time since last April! Everything else looked pretty good too--a few things out of whack yet, but nothing serious.
It's been a year since my mastectomy--May 24th, 2010. What a traumatic time that was! I wish I could say that I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me anymore, but that's not entirely true. It's, like my side effects, an annoyance. I'm trying to find a good swimsuit now. Insurance pays for bras and prosthetics, but not swimsuits, so it'll be expensive. I just want one so I can go in the hot tub when we go to Duluth. I did find some online, just haven't ordered yet.
I have been seriously considering reconstruction, but that is a major surgery and I'm not sure I want to put myself through that. I will lose use of muscle, and the recovery is long. I've put off any thought of that until next year. If I decide I want recon, I can do it anytime I want, and insurance will pay for it.
When I went to see my onc I wanted him to say that I am "NED" (No Evidence of Disease). I told the nurse that and I started choking up a bit. She left the room and I started crying a bit--I had no idea I would be emotional about it! Thankfully the doc took a while to come in and see me and I got myself under control, but I didn't want to bring it up and start crying! So I didn't hear him say it, but since all my tests and scans have come back clear I am going to say I'm NED!!!
Time for bed!
May God bless each of you this week!
Tina

Still here

2011-05-27T16:30:00.000-05:00

I am alive!! And I have super cute grandbabies. Their mom is so awesome. I think I'll go make her some cookies.

It's May Already!

2011-05-06T16:07:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm happy to say that Charlie came home from the hospital last Monday; he was there a full week. He may have to stay on antibiotics for awhile. They think his urine is backing up to his kidneys, and that may be what caused the infection. They'll do a test on him sometime this month to see if that is really what's happening. If it is, he'll stay on antibiotics indefinitely, and hopefully grow out of the problem eventually.
Today is the first day I have not had to watch either of the boys! Yesterday Rachel had an eye dr appt. so I dropped her off and took the boys to visit grandpa at work. Then I brought them here for a little bit. Charlie was very happy and alert--playing with a toy and smiling a lot. Rachel said we were finally seeing "the real Charlie". They are both such good boys. [Rachel just called and she is at a neighborhood garage sale with both boys! I don't know how she does it!]
I talked to Shonna today and she will be home next Thursday! Yay! She'll get to be home most of the summer! Her boss ok'd it (she works at a library in KC). She'll be able to work as a sub at the library here, and hopefully get a few photo shoots too. If you need a photographer--let me know! She does weddings, grads, parties, families, kids...whatever. She even took pics at a funeral--the family wanted some, but didn't want to have to do it themselves. She edits the pics, then puts them on a cd for you to print as you want. When Shonna goes back to KC in Aug. she'll be moving into a new place with some friends. But that is a long ways away and we plan on enjoying the summer!
Last weekend Alyssa and I went to a women's retreat with our church. We spent the night at a hotel together, and attended a women's conference. It was a great time! The worship and praise alone was enough, but the awesome speakers we had made it even better! Friday night worship was by Kari Jobe ("Revelation Song"), and The Desperation Band. I didn't realize how many songs the Desperation Band has written that I already knew from the radio or from singing in church. I bought one of their cds and its really good! The worship was Spirit filled and emotional. God's presence was there! It was nice to spend the time with Alyssa too!
I had my Herceptin infusion Wed., April 27th, and I asked the nurse to print the MRI results for me. As I already knew, nothing unusual showed up. I will have another MUGA, and see my oncologist the week of the 16th. I will also have blood tests and get my next Herceptin infusion.
Yesterday I went clothes shopping for the first time in a long time. I was in serious need of some spring tops! It's nice not have to worry about whether or not the top will go with one of my scarves! But I do have to pay attention to the necklines--they can't be too low. And by too low, I mean barely low at all--something most wouldn't think of as "too low". It's frustrating sometimes, and makes me think more about getting reconstruction. I want to be able to shop and wear swimsuits and such without always worrying about whether or not the scar is visible. Everytime I shop I am reminded of the cancer, and it makes it a bummer to shop instead of fun!
I was talking with someone recently about the side effects of chemo and radiation. I think I've said this before, but I never realized what treatment does to a person. I thought, like most people, that once you are done with treatment, you are DONE. But, I now know that isn't the case. I will have side effects for a long time--probably forever. Radiation damage from the colon cancer, the threat of lyphedema from surgery for breast cancer, neuropathy from chemo, "chemo brain", and fatigue. And I'm sure there's more--but with my chemo brain, I can't remember! Speaking of that, it IS real, and I have it pretty bad some days. Thinking of the right word, remembering names (which has always been difficult, but now is much worse), and just remembering everyday conversations and such, is difficult.
So this is my life, and I've just got to deal with it. Overall, each day is a blessing! As much as I hate (yes, hate!) gardening, I was thankful today to be able to do it. I am looking forward to enjoying this summer! I missed out on the last 2! I'm hoping it's not too hot, but with my short hair, maybe I won't mind as much! I plan on keeping it short, at least for the summer.
Hope everyone has a safe and blessed weekend. Invite God to be with you as you go about your day. You will see things a whole new way!
Love,
Tina

Little Charlie is in the Hospital

2011-04-26T13:50:00.000-05:00

Rachel brought Charlie to the ER yesterday. He has had a fever off and on for a few days and has not been feeling well. The doctors put him on antibiotics and wanted to keep him overnight at the hospital. Rachel went home for a little bit last night, and then went back down to spend the night with Charlie. This morning they found e-coli in his urine, which means he has an urinary tract infection (UTI). They are doing some tests on his kidneys today to see if there is any problem there that caused the infection. UTIs are uncommon in young boys, and sometimes there is an underlying problem. He will stay in the hospital for a few days to get IV antibiotics.
I have been taking care of Brennan. I wish I could be down at the hospital supporting Rachel, but my little buddy needs me. Ken brought him over before work this morning,and will pick him up around 5-5:30. B is as cute as ever--always a good boy! Too bad it's cold, rainy and windy today, so we can't play outside!
Rachel sounded good when I talked to her, but I know she is tired and stressed. Those of you praying for Charlie, please pray for his momma too!
Tomorrow I have another Herceptin infusion. I think Ken will drop B off here in the morning, then Rachel might come here to hang out with B, give him lunch, and put him down for his nap; then she can leave. My mom will be here if Brennan wakes up before I get back, but I should be back in time. You just never know how long it'll take to get the Herceptin--depends on how busy the cancer center and pharmacy are! The infusion itself only takes 90 minutes.
We had a nice Easter, but Charlie wasn't feeling well, so we didn't get to spend too much time with him. At least my family got to meet him. We were at my sister's house with my family for lunch. I was very tired, so I didn't do much the rest of the day. The weather was beautiful, so Rich and I sat out on the deck for awhile reading and bird watching. I really don't do much for Easter, except go to church and get together with my family. I'd like to spend more time with the grandkids--maybe I'll have to start a new tradition of having the kids over on Sat. for an egg hunt or something. Next year it'll be my turn to have Easter here--my sister and I have been trading off. Bless her heart for doing it this year! My house is a mess--I have 2 years of projects waiting to be done, and although I've been feeling well, I've been busy taking care of Brennan! I was no where near ready to have people over.
I never did hear about my MRI, but no news is good news. I could have called, but I'm going in tomorrow, so I'll ask the nurses to look it up for me. I got the results of my mammogram within 2 days--no changes there. They compared it with past years and everything looks the same.
Please keep praying for Charlie! Poor little guy is going to hate doctors and hospitals.
Blessings!
Tina

Pictures of Charlie, Brennan, and Me

2011-04-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

Brennan and Charlie their first day together.

Grandpa Rich and Charlie

Brennan playing on our deck

Brennan in his "ball pit" (at his house)

My hair!!

My New Grandson

2011-04-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

Charles Gabriel Andreev ( those are his 2 middle names) is home with his mommy and daddy, finally! Rachel, Shonna and Charlie got home late Thurs. night, after a very long day of travel. We met Charlie Sat. morning, and then went back after naps in the afternoon and brought my mom with too. He is just a little sweetie! He LOVES his momma! Brennan has been really good with him right from the start--I'm so amazed! I've been praying for a long time that God would prepare his heart for his new brother, and to give him a compassionate heart like his mother has. When we were over Sat., Charlie was playing with a ball; he would grab it and drop it on the floor, over and over. Eventually Brennan started picking it up and giving it back to Charlie each time. What a helpful little brother!! Today Rachel got them both ready and brought them to church! Lots of people wanted to meet him.
Someone asked me if this is the same boy that is on the picture on my blog ("Joshua"), and the answer is yes. Joshua is the name given to him by the ministry (Reece's Rainbow) that helps these kids get adopted. They can't use the child's real name, so they give them each a different name. Rachel considered keeping the name Joshua, but she and her husband finally decided on Charlie.
Charlie has a long road ahead of him. He sees a cardiologist on Monday, and they'll go from there. He also needs to see an ENT, an opthamologist, and a nutritionist. He'll need heart surgery, and after that physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and whatever else to get him moving and growing!! He is so tiny. He's 3.5 years old, but only as long as Brennan (and B is short for 18 months). And he's 10 pounds lighter than Brennan!
Shonna left after lunch today to go back to school in KC. It was hard for her to leave because she will miss her nephews so much. I assured her the next 4 weeks will go by fast, then she'll be done with school, and be able to come home for awhile. I loved having all 3 of my girls (and 2 grandsons!) in church today. My mom went with us too, so that was really nice!
Speaking of my girls, someone at church commented on what nice daughters we have and what a lovely family we are. I've gotten that comment before, and every time I say it's all God. My family is truly a miracle. I don't think people fully believe me when I say that, but I really mean it. Rich and I have always loved our girls, but there were times when our family nearly broke apart, and just some really bad times. Through it all, I just kept praying for my family and my girls, and asked God to protect them from the mess we were in. God has been faithful and answered my prayers for a great marriage, and children that believe in Him and follow His ways. We certainly went through the fire to get here, but that's what makes it such a miracle! God's Word says believers will go through trials, but He will be with us through it all, and great will our reward be. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 Well, I could write a lot about trials, and post a lot of Bible verses, because I've had my shares of problems. For some more good verses, click on the "Bible Verses" tab at the top.
Oh--I wanted to mention that I had my MRI and mammogram on Thursday. I haven't heard anything, other than the radiologist looked at my mammo before I left and didn't see anything that needed extra attention at that time. If there was something on the MRI, I probably would have been called already to come in for more pictures, so no news should be good news. The MRI was for the breast cancer. I had a CT in Feb. for the colon cancer and that was clear, so I should be able to say I'm NED (No Evidence of Disease) soon!

I hope and pray that all my readers have a blessed Easter, and rejoice in the salvation we can now have through Christ's death and resurrection!

Love,
Tina

Waiting to Meet My New Grandson

2011-04-11T20:55:00.000-05:00

Rachel and Shonna are over in UnKnown country right now. They should be in the capitol city with Charlie by now. He's officially my grandson now! The 10 day waiting period is over. They have some appointments at the embassy and with a dr., and on Thursday they will travel home. Brennan is with me during the day while Ken is at work. Rachel calls it "Grandma Daycare". Thursday Brennan will spend the night here, so Ken can pick up Rachel, Shonna, and Charlie from the airport. Rachel will come and get him Fri. morning. She might have us wait until Sat. to meet Charlie. As much as I want to see him, I think that is a really good idea. They need a little time together as a family before everyone comes to visit. He also has an appointment with the pediatrician on Friday. They are excited to meet Charlie too! Brennan was just there for his check up, and they are looking forward to seeing Charlie. The link to Rachel's blog is on the side of my blog---> It's called "Love is Sugar Free". Her other blog, "This Little Light" is an adoption advocacy blog. It has lots of good info--you should check it out!
In addition to having Charlie home, I am looking forward to a few days with my youngest. She will go back to school on Sunday. She won't be able to come home for Easter, which is a bummer. It'll be our first Easter without all our girls. It's not a huge deal, but still a bummer.
Alyssa got another job now (part time, to work around her being a cheerleading coach), so I don't see her very often either. I told her I have gotten spoiled, having her and Rachel around all the time (and Brennan too!).
I had another Herceptin infusion last Wed. It didn't make me quite as tired as last time. But I've been extra tired from allergies too. I've been having trouble sleeping because I cough at night, even with Nyquil. I sleep in the recliner so I can be somewhat upright, and that helps, but then I don't sleep as well. I'm going to be really tired this week, because I have to get up early to get my shower before Ken and Brennan get here. I hope I sleep better tonight! I had very little energy for poor B today!
Thursday I have my MRI and mammo. I'm a little nervous that they might find something. Last year my mammo on my right side was clear, but I know that stuff doesn't always show up, so I'll probably always be a little nervous when having a mammo done. I'm not really afraid, just a little nervous. God is with me , so I don't have to be afraid! I've heard other women say they get a different, better mammogram after they've had cancer, but I've never heard anyone say that to me. I'll ask them about it when I go Thurs.
Hopefully next week I'll have a picture of Brennan and Charlie together to put on here. I also want to take one of myself with my hair for you all. It's growing in thick on top. And it has some weird curls and waves to it. I have to use a shaping cream to get it to go where I want it to. I really should go in and get it cleaned up a bit. I think I might keep it short for awhile--at least for the summer. Maybe I won't hate the humidity so much if I don't have to worry about my hair going flat!
Take care everyone!
Blessings!
Tina

Having Fun With My Grandson!

2011-03-27T21:47:00.001-05:00

Some more pictures! The top 2 are Charlie, and the bottom is Brennan (he LOVES playing in the laundry basket!)
Brennan is still with us. He went to his other grandparents' house again this weekend, and we got him back after church. He didn't look too excited to see me at first (but he wasn't sad either), but after church he walked up to me and hugged my legs and when I picked him up I got more hugs! I'm convinced there isn't a sweeter boy on this planet! He's also very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents that love him to pieces and spoil him! In the carseat on the way home he was "talking" to himself and giggling. We ate lunch and then it was nap time. He has been going down for his naps and bedtime really well. He used to fuss a bit at first, but now he just lays right down and smiles at me. I'm getting strong "mom" arms again from carrying him. The other day my arms were sore because I was holding him upside down (he loves that!) and he wanted to do it over and over! Grandpa is having fun playing with him after work, and he gets hugs too!
Rachel and Ken will be home late Wed. night. They will come over Thurs. morning to get Brennan. It'll be interesting to see his reaction. I think they will get lots of hugs! He might be a little mad at them later though, you just never know how kids react--I've heard lots of different stories from people. We have been skyping every day with Rachel and Ken, and I think that has been a good thing for Brennan.
Next Friday (April 1st) will be 1 year since I found out that I did have breast cancer. I will have some tests done April 14th and then I should be declared cancer free, or NED (No Evidence of Disease). I don't think I will be able to say "cured" though. I'm actually not sure of all the details on that--at what point I can say cured. I thought my onc said at the beginning of the breast cancer that we can cure it at this stage (2b), but that might have been before we knew it was 2b. I'll have to ask him, but I don't see him for a long time. Maybe my nurses will know. I'll ask when I get my next Herceptin infusion (April 6th).
I believe I am cured though. God has given me such peace about all of this. I haven't been nervous AT ALL for any of my tests, or anytime I have to go to the cancer center. That is something only God could do, because I used to get nauseated every time I went, and tests would make me nervous about what they might find. I'm always amazed at how freeing being a believer is. With Jesus, I have the Truth, and it has set me free! (John 8:32) I don't need to fear anything, because God is with me always! I am still human, though, and imperfect, so there may be times when fear creeps up on me. If that happens I will get out my Bible and read God's promises to me!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Have a great week!
Blessings!
Tina

Daughter Meets Her Son

2011-03-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

The top picture is of Rachel earlier today when she went to the orphanage and got to hold her son for the first time. It is such a beautiful picture, I just had to share it. The other 2 pictures are of Brennan this past week--wearing Grandpa's sunglasses, and sitting in his little chair after his bath this morning.
We have been able to skype with Rachel almost everyday. The first 2 times were a little confusing for Brennan and made him sad, but now he smiles, waves "hi" and goes off and plays. Brennan is at his other grandparents' house now for the weekend. He loves them too, and loves to be over there. At first he was a little shy around his other grandpa, and clung to me, but then he got a better look at him (he was busy putting in the carseat) and was happy to go with him. I was so relieved! I worry about Brennan so much, being away from his mommy and daddy, so I was very glad to see him laughing in the carseat, ready to go! He has been keeping me busy this week! I will miss him, but enjoy a little R & R.
Rachel and Ken got to sight-see in the capitol city for a few days, and then they took an overnight train to the town where the orphanage is. They spent some time with Charlie (they have pretty much settled on that name), holding him and playing with him. He is 3.5 years old, but only about as tall as Brennan, and much thinner. Rachel said he and Ken started playing a little game that Charlie picked up on very quickly. I think in the right environment he will learn very quickly. They will be over there another week or so, then come home for about 10 days and go back. When they go back they will finally be able to bring Charlie home!
Tonight Rich and I are going out to dinner and we have a little shopping to do this weekend. Like I said, I'll be resting a lot and taking it easy too. I had my Herceptin infusion on Wed., and that always makes me a little more tired. I really just want to sleep in--I've been setting my alarm to get up before Brennan--no alarm tomorrow!
I've been sort of frustrated with how tired I've been lately, even before Brennan got here. I want to get into a routine of exercising and see if that helps, but with Brennan here I don't have the time. I'm not getting up any earlier, and by the time he goes to sleep I am way too tired! If it ever really warms up (and stays warm for more than a day!), I can take Brennan out in the stroller. Alyssa and Jaren took him out a few days ago; he likes getting outside.
Well, I really don't have much else to say!
Please pray for Rachel and Ken's safety, and keep Charlie in your prayers too. I'm praying this whole adoption process goes really smoothly and quickly!
Blessings!
Tina

My Darling Baby B

2011-03-14T13:08:00.000-05:00

I suppose I shouldn't call him "Baby B" anymore--he is a toddler now! But I think he'll always be Baby B to me :)
Brennan came to stay with us yesterday (Sunday, March 13th). Rich drove Rachel and Ken to the airport about 11:30 am. Rachel left pretty quickly, to avoid crying--although I don't think that worked too well! She said that she said goodbye to Brennan earlier that morning. I know I was having a hard time not crying when she left! Partly sympathy, partly the fact that I will miss her too!
She and Ken made it to Munich yesterday (or early this morning?), then they have a 10 hour (!) layover before flying to UKnown country ( ;) ). They will arrive sometime tonight. Wed. is their court date, and, if all goes as planned, they can take the overnight train to the town where the orphanage is on Thurs., and meet their little boy on Friday. They hope to be back home in 2 weeks.
Brennan was all smiles and silliness this morning at breakfast. After playing for awhile, he started getting a little tired and went to the gate (at the top of the stairs) and whined a little. He was wanting his mommy to come get him and take him home :( . To distract him, we (my mom and I) got him ready and took him to the store! I needed to go to the post office, and mom wanted some yarn from Michael's. He was pretty happy in the car seat, chattering and laughing, and he behaved very well in the store. He is an experienced shopper! Rachel rarely stays home a full day with him. She is always running somewhere! When we came back it was time for lunch and nap. He is such a good boy! Please pray that everything will go quickly for Rachel and Ken--no delays! God can make this work for them!
I think we'll do some coloring this afternoon, and maybe play-dough. Tomorrow I might take him to the library for family storytime. The only problem is it starts near his lunchtime. I can give him a snack before we go though. It all depends on what time he wakes up in the morning, and how well he sleeps. It won't be much fun if he's tired, hungry, and crabby!
I have another Herceptin infusion on Wed. Ken's sister is going to take him that morning for me. She is a teacher and is on Spring break this week--perfect timing! Then on Friday Ken's dad will pick Brennan up after work and they will keep him for the weekend. It'll be a nice break, but I'm sure I'll miss him!
I am doing well! Still tired a lot, which is frustrating for me. I'm sleeping ok, so I feel like I shouldn't be so tired. I might try to do the treadmill in a bit, while B is napping. Maybe some exercise will wake me up!
Love and blessings!!
Tina

Scans and Babies

2011-03-08T10:07:00.001-06:00

Well, I said I'd write more after I saw my onc., and I didn't! Hmmm. We discussed my clear CT, and some odd little things that showed up on there--my ureters (the tubes that carry urine from the kidney to the bladder) look dilated (bigger). There doesn't appear to be any blockage, so we'll keep an eye on it. I have had some bladder issues since my colon surgery, but nothing too major. I remember the surgeon telling me after the surgery that he had a kidney specialist come in and look at things and everything seemed to be working ok. I'm not real clear on why he needed the kidney doc to come in though.
Anyways...the MUGA showed more improvement on the heart function. It's up to 61% now (59 last time and 51 at the lowest point). The blood pressure med I'm on seems to be working! My potassium is good--not too high like it was before. I still have to be careful about getting too much, so I still am not drinking orange juice. I have an occasional clementine or tangerine though.
Not much else to say about that. I don't need to see the onc for 3 months, and I'll have another MUGA at that time. I will continue to get the Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks. My neuropathy has improved quite a bit, but is still there and holding steady right now. My left shoulder ( surgery side) still hurts, but I try to move it and stretch it daily. I might eventually have to have physical therapy for it.
I'm still working on some "female" issues from radiation, and a cyst in my ovary that is causing some discomfort (not pain though). I have another ultrasound in a few weeks for that. Might eventually have an oophorectomy (ovaries removed), but I'm not to keen on another surgery, so we'll see!
I have been tired again the past week. Hoping I'll get over this soon! I haven't been exercising because I've been pretty busy. Seems I'm always running somewhere, or babysitting Brennan (which I love!).
Well, speaking of Brennan--starting Sunday, he'll be here for about 2 and a half weeks! Rachel and Ken got the date to go over to the country they are adopting from (don't know if I'm allowed to say the country's name on here yet--the country doesn't want people thinking they don't take care of their orphans!). They have a meeting there on Wed., 3/16, and will hopefully get to meet their little boy (she thinks she's going to name him Charlie) on Friday. Then they'll have another court-type meeting about 2 weeks after the first one, and then they can come home for about 10 days before going back over to get Charlie. Ken will be staying home and working, and Rachel will be going back hopefully with Shonna to help her. Then, I think it'll be about 2 weeks more before they can actually leave with Charlie. I guess to get better details you should just read Rachel's blog--the link to her blog "Love is Sugar Free" is on the side of my page---->
We are very excited, and a little nervous to have Brennan here for so long. He's going to miss his parents (he already clings to Rachel when she tries to leave him at the nursery at church!), but he's so young, I think it won't affect him too much. He had his first sleepover here the weekend before last, and he did great. Ken's parents are going to take him on the weekends, and there are others that will help during the week too, to give me a little break. My mom is here to help too--thank God! She can watch him while I take my shower in the morning!
There is so much swirling through my head right now! Shonna is home on break until Friday, and that is keeping me busy! All of us girls are going to lunch today--Rachel (and Brennan--our only boy!), Alyssa, Shonna, Mom, Dee, and I.
I'm still doing the Beth Moore Breaking Free Bible study on Thursday mornings and I love it! The study is SUPER good, and I am learning and growing in God. I also love the fellowship of the women. I need to find a way to make that continue after the study is over.
This study has helped me realize what things I need to just give over to God. You know you hear from a lot of cancer patients that they learn who is there for them and who is not when going through something like this. That is true for me as well. I know who my friends are, and what family members I can count on. There are those I haven't heard from since my diagnoses. That bothered Rich and I for awhile, and especially the ones who don't even acknowledge my kids--heard nothing for graduation or a wedding! I've come to realize that I just need to give it over to God--not hold a grudge, not want to treat them like they've treated me. I choose to ignore their behavior. I will treat them with kindness, and continue to pray for them. I have God--what can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6).
Well, going to lunch in an hour--better go get ready! I actually have enough hair that I have to put a little shaping cream in it to help control it a bit! Maybe I'll post a pic soon!
Love and blessings!!
Tina

CT and MUGA Today

2011-02-21T20:43:00.000-06:00

I had my 6 month CT scan and my 6 week MUGA scan today. The MUGA was first--at 10 am.(Rich drove me in the truck because the roads were bad from over a foot of snow! He's my hero!) The nurse accessed my port, then withdrew some blood. They have to call for an RN to do the port--the tech can draw blood from veins, but not the port. They mix the blood with a tracer (nuclear stuff), let it set for 20 minutes to combine, then put it back in me. For the scan I lay on a flat, narrow table and a machine moves over me and stays in one place for 10 minutes, then it moves closer and stays there for another 10 minutes, then it's done! Very easy! Well, unless you have a painful shoulder, like I do! My left shoulder has been bothering me since my mastectomy. It is getting worse. For the first of the 2 scans I had to have my left arm above my head for the whole 10 min. It hurt so bad. I'm glad the tech left, because if he had been in there I would have told him to stop the scan. I could hardly stand it--my whole body was screaming out for me to move my arm. I was praying and praying and thankfully the time did seem to go faster. The 2nd 10 min. scan I was able to keep my arms down--and that scan seemed to take forever. But I didn't mind--I was happy to just rest there after the pain I had just endured!
When that was done I went back to the imaging waiting room for the CT scan. I had to drink 4 cups of that awful berry flavored chalk. I remember thinking this stuff wasn't so bad (I've heard of people throwing up from it!), but this time it made me gag. The other flavor was banana, but I hate banana flavored stuff. After an hour of drinking that it was time for the scan. The scan itself is very quick; I think I was only gone for 15 minutes. At the end of the scan they inject me with some "contrast". The contrast is different somehow from the stuff you have to drink, and helps them see different things on the scan. I have what's called a power port, or smart port, so the contrast can go right in through the port. If you don't have one of these, then they put it in through an IV. Another reason I love my port! Anyway, sometimes at the end of the scan I get this intense nausea that only lasts about 5 minutes, but feels awful! I told the tech that so she could run the contrast in slower. That seems to help, as I did not get the nausea this time.
After my tests were done, Rich and I went to eat at a Chinese buffet. I was very hungry, but my stomach was starting to gurgle, and I wanted to get home, so we didn't stay too long. I forgot how that stuff affects my guts. Let's just say there has been much gurgling and frequent bathroom trips! Right now I just feel sort of wiped out, have a headache, and my stomach still doesn't feel to great. If it doesn't get better before bed I may just sleep in the recliner. That is my favorite place to be when my stomach bothers me (which happens quite a bit since my colon resection!). It also helps Rich sleep--he gets up so early, and doesn't sleep well the way it is, and I don't want to be bothering him all night.
So, about 3 hours after the ct was done, I got a call from my oncologist's nurse, Carol. She said Dr. J has seen the scan results and wanted me to know everything looked clear! So, good news!! I still have that mammo and mri to get through in April, then I will be really excited!
I really had no "scanxiety" this time. I kept waiting for it, assuming it would hit, but it never did. I am so thankful to God for giving me peace! He took away my fears, and took away the nausea that I used to get everytime I was on my way to Regions Hospital. Yes, He allowed me to go through 2 cancer diagnoses, but He has been right by my side through it all. I have learned so much about my Lord, and that's what really matters. As I like to say---it's not about me, it's all about GOD!
I'll check back in a few days, after meeting with my wonderful Dr. Jahagirdar!
Please say a prayer for my cousin Jim, as he lost his wife unexpectedly this weekend--very sad!
Tina

Orphans

2011-02-19T21:23:00.001-06:00

As most of you know, my daughter Rachel is in the process of adopting a 3 (almost 4!) year old boy from an Eastern Europe country. She is adopting through an organization called Reece's Rainbow. Most of the kids on their website have Down Syndrome, as does the little boy she is adopting. Rachel's papers (dossier) have been submitted in the country, so now she waits to find out that they were approved and what date she needs to be over there. Hopefully she and hubby will be traveling in 5-7 weeks! Well, my point in all of this is to tell you about the blog Rachel has started to advocate for orphans. She tells about many of them that desperately need families (and lets us know when they get their family!), and she lists many ways people can help. Many of us feel we aren't called to adopt, but there are so many other ways to help. Sharing her blog, giving financially to the kids (You can pick which one you want to help and donate directly to that child's fund!), and buying supplies for the orphanage are just a few ways you can help. These children are the "least of these" that Jesus talks about. They need our help. Ignoring them isn't an option. Please visit her blog, and if nothing else, pray for the children. Click HERE. Thank you!!
Now for a little update about me. I've had some tests lately, and so far, so good! I had an ultrasound to see what my ovaries are doing (I've had cysts in the past and we also wanted to see if things look menopausal), and some blood tests. The u/s showed that I still have a cyst, which seems to always be there, and we are going to check it again in 6 weeks. I heard the words "with your history" several times from my obgyn, and that is why we are watching things more carefully. I also had the ca-125 test, which is for ovarian cancer. It's only reliable if the number is high--then something is wrong. But if the # is normal, is doesn't mean you don't have cancer. We are pretty sure, though, that I don't have ovarian cancer...but with my history....sigh. We also did the FSH blood test which gives an idea if I am producing any estrogen. At the moment I am not, but that could be from radiation and chemo, so my menopause may not be permanent. There is no way to tell. In 6 weeks we might discuss having the ovaries removed--my obgyn seems to want that, but technically there is no reason other than something less to worry about. I'll have to take that up with God--I'm not sure removing body parts "just in case" (when it's not even a high risk) is something He would think is a good idea. We'll see. I'll discuss it with my onc this week too.
Monday I have a ct scan (I think chest, abdomen and pelvic area again), and a MUGA scan. The CT is for the colon cancer (to look for mets) and the MUGA is to check on my heart to make sure it's still functioning well. You may recall that my heart function decreased from the Herceptin, but the bp med (Enalapril) increased it. I see my onc on Wed., when I will have labs done and get my next Herceptin infusion. We'll discuss everything then.
I don't have my mammo and MRI scheduled yet, but they should be in April--then I will be declared cancer free! Can't wait!!
I complain about being poked, prodded, and nuked, but these tests do give me a sense of security. My onc wants me to have a ct scan every 6 months for awhile, and that's ok with me. Most of us that have had cancer worry about what might be going on in our body when we are not being tested!
I am still enjoying my time off, but not getting nearly as much done as I wanted! I seem to be pretty busy running here and there. Doc and test appointments take up a lot of time. I get frustrated sometimes with how tired I still feel. I'm still working on making exercise a routine. I do it only if I "have time", or "feel like it". It needs to happen more often!! Yeah, the dieting is not going so well either...
Oh--big news!! I went "topless" (with out a scarf) for the first time today! I went to the women's breakfast at church this morning and of course everyone noticed. Everyone was real nice and said I looked great! I knew the first time was going to be the hardest, because everyone would notice, so I just had to do it and get it over with! I felt really awkward at first. Too bad it's so darn cold! I hate the cold on my neck and ears!
Well, that's all for now! I'll update later this week, after seeing my oncologist on Wed.
Love and blessings!
Tina

2 Year Cancerversary

2011-02-08T17:02:00.000-06:00

Sunday, February 6th, was 2 years since I first found out I had cancer. That was the day I had the colonoscopy and the tumor was found. Boy, how life changes when you hear "you have cancer"!! You can read about what I've been through by clicking on the tab "My Journey" above.
I had my 14th Herceptin infusion last Wed. (the 2nd). This one made me more tired than usual. I'm not sure why. I watched Brennan that afternoon, and thankfully Rich came home a little early from work to help out! The next day I made it to Bible Study at 9:30, but I was still really tired. And Friday I took mom to get groceries (she came home from Craig's on Wed. eve), still very tired! It even lasted into the weekend. Also, my stomach was a little upset, sort of gurgly, and moments of nausea. So, in 3 weeks, when I get my next one, I won't plan ANYTHING for the 2 or 3 days after. Except Bible study.
This Friday I have an ultrasound (for female troubles--some of which were caused by radiation--the gift that keeps on giving!), and the Mon. before my next Herceptin I have a CT scan (to make sure the colon cancer didn't spread anywhere) and a MUGA scan (for the heart to make sure the Herceptin isn't doing anymore damage). Sometime in April I will have a mammo and mri, and hopefully after all those tests I will be declared NED (No Evidence of Disease)!! That will be a happy day!!
Enough about me--Alyssa and Jaren are back from their mission trip. It was a good trip and they both enjoyed it. Alyssa took care of kids all week while the moms were in a Bible study (they used Beth Moore's Esther study), and Jaren helped pour concrete for the foundation of a new room. There were a few nights that they had a Marriage conference also. Both of them gave their testimony about their relationship, and Alyssa shared a bit of her testimony at the women's study. I am so very proud of them both!
Jaren is currently going to school to be a cop, while working for 2 of our nearby police departments as a Community Service Officer (CSO). He is still a member of the Nat'l Guard, and spends 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer with them. Hopefully no more trips to Iraq or Afghanistan! He is a busy boy!
Alyssa is still a cheerleading coach, and decided to continue doing it next year too. She loves the job and the girls she coaches! She finished her Assoc. degree in Bus. Management and is looking for a part time job (anyone need a great receptionist or office worker? She has great customer service skills!)
Rachel submitted all her paperwork to the country of her little boy. We are hoping it will be submitted to the judge (or whoever) on Thurs. Then about 2 weeks after that, if it is approved, she will be contacted with the date to go over there! We are getting closer! Rich and I will have Brennan here while Rachel and Ken are overseas. We need to get his room ready!
Sat. Rachel and Ken had the flu, and I had to take Rachel to the ER around 11 pm. She was getting very dehydrated. Also, being diabetic, that can be dangerous. So we went in and she got a couple of bags of fluids, they ran a few blood tests, and we got to go home. I got home a little after 3am. Needless to say, I didn't get up for church Sunday!(I did listen to the sermon online today--very good!) That really threw me off! I think I was either still feeling the effects of the Herceptin, or fighting off the flu myself. We went to Alyssa's for the Superbowl, but left before it was done because I wasn't feeling well. Still tired yesterday, but today I feel pretty good. Sadly, the Steelers lost.
We are trying to plan little trip to see Shonna in KC. We might go this weekend. We want to go see all the Harry Truman stuff in Independence, Mo. Rich and I toured his home about 20 years ago. Shonna is a history buff, like us, and would like to see it too. Her schedule is so busy that Sundays are about the only day she can do anything.
Mom and Dee are going to Mexico soon, for a vacation. I could go, but it's not something I want to spend money on. I'm saving my pennies for a Duluth vacation this summer on my birthday--remember I'm going to be cancer free for this birthday and I want to celebrate because the last 2 I was too sick!
Well, another long and rambling blog entry for you all. HI to my relatives! Hope everyone is healthy and staying warm!
Love and blessings!
Tina
ps I put some new links on the side of my blog. One of them is "This Little Light" (on the blog list) and it's Rachel's blog for orphan advocacy--check it out! Also, her other blog is there too-"Love is sugar free".

A Video of Me With a Pet Therapy Dog

2011-01-28T12:27:00.001-06:00

While at Regions getting chemo last year (sometime in Sept. or Oct., 2010) I was asked if I wanted a visit from a pet therapy dog, and if yes, could it be recorded? I said yes, and received a visit from Chilly. I have met Chilly and his handler, Mary before. I love when the dogs come by to visit. The whole video is interesting, but if you haven't got time to watch it all, my part starts at 13:44. I was reluctant to put this on here, because my face is puffy from steroids, and I have no eyelashes or eyebrows, but the blog is about my experiences with cancer--so here it is! The video is part of a cable program called "Knowledge for Wellness".

January 24th Update

2011-01-24T13:14:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! I haven't been posting much because there just isn't much to say! I am enjoying life, and giving myself time to heal.
I want to mention my sadness over the loss of a sister blogger. She passed away a few days ago after a long battle with stage 4 breast cancer. I knew she was getting worse, but there still seemed to be hope, so this was sort of sudden. She occasionally read my blog, and it is sad writing this one knowing she won't be reading it. We will miss you Daria! Please pray for her husband and family.
Last Thursday, the 20th, was one year since I finished the FOLFOX chemo for colon cancer. Coming up soon will be my 2 year "cancerversary". In about a month I'll have my CT scan to check for more cancer. The thought doesn't make me nervous yet, but we'll see what happens when the date gets closer! Even though I know God is with me, I still wouldn't like to hear there is more cancer!
As far as the breast cancer goes, I will have my next Herceptin infusion next Wed., Feb. 2nd. The infusions are every 3 weeks. I might have to have some labs done because of the bp med I'm taking, but I won't be seeing my onc at this appt. I'll see him next time to go over my CT and MUGA results.
I'm still thinking about whether or not I want to do reconstruction. I've been reading others' experiences, and there is a private website where you can look at pictures of reconstruction. I'm am so grateful to the women who have put their pictures and their stories there to help others. I would probably have to have some sort of "flap" surgery, because radiation affects the skin too much for implants. One of the flap procedures uses the muscle from your back and brings it around to the front. This sounds painful to me! I'm not sure I want to go through a major surgery and 6 week recovery again. We'll see... Any pros and cons from any readers that have gone through this(recon or not) please e-mail me!
I am LOVING my time off! I feel so guilty sometimes, then I remember all I've been through the past 2 years, and I don't feel so guilty anymore! Also, because of my neuropathy I can't work anyways, at least not until it warms up outside! I usually watch Brennan once or twice a week, I have time to IRON (something I always hated to do but mostly because I didn't have time! Rich was happy to have some of his shirts back!), I am helping out at church again ( I do copying and stuff for the Children's Pastor), AND I joined a women's Bible study that is on Thurs. mornings. It's a Beth Moore study called "Breaking Free". It's pretty intense, and helps you overcome anything that might be holding you captive. I have no idea what that might be right now, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to find out! God wanted me at this study for a reason. The study says that "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her". I want that "abundant and effective Spirit-filled life" that God has planned for me! Rachel and Alyssa are doing the study too. Alyssa has also done other Beth Moore studies.
Speaking of Alyssa, she and Jaren are down in Cabo San Lucas on their mission trip right now. They will be building a classroom for the youth in the area and putting on a marriage seminar. She sent me an e-mail after their 1st day. It is warm and beautiful there and she saw some whales in the bay! They asked for prayer for sleep (apparently the bed and pillow are hard as rocks!), and for them not to have any stomach troubles or illness. Also, please pray for the lives they will be touching down there. This is a very poor area where the kids are often left alone during the day. There is lots of drug use also. Pray for the team to be strong in the Lord and the presence of the Holy Spirit to be with them.
Rachel is spending a lot of time trying to get all their paperwork done for the adoption. Many forms have had to be redone more than once. If everything is not PERFECT it has to be redone! They are hoping to be one of the first families called to go over there to adopt their son. Hopefully this will be in March or April!
Shonna is back at school and busy as ever. She works a few hours a week at a nearby library. She will be learning how to play the keyboard and has some sort of singing lessons too, I think. Also choir, theology, and required time in the prayer room. Here is a link to the prayer room. It's great to listen to during your own prayer time or Bible study time.
Well, that's all for today!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Herceptin #13 Update

2011-01-12T16:55:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since I posted last! I think about it a lot, I just don't like taking the time to do it!
Last week I had another MUGA scan (for heart function). My heart function was 65% before I started treatment (which is very good), and after starting Herceptin it went down to 51. Then my onc. put me on Enalapril (a blood pressure med), and my heart function has increased to 56! And I haven't had any side effects from the med. I was worried about my bp dropping too low, but I am on a very low dose and am tolerating it well.
Other good news--my hemoglobin finally made it up to 12, which is the bottom of the normal range. It hasn't been normal since last April.
We scheduled some upcoming tests--a CT scan and another MUGA on Feb. 21st (6 weeks), and an MRI and mammogram sometime in April. The CT scan is for the colon cancer--to watch for a recurrence. My onc. wants me to have them every 6 months for awhile. He said because I'm so young, he wants to make sure if anything does show up again we catch it early. He did say, though, that he thinks we did a pretty good job of fighting it so it shouldn't come back!
I do not need another colonoscopy for 2 years (3 years from my last one), and after this mammo and mri I won't need another one for a year.
Some side effects I still have are neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers and feet, and just tired and out of shape! I am starting to work on building my strength and stamina. I have a lot of damage from the colon cancer radiation, and also issues that have to do with missing 18" of my colon! These are annoyances that I will have to live with, although they may get better with time. I am also praying that God will take these problems away and restore to me what cancer has taken. I can be very persistent! I also need to continue to stretch my left arm and shoulder, or it quickly stiffens up. When I had my MUGA last week I had to have my left arm above my head for 10 minutes and that really hurt! Stretching helps a lot, I guess I just have to keep doing it!
I am very pleased with how well my skin did with radiation. I was expecting much worse! The scar area peeled, but it didn't hurt. The whole area, including by the clavicle, is tan looking, and will probably always be that way. I will need to protect it with sunscreen anytime it's exposed (like with tank tops and scoop neck tops) for the rest of my life.
Family update: Shonna is still here on break. She goes back to KC this weekend. Alyssa and Jaren will be leaving on a mission trip next weekend (the 22nd). Rachel and Ken are almost ready to submit all their paperwork to the country they are adopting from. Hopefully they will get to go over sometime in March or April. They have to wait for the country to contact them with the date.
Life is good! God is better!!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Enjoying Lazy Days

2010-12-29T22:30:00.001-06:00

What a busy time last week was! Thursday all the kids (3 girls and 2 spouses, and Brennan!) were here making cookies. The girls get together here every year to make sugar cookies. We do it the easy way and buy the Pillsbury dough, then shape them, bake, and decorate. Decorating is the highlight. I make butter cream frosting, and we have lots of sprinkles and such. Alyssa, my mom, and I did a little shopping while Rachel was making the cookies. When we got home Rich and Jaren were on the roof clearing off snow. Alyssa was driving and when she saw her hubby up there she squealed and covered her eyes. She didn't like seeing him up there--I hate it when Rich goes up there! Next thing you know, Alyssa is up on the roof too! Lots of prayers were said by me! Jaren jumped off into the huge pile of snow on the ground, after helping Alyssa down the ladder, and Rich carefully slid/jumped off! After the cookies were done, we all ate pizza for dinner, then the kids headed home. At the end of the day I was very tired, but very happy! I am always amazed at how God has blessed me with such wonderful kids!
Friday (Christmas Eve), we all went to church together at 2pm. We didn't go to Bridgewood, as their times didn't fit our schedule. We went to our former church, North Heights, and got to see some of their Christmas production. It was nice visiting there as they have wonderful productions, music, decorations and such, but I don't miss it. Bridgewood is home now. After church we had dinner (I make a simple spaghetti dinner) then we opened some presents. Our tradition is the girls open their presents to each other, and Rich and I open our presents to each other. When the kids were really little, Rich and I would open our gifts to each other after the girls went to bed, by the lights of the tree.
Christmas day started off with the kids coming back about 10am, and then they opened their stockings, we had cinnamon rolls, and they we opened the rest of our gifts. My big gift this year was my new laptop, which I got about a week earlier. Love it!! I also got a Chronological Bible from Rich. I plan to read through the Old Testament again, and I thought this might make more sense to me. We'll see. All the gifts Rachel bought for us this year were items that supported orphans, or the families trying to adopt them. She gave me a pretty necklace. Brennan was the highlight of the day. He would help rip open a present now and then, but never really cared what the gift was! He was happy and silly, and fun to watch! The kids all dispersed about noon, then we met up again later at my brother's house for the family get-together. We finished the day around 7:30 or 8.
On Sunday church had only one service at 10, so no sleeping in then either. Rich had to be there a little early in case they needed him for ushering. Alyssa, Rachel and I went shopping after church for some after Christmas sales.
Rich has this whole week off, and we have been doing a lot of shopping. Using gift cards, and getting things we need at good sale prices. I'm finding that going to more than one store at a time is too much for me, unless we are traveling between stores and I get a bit of a break in the car. If I get too tired, Rich will drop me off at the door and pick me up again. Sometimes I just need to find a spot to sit for a bit, or wait in the car and let Rich run in by himself. After we get home (usually late afternoon) I'm pretty much done for the day!
The mornings have been especially nice. I've been sleeping in, and taking it slow, and enjoying the mornings. Rich has been taking it easy too--he needs that. I'm glad he's getting some downtime. We head out around lunch time, get a bite to eat, then hit a few stores.
I was thinking this morning how much I am enjoying this break. I've been doing chemo, then rads (every day for 33 days!), then when radiation was done I so busy with Christmas stuff! So Monday was the first day in a loooong time that I could really take it easy and just do fun stuff, or whatever I wanted! So free feeling! Finally!
I've been very happy lately (although sometimes I'm sure I just look tired!). Some people get depressed after they are all done. There is such a whirlwind of activity for so many months, then it just all stops. While going through treatment you don't always have time to really think about things. Then when it's all over, you have too much time...and think too much. It's hard to understand if you haven't been through it. If you know someone who is going through cancer treatment, don't expect them to bounce back to "normal" right away. They may never be back to the "normal" that you expect them to be. They will be different; changed. And it may take them awhile to move on. Be patient, and just be there for them. And never tell them to "get over it"!!! You might get punched!
Although I have a little different perspective on things, I totally understand what others go through. And I can not say I never feel down or will never get depressed. Right now I am just grateful for each day God gives me. My life is in His hands. None of us know how long we have. Why waste time wishing for this or that? Just count your blessings. Do you have a roof over your head? Heat? Clothes? Food? Family and/or friends? Then you are truly rich and blessed! Help those that don't have those things. And pray for them.
Speaking of those that don't have much, the country that Rachel and Ken are adopting from are NOT closing the adoptions! Our prayers were answered! Things can always change though, and we won't rest too easy until we have that little boy home with us.
Shonna and friends are down in KC at the Onething convention. She'll be back on Sat. Which is Alyssa's birthday. Tomorrow we are watching Brennan for a little while in the afternoon. It's been awhile since I actually babysat him. We have a lot of new toys for him to play with!
Next Monday Rich goes back to work and I will try to put together some sort of schedule for myself. I need to get back to reading God's word, exercise, and make a "to-do" list. There are so many things I want to do, I need to list and prioritize them, or they won't get done! There are things that have been put off for 2 YEARS! :)
On the medical front, I have my next MUGA (heart function) scan next Thursday. Hoping and praying my heart function has increased with the new med I'm on so I can continue getting Herceptin. I will see the doc the following Wed.(the 12th) to discuss the results and hopefully get my next Herceptin infusion.
Time for bed!

Good night and God bless!
Tina

A Prayer Request and Christmas Wishes

2010-12-21T20:24:00.000-06:00

We need some prayer warriors! The country that Rachel and Ken are hoping to adopt "Joshua" from is taking a 2nd vote tomorrow on whether or not to shut down all adoptions for a while. Can you imagine how awful that would be? There are people working on trying to get the country to at least keep it's special needs adoptions open. I know God is looking after Joshua, and will do what's best for him and our family. I'm praying hard we get him home SOON!

I went to the school today to deliver some Avon orders, and it was nice to see some friends and get some hugs! They just have one more day and they will be on Christmas break!
I did a lot of wrapping today! Still have lots more to do, but at least I'm making progress! It's strange to think that soon Christmas will be over for another year!
Shonna is home from school. I love having her here--she livens up the place! Alyssa and Rachel stop by frequently--even Jaren stops by sometimes between jobs. I love it when we have an unplanned houseful!
Tomorrow is another Herceptin infusion, and more blood work. I'll be tired, but too much to do so I'll have to push through! I can sleep next week :)
I want to wish all my readers--family, friends, "blog buddies", unknown readers--a very merry and blessed Christmas. Unto us a Savior is born! God gave us His only son to be a sacrifice for us so we could spend eternity with Him. That is so amazing! I've sent up a prayer for each one of you, that 2011 will be a year full of blessings and good health, and especially, that each one of you feels the presence of the Lord.

Take care everyone!
Tina

Done With Radiation!!!

2010-12-15T18:23:00.000-06:00

Yes!! Today I finished radiation! I AM SO HAPPY TO BE DONE!! I had 33 treatments, starting the end of Oct. There were 4 delays--3 because of the machine, and 1 to give the skin a break.
Overall, I am pleased with how well my skin held up. There are areas that are very red, and could get a little worse the next few days, but hardly any pain at all. Just some discomfort now and then, and some itchiness. My fatigue is the worst part. It's almost as bad as when I had chemo! The fatigue might last a few weeks.
I was told to keep moisturizing for a few weeks, and to keep that area covered with sun block anytime it is exposed (like my clavicle area if I wear tank tops, because the lymph nodes there were radiated). I will need to do this for the rest of my life. Also the area will have a tan look forever.
I have some"cording" on my inner arm on that side. It is deep inside from the armpit to the elbow, and hurts if I touch it or reach for anything. Cording has something to do with the tendons, where they feel like cords and are very painful. I don't think I'll need a physical therapist, I just have to do a lot of stretching.
I brought my "team" (techs, nurse, doc, and front desk staff) some treats--a bowl of fresh fruit, and some homemade treats. I got a few hugs, and was told they never wanted to see me again (unless it was to just stop in and say hi!). They are a great, caring bunch of people.
Nothing new with my heart. I seem to be tolerating the new med ok--no signs of low blood pressure. I have my next heart scan on Dec. 29th. Next Wed. I'll have another Herceptin infusion and more blood tests. I won't see my onc. until 3 weeks after that.
Did I mention I was tired? I have been doing a lot of shopping after rad. treatment, and including tomorrow (Thurs.) I will have had Brennan here 3 days this week. I love that kiddo, but I really don't have the energy for him right now! But he sure makes me laugh! Tomorrow won't be so bad because I can take it easy in the morning since I don't have to go to rads! Then B. will be here around 1:30. Then Friday will be my first day with NOTHING scheduled! I am staying home and getting some Christmas stuff done--like wrapping or cards and stuff. I've got most of my shopping done, and I'll do the last minute stuff next week.
Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, and Sat. is Rich's birthday. Then Christmas, and the week after that--Alyssa's birthday! She is a new years baby. :)
I hope everyone is staying warm! Even my friend in the Fort Myers, FL area is cold! I hope we get a little break from the cold soon. The cold affects my fingers and feet because of the neuropathy.
Love and Blessings!!
Tina

I'll Try to Keep This Short...

2010-12-07T11:53:00.000-06:00

but no promises! There has been a lot going on lately. I'll start with this song...

It's called "Stay Amazed". We sang this in church on Sunday. During the song (which I love and was already moved by it) a woman came up to me and said as she was looking at me she kept hearing "Life, life, life, abundant life" and she felt compelled to come tell me that God was saying that He will give me abundant life. I had to laugh (through my tears!) because I was singing about how God never ceases to amaze me--and there He was, amazing me!! It was very emotional. It always is when God shows up! I love that I have so many people at church praying for me and caring about me. I hope those of you that are believers can "stay amazed" at all God has done this week.
In other news... Rachel and Ken did very well at their fundraiser on Friday night. We had a lot of snow and the roads were very bad, so we didn't have as many people turn out as we had hoped for, but those who did show up brought their checkbooks (and more importantly, their LOVE), and all the silent auction items sold (except for 2 ). People are still giving them money, and some have donated by clicking on their link (on the side of my page). They still could use a lot more, but what they have gotten so far sure will help!! At the fundraiser we met a woman who recently adopted from the same orphanage that Joshua is at. What a blessing it was to meet her and her little girl! She saw Joshua almost everyday for 5 weeks. She said he has a nanny that loves him and gives him good care. I often pray that Joshua is being loved and cared for, and it sounds like he is! May God bless those that work with him!
I am doing well. My skin is red and burned from radiation, but that's to be expected. It is a little uncomfortable sometimes, but not painful.
I had a MUGA (heart function) scan recently and got the results of that last Wed., when I had my Herceptin infusion and saw my oncologist, Dr. Jahagirdar. My heart function has gone down quite a bit, so I have a new med to take that might help improve it. It is a blood pressure med. I don't have high blood pressure, but this should help jy heart. I have to watch for symptoms of low blood pressure, and symptoms of heart trouble (swollen ankles, irregular heartbeats, shortness of breath). I will get my heart checked again in 5 weeks. I have to have my potassium checked weekly while on this med, because it can go to high. If that happens, Dr. J. said there are other things we can try. We want to keep me on the Herceptin, because that is my best chance of keeping the cancer from coming back. But sometimes, if the heart gets too bad, it has to be stopped. I'm hoping this med works!
I informed work yesterday that I would like to extend my leave until the end of the school year. I will go back next Fall. I hope they will let me, I haven't heard back from them yet. I've been thinking about this for some time, and talking it over with Rich and my onc., and I think it is the best thing to do. I can't go out in the cold to do recess because of my neuropathy, and I'm still going through radiation, and the fatigue from that is starting to kick in. It will be a while before I feel up to working. Then, I'd just like to enjoy life for awhile. The last 2 years I haven't worked much, but I've been going through surgeries, chemo, etc, so I have not exactly been enjoying my time off. I've missed 2 summers also. So, anyway, those are a few of the reasons. This heart trouble sort of sealed the deal for me.
Well, I need to go --have to bring mom to an eye appt. in Stillwater. Of course she's ready and waiting for me already! :)
Have a great day!!
Tina

Love WIll Bring Him Home

2010-11-29T11:56:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, Rachel and Ken are having a fundraiser to raise money to help them adopt "Joshua" (not his real name) from a Eastern European country. Joshua is 3 1/2 years old, has Down Syndrome, and needs heart surgery as soon as possible. We are all excited to bring him home to his "forever family".
The event will be this coming Friday, Dec. 3rd, at Bridgewood Community Church in Blaine. Tickets are $5, and if you get them ahead of time you will be entered into a drawing for a door prize! You can also get your ticket at the door. The silent auction starts at 6 pm, and the concert starts at 6:30. The event will end at 8pm. Music will be provided by The Marty Rosendun Family Singers and Tricia Bownik. I've also heard my son-in-law (Ken) might be providing some intermission piano music. I hope so because he plays beautifully! There will be free cookies, and some yummy treats for sale.
Some wonderful items that will be available in the silent auction are: Chocolate lover's basket, a baby wrap, handmade birdhouse, free fruit pie from Baker's Square, Betty Crocker basket, Thyme products, Avon products, an American Girls doll wardrobe, baskets for children, and MUCH MORE! There will also be Partylite candles for sale.
Please stop by! There are many of you I would love to see! Family, friends, fellow survivors! Even if you can't stay for the whole event, stop in and buy some homemade treats for your family!
If you would like to financially support Joshua's adoption, but can't attend the event, you can click on this link: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.reecesrainbow.org%2Fsponsormeyer.html&h=958fb

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27a

Blessings!
Tina

I Hate Cancer

2010-11-28T12:54:00.000-06:00

Just in case you were wondering how I really felt about it!
This morning, as I checked my e-mail, I found 2 e-mails from colon cancer survivors that now think they may have breast cancer. One woman I've "known" for a while through her blog, and the support she gave me while I was going through treatment for colon cancer, and the other I just "met" today, when she contacted me through my blog. What a bummer!
I will be praying for them both, and doing what I can to help them and answer their questions. I've mentioned the website, breastcancer.org, to both of them. There are women on that site that are going or have gone through just about everything. It can be a little overwhelming at first, because, of course, people on there share their bad experiences, but when you get connected with some others (like I am part of the "June Chemo" thread) it can be incredibly supportive. I wish there was something similar for colon cancer. None of the colon cancer sites I've found compare to the bc site.
I've found there are differences between the 2 cancers. At first, the bc didn't scare me as much as the cc. And, it still doesn't, but the it's the treatment that scares me. I hope to NEVER go through chemo again! The cc (colon cancer) was less disfiguring, and when I was done with chemo, I was DONE. With bc, the treatment seems to go on forever. Everyone is different, but many of us will have more than one surgery, chemo, radiation, and then possibly Herceptin(1 year) or an estrogen inhibitor(5 years!). I had no idea there were so many different types of bc. Then, of course, there is the loss of hair and eyelashes, which makes you look like a cancer patient--something I didn't have with cc. For me, though, the loss of my breast was the most difficult. It's not such a big deal to me now, but it sure was difficult at the time. It's something that I had to work through with God.
Then there are so many other cancers out there! We lost one of our bloggers this past week. I think it may have even been on Thanksgiving. A young woman, early 30's, who has been battling lung cancer for the past 2 years. She was such a vibrant, adventurous woman. So sad.
Well, that should give you some reason for the title of my blog!
On a better note...
I had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family. Our group was Rich, me, Rachel, Ken, Brennan, Alyssa, Jaren (he was in Iraq last year!), Shonna, and my sister, Dee. I've come down with some sinus crap, so everyone really chipped in and helped me out. Rachel and Jaren both had to work, so we had an early dinner--about 1:30. I have soooo much to be thankful to God for!! He is so good!!!
I'm starting to feel a little better today. I slept in and stayed home from church. Shonna just left to head back to Kansas City. I haven't done any shopping yet--just some looking online and gathering ideas. Hope my head clears soon, so I can get things done and not get too far behind. I'm going to have Rich get the Christmas stuff out from under the steps, and I'll work on that this week.
I've had 20 (I think) out of 33 radiation treatments so far. I've had a 4 day break, and my skin is still pretty red. My hair is coming in, but it's so light and fine that I still look bald; it'll be awhile before I can go without a hat or scarf! My eyelashes are growing, but still too sparse and short for mascara--hopefully soon!
I had my MUGA (heart function) scan on Friday, and I will get the results of that on Wed. when I see my onc. After rads on Wed. I will go to the cancer center (all at Regions Hospital), and get labs done, see my onc., and then get another Herceptin infusion. I'm hoping I will find that my hemoglobin is back up near normal, and my other counts are all ok. My Rad Onc said this radiation should not affect my white blood counts, because it's not hitting much of my bone marrow. This will be the last time I see my onc. for a while (I think), so I will ask him what the plan is for future scans and tests, for both cancers. I'll also talk to him about going back to work.
Rachel and Ken's fundraiser for their adoption is coming up on Friday. I will post more about this tomorrow, but if you click on Joshua's button on the side of my blog, you will find info there and a link to Rachel's blog. On her blog, there is a tab at the top with fundraiser info. There will be a concert, silent auction, door prizes, free cookies, and other items for sale. Hope to see many of you there!!
Blessings!!
Tina

Radiation Going Well

2010-11-19T21:25:00.000-06:00

Hi Dee! :D and anyone else reading this....
I have been very busy! I go to radiation every morning at 9:45, then the last few days I've also been shopping after. I've been planning and organizing for Thanksgiving, and of course spending time with my little grandson, Brennan. He was here twice this week--he's 13 months old now, and a funny little boy. Likes to make people laugh! There were a few other things going on this week as well-- like I said, busy!
Radiation is going well, so far. I am getting red skin, and it's a little sore at times, but most of the time I don't even notice. I get tired in the afternoons, and by 9pm I'm ready for bed! But, overall I am enjoying feeling better, and being done with chemo!
I still have my neuropathy in my hands and feet. I think it is slightly better than it was right after chemo. I have a lot of aches and pains--everytime I get up from the chair I walk funny until my legs and hips get moving again! This happened to me last time after chemo too. It seems to happen to a lot of women after chemo, and our oncs don't seem to know why--they attribute it to other things. I eventually will go see a rheumatologist. I had some arthritis and RA pain before all this cancer crap, but not this bad. Other than that, I still tire easily-an hour of shopping and I'm pretty tuckered out. But there was a time when I couldn't even shop for half an hour!
I didn't really plan on feeling better until after radiation, and I've been noticing that I am doing much better than I expected at this point. This makes me very happy. :) I went up to church this week and spent an hour and a half doing some copying for the children's programs, and it felt good to be up there helping out again. And the hugs were nice too!
On Thanksgiving I'll be having my kids over here for dinner. This will be the third year that I've done that (instead of spending it with my mom and siblings), and it's really nice. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with my family...I just like having this one holiday for Rich, me, and the kids. I'll see everyone else at Christmas. :)
Rachel and Ken have most of their paperwork done for the adoption. Everything will be sent to "Joshua's" country, and then they wait until they hear something--probably not until Feb. or March. They are having a fundraiser event at Bridgewood Community Church on Friday, Dec. 3rd. There will be entertainment, a silent auction, and free cookies! Also some door prizes and probably some other fun. You can get a ticket for a $5 (or more!) donation. There are many items in the silent auction, like gift certificates for salons and restaurants, and many other items! Great Christmas gifts! Everyone is welcome--doors open at 6pm. E-mail me if you would like a ticket, more info, or just want to donate. nuttyoaks@gmail.com This little boy needs a "forever family" to love him and take care of him. He has down syndrome, and needs heart surgery. He'll be 4 years old soon, and at risk of being put into an institution, where he will soon die. Read about him by clicking on the button on the side of my page. I think there is a link there also to Reece's Rainbow, the organization that helps these kids get adopted. As Christians, we are called to care for the orphans. Every child deserves to be loved and cared for. Not all of us can adopt a child, but we can support those that do, and the organizations that help them!
Have a great weekend!
May the Good Lord bless you all
Tina

Herceptin #10 and Another Rad Delay

2010-11-10T15:12:00.000-06:00

As I was eating breakfast this morning, I got a phone call from Regions. I thought "uh-oh, another delay", and I was right! They are having more trouble with the computer that runs the radiation machine. She told me to come in at my regular time tomorrow. Then later this afternoon I got a message from Radiation that said don't come in tomorrow until we call. Hopefully they'll get it fixed right away in the morning, and I can go in at my usual time (9:45).
After I got the phone call this morning, I thought I could have a relaxing morning without having to run anywhere. Then I remembered I had to get my Herceptin infusion at 10:30. So I still had to make that trip to Regions!
My Herceptin infusion went well. I feel tired, a little nauseated, and have a little headache. I might take a pill (Compazine) for the nausea, and maybe a nap would be a good idea!
I have my next infusion in 3 weeks, on Dec. 1st. The day after Thanksgiving (Nov. 26th), I have a MUGA scheduled after my radiation--I'll be glowing by the end of the day! The MUGA is done in the Nuclear Medicine dept. because of the stuff ( a tracer, I think) they inject me with before the scan. They can watch it go through my heart to see how the heart is pumping. I'll get the results at my next infusion as I will be seeing my oncologist then and getting blood work done too.
Speaking of blood work, I asked my radiation onc. yesterday (I see him every Tues.) if radiation lowers the blood counts. He said that is not something he is concerned about because only about 2 percent of my bone marrow is in the radiation field. If more marrow was being hit with radiation, then there might be a problem with low blood counts.
After 10 rad treatments, my skin is a little pink and sore, and I still get little shooting pains now and then. So, really, I am feeling pretty good. The further away from chemo I get, the stronger I feel. Soon, I will be dealing with painful skin and fatigue, so I am enjoying feeling good while I can!
Time for a nap! Getting too tired to type anymore.
May God bless you and keep you!
Love,
Tina

Radiation Delay

2010-11-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday I went down to the hospital for treatment #4, and they told me they were waiting for someone to come fix the computer for the machine. They gave me a $5 coupon for the cafeteria, so I decided to get something to eat while waiting. Then the nurse came in and told me I could see Dr. Bisignani first (I was scheduled to see him after radiation). After seeing him I went to the cafeteria and had a danish and orange juice. When I got back they were still working on the machine, so I sat in the main waiting room. I chatted with another woman for a bit (she liked my scarf with the sparkles on it!), and then the tech came out to tell me that the machine wouldn't be fixed until the next day because they needed to get a part for it. She said "wait a minute", and left and came back with a $10 gas card. I thought that was pretty nice! I really didn't mind waiting, but the coupon and gas card were very nice.
When I met with the doc I told him about my twinges of pain and he said the radiation is causing some inflammation, and that is what is making the nerves have those "twinges". He said that's normal and will continue until a week or 2 after radiation is done. If it gets bad he said I should take ibuprofen. He looked at my skin and said everything looks fine!
Tonight as I sit here I can feel some little twinges again ( I had radiation #4 today), but they are very mild so far. I do worry about what I'll be feeling like in a week or two though. But, I shouldn't worry, right? "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 God's looking out for me--I just need to lean on Him!
I just talked to Shonna on the phone. She is getting ready to go on a mission trip to California. They leave on Thursday morning. God sent the money for her to go, and I know He'll be watching out for her. I can't wait for her to come home for Thanksgiving. I REALLY am not liking this being so far away from her.
Jaren and Alyssa are going on a mission trip also! They are going in January with a group from church to Cabo San Lucas (I think that's what it's called). It's a very poor area. Members of our church have been there before. Please pray for the funds to come in for Alyssa and Jaren to go.
There are many exciting things going on in our church these days. Actually, I think many churches are experiencing this. Many things are pointing to revival. Hope you all want to be a part of it!!
God loves you, and may He bless all of you!!
Tina

Day Three of Radiation

2010-10-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

Had my first "rad" treatment on Monday. My appointments are all at 8:15 am this week, so I've been getting up at 6:30. Monday was tough--I was soooo tired all day. No energy to do anything. But I've been sleeping better the last 2 nights (because I'm getting up so early), and I've been doing better. The first day I left at 7:42 and was home by 9:00. Then yesterday I found the real rush hour! I got off the freeway because it was all backed up and I took side streets down to the hospital. Today was only slightly better. I left at 7:30 and made it on time--took 45 minutes. Found out it's 14 miles from here to the hospital. I've been taking a different route home, because 694 is still backed up then.
Well, I guess the reason I've been going on about traffic is because that is the worst part of radiation so far! When I get there I go back to the women's area and change into a gown. They have 2 changing rooms, several lockers to put clothes and stuff in, a bathroom, and a private waiting area. I spend about 10-15 minutes on the radiation table, and then I'm done! I don't have to pay for parking either; they gave me a card to get into the private parking lot, and they have their own entrance.
I've been feeling some "twinges" in my chest and armpit today. I hope I'm not feeling any effects of radiation yet! Although it wouldn't surprise me--I am not normal when it comes to radiation! I need to buy some Aloe lotion to use on my skin, then I'm supposed to switch to Aquaphor if the skin gets bad.
I really was NOT looking forward to radiation, but now that it's started I don't mind it so much. I've been praying alot for God to help me get through it, and I know He will. Others have been praying for me too. I'm glad I'm not in the same radiation room that I was in before. I think it would have been hard to walk in to that same room. My machine is a little different than last time. It moves around to three different positions--zapping different areas.
Other than that, I've been trying to keep busy. Ran a few errands yesterday, then babysat Brennan, and in the evening we went to our small goup meeting (from church). Today I had to take mom to the eye dr. Got some funny stories out of that! First thing they have her do when checking in is have her put her info into the computer via a touch screen. I watched her for a while and when she started making lots of mistakes I went over to help her. The gal behind the desk was no help at all. Mom is NOT good with technology!! We laughed about it, but I could tell she was really flustered at first. Every patient there today was an elderly person, you'd think the people working there would be more patient and helpful! There were some other funny things too. Mom can be silly!
Tomorrow I'll have Brennan again. He is walking all over the place--and usually for no reason other than just walking! He'd rather do that then play! I just hope he naps! He wouldn't take a nap for me yesterday.
Boy, only 6:30 and I feel like I could go to sleep for the night! Think I'll kick back and watch some tv!
Blessings!!
Tina

Herceptin #9 and Rad Planning Session

2010-10-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

Hey readers!
Today I had a long day at the Hospital. We got there at 8:30 am for labs, onc. visit, and my 9th Herceptin. Blood work is looking ok--hemoglobin is slowly starting to come up. It was 10.4 today (it was 10 two weeks ago). It should keep going up now. Met with Dr. Jahagirdar, and he let me know that I'll have another MUGA (heart) scan the end of Nov., and see him again the beg. of Dec. I'll have a MUGA every 3 months while on the Herceptin, as it can decrease heart function. I'm already a little concerned because my blood pressure today was 105/73, which is low for me. The top number is usually in the 120-135 range. The doc saw it and said, yes, that is a little low, and that was it! I suppose because I'll be getting the MUGA in a month, he's not too concerned right now.
My Herceptin infusion took 90 minutes, because I got the larger, every 3 week, dose. I was worried that it would make me more sick than last time, but I don't feel too bad. Slightly "yucky", and tired, but that's it. Hope I'm not too tired tomorrow because I will have Brennan here in the morning and again in the afternoon! I didn't watch him last week because he was sick, so I can't wait to have him tomorrow! I miss him.
Anyways--on to the radiation. I had the "simulation" done to get me ready for my radiation treatments. I had to lay on the skinny hard table and keep my left arm above my head, while the techs marked me with markers, stickers, and eventually, tattoos (4 tiny dots). I had to go in the little CT scanner a few times too. My left arm and chest area are still tight from surgery. I quit doing my stretching exercises because I can use my arm just fine. I mean, how often do I need to raise it above my head? Apparently I shouldn't have quit stretching! It hurt SO BAD after laying like that for at least 20 min. Probably longer. The shoulder still hurts. Thankfully, the actual rad treatments will only take a few minutes. They made a mold of my head and arm, so they can easily position me the same again. My first radiation is next Monday at 8:15 (rush hour traffic-great). The time will eventually change to 9:45--much better! I will have 33 treatments, daily, Mon.-Fri,, except Thanksgiving. Last one will be Dec. 9th.
The rad onc. (Dr. Bisignani) said after chemo and radiation, my chances for a recurrence of breast cancer is around 10%. The chances of getting cancer from the radiation is about 1%. I could get a soft tissue sarcoma in the chest area, or lung cancer in the small area of lung that gets some radiation. After all the radiation and ct scans I've had , if I don't get cancer again someday it'll be a miracle! Thankfully I know God does still do miracles!
So, now I'm just very tired! I'm going to watch a little tv, and play on the computer for a bit, then get to bed early!
Blessings!
Tina

Herceptin #8, and a Visitor!

2010-10-18T19:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been busy, and that's a good thing!
Last Tues. I had my 8th Herceptin infusion. I seem to get some side effects from it. I felt generally "yucky" the rest of that day, and the next. Tired, and some nausea. The onc and nurse said there really aren't any side effects from herceptin, but I did some looking online, and found the prescribing info for the drug. It lists many side effects:
"The most common side effects associated with Herceptin were fever, nausea, vomiting, infusion reactions, diarrhea, infections, increased cough, headache, fatigue, shortness of breath, rash, low white and red blood cells, and muscle pain." From www.herceptin.com.
So, yes, there is side effects! One that is not listed, but I have heard from nearly everyone on it, is a drippy nose! This Wed., I will have a larger dose, over 90 minutes. I will be switching from weekly infusions to every 3 weeks. I hope the larger dose doesn't make me more sick!
Also on Wed., I will get my simulation done for radiation. They will scan me, tattoo me, and make a pillow mold of my head and arm. Then sometime next week (not sure when yet) I will start radiation. I get tired just thinking about the daily trip to Regions for 6 weeks! Oh well, I've been through worse! But I really want to be DONE.
This past weekend Rich and I were supposed to go to KC to visit Shonna. Well, she came up here instead! She got here about 1:30 am Friday morning. Rich took the day off and did some raking, and then we went to lunch and the dr. (Rich's diverticulitis is acting up again). Then Fri. night he went to a buddy's house for a "guys night". They went to the high school football game. Alyssa was there coaching her cheerleaders. Her dad, father-in-law, and husband all visited her! I had a quiet evening at home! Shonna was visiting friends most of the day. On Sat. Shonna, Rich, Alyssa, Jaren, Rachel, Brennan, and I all went to the apple orchard! It was so fun to be all together like that. We were just missing Ken. Rachel and Brennan left after the first orchard, then the rest of us went to lunch and to another orchard before heading home. I was tired and sore the rest of the evening, but it was so worth it! Bought some Fireside apples, and of course APPLE DONUTS! Yum! Sunday we went to church together, and I made Shonna's favorite lunch--spaghetti with "curly" noodles (Rotini), and slices of cheese. (I started putting slices of colby on the table when they were kids because they ate the noodles with butter and salt, instead of the meat sauce--it got some protein into them!) She left shortly after lunch to go back to KC.
Today I organized my make-up in the bathroom cupboard--it was starting to be a big mess, and I didn't know what I had anymore. There is a lot of other things I hope to get organized/sorted too! I'm starting to feel stronger and have more energy, so time to get things done!
Have a Blessed week everyone!!
Tina

Amazing Grace

2010-10-10T18:01:00.000-05:00

God is so amazing. At church today we had 2 "prophets" come in to speak to the congregation and to some of us individually. Yes, God still uses prophets. The prophets of the New Testament are to encourage the body of Christ. Rich and I were called up first. We had to sit up in front of the church while the 2 guys (Hugh and Stuart) told us what was on God's heart for us. Our church has never done anything like that before. Our pastor called it a presbytery. He prepared us in advance so we would know what to expect. Rich and I will get a cd of our prophecy so we can take our time listening to it and thinking about what God said to us.
You have no idea how amazing it is to me that God would want to talk to me. When I think of all the mistakes I have made over the years---well, I've always known that God loved me, but I still felt insignificant. If God wants to have a relationship with someone like me, then He certainly wants to have a relationship with you too!
I know there are many people out there that think they have to "fix" themselves before they can come to God. God saves us while we are still sinners. His salvation is a gift--we can NOT earn it. Many also think that by sitting in a pew on Sunday, or belonging to a certain religion, they are going to get into Heaven. That is wrong also! If we don't repent (acknowledge and turn away) of our sin, and have a relationship with God's son Jesus, then we can't go through those pearly gates. God is perfect and just, and we cannot be in His presence if we still have sin. Jesus died to take away that sin. Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a sermon. I just want EVERYONE to be in Heaven celebrating with me someday! I would encourage you, no matter who you are, or what you've done/are doing, to just talk to God. Simply start by opening the door to conversation. Ask God to show you things; ask Him for help. He is all about relationship. He will reveal Himself to you. You NEVER have to be alone. Amazing.
I don't know what God has for my future. I feel that He has healed me of the cancer, but I still had to go through all of it, for some reason. I do know that having cancer has made me seek out God more, and desire a closer relationship with Him. No matter what I was going through, I was so grateful to know that God was right there with me.
I pray for many of you that are being treated for cancer right now, that you can have the peace and joy that I have. I also pray God's blessings on ALL that read this, and a special blessing on those that have been praying for me. I am here today to tell you that God has heard those prayers!
Amen!
Tina
p.s. I just want to say that there is a lot of powerful things happening in the body of Christ right now. The Holy Spirit is really moving. Many feel that there is a revival happening in the United States. I hope you will want to be a part of that. It's an exciting time to be a Christian--never a dull moment with God!!

Smiling Through the Pain!

2010-10-08T11:13:00.000-05:00

The title sounds a little dramatic, but I am smiling, and I am in pain, so it works! :0) I woke up feeling very happy this morning. Hardly slept at all, and have a lot of pain from the taxol, so maybe its the drugs I'm on :) I am actually very tired, but the Percocet is working pretty well for the pain, and I'm just so darn happy to be done with chemo! And its a beautiful fall day! Going to be 80 degrees out today! My backyard is full of colorful trees, and the birds are busy at my feeders on the deck.
Tuesday, at my last chemo, I was filmed for a cable tv program! I don't think I've even told my girls about this yet--I keep forgetting about it. I was moved to a private room for chemo when one became available, and a woman in a business suit came in to talk to me. She told me about this cable program (called "Knowledge of Wellness" or something like that), and that they were going to be filming people with the therapy dogs. At first I said "no, I don't think so", but then I asked a few more questions, and said ok! I was ok with it as long as they weren't going to be interviewing me or asking me questions. I just had to look happy to see the therapy dog ("Chilly", whom I had met before), and that was easy, because I love the therapy dogs! Chilly even got to come up on the bed with me and lay down. I chatted with his handler, and enjoyed petting him. Oh, he is a big Afghan --very soft and pretty, and a little "aloof", but enjoyed laying on my bed--he kept trying to lay on top of my legs and sort of "take over" the bed! Anyways, someone will contact me when its going to be on tv--pretty cool!
Tuesday night I had a stomach ache, and didn't sleep much at all from the steroids; Wed., I had to go get my Neulasta shot, and felt ok until evening when the steroids wore off and I got really tired. Yesterday was my "crash" day. I was very tired and in a bit of a fog all day. And the achiness started to set in. By bedtime I had to start taking the percocet for the pain. Not sure why I didn't sleep much last night. I was in the recliner (my hips and legs hurt less there), but was awake most of the night. I kept "singing" praise and worship songs all night in my head. Maybe that's why I'm so happy this morning.
My dog, Sadie, started whining about 3 am. She needed to go out! Not sure what that was all about. But she is getting older, and can't always wait like she used to. So I got up and took her out at 3:30! I had my robe on and I just opened the back garage door and let her go do her business wherever. Usually we take her to certain areas of the yard, but at 3:30 am I don't really care where she goes!
Wow, I'm really starting to ache now. Shoulders, hips, knees--might need another pill. Then maybe I should take a nap.
I get my Avon order today--I'm happy to be selling it again. And I'm proud of the company and the amount of money they donate to breast cancer and domestic abuse. If you would like to see my website, just send me a note (nuttyoaks@gmail.com) and I will send you the link to my Avon website. You can see the current brochure and sale flyers on there. I can also send you an e-mail for free shipping. There isn't any obligation to buy. Sometimes its just fun to look--sort of "window shopping" on the internet! And I won't send you anything else unless you want me too. I don't bother people, I just like to let people know I sell it, in case they've been looking for an Avon Lady.
Rachel, Brennan, and my sister are on their way down to Kansas City to visit Shonna! Hope B does ok with the 7 hour drive! Rich and I are planning on going next weekend, but Shonna might come here instead. She got a job at a library down there and she's not sure if she'll have to work next weekend. I was looking forward to a road trip, yet it would save us a lot of money if she came here instead. So we'll see...
Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm going to make sure I get out and sit on the deck for a bit today. Supposed to cool down quite a bit next week!
Blessings!!
Tina

LAST CHEMO TOMORROW!!!!

2010-10-04T15:42:00.000-05:00

This better be the last chemo I EVER HAVE TO HAVE!!! (Hear that God???) I have a lot of people praying for me, and I get prayer at church every week. Cancer doesn't have any chance of coming back! The Bible tells us to be persistent--or as one of my pastor's puts it--PUSH-->Pray Until Something Happens!
Now, I just have to get through 6 weeks of radiation (every day, Mon. through Fri.), and then I am DONE. After that it will take a little time to get my strength back up, and hopefully the neuropathy will start to fade. Then I can go back to work.
Sometimes people who finish cancer treatment go through a time of depression, or confusion and anxiety. They wonder "what now?" They want to forget, yet not forget what they've been through and how far they've come. They are used to lots of dr. appointments, and tests, and feel sort of lost when it all stops. And of course, there is the fear that every ache and pain is the cancer returning. It can be a difficult time. Other people who haven't had cancer assume you are "all better" and expect you to get on with your life. I would like to remind people to realize that you never really "get over" having cancer. It changes you, and stays with you forever. Be patient and sensitive with those that are finishing treatment. Ask them how they are doing. Acknowledge that they've been through a lot.
I think I will be ok. My family is wonderful, especially my husband, who is very supportive. I think he "gets it"! He has gone through it all with me, and I think its changed him too. I do want to make some changes in my life; I don't want to just go back to the way things were--I want a more meaningful life. I want to find ways to serve God. My kids are grown now, and its time to take a good look at things and make some changes. But I will keep praising God, and being thankful for every day He gives me! I have learned so much about God, and have felt His presence throughout this. With Him I can do anything!
Please take a peek at the new picture on the side of my blog. I put up a "button" of my soon-to-be grandson. I think you can even click on it for more info about him. He is called Joshua, but that's not his real name, and Rachel and Ken may change his name when they adopt him. He has down syndrome, and needs heart surgery. Isn't he cute?? I can't wait to have him join our family. I am so proud of Rachel and Ken. God has given them such big, loving hearts.
Think of me tomorrow! I'm so excited!
Blessings!!
Tina

Longing for Hair...

2010-10-02T18:46:00.000-05:00

on top of my head, on my eyelids, in my nose....sigh. I've heard eyelashes grow back fairly quickly, but its been like, over a week. I guess not that quickly. And the nose hair...so annoying! Nothing to slow down the drips that the Herceptin causes! Must have Kleenex with me at ALL times! My poor nose is getting sore. I've been wondering what is getting in my sinuses, without hair to filter stuff out? Dust, dog hair? This can't be good.
What do you think of all the pink in the stores? I find it annoying. Sort of. Breast cancer awareness is good. But all those companies making money off of it? I don't like that. Make sure you "Think before you pink". Read the fine print and find out how much they really donate, and to whom. Most companies have a limit on how much they give, and some aren't even giving anything--they are just "raising awareness". By the way, I have read about the Avon Foundation, and they really do give alot of money, and they sell several products that have ALL proceeds going to research. I had to do some research about it, before I could promote their Breast Cancer (pink) items. They also give money to fight domestic abuse, another good cause.
So, with all the pink in the stores, and everyone being so aware of breast cancer right now, I told Rich I sort of feel like the poster child for bc here in town. Here I am with a scarf and no eyelashes in the stores with all the pink stuff. Just makes me feel a little more "noticed". And I prefer to "blend in"!
Feeling pretty good these days. There are lots of annoying little problems (well, neuropathy isn't so little, I suppose), but no major pain or anything. Until my next chemo anyway. My LAST chemo is Tuesday!! (not Mon. this time) I will be very happy to be done with that! Its not quite as exciting as last year when I finished chemo, because last year I was completely done (or so I thought, anyway). This time I still have 6 weeks of rads to go through. But still exciting, nonetheless (is that supposed to be one word?)
In a few weeks I will have my radiation simulation (where they map everything out and give me more tattoo dots), and then radiation (rads) will start soon after that.
I REALLY need to start exercising to get my strength back! And to lose weight. I hope to start doing something regularly after the pain subsides from my next treatment. I keep toying with the idea of getting up around 6 am when Rich is up and going for a walk with him. But its so hard for me to get motivated that early, before shower, breakfast, and coffee. We'll see.
Boy is it chilly here. Only 64 in the house. The furnace is set so it will come on if it gets lower than that. I just might turn it up for a little bit this evening. My fingers and nose are cold!! Gorgeous Fall day though! And next week is supposed to be in the 60's and 70's all week--perfect!! Rich and I will have to get out for some drives to see all the Fall colors.
Prayer request: please pray for the little boy Rachel and Ken are going to adopt. Pray for him to get lots of love, his health, and that this adoption would go smoothly and quickly! We are so excited to welcome him into our family!
Shonna prayed for $400 to go on a mission trip (costs $500+). She (and I did too) told God if this is what He wanted then He needed to pay for it. She received $550 from friends!! God is SO GOOD! He is doing amazing things in KC! She also got a job at a local library, near where she is living in KC. She worked at a library near here for 2 years, so she has plenty of experience.
Well, that is my little update~Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Blessings to all of you!!
Tina

A Surprise, a Birthday, and a Visit!

2010-09-28T17:46:00.000-05:00

Guess who came to visit on Sunday? Shonna!! I haven't seen her since she left on Aug 8th! She called us at 11:15 Sat. night and said she was going to drive all night to spend the day with us Sunday. She got in at 6:45am Sunday, and left at 6:30 Monday morning. It was soooo nice to see her. Her sisters were very surprised and happy to see her. She went to Brennan's birthday party, then spent the rest of the afternoon and eve with a few of her friends.
Yes, Brennan turned one! Rachel had family over for a little party on Sunday afternoon. He loved being the center of attention! What a cutie. I will be watching him 3 days again this week. Alyssa usually comes to help a little, if she is not too busy. It's hard to find enough stuff for him to do here. I need to buy him some more toys! Rachel would like it if I didn't go back to work, so I could continue to babysit. She even said she'd pay me. Sure is tempting! She and Ken are continuing the process of adopting little "Joshua" (not his real name) from E. Europe. They may have a fundraiser at our church in December. I'll be sure to let you all know the details!
Today I went up to the school for a little visit. I had an Avon order to drop off, and a stack of Avon books. I was there about 2 hours in the lounge visiting with everyone. It was nice to be out socializing, and laughing! What a wonderful group of women! I will be going up there every 2 weeks to drop off orders and books. Everyone said I looked good, and thought I looked good in scarves. I said my biggest dilemma is whether or not to wear mascara on my 3 eyelashes I have left! (actually I have about 3 on one eye and maybe 6 on the other!)
Speaking of that, my eyebrows are still there, but very thin. My leg hair is growing slowly, so I shave about once every 2 weeks. I'm not sure about the hair on my head, it might be growing, but its hard to tell. I should shave a little patch so I can watch the progress! I have a lot of 1-2" hair left that never fell out, so its hard to tell if something is growing. Sure looking forward to getting rid of the scarves!
My neuropathy continues to get worse on my feet. :( But other than that, and some tiredness, I'm doing pretty well! The 4 or 5 days of bone pain are done now, and each day this week I should have a little more energy.
Well, Rich is home from work with some pizza, so I better go eat!
Love and Blessings!
Tina

Taxol #3 Update

2010-09-23T21:56:00.000-05:00

Just a little update on me. The Taxol pain set in yesterday. It starts as mild aches and pains, and ibuprofen helps, but by evening I need Percocet. Tonight I need 2 percocet! But at least 2 works pretty well. Just minor pains now.
I've been watching Brennan alot lately. This is becoming his 2nd home! Rachel has been picking up extra shifts to make money for the adoption. But she said she's only going to pick up one extra shift a week from now on. She wants more time at home with her little boy, and just more time in general! I love having him here, even when I don't feel well. My mom is here too, to help when I need to sit for a bit. Alyssa comes when she can to help also. Brennan is taking steps on his own, and growing so fast! He is so funny--he loves to make us laugh!
My dream would be to take the rest of the school year off and babysit my grandson as often as needed! In the spring, when Rachel and Ken have to go to get their new son, I would be able to take care of Brennan while they are gone, and then I'll have a new grandson to take care of when they bring him home! Maybe if everyone buys Avon from me, I'll be able to afford to take the time off! Well, that'd be ALOT of Avon! :)
I talked to Shonna for a bit today. Don't talk to her as often as I would like.. Neither of us are much for phone conversations! She has been busy this week and is enjoying herself. God is showing her some wonderful things and revealing Himself to her. Can't wait to go down to see her in a few weeks!
I miss spending time with Alyssa too. She is a busy young wife, cheerleading coach, and student! Last year she was living here and we had a lot of time together. I'm thankful for that time we had, and I'm glad both her and Rachel live so close! When Shonna comes home we should plan some "girl time", no hubbies, or babies!
Well, time to get ready for bed. I've been sleeping in the recliner, but I go back to bed with Rich and we listen to a radio program on the Ipod. We've been listening to old Dragnet and Superman shows lately.
Hope everyone has a great Friday!
love,
Tina

Taxol #3

2010-09-20T18:42:00.000-05:00

All went well today. We were there from 8am to about 2:15pm. Blood counts were ok. Hemoglobin still at 10.2--same as last week. I was hoping it would continue to creep up, but at least it didn't go down.
My meeting with my onc. was pretty short today. He has a "Fellow" with him most of the time (usually a different one each time), and the Fellow does the exam, after Dr. J and I talk. They do the usual look in the eyes and mouth, listen to heart, feel lymph nodes. No poking of the tummy today, but he did listen to it. Neither one of them checked my neuropathy, but we did discuss it. I told Dr. J that I was planning on going back to work the beg. of Jan., and I'd have to be outside doing recess for around an hour (not really sure how long this year, but assuming it will be at least an hour). He said if the neuropathy isn't better by then, he doesn't want me outside that long. He said he would write me a note, if needed (which it will be). We'll just have to wait and see how the feet and fingers are, and how the rest of me feels. I might have to take a longer leave, or have my job duties adjusted (not an easy task!).
I also asked him if he could reduce my steroid drip today, so I can sleep tonight. He said that would be ok, so he cut it in half. So now, instead of having a bit of energy, I feel very groggy. I just hope I can sleep tonight! Otherwise I will regret cutting back on the steroids!
The Benedryl was cut in half too, and that was because I haven't had any bad reactions to the Taxol. My nurse ran it in slower though too, so I wouldn't get that awful woozy, nauseated feeling I got last time. I just felt it a little bit this time.
I'm still getting prayer every Sunday. My Senior Pastor, Mark, told me several weeks ago that he feels that we should keep praying, and I'm supposed to remind him if he forgets. The past 2 weeks have just been quick prayers, but that's enough! God knows what is on our hearts. There have been times where I wanted to just quietly slip out ( I hate bothering people!), but someone always found me to pray over me! I told Rich the Sunday before this past one to make sure I get prayer, because I think it's really what God wants me to do, so Rich tracked down Mark yesterday, before we left. Also, a church member came up to me and gave me a Bible verse that popped into her head when she saw me in church. When we (the congregation) were greeting each other, the woman behind me asked me my name and told me she had been praying for me--she didn't even know my name!! I'm getting teary-eyed typing this--God is so good to me. I feel so blessed!!
Here is the Bible verse given to me: "And be sure of this, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20 NLT Isn't that awesome? Thank you Father! That Bible verse isn't just for me (although it's just what I needed to hear!), it's for EVERYONE.

Jesus is with you ALWAYS.

Love,
Tina

Tomorrow is #3 and #5

2010-09-19T19:37:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow (Monday) I will have Taxol tx # 3, and Herceptin tx #5. It will be a long day as usual. Last time was 7 hours! It will be a little shorter tomorrow if Dr. Jahagirdar is on time...but chances of that are slim! :)
We have to be at Regions Cancer Center at 8am! Ugh! That means I have to get up around 6! It doesn't take me too long to get ready, though, without any hair to style. :P And I could just drink a Slimfast for breakfast. It doesn't hold off the hunger very long, but then we could get cinnamon rolls at the cafe at Regions! I usually have a little bit of time after seeing the onc to get some food if I want. He doesn't order the drugs (chemo, etc.) until I see him and he checks my blood counts, and then it takes a little bit for the pharmacy to get the drugs sent over.
I will have only half the Benedryl because I haven't had any reaction to the Taxol so far. I'm going to see if we can reduce the steroids too, so maybe I can actually get some sleep tomorrow night! My nurse, Andrea, said we will do the Benedryl drip slower this time, since I had got so woozy from it last time.
I don't know how she remembers so much! She puts a post-it on a private room to save it for me, she remembers that I like to plug my nose when getting the saline flush (otherwise I can taste it and it tastes terrible!), she knows I need a tegederm patch over my port because the other one makes me itch, and now she remembers that I like a bandaid on my port after I am done because the tape she used to use made me itch. The nurses there are all angels! One nurse that I used to have, and still chat with, is a breast cancer survivor herself. And she just recently had a recurrence. We've had a lot to talk about when we see each other.
Other news: I'm selling Avon again! I've been an Avon Rep off and on for about 20 years. I quit about 2 years ago, and Rachel took over my "Avon Empire" (as she put it!). Well, she has since quit, so I decided to start again! I just can't stay away. Many friends and family members are happy to have their Avon lady back. If you would like my website address, please send me an e-mail to nuttyoaks@gmail.com, and I will e-mail you back with a link to my website, and a free shipping code.
Hope the week ahead holds many blessings for all of you!
Love,
Tina

Herceptin #4

2010-09-13T20:37:00.000-05:00

I wish I knew how many total treatments of Herceptin I will have, so I could do a "countdown". I know it's a year, but is it a year exactly? And now I'm getting the infusions weekly, but I will probably switch to every 3 weeks after the Taxol is done. Oh well. No big deal. Maybe I can get more details from the onc (like is it exactly a year) and then I can sort of count down months or something.
My infusion was at 11 today. Before my nurse, Andrea, got started, she sat down with me and asked about side effects of the Taxol. I told her about the pain, that it was like last time, and I've been taking Percocet for it. She said if the Percocet doesn't work, I should call and let them know and there might be something else they can give me. I hope it doesn't come to that because I really don't want anything stronger! There were times when I had to take 2 Percocets, and I could still feel the pain, but it helped enough that the pain was bearable. Most of the time I just took one and sometimes 1 and a half. This morning about 5:30 I just took a half a pill because I had to drive at 10:30. I didn't have much pain at all, just a little achy most of the day. I took some ibuprofen with lunch, and could probably use some more now. Maybe I'll wait and take a Percocet at bedtime to help me sleep. The pain always seems worse when I'm trying to sleep. I usually end up in the recliner because laying down makes my legs hurt more.
We (Rich and I) asked Andrea if she knew what Taxol was doing that caused the pain. She said some (docs maybe?) think its more like nerve pain, but some say its actually bone pain. The Taxol irritates the nerves or bones somehow. I have heard of some people getting meds for nerve pain to help with the Taxol pain. I'm fine with Percocet, as long as it keeps working.
When the pain started Thurs. night it was real bad, and I was worried it would be much worse this time, or last a lot longer. I don't know if I could handle it if it was so bad the pain meds didn't help. I guess I could always get stronger drugs, or like one friend told me, go to the ER. Its just kind of scary when it starts. It seems maybe a little worse than last round, but has lasted the same amount of time.
My neuropathy is getting worse, and of course I always worry about that being permanent. Although I should remember that I have had prayer several times, and someone usually prays that God will restore my body, and take away all the damage that has been done by the cancer and the treatment.
Brennan was here again today, and will be tomorrow too. He is such a busy little guy--he walks around the furniture carrying his plastic hammer and talking up a storm.. Then he makes his way to the bookcase and pulls a bunch of books off and sits and "reads" them! So busy!
Rachel has been working more to make extra money for the boy they want to adopt. They have made a commitment to a 3 year old boy with down syndrome that is in an orphanage in Eastern Europe. He will need heart surgery right away. He is a happy boy, but hasn't been allowed to do anything physical because of his heart. He'll need a lot of p.t. and o.t. after his surgery. It costs a lot of money to adopt him, and then they will have to miss a lot of work to be out of the country to finalize the adoption. It probably won't happen until next March, but I'm praying it happens sooner! In the meantime Rachel is trying to raise money by having some fundraisers. She is having a garage sale at my sister's house near the Elementary school on Thursday and Saturday. Some people have donated stuff, and all the money will go for the adoption. If you are in the area please stop by!! Please consider financially supporting this little boy so he can get his heart surgery! The special needs kids in the E. European countries that don't get adopted get put into institutions at the age of 4 or 5 and they often die soon after. And whether you are able to help financially or not, please pray for the little guy (Ken calls him "Littlekid"). We are all so excited to have him in our family!!
Well, its been a tiring day--hoping I can sleep better tonight, and have a bit more energy tomorrow!
May God bless all my readers!
Tina

Good Weekend

2010-09-12T21:56:00.000-05:00

In spite of my pain, I had a good weekend. For one thing the weather was gorgeous--sunny and 70's!
Saturday, Rich, Alyssa, and Jaren were going to go to Eddington's for lunch (a soup place) then to the Grand Opening of Lifeway Christian Bookstore (formerly Northwestern Books). I was in pain from the chemo, and taking Percocet, so I figured I should stay home. Rich wanted me to go with, so I thought about it and decided I could sit home by myself and be in pain, or I could get out of the house, spend time with my family, and be in pain. If I needed to, I could sit in the van while the others were in the store. It turned out pretty well. I had some soup and yummy breadsticks, then went to the store I LOVE (and spend too much money at!). Being around others and doing something I enjoyed actually took my mind off the pain, so it didn't bother me so much. Rich found some chairs in the store and pointed them out to me, so when standing got to be too much, I had a place to sit down.
There is a store next to the bookstore that is a consignment home goods store. I think it's called Turnstyle. Shonna said there is one in Roseville too (we were in Coon Rapids). I have been trying to figure out what color I wanted to paint Shonna's old room ( my new "spare" room), so I wanted to look for a picture to hang on the wall and get my color ideas from that. I found a great painting, with a neat frame for only $20. The frame alone is worth more than that. It has greens, yellows, blues, and peach in it. I was very excited to find it. I also found 2 metal pictures for the kitchen. I am really bad at buying stuff to decorate the house, so I was very happy to have made these purchases!
Today I got up late (after 9!), and didn't think I'd make it to church. Rich said it was ok if we went late, if I wanted to go. I figured if I could be out shopping I could make it to church! I could always go out to the lobby area if sitting got too uncomfortable. Again, I'm glad I went. I always feel better after some good praise and worship songs! I did have to sit down for awhile during worship, and near the end I had to take another pain pill. After church we ate lunch at Wendy's (with Alyssa and Jaren), then Jaren had to go to work so Alyssa went to Wal-mart with us. I needed to pick up a few things, and also wanted to look to see if they had any nice purple bathroom stuff. I know Kohl's has some stuff I kinda like, but I want to look at some other stores too to see what they have. I also need some pictures or wall hangings of some sort for the bathroom.
After we got home, Rich and I sat out on the deck for a bit to enjoy the beautiful day. I finally got around to cutting clumps of hair off the dog--there was dog hair flying around everywhere!
I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful, supportive husband! He helps me to get out and do things, even though I could end up being a big inconvenience--like if I started feeling sick and wanted to go home in the middle of a shopping excursion. He's become a very patient man! We just celebrated our 26th anniversary! We always joke that some of my relatives probably bet money that we wouldn't last very long. Well, I can tell you, without God in our lives we definitely would not have made it this far! But I'm so glad we did!!
Tomorrow I get my weekly infusion of Herceptin. I'm not supposed to drive while taking the pain pills, so in the morning I will just take ibuprofen. Then I'll drive to Rich's work, and from there he'll drive to the hospital.
We'll probably get a little lunch after, and when I get home I'll be babysitting Brennan for a few hours.
I'm hoping to feel good this week so I can get some more stuff done around here. There is so much organizing and cleaning I'd like to get done.
Well, time for bed!
Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL week!
Love,
Tina

Everything Hurts!

2010-09-10T16:54:00.000-05:00

The pain started yesterday. Started the same way it did last time--I start to get a little achy in the morning, and by evening I hurt all over. I took 2 Percocets last night, and that didn't even take the pain away! But it does take the edge off, so its bearable. I ache all over, but the worst is from the hips down. I really want to know what it is about the Taxol that causes this pain. I'll try to remember to ask my onc. next time I see him. I couldn't find anything online about it--other than that Taxol does cause pain, but not why or how.
Yesterday I was really tired too. That happened last round too--one day of being really tired all day. Today I've hardly been able to get out of the recliner, but that's mostly because I was awake a lot last night, and the drugs are making me really "out of it" this time. I'm hoping (and praying!) that I'll just have a few days of this, then several days of feeling good!
We have almost finished painting the bathroom. I think the painting is done--just some clean up left now. Rich did most of the work. I wanted a light purple color, but its more like a light purple-ish pink. We are going to leave it for now, and buy the purple towels and rug that I want. We'll live with it for awhile, and maybe add one coat of a little darker paint. I really want to get Shonna's old room (my new office/spare room!) painted soon too! I just have to decide what color I want.
Shonna is doing well at college--making friends and finding her way around. She's been a little sick, but is starting to feel better. I really miss her--its been a month since I've seen her!! This is harder than I thought!
There was a lot more I wanted to say, but my eyes are having trouble focusing--better give them a rest. :)
God is GOOD!
Love,
Tina

Taxol 2 and Herceptin 3

2010-09-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

I had my 2nd Taxol infusion yesterday. We were at the hospital 7 hours! It wouldn't have been quite that long, but my onc was about 45 min. late. We don't mind though. He is so good with his patients, and if he's running late its because someone needed him. I think he was with a guy newly diagnosed with lung cancer. The new ones always have that "deer in the headlights" look. I feel so bad for them.
The Benedryl really hit me hard yesterday. Not long after the infusion started I started feeling woozy and alittle nauseated--sort of like motion sickness. I got better after a while though. My nurse, Andrea, said next time I'll only need half the dose, and she'll slow it down so I won't have that reaction again. I think I might ask the doc if I can cut back on my steroid also. I was up all night last night. I took and Ambien at 11, and again at 3am. I dozed off and on, but I don't think I ever really fell completely asleep. Can't nap either--Brennan is coming over! Alyssa will be here to help though. She's coming to help me watch him tomorrow too, which is good, because the bone pain might start tomorrow and I might have to take Percocet.
My onc told me to start the Percocet at the first sign of pain, and he gave me a refill. One thing you learn about pain--its always best to stay ahead of it!
My Hemoglobin is slowly going back up. It was 10.2 this time. I think the lowest it got at my last Ac treatment was 9.2. And my platelets are fine also. Today I will go to the hospital to get my Neulasta shot. This will keep my white blood cells from dropping too low.
I have nice, bright red cheeks, thanks to the steroids! The nurses call it the steroid flush! Makes my cheeks feel really warm.
I'm SOOOO thankful I have had no nausea so far! I pray it stays that way. I still haven't had any nausea or anxiety going to get chemo. God completely took that away from me! I tried to deal with it on my own, but couldn't. I should've known better! I need to rely on God--He has control, not me!! A friend at church reminded me that God tells us when we go through the fire, we will not be consumed, and when we pass through the waters He will be there. Not if, WHEN. We will have trials and troubles, but God is there to help us through!
Well, time for me to leave to get my shot!
Love to all!
Tina

Wednesday Already?

2010-09-01T12:29:00.000-05:00

So much for writing each day or two about side effects! I guess that's because there is not much to report. I had my 2nd Herceptin infusion on Monday (Taxol and Herceptin together next Monday), and I was in and out of the Cancer Center in less than an hour. Herceptin is a "targeted therapy", not chemo, and therefore it doesn't have many side effects. The only thing I've noticed is a drippier nose! I need a kleenex with me at ALL times! Did you know that when you don't have any nose hair there is nothing to slow down the drips? Yeah, fun. (Sorry if tmi!) Chemo always makes my nose drippy, but now its pretty much constant. I've read that others have had this problem with Herceptin, that's why I know its from that and not Taxol.
The body aches I had last week have pretty much gone away. Saturday was the last day I took percocet, Sunday I just needed ibuprofen. I had a little back/spine pain from the Neulasta shot on Sunday, but not too bad. That is a different pain from the Taxol.
Last night I was finally able to sleep in bed, and didn't need an Ambien. The previous nights I'd start out in bed and then my hips and legs would start to ache and I'd come out to the recliner to sleep. I needed Ambien a few of those nights too.
Overall I am very pleased with this chemo. The bone pain is manageable with the strong pain pills, and there is no nausea at all. There was one day (last Wed.) where I was really tired all day, but otherwise I've just been a little tired, and then I take a little nap. Yesterday I had lots of energy, and finally got some much needed stuff done around the house. Its a little odd to me to actually be feeling good while doing chemo! I didn't know it was possible! I do think my neuropathy is a little worse though. This may be something I just have to live with. I'd rather live with that than cancer!
I've had such peace lately. I still can't believe I went to my first Taxol infusion and felt no nausea or anxiety. That is the power of prayer! I don't know why I have to suffer through some things, but as long as God is with me, it doesn't matter. His plans are perfect, and I don't need to understand them. I just need to know He is there!
Brennan was here for a couple of hours this morning. He crawls everywhere, and can pull himself up to standing. So mobile! He loves his grandpa--follows him around, and likes to know where he is at all times. Brennan has a plastic hammer that he carries around with him everywhere, and he only lets it go for his bottle. Even took a nap with it!

Blessings!
Tina

Taxol Day 4 and 5

2010-08-27T18:12:00.000-05:00

Still have the bone/joint/muscle pain. Ibuprofen doesn't seem to help any, so when it gets bad I take a percocet. I've been sleeping in the recliner, because for some reason "reclining" hurts less than laying all the way down on a bed. Also, if the pain gets bad, rocking helps. I've kicked Rich out of the recliner in the evening so I can sit there and either put my feet up, or rock. :)
Speaking of feet, mine have been more swollen than usual. I think the swelling is lymphedema from the lymph nodes I had removed during my colon resection last year. Not sure why its worse now though--don't think its a blood clot because the swelling would be worse, and both feet probably wouldn't be swollen.
About the only other side effect I have from the Taxol is loss of taste. Things don't taste bad, but I can't fully taste them. Everything tastes sort of "watered down".
Overall, this chemo isn't as bad as the previous chemos I've had. There has been no mind-numbing fatigue, no nausea, no awful taste. Just the pain. But that comes and goes, and when its bad, I can take something to help.
Alyssa is here visiting today while Jaren is at work. She had her 4 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, and is still very sore. She thought we could be "miserable" together! Its always nice to spend time with her--even if I'm doped up, and she can hardly talk!
Hope everyone has a nice weekend!!
Love,
Tina

Taxol Day 3--Ouch!

2010-08-25T20:05:00.000-05:00

Well, the side effects found me! As soon as I woke up this morning I could tell today was going to be different. I've been much more tired, even though I slept well last night. Took a nap this afternoon, and I am still tired.
I've also been getting the body aches that sometimes comes with the Taxol. Started out as minor aches earlier in the day, and they are getting worse. I've taken Tylenol and ibuprofen. My back, hips, thighs, knees, wrists, and ankles all hurt. Oh, and shoulder/neck area. Might have to increase the amount of pills I take.
I'm really hoping this only lasts a day or two!
Still no nausea. But things don't taste very good. I just had some mashed potatoes (instant) and a plum for lunch. Then around 5 I was really hungry and wanted something in my stomach so I could take some pills, so I ate some cereal. That was flavorless, so about an hour and a half later I ate some peanut butter toast--tasted terrible! Now it's 8pm, and I might try some popcorn and orange juice. I keep hoping something will taste good!
Well, that's my update on day 3! I'm glad I only have 3 rounds of chemo left--then I'm done! Hopefully forever! :)
Blessings!
Tina

Taxol day 2

2010-08-24T20:15:00.000-05:00

So far so good! I'm going to try to update this blog every day or 2 to keep track of my symptoms.
Last night (or I should say this morning!) I didn't get to sleep until after 2 am, thanks to the steroids I got at infusion. They didn't keep me awake on the AC chemo, but I sure was awake last night! I finally took an Ambien around 2, don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. I slept until 6 when Rich got up, then slept for about another hour after that. Then the brain started going again. I've been pretty tired all day, but didn't get a chance to take a nap, so hopefully I'll be able to get to sleep early tonight. I did use that late night awake time for some prayer and Bible reading!
Other than that, there is not really any side effects to report! I was so happy when I woke up this morning because my stomach did not feel the least bit nauseated! I said "thank you Lord!"
I had to go back to the hospital today to get my Neulasta shot to keep my white blood cell counts up. If I were doing the weekly Taxol, I wouldn't need the shot because it's not as hard on the white blood cells. My onc. told me that Taxol isn't hard on the red blood cells (so maybe my hemoglobin will start to slowly come up--it was 9.9), or the platelets. My platelets are back up in the normal range. This is good, because if I start getting the bone/muscle/joint pain that a lot of women get on Taxol, I can take Ibuprofen (along with Tylenol). Some even have to take stronger pain pills.
My MUGA (heart scan) showed my heart function was down a little bit. It went from 65% to 59%. This is acceptable, but the decrease is outside the margin of error. It may be from the Adriamycin, or it could just be where my heart was at that moment in time. I'll have another scan in 3 months. The Herceptin I'm getting with the Taxol can also cause heart damage, which is why I'll continue getting these scans. Usually the damage is reversible once the drug is stopped.
I suppose the title of this blog should say "Taxol and Herceptin", but the Taxol is the one most likely to cause side effects.
Sunday when Pastor Mark Spencer wanted to pray over me I mentioned how I'd be starting this new chemo the next day and was a bit anxious about it. I told him and the others there that everytime I walked into Regions Hospital I started feeling sick to my stomach, even thinking about it made me start to feel that way. So he prayed for my mind, that it wouldn't cause me to feel that way. Well, it worked! I didn't want to take an Ativan before I went like I usually do, because I didn't want to mix it with the benedryl I knew I'd be getting (both make me sleepy!). I remembered the prayer, and thought that I would rely on God to get me through this. I didn't have any of that usual nausea going in there--and not from the alcohol wipe, or the saline flush--nothing! THANK YOU LORD! He continues to amaze me and take care of me!
Rachel is having a garage sale to raise money to adopt the down syndrome boy they want. If you are in the Shoreview area (near Hamline/Lex.)Thurs-Sat. please stop by! This boy needs heart surgery and it costs ALOT of money to adopt him (or another down syndrome child , if they can't get him). Its a huge sale--lots of stuff! Donations are welcome! :-)
God bless you all!
Tina

2010-08-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been feeling really good lately. I hope that doesn't end tomorrow! I was going to say that it will end tomorrow, but I really don't know what this chemo is going to be like. Even though other chemos I've had have hit me pretty hard, I shouldn't assume this one will too!
A few of the pastors and some others at my church prayed over me again. Mark, the senior pastor, told me he wants to keep praying for me each time I make it in to church (which is most Sundays that I feel well enough). There was a missionary from India there today, and he came over and prayed too, then he reminded me that a headache and cancer are all the same to God. Cancer to us seems so much worse, but to God its all the same, and he is bigger than any illness. It just was a reminder to me to keep my focus on God, not the cancer. Of course I wish I didn't have to go through yucky stuff like chemo, but I do what I gotta do!
Its still so weird to me when people tell me I'm an inspiration. Me? Seriously? Everytime someone tells me that, I give thanks to God that He's allowed me to 'inspire" someone. What an honor! It really makes what I've been through worth it.
I've had a busy week, and weekend. My nephew got married to a wonderful girl on Sat. The wedding was in Red Wing--what a beautiful view from the historic hotel where they were married! Lots of windows with views of the river and bluffs--almost as pretty as the bride! :) Its about an hour drive from here. It was nice to be out having some fun. I do have to say, however, that finding something to wear (not too low cut, and need a scarf to match) is not much fun these days. Oh well, the important thing is I didn't let it stop me from going and having a good time. It was nice to visit with people I haven't seen in a while. Everyone was so kind and supportive.
Today was church, then lunch with Alyssa and Jaren, then some grocery shopping. After that I didn't do much else--which was nice! Oh--I made Rich some cookies, but not homemade--I used the pre-made cookie dough that you spoon onto a pan and bake. Rich likes to keep a bucket of it the fridge--there is not much he likes better than warm chocolate-chip cookies!! (no oatmeal, no nuts, etc--don't mess with his cookies!) If I'm feeling well enough this week, maybe I'll make him some real ones--or some brownies--yum! For Rich, it has to be chocolate! :) I have a new crock pot recipe I want to try too. See? I'm planning on feeling well enough to do something this week--not just lie in bed!!
I'm missing my baby girl--haven't heard from her the last few days. Trying not to bug her, and just let her be "independent", but it sure is hard!! Love you Shonna!
Tomorrow is going to be a looong day! We have to be at Regions at 8:30, and the infusions will take several hours, because its the first time getting Taxol and Herceptin, so they go real slow to watch for reactions. I better get to bed!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Time for an Update!

2010-08-18T16:47:00.000-05:00

Its been awhile!
The trip to KC to move Shonna there went pretty well. I guess the worst part was the heat! Even hotter than it was here! Rich, Alyssa, and Shonna left Sunday (the 8th) and Rich got back home about 11:30 the following Tuesday night. Poor Rich had to drive through heavy rain and thunderstorms starting in mid-Iowa, and lasting all the way home! Shonna is doing very well. She has been staying by herself, because the family that she is living with left on vacation the night of her first day there. I think the hardest part has been killing spiders on her own. :) There was an adjustment time for her, being so far away from us, but, like I said, she is doing very well. She is relying on God now. I am doing pretty well too :), but I do miss my baby!
IHOP (Int'l House of Prayer--we call IHOPU the "pancake school"! lol!!) has a prayer room that has prayer and worship 24/7, and they have a live stream. I've been listening to that alot lately, esp. in the morning when I have my prayer and Bible study time. I have it going now too. I wish I would have thought to listen to this when having rough days from chemo. But, I'll remember to turn it on during this next chemo--even though I'm SURE I won't have any rough days!
Speaking of which, I start Taxol and Herceptin next Monday. NOT looking forward to it. I heard a great saying on the BC forum "You don't have to be brave, you just have to show up". And that's what I do, I just show up. Put 1 foot in front of the other....I will need to take an Ativan before though. It seems everytime I walk in the door of Regions Hospital I start get sick to my stomach now. Its really annoying. I was nauseated the whole day Monday from being there to have my MUGA scan. It hurt when they accessed my port, and that just made the nausea worse. I can feel it even now, just talking about it! Anyway, the Ativan helps with anxiety and nausea--maybe I'll take 2. :)
My MUGA scan went well, the test itself takes about 20 minutes. I have to lay with my arms above my head, and my left arm (mastectomy side) really hurt when I finally got to put it down. But, thankfully, the pain didn't last long. I probably won't know the results until I see my onc. on Monday. I'm assuming its fine. If my number is a lot lower than my first one, I wouldn't be able to get the Herceptin. I had an EKG at my primary clinic today, and that was ok.
Yesterday I saw my radiation onc, Dr. B. I really like him, and esp. his nurse Doni (who took good care of me last year!), but when I left last year I told them I never wanted to see them again! They weren't convinced when I told them yesterday that it was good to see them! Soooo, its just as I expected, I do have to have radiation. It will start 2 or 3 weeks (depending on how I feel) after chemo is done, and it will be daily (Mon.-Fri.) for 6 or 6.5 weeks. Dr. B hasn't decided yet. But he was sure that radiation would lower my risk of recurrence. He feels, given my "young" age, that we should be as aggressive as possible. I agree! I know I'm getting the strongest chemo treatment too, so bring on the radiation! I want to be around for many, many more years!
The main side effect of rads will be sunburned-like skin. It can get quite painful. Given my history with rads last year, the doc said if it gets too bad we can take a break. He said last year I was an "outlier" meaning my reaction to rads was outside the "norm". I am supposed to start moisturizing my chest area now, to get it ready. Fatigue can also be a side effect. Sometimes they don't know if its actually the rads causing the fatigue, or the stress of having to go there every day, and after being beat up by chemo.
(Cool--I hear thunder!)
I sent in my letter to HR requesting another medical leave of absence. I said that I plan on being back to work on Jan. 4th--that is the first day back after Christmas Break. My treatments should be done the first week in Dec., and of course that is if I stay on schedule. Last year I didn't stay on schedule, and I ended up going back a lot later in the year than I planned. I've also been filling out my paperwork for long term disability. If I qualify (I did last year), I will get 2/3rds of my pay. That will help alot!
Its been so nice to have this 4 week break from chemo. I've been getting some things done, and getting out to some lunches. Last week I went to see my friend at church and helped with some stuff there (I used to help weekly). It felt good to be "useful" again!
Brennan is getting so big now! He's 10.5 months old. He finally figured out crawling, but he LOVES to walk around (and around and around!) holding onto your hands. Then he gets mad when you stop! We get to watch him tomorrow--I have his pack n' play little crib here in Shonna's old room for him to nap in.
Jaren started a new job as a CSO (Community Service Officer) at a nearby police dept. Its where he's always wanted to work. And they've wanted him too. He'll continue to go to school, then eventually he can become a police officer there. Alyssa has been busy with cheerleading, and classes start next week. She was a very good substitute for me on the trip to KC!
Rachel and Ken are looking into adopting a special needs child, and are starting the process for that (it takes awhile!). Rachel has a new insulin pump and it is working very well for her. Her diabetes is under good control now! They are also busy with some beehives! They got about 5O lbs of honey and plan on selling some.
Well I think that's enough for now! I'll try to update sooner next time--but it probably won't be until after chemo on Monday.
Hope everyone is having a great week (and if you live nearby you better be enjoying this BEAUTIFUL weather!!).
Blessings!
Tina

Empty Nest

2010-08-08T15:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted here all week, because I've been busy helping Shonna get ready to move--and when I haven't been doing that, I've been resting!
Wed. I started having a lot of pain from my radiated area (from last summer). I don't know if I posted about this before, but its called radiation recall dermatitis. Certain chemos "recall" the skin irritation done previously by radiation. It's been bothering me on and off, and Wed. it was really painful, so I took percocet throughout the day (low doses). Thurs. I just needed 2 half pills to keep the edge off. Friday I went to the cancer center to see the PA, Stephanie. My onc is out of town for 2 weeks. She gave me some ointment to help, and told me to keep taking the percocet as needed. I always worry that they (the docs) are going to think I'm some sort of junkie when I tell them I took some pain pills (even though I hardly ever take them!). Its nice when they ask if I need a refill!
I've been feeling better since then, and able to do more physical stuff yesterday. We loaded up the van and Shonna's car to have it all ready for her leaving this morning. Oh--I decided not to go with. Alyssa went instead. I was feeling so crappy all last week, I just didn't think I could make it. I can hardly go up 1/2 a flight of steps, and I wouldn't have been much help moving all Shonna's stuff up to the 2nd floor (or 3rd?). Rich would have spent too much time worrying about me. This way they have more help (Alyssa), and don't have to make any special stops for me.
It was tough saying goodbye this morning! Tough for Rich and Shonna too! She'll miss her "mama bear", and I sure will miss my baby! From previous experience I know that everything will be ok--that she'll still be living here sometimes, and that it will be fun watching her grow into an independent young woman. I so enjoy my relationship with Rachel and Alyssa now, and that has helped me to not be too sad. It also helps to know that God is really in this, and Shonna is following His will for her life. He will take good care of her for me! Besides--I have a spare room!!! You have no idea how exciting this is to me! I've never had a house that had any extra storage space. My mom lives with me, and her stuff takes up alot of room downstairs (not complaining--just saying!) I hope I can get the room painted and put together before too long. I'm looking forward to growing old with my hubby, and being a good grandma. :)
Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my last chemo, and 2 weeks until my next. I hope to enjoy this break as much as possible. Next week I have a MUGA scan and EKG on Monday, and an appt. with the radiation doc on Tues. The MUGA is a heart function test that I have to have done before I start Herceptin. Adriamycin (one of the chemos I just finished) and Herceptin both can cause heart damage, so this test will check to make sure no damage was caused by the Adriamycin (they will compare it to the test I had before starting chemo), and then make sure everything is good to go for the Herceptin.
The Radiation Therapist (Dr. Bisignani, or Dr. B.) is the same one I had for radiation last year. Told him I never wanted to see him again! Oh well, I really do like the guy, but radiation was really tough on me (and still is!!). He's the one that gets to decide whether or not I need radiation this time. I had 3 nodes with cancer, and 1 of them the cancer grew through the node to the outside. 4 nodes definitely need radiation, and 3 is sort of a "gray" area. But with the cancer growing through the node, I'm pretty sure I'll need it too. I will pay more attention to what the side effects might be and I want reassurances that there will be no heart damage (its the left side). Since I had a mastectomy, I think it'll just be the underarm area that'll need the radiation, and I hear they can pinpoint it pretty well to minimize damage. The skin will feel and look sunburned, but the good thing is that area is still mostly numb from the surgery. If I do have to have radiation, it'll be after the Taxol is done (2 months) and while I'm still on Herceptin. Radiation would probably be daily (except weekends) for 6-8 weeks. Yeah, I know, sounds like fun doesn't it? I was just telling a fellow bc survivor today that I have to keep in mind that my prognosis is good after all this treatment. Just gotta get through treatment!
Well, I've decided to not be too mopey, and enjoy this "quiet time" I'll have the next few days. Some woman pay to stay in a hotel to get this--I can just stay in my own home and do what I want for the next few days--every mom's dream right? I had lunch with a friend today (yeah--had to quickly wash away the tears from the "goodbye" and re-do my make and head off to lunch!) Tomorrow I am having dinner with mom and Dee (and maybe Rachel?). Sadie (my 11 yo dog) and I are gonna have some "girl" time! Maybe I'll paint her toenails....hmmm.
Have a great day everyone!!
Love
Tina

The Last of the Bad Days

2010-08-01T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'm hoping and praying that yesterday was the last "bad" chemo day I'll have. I feel a bit better today, so things are headed the right direction! Yesterday I was so weak and out of it, I could hardly stand it! I kept trying to sit out on the couch and be a part of what was going on around the house, but I just couldn't shake the fog. Probably one of the worst fatigue days I have had. I am thankful that the nausea is not bad. I've taken one or two anti-nausea pills each day, and they are working. Yesterday and today I was very weak in the shower--I take a quick one and then go lay down until my heart stops pounding! So, even though I'm feeling a bit better, I still won't be doing much! Each day I should get a little stronger.
I've got so much to do this week! Shonna is moving to KC next week! We are driving her down next Sunday, and we'll come back on Wed. I'm not sure I'm ready for this empty nest thing! Sometimes I'm excited, sometimes very sad. I guess that's all normal when your baby goes to college! I am very excited, though, to watch Shonna grow and shine, and see what God has in store for her. Same way I felt about Rachel and Alyssa as they went off to college. I'm so proud of them all! Yes, the relationship will change, but it is a new and exciting time!
Ok, enough of that! Last Monday when I had my last AC chemo (yay!), my onc and I talked about the next steps. I have to have another chemo called Taxol, and that can cause neuropathy. Dr. J checked my hands and feet and decided I should have the Taxol every 2 weeks instead of weekly, because its better for the neuropathy (which I already have from chemo last year). Some of the other side effects may be a little worse though--but hopefully not nearly as bad as what I've been through! I'll only have to have 4 treatments of Taxol instead of 12, so I'll be done with it in 2 months instead of 3! I will also start the Herceptin at that time, and have it weekly. He said something about it working better when its started weekly. After the Taxol is done, I can get the H every 3 weeks if I want.
My first chemo appt. for this new stuff is Aug. 23rd--so I have a 4 week break! Next week I'll be in KC, and the week after that Dr. J is on vacation. He said it is ok to wait. That first appt. will be a long one! The Taxol will take about 3 hours--they give it slowly the first time to watch for allergic reactions. I'll get decadron and benedryl in the port first. Not sure what anti-nausea med I'll get--Dr. J and I will talk about that first. I guess he usually just gives a compazine pill, because the nausea isn't too bad, but the nurse said since I have a history of more nausea (lasting for days), he might stick to what's worked for me in the past. Then I'll also get my first infusion of Herceptin (H), and that takes a long time too. The following infusions of H will only be a 1/2 hour, and the Taxol will go quicker too, as long as there are no problems with it.
Well, that's my update for now. Starting to get hungry, which brings on the nausea--better go find something to eat! :)
Love and blessings!
Tina

Healthy Stuff

2010-07-29T10:52:00.000-05:00

Someone on the breastcancer.org forum that I'm part of put up this info. I thought I'd pass it on to you. Its easy to read, yet covers a lot of info. Hope you find it informative.

7 Ways to Slash Cancer Risk

1. Be physically active for at least 30 minutes a day.
2. Lower your weight to the lower end of the body-mass index for your height. Even more important, banish belly fat, which acts like a ‘hormone pump' releasing estrogen into the bloodstream as well as raising levels of other hormones.
3. Avoid sugary drinks and high-calorie foods. For blood sugar balance.
4. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
5. Eat less red meat and little or no processed meat. Red meat contains heme iron and other substances that damage the colon lining, making way for tumor growth. Processed meat is even worse. When meat is preserved by smoking, curing or salting, or by the addition of preservatives, cancer-causing substances (carcinogens) are formed that damage cells in the body, leading to cancer. While studies show we can eat up to 18 ounces a week of red meat without raising cancer risk, research shows that cancer risk starts to increase with any portion of processed meat.
6. Limit alcohol to two drinks a day for men, one for women-but none is best of all. Scientists are still researching how alcohol causes cancer. One theory is that alcohol can directly damage DNA, increasing our risk of cancer. Research shows that alcohol is particularly harmful when combined with smoking.
7. Limit salt intake. Salt and salt-preserved foods are linked to stomach and other digestive cancers; limit salt to 2400 milligrams to be safe.

As for me, while going through chemo I don't worry too much about what I eat. Its more about taste at this point! I try to eat some fruits and veggies everyday, and get some protein.
My plan for after treatment is to find some meatless meals we like (I'd like to serve it once a week), continue to eat more fruits and veggies, and make some things from scratch, instead of packaged side dishes. Also, a big one for me, is to increase my exercise. I believe everything is ok in moderation, so I won't deny myself anything! I want to make life-long changes, not "diet".

I'll update more about my treatment later....
Have a great day everyone!
Tina

Whining

2010-07-23T21:48:00.000-05:00

So, I think I been whining too much lately! This AC chemo has really gotten to me--"red devil" is the perfect name for it! Last year, while on chemo, I had some very rough days, but I spent more time counting my blessings. I remember feeling so overwhelmingly blessed. Maybe its not so much this chemo, but just the fact that I've had to deal with this for so long. Whatever the reason, I want to get back to that place of feeling blessed. So, I will be focusing on that this next week, and we'll see if I whine less--no promises :)
Today I got out of the house and had lunch with Alyssa. I can't remember the last time I drove--probably 2 weeks ago. I woke up about 5 am and ended up getting up around 6:15. That's early for me! But I couldn't get back to sleep. But I did sleep the whole night without waking up, which is the first time I've done that in a while! I did take a little nap this afternoon--I'm still pretty tired most of the day.
Tomorrow, Shonna and I are going to go shopping for some college stuff. Then we might get to babysit Brennan in the afternoon. I wasn't able to watch him Thurs. like usual because Ken had the flu, and I didn't want those germs over here. I sure do miss him! He doesn't recognize me as well as he used to :( . Hopefully after this next round of chemo (Monday!), I'll start feeling better and can spend more time with him again. I'm only 46!! I should have plenty of energy for him. (oops! was that whining again?) I am so blessed to be able to spend any time with him! (How was that? lol!)
Well, time to get ready for bed! Hope everyone has a great weekend! Oh-- Shonna is singing is at church on Sunday! Yay!
Love,
Tina

Its My Birthday!

2010-07-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

I turned 46 today! Happy to have another birthday, but sad that its been 2 in a row that I've been too sick to celebrate. I think we'll try to get out to eat this weekend, but that's about it. I did have one request for today though--and that's a DQ log cake. Rich brought me one after work, along with some flowers!
I let the family (and God!!) know that next year I will be celebrating my 47th birthday cancer-free. I'm already planning a family trip to Duluth! Rich felt bad about not doing anything for me today, and I told him he'll be making up for it next year! :-) Start saving those pennies now!
I started the day feeling pretty good, then after lunch I started having some nausea, and feeling tired. Oh well, part of a day feeling well is better than none!
I did have some emotional moments too. Some happy tears from all the love I was feeling from family and friends, and some sad tears because I'm soooooo tired of feeling sick and life passing me by. But overall, its ok. I know I just have to get through this, and God willing, I'll be done with this chapter of my life. Whatever God's will is for me, I'll get through it with His help!
Shonna wants to shoot some photos of my bald head--what do you think? She brought this great book home from the library, called "Turning Heads Portraits of Grace, Inspiration, and Possibilities". On each page there is a photo of a bald woman, and a short piece about her, in her own words. By the time you are done reading the book, a bald woman seems a very natural thing. No, I'm not going to start leaving the house without a scarf, but I'm getting more comfortable around the house "topless". Rich and Shonna are ok with it too. Rachel and Alyssa haven't seen me without a scarf as much, so it might look a little strange to them still.
Well, that's my little birthday update!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Love
Tina

Not Much Going On

2010-07-21T19:19:00.000-05:00

It's been a slow week so far. Even though the worst days of this round are over, I still don't have any energy. Anytime I do anything I feel very weak. My heart was pounding just from taking Sadie outside! I did manage to do a tiny bit of cleaning, and that at least made me feel better mentally. This chemo really hits me hard! I didn't think anything would be worse than the FOLFOX I had last year, but I think this is, because I have fewer days with any energy. The good part about AC is that there are only 4 rounds, instead of 12!
I still haven't made an appt. with the radiology doc to find out whether or not I have to do radiation. There is no hurry, as it wouldn't start until after the 12 weeks of Taxol. That would make it around the beg. of Nov., I think. It just would be nice to know.
I had a bit of a fever on Monday, so I assume my wbc's were low again. I had some back pain from the Neulasta on Tues., and that usually means its working to build my wbc's back up. So, all in all, this week has been better than this time last round. I did "lay low" for a few days, and avoided stores and such. But I'm probably ok now.
I like to use my blog to thank those that have been supportive of me. A wonderful friend from work (Lynn) brought us a yummy meal Mon., and a neighbor brought over some freshly baked treats! I also very much appreciate the cards I get from a teacher I work with--so nice to be thought of! Thanks to everyone that continues to pray for me, and sends me cards and e-mails. All are VERY much appreciated!
Of course my sister has still been feeding us a ton. Oh! Can't forget to thank my sister-in-law for the pretty earrings! They are perfect! And will look great with one of my scarves :)
Well, that's my little update!
Love and Blessings!
Tina

2010-07-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

Starting to feel a bit better. At least I thought I was, but just took an anti-nausea pill. I think I probably just need to eat something. Yesterday was a rough, 'out-of-it' day, but last evening I started to feel a little more "awake". Rich, Shonna, and I went for a short drive and a DQ, and it felt soooo good to get out of the house for awhile. When we got back we ended up having to go to the basement due to severe weather. Doesn't look like there was a lot of damage around here, but there are oak branches all over the yard. Rich plans on getting out after church to pick them up. Don't think I'm ready to help with that yet!
I wish we could get some cooler weather so I could open the windows. At least its not supposed to be quite as hot and humid the next few days. We are sure going to have a big electric bill next month!
This is about the time last round that I started to feel 'woozy' and run a low temp. I'm trying to stay more hydrated, and will be especially careful about germs the next few days. I think the Neulasta shot usually kicks in about Wed. When I feel the bone pain I am reassured that my white blood cell counts are coming back up!
As usual, when I start to feel better, I have trouble sleeping. Last night my brain did not want to shut off! There is so much I want/need to do, esp. with Shonna leaving for college soon. I was able to sleep for a few hours, then once I woke up I couldn't get back to sleep. And I still have this cough that makes it hard to sleep sometimes. I moved out to the recliner, and did get a few hours of sleep there. I kind of look forward to that time in the middle of the night now. Anytime I can't sleep I use that time to talk to God, and if I'm awake enough, I read the Bible. I don't always get the answers I want, but I feel so comforted just knowing He is there and listening to my prayers. It reminds me of how I felt as a young "daddy's girl" curling up in my dad's lap and feeling safe. That's how I feel curled up in the recliner--like I'm safe in my "Daddy's" lap.
Well, Rich just called. Church is done and he was wondering if I wanted anything for lunch. He is going to pick me up some Arby's. A roast beef sandwich should provide some good protein. And as a treat I get an apple turnover! Yum! Dee brought supper again last night, and she also brought a lemon meringue pie! I'll have to try that out later!
Have a great Sunday everyone, and GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!
Tina

Just Checking In

2010-07-15T11:36:00.001-05:00

Good morning to all.
I have been up and moving around a little, but fading fast! Getting hard to keep my eyes open! Hoping to hold out until lunch. Have some nausea this morning, so have been snacking on jell-o and pretzels, but I think I'll need a pill soon. I have to stay on top of it, or it gets worse.
The next few days are going to be rough, so prayers are appreciated! Prayers for Rich to please! He is awesome, but I know this is stressful, and work is too. I will continue to praise God through this storm!
Only one more round of AC left, then the Taxol/Herceptin will start 3 weeks later. Everyone is saying that should be easier, although some report fatigue with that too. It doesn't sound like the fatigue is as extreme though.
My biggest goal is to feel well enough to make the trip to KC to move Shonna there for college. We will be going down there around Aug. 8th or 9th. Orientation starts Aug 10th. This will be 2 weeks after my last AC chemo, so I should be ok. She will be renting a room from a guy that used to be her Youth Leader at Bridgewood. He is married now and has 2 small children. God has definitely shown her that this is where He wants her to be--it is so exciting to have that confirmation. I am excited to see what He has in store for her.
Hope all is well for everyone else out there! Thanks sooo much for prayers, cards, e-mails, etc. I love to hear from you!
Love and Blessings!
Tina

Pictures and Prayers

2010-07-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

These are the pics of Rich cutting my hair on Monday, July 5th. Note his concentration! Most of that hair is gone now. There is a thin coating of hair all over, but you can plainly see my pink scalp! It freaked me out a bit last night when I took my scarf off and had a good look. Its really not pretty...I wear a scarf during the day, and a sleep cap at night (so what's left of my hair doesn't get all over the bed!). I tried on my wigs again the other night, thinking maybe I'd wear one out to dinner, but I just didn't feel comfortable in them. I don't mind wearing the scarves.

The past few days have still been a little rough. I haven't had any more dizzy spells, but there seems to always be something else going on.

Wed. Alyssa came over and we went to lunch, and we were going to go to Target, but Rachel needed us to babysit Brennan last minute. For some reason I didn't feel well after lunch, so was glad to go home. Brennan had a little fever, so I wasn't really supposed to be around him, but what can a grandma do? And it takes my special touch to get him to nap. :)

That night I couldn't sleep more than 4 hours, so I was very tired and crabby on Thurs. I cancelled my bra-fitting appt., and rescheduled it for Friday afternoon. I was crabby because I wanted to be feeling better and have some energy!

Yesterday, I felt much better most of the day. Made it to the bra-fitting. Ended up ordering some, so I'll have to go back again to try them on. In the evening, we went out to eat with Alyssa, Jaren and Shonna. When we got home my stomach started cramping up and I had diarrhea! I think it was from the antibiotic I'm taking. I had had enough of a certain pain in the "bum" (those of you that have been with me for awhile might remember that radiation caused a lot of damage to my backside), so I took a Percocet. Then 3 hours later took another one...I really needed a break from it!

I stayed out in the recliner to sleep, and read the Bible (on Rich's Droid phone!) for awhile. Then spent some time in groggy prayer. 2 things I specifically prayed for--my "backside" would stop hurting, and the diarrhea would stop, so I could get some sleep. I decided I didn't need to continue suffering, and I had a long talk with God. He COMPLETELY answered my prayer. I did not have trouble with either of those things after that, and slept well the rest of the night. I haven't had ANY discomfort today, and no, I haven't taken any more pain pills. We serve an awesome God--never forget that He WANTS to help. Just talk to Him!

Today has been a good day! I'm still pretty tired, but was able to get out and do some shopping, and like I said, NOTHING hurts.

Well, I get one more day before my next round of chemo. I pray that it is a good one, and that the next round is easier, instead of worse! And I often pray for special blessings for those that are praying for me--so expect to be blessed!

Love and blessings!

Tina

A LONG week!

2010-07-06T21:11:00.001-05:00

Well, I see I haven't written since last Wed. The "yucks" were just starting to set in at that time...seems like a loooong time ago! Thurs., Friday, and Sat. were spent just as expected--just trying to get through each day, spending a lot of time in bed. Sat. morning I managed to get out for a very short shaky-legged walk, and in the evening Rich took me on a little drive and we got a DQ. Unfortunately I've been craving chocolate malts--which is unusual for me! Looks like I won't be losing as much weight this time around! Sunday morning I still felt like crap, and when I took a shower I started to black out--literally eyes going dark. Rich came in and helped me get to the bed, and I layed in front of the fan for a bit. We debated calling my oncologist--it was the 4th, and I didn't want to spend time in the ER (not that I was going to do anything else that day!). I've also had some chest congestion and a cough for over a week--I was concerned that might have had something to do with the blacking out. I just took it easy the rest of the day. Rich went to Jaren's parent's house for their 4th of July party, and I stayed home and played Facebook games! (don't worry--he called and texted me often, and he was only 5 min. away!). The next day, yesterday, I felt light-headed again in the shower, but caught it quickly so I didn't start losing vision. Again, I layed down for a bit. Then, since my hair has been coming out in handfuls, Rich and I went out on the deck and he cut it short, and buzzed the back with his trimmers. Later I went out to the garage to watch the heavy rain with Rich, and felt woozy, and had to go sit down. By this time I also had a little fever (99.5), so I thought I better call the doc. I spoke with the on-call nurse (everything was closed yesterday!), and she was concerned about my heart and wanted me to come in right away. She even said the safest thing to do would be to call 911 and take an aspirin. Ummm, no. I was worried about my heart, because one of my chemo drugs can cause heart problems (though supposedly rare), but didn't feel I was having a heart attack. So Rich took me down to Regions ER. The nurse had let them know I was coming, and because of possible heart issues, I got taken in within a few minutes. I wore a scarf for the first time--one with a cap attached because my hair is falling out all over. I felt guilty and that people were thinking--oh sure, the cancer lady gets to go right in....Although no one probably even noticed. Anyways--long story short (sort of!)--I spent several hours there, and didn't find out much! I think the light-headedness is low blood pressure from the chemo. My bp did go pretty low once while I was there (99/45ish). The heart and chest were ok. The biggest problem they found, and what took so long, was my white blood cell count was extremely low. It took awhile because it was so low they ran it again to make sure. The ER doc called one of the on call oncologists(my onc's partner) to discuss what to do. They said I could go home, if I felt ok doing so, and they would talk to my onc. in the morning and he would call me. So I came home, with strict orders to come back if my temp reached 100.4 (I always wonder where they come up with that number?), or if I had a near fainting spell again.
When I got home I took some Tylenol (for a different pain), and about an hour later I was feeling sort of "agitated"--tense, uncomfortable. Took my temp, and sure enough it was going up--100.2! But I was tired, Rich needed to sleep and go to work in the morning, and by the time I got to the ER, the temp would probably be down from the Tylenol! So I went to sleep! I figured I could deal with it in the morning!
My temp was in the mid 99's all morning (normal for me is mid 97's), and I finally called my onc to see if he had all the info from last night. His nurse called me back. He prescribed an antibiotic because of the fever, and the fact that I have no wbc's to fight an infection.
So, that's all I know. I feel better today, and didn't have any woozy spells. Still lack of energy, but was able to move around and do a few things. I feel MUCH better being on an antibiotic (altho he always gives me the scary one with all the warnings! Its called Levaquin). I finally took some Tylenol, and that brought my temp down and helped me to feel better too.
Rich and I just went out for a short walk--thought I could do the block, but legs got shaky and started sweating not far from home. But any moving is a good thing. I don't know what my platelets are, but I worry about blood clots, since I had one last summer.
I am soooooooo disappointed to be feeling this crappy 8 days out from my last chemo. There are things I need to do! Really frustrated...
I want to say thanks to my sis for bringing us meals almost every night last week! We were well fed, and had lots of leftovers. She calls whenever she's out and about to see if I need anything (Sunday I "needed" a choc. Frosty from Wendy's!). Today she picked up my prescription for me. The wonderful peeps at church sent a meal the week before, and a neighbor also sent some food over! How nice to be thought of! I continue to get the occasional card and e-mail too---just friends and family making sure I know they are still thinking about me.
Speaking of family, my cousin is in MN for the first time in 8 years, and having a grad party for her daughter. Its about 2 (3?) hours away in the Rochester area. I am hoping to go (its Sat.), but now I'm not so sure if I'll feel like it. I SHOULD feel like it--but unfortunately things never work out the way they SHOULD with this cancer crap! (Did I mention I was frustrated?)
Tomorrow night I am going to a class called "Look Good, Feel Better". Its a popular class put on by the Am. Cancer Soc. They teach you make up tips (how to draw on eyebrows, etc.), and hair loss tips. I'm hoping they will teach me how to tie scarves. Alyssa has been practicing with the scarf she got (matches one of mine), so I asked her to go with me. I'll get a bunch of make up to bring home too.
Thursday I have another bra fitting. Insurance pays for 6 a year, and I only have 1 good one (bra that is! lol!).
I find myself going to my list of Bible verses at the top of this page quite often. On my worst "out of it" days, I unfortunately don't feel like praying much either--not because of any 'issue" I have with God, just because I don't care much about anything. But I am often awake in the middle of the night, and that is when God reminds me to talk to Him. I'll admit to a bit of "why me" lately--but as soon as I even think that I am reminded that He is with me ALWAYS, and watching over me.
Thanks for checking in!
God's blessings to all!
Tina
ps Watch for my next post with pics of Rich cutting my hair!

Some Wedding Pictures, and an Update

2010-06-30T17:45:00.002-05:00

The pics aren't in the order I wanted, but oh well. I don't really have any good ones! I'm waiting for Shonna to edit some and put them up. The bridesmaids are Rachel, friend Alyssa L., Shonna, and Jaren's sister Mari is the Junior bridesmaid. The wood cross they got married in front of was made by Jaren's dad, Ed, for their outdoor wedding last year. it added a real personal touch, and speaks of their commitment to God. Alot of drippy eyes during the father/daughter dance! They danced to Stephen Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella" which is a tear-jerker song! And of course I had to put up a pic of Brennan! He's getting so big! Almost 20lbs now. And what a sense of humor!

As for me, the yucks have started to set in after round 2. I napped a lot this afternoon and feel a bit better. I'm taking my prescribed anti-nausea meds, as well as the "as needed" ones too. They help, but it feels like the yuckiness never completely goes away. The next few days I'll be resting alot and just trying to get through. Then, hopefully, around Sunday, I'll start to come out of the fog a bit!

My hair continues to fall, but its just a few strands at a time, no clumps yet. My friend that is going to give me a buzz cut was going to come Friday, but I asked her to come Monday instead. I'll be too out of it Friday, and I don't want to buzz it until absolutely necessary. I won't be going out much this weekend, and if I do, I can wear a scarf if I need to. I tried on 3 my scarves, 2 wigs and 1 hat on Tues. when Alyssa was here, and they don't look too bad. When I had a long scarf on I said I looked like an old Ukrainian woman, but I didn't look as bad as I thought I would.

Hope all is well out there!

Love and Blessings!

Tina

Looks Like Cherry Kool-Aid

2010-06-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

The Red Devil looks like cherry Kool-aid, going in and coming out! I'm supposed to flush the toilet twice after using it for the first 48 hours. I think this is to protect others from the toxic stuff coming out of me. Nice, huh?
The toxins are working on my hair. I woke up this morning with a tender scalp, and I knew that meant the hair was going to fall out soon. I showered and there wasn't much in the drain thingy, so I was relieved. But then when I was putting some gel in my hair, I pulled on some hair to reposition it, and a bunch came out in my hand. Some areas are holding fast, and others come out when pulled. I'm trying to leave it alone. The hair around the front is coming out the easiest--which I had hoped that would come out last! So, a few more days with it, if I'm lucky, then I'll be calling my friend Cindy to come and give me a buzz cut. She's keeping the clippers in her car, and awaiting my call!
Today at the cancer center (my nurses are non-union so I don't have to worry about a strike! Yay!), my port wasn't working right. They could push saline in, but not draw blood out. Sometimes a little protein "flap" builds up in there, and they put in some "draino" type stuff that eats away at it. So, while we were waiting for that to work, the nurse (Andrea again!), drew blood from my arm to do labs. Then I saw my onc, Dr. Jahagirdar. He told me I looked a little down, or tired, and asked if I was ok. He always notices and always asks! I told him I didn't sleep too well last night (I've had a cough), and I took an Ativan shortly before seeing him and that makes me sleepy. He gets very concerned about his patients' mental health--such a wonderful doc! Then I asked him about vit. b6 and glutamine. They are supposed to help with neuropathy. The studies are not done yet, but he said it wouldn't hurt to take them, so I think I will. I still have neuropathy from last chemo, and the stuff I'll start in Aug. (Taxol), can make it worse.
All my labs were good (except hemoglobin [11.1], but that's an ongoing problem). By that time my port was working fine, so we started the infusions. Oh--when I first got there I was already nauseated, so I asked the nurse if I should take an Ativan (helps with nausea and anxiety). She said absolutely! She said a lot of people do. Dr. J called it anticipatory nausea, and said I should just take one every time before I come in. This started after several rounds of chemo last year. It may not happen to most breast cancer patients because they don't usually have as many rounds.
So right now I feel really exhausted, yet not sure if the steroids will let me sleep. I usually end up in the recliner, so I don't keep Rich awake. I know I'll be using the bathroom alot, and I should keep drinking throughout the night--although I already feel waterlogged! :P
Well, gonna try to sleep...
love,
Tina

Kitchen Floors Should Not Have Dust Bunnies

2010-06-27T20:14:00.000-05:00

Right after my last post I decided to sweep and mop the kitchen floor. As I swept behind the bench, out came a big blob of dust. The title to this blog is the thought that went through my mind when I saw that big dust bunny! More creative than my usual titles, don't you think?
Well, I think I'm ready for round 2 tomorrow. Especially now that my floor is clean! :) Although I never got around to paying bills. Oh well, I'll be able to do it Tuesday. Its later in the week that I get really "out of it".
Rich is doing some work from home in the morning tomorrow, then he'll take me to chemo. I have to be there at 11. They'll access my port to do labs, then I'll meet with my onc. While I'm meeting with him, the lab results will come in and he'll give me the go ahead (assuming the labs are ok!). Sometimes the labs take longer than usual, and then I just go back to the infusion room and hang out in a chair until we get the ok to start. Then we still have to wait a bit to get the meds ordered. I'll get my Emend pill, then Decadron and Zofran in the IV, then Adriamycin (aka red devil) administered by the nurse via large syringe into my tubing, then, finally, the Cytoxan via IV. I think the Cytoxan takes about an hour. That's the nasty crap that can cause bladder irritation (or worse), so you have to drink tons of liquids the first 2 days, and go to the bathroom frequently to flush it all out.
I think I am mentally more prepared this time, since I know more what to expect. I'm gonna "go with the flow", and just hang out and take it easy. There is nothing I HAVE to do. But, if I feel ok, then I'll do something. Sometimes its nice to get out of the house for a little bit, so Rich might just take me on a drive, or to DQ, or something. The weather is supposed to be really nice, so hopefully I'll feel like sitting out on the deck now and then.
Spiritually I think I am more prepared too. I'll be reading Psalms and my special verses (see tab at top of page), and throughout it all I will be singing praises to God! Today's sermon was about joy, one of the fruits of the Spirit (which reminds me I need to listen to last week's sermon online about love). It was a good sermon to hear just before going into "the fog" of chemo. Pastor Mark used Psalm 43, which is a good example of how to work through the times we feel God has rejected, or abandoned, us. It reminds us to pray and worship to reconnect with God.
Oh--something I forgot to mention in my last post. I was mentioning my spiritual gifts. And I said faith was my top gift. Now, I've come to understand that this is a good gift to have (as they all are), but at first I said to Alyssa "Faith, what can I do with that??" and Alyssa says "Duh mom, move mountains???" And I just said "oh yeah, there is that." Then started laughing at the stupidity of my statement! I'm still laughing! I was really looking for a "practical" gift that had something definite I could do for the church--- like the gift of hospitality--everyone knows what to do with that! (ahem, a gift I don't have, by the way!) I was telling a friend about this conversation, and he told me my faith has really moved him, and helped him with his faith. I was very humbled by that, and am thankful to God for using me that way. I never know what to say when someone tells me that, or that I inspire them. I just silently give thanks to God. Its such a privilege to show Him to others.
In closing, here's the lyrics to a song we sang today--love this song, because Love really did come down to rescue me!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Love Came Down
Vs1
If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe
Pre chorus:
I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son
Chorus:
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
I am Yours I am forever Yours
vs: 2
When my heart is filled with hope and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me
Staying desperate for You God, Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise I will believe
Tag:
I am Yours, all my days, I am Yours
copyright ©2009 Brian Johnson Music.

Thoughts and Stuff

2010-06-25T10:28:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I really need to work on my blog titles! I'll try to do better :). Its just something I don't want to waste a lot of time on, I guess.
So, lots of messages from God today! Do you know what I thought about a few minutes ago??? Are you ready for this??? The thought passed through my head, with a chuckle, that I need to stay sick long enough to learn all God has to teach me. As soon as I had the thought, I back-tracked and went, "wait a minute God, don't me too seriously on that!!" Whew! Thankfully my God is an all-knowing God and He knows what I mean! I wish I could be HEALTHY and learn all these same lessons, but I have to say, that when the business of life takes over, God sometimes get pushed out of the way. Sad, but true. I'm really praying that He helps me find a way to balance this. When I was back working, I was so disappointed that I only had energy for work. I was beat by the time I got home. I love my job, but I love my life outside of work more. Pray for me on this, ok? I REALLY want to know what God's will is for my life.
Today my e-mail devotional was about spiritual gifts. I had to laugh because the woman writing it, LeeAnn Rice, was disappointed when she took a spiritual gifts test. She didn't feel that any of her gifts were the "important" ones. I felt the same way! Rich and I recently took a class at church on spiritual gifts and took an online test. My top ones were faith, exhortation, encouragement, mercy, and music. What the heck can a person do with that? I wanted something concrete-->DO THIS TO SERVE GOD. I was happy to find out (from my pastor) that although I don't have any musical ability, I minister to God through my personal worship. I often have a song of praise going through my head, and when I'm not sure where to start when praying, I just start singing to God. I wish I could tell you that I went on to discover what I can do with my other gifts, but I'm still working on that--but I do know that God can use me, whatever gifts I might have, and ALL gifts are important! "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV) Note the word "whatever"!
I also learned today from Pastor Tom's blog (see link on sidebar), that "ordinary Christianity" is an oxymoron. I agree! All Christians are "EXTRA ordinary" We are called to live "EXTRAordinary" lives. I better get on that! I hope I can keep that word at the forefront of my mind, and remember it in everything I do.
Ok, a health report: I have been feeling REALLY good! I have had plenty of energy the last few days, and even have been getting up early (6:30 today!). Today I will think about what I want/need to get done before chemo on Monday. Oh--just thought of something. I think today is payday--so I should pay bills. Next week I won't care!
Yesterday I got out a bit and went shopping. I need more shirts that have patterns on them. Solid color shirts show any "uneveness" I might have, if ya know what I mean! Patterns make it harder to tell. It felt good to be out shopping. Last time I went was a few days before my mastectomy and I ended up in tears because I thought I'd never be able to wear cute stuff again. Yesterday I was happy with how everything looked! And then I got a yummy Wild Berry Smoothie from Caribou!
Today I'm going to have lunch with a good friend. I wanted to take her out as a little thank you for all her help with Shonna's party.
Looking at my calendar I see that its been 3 years today since Rich's craniotomy. I'm happy to report that any neurological issues he had before, seem to have resolved themselves. I hope he never has to go through anything like that again! That is a scary surgery!
Well, better get going on that to-do list!
Have a great weekend!
Tina

Some Pics and an Update

2010-06-23T15:05:00.001-05:00

The top pic is of me getting the "red devil" (Adriamycin) at my first chemo on June 14th. The nurse has to slowly inject it into my port tubing. It is a toxic drug and can cause a lot of damage if it should leak out of the vein. That is why the nurse has to do it, instead of it hanging in an iv bag like the other chemo drugs. Notice that she gets gown, gloves, and glasses, and I don't :). This nurse is one of 2 that I usually have. Her name is Andrea, and we just love her (well, we love them all!). She is so perky and happy, and she reminds us of our niece Kyla. We love to hear her stories about her toddler, and she loves to look at our pics of family, and especially Brennan! I hope she can always stay positive--she is such a bright face in a place that can be so depressing. I don't know how those nurses do it! It's definitely a God-given gift!

The 2nd pic is a few days later when I got my new haircut. Everyone seems to really like it. On Facebook I joked how I paid $38 for a 10 day haircut, because it should be falling out soon. I'm glad I tried something new first. Gotta have a little fun, right? And now I'll have less hair to fall out.

I have to say that I had some "down" days last week. Not really depressed, just down. I had so hoped that this chemo would be easier than my last stuff. But it really wasn't. Maybe I was a little less "out of it", but just barely, and this was only my first round. Thank goodness I only have 4 rounds of this stuff, instead of 12 like last time! I will have more chemo (Taxol) after these 4 rounds, but maybe that won't be as bad? I think I've heard that its not--but with me, you never know! My nausea has been there most every day, but thankfully, no vomiting. Today was the first day I didn't need any anti-nausea meds. The past few days I've just needed one. I also have had more mouth sores. It got to the point where my whole mouth felt pretty hacked up, but it didn't get too painful. I've been pretty good about rinsing my mouth with baking soda and water. Today my mouth seems to be getting better.

The day after chemo I had to get a Neulasta shot. I had no bone pain at all from it--until yesterday! I suppose that makes sense, because the shot works for 2 weeks, and now is the time in my chemo cycle when my white blood counts are taking a hit. I took ibuprofen and Tylenol (and a claritin), and it didn't get too bad. I will keep alternating the pills to stay ahead of the pain.

We had Shonna's grad party on Sunday at our church. My sister, Dee, and my friend, Heidi, did a TON of work for the party. I had lots of other helpers too! I was a little out of it, and had to sit a lot, but I'm very happy with how things turned out. And glad its over with! That was the last graduation for my hubby's family. We have a few years to wait before the last one on my side! Emma is going in to 6th grade, I think?

Well, I'm sure there was more I was going to write about, but can't think of what that might be. I'm feeling good today, and hoping to have some more good days before round 2 on Monday. There's so much to do! I need to just accept that I won't be able to do much next week, and go with it. Its when I try to fight it, and can't, that I start to feel depressed. Cancer really sucks (I so hate that word, but nothing sounds as right). I will try to remember to spend more time reading Psalms and reading my Bible verses that helped me so much last time. Like I said before, I kept trying to fight the fatigue, instead of finding ways to make it through better. Be warned, family! I'll be taking to my room and doing what I have to, to get through this! I know it sucks for them too. I'm sure they're just as sick and tired of watching me be sick and tired, as I am feeling that way (did that make sense?). But they are wonderful and strong and take good care of me! Keep them in your prayers!

Love and blessings to you all!

Tina

Steroid Buzz

2010-06-17T11:05:00.000-05:00

The steroids are catching up with me! Didn't sleep much past 3 am last night--so I'm really tired, yet jittery with a racing mind at the same time!
I'm happy to report that the nausea, so far, has been minimal. I'll take my last steroid today, and hopefully the Emend (which is for delayed nausea) will keep the nausea away for the next few days--of course I always have my back-ups! The tiredness has been the biggest issue, but so far not as extreme as what I went through last time! Cat naps seem to help a lot.
Yesterday Dee took me to look at wigs at the Am. Cancer Society. Shonna went with and she texted photos of me to Alyssa, who couldn't be there. I got one that's a little shorter than I wear my hair now, but similar to what I was thinking of for my haircut today. I'll bring it with and have my hair guy look it over and trim/thin if needed. There was another one that is a little longer that looked really natural on me too, so I might order it from their catalog. These are not high quality wigs, but I think they'll look ok. I'm not going to buy anything too expensive for such a short time. Now I just need to get moving and order some scarves and hats! I'm running out of time! I'm trying to have fun with all this--but I will miss my hair. Hopefully I won't be too upset when the time comes to buzz it off--probably in less than 2 weeks now, can you believe it?
There is a lot of talk on the forums about some of the "stupid" things people say when they find out you have cancer. One of the ones that upset some women was when someone said "Well now you can get a nice pair of perky boobs!" I had to chuckle because that was what I said about myself when telling people I had breast cancer! Now, let me assure you, that the "new" breasts, if I choose to get them, will not be "nice". I could potentially look good in a sweater, but they aren't pretty. I think that's what upsets some people, because if you've never seen reconstructed breasts you have no idea how "not nice" they can look. The worst thing anyone ever said to me was right after I found out I had colon cancer, and was still pretty upset about it. They (and I don't even remember who it was anymore) told me about someone they knew who had it and then told me that person died from it! How upsetting that was to me then! Jeez, think a little people! But now that doesn't upset me, its just reality. Just be careful what you say to the newly diagnosed, they are the most touchy. The best thing to say? "That really stinks--what can I do to help you?"
Well, there are a few things I really need to do, so I should make an effort to get them done. Everything is such an effort--and that includes eating. We ordered pizza last night because I didn't eat much during the day, and all of a sudden I was really hungry, and wanted something I could taste! But I'm happy with the scale again :)
Today's verse on my e-mail devotional? ""For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) A good reminder for me today. Isn't it wonderful how God finds ways to talk to me? Amazing!
Blessings to all!
Tina

Tx 1, Day 2

2010-06-15T21:06:00.000-05:00

Tx is the abbreviation for treatment. I got used to using abbreviations from the discussion boards!
Last night the nausea got a little worse. I took a Compazine, then a few hours later a Zofran, then about midnight I took and Ativan. Then, about a half hour later I was out and slept soundly until Rich got up at 6! I was in the recliner, and I rarely sleep that soundly there! I heard him going out the door to get the paper, and I thought to myself, I don't usually hear the door that well from the bedroom--then I realized I was in the recliner, and smiled and said thank you God! I was happy I slept that well!
Today I'm happy to say that I didn't have much nausea. Just feel tired and out of it. Not much interest in eating--had to force myself to eat breakfast and lunch! I am able to function, and do what needs to be done, but I'd probably rather sit and stare at birds all day!
Rich came home from work a bit early to take me down to get my Neulasta shot. Have I explained that in the past? It helps keep the white blood cells up. This chemo knocks them out, so the shot is given routinely, instead of waiting for them to go down, like with my last chemo. The shot has the potential to cause a lot of bone pain, so I took my blog friend Michelle's advice and took a claritin. Some people have said that it helps somehow, not a lot of docs are recommending it yet, but my nurse said it wouldn't hurt. Some recommend taking it with Aleve, but I forgot to get some, so I took Ibuprofen instead. With the neupogen shots (similar to Neulasta, but shorter acting) I used to take, alternating ibu. and Tylenol throughout the day helped alot. I also have percocet if it gets real bad. The nurse that gave me the shot today, Maggie, remembered how bad the neupogen hurt me last time and was real worried about how this one would effect me. She said to alternate the ibu. and Tylenol, and call if it doesn't work. I told her I had some Percocet, she told me to take it if I needed it, but call and let the doc know that I needed it. She was sure he'd be ok with it. Hope I don't get too sore!
I've been trying to keep up with the liquids, but am getting tired of it! I find I am needing the colace and senekot-s too!
Tomorrow Dee is taking me to look at wigs. Shonna might go with, but unfortunately Alyssa can't. Rachel and fam are up north at a cabin. I'm kind of excited to look at wigs. I really need to get some scarves too. If I remember tomorrow, maybe I'll order some online.
I made my appt. for a haircut Thurs. afternoon. I'll get a "normal" short haircut--it'll be fun to try something new. Then when my hair starts to fall out, I have a friend who can buzz it real short.
Well, I've to to quit now--too many typos I have to keep fixing!
God has been good, and hearing your prayers! Thanks!
To my cousin Jill--not sure if you read this, but if you do send me an e-mail and give me an update!!
Love ya all!~
Tina