I often think of things I should blog about, and even "write" posts in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting it all down for others to read. My chemo brain definitely makes coming up with words more difficult!
There has been a lot of "cancer" thoughts lately. Not because of anything going on with me, but because of people around me. There is a lady at church that just found out she has uterine cancer. She won't know the details until after she has surgery next week. It may be a rare, aggressive form of cancer. I knew her face, and had heard the name, but finally met her on Sunday and put the two together. I hope I can be of some help to her. Then there is a young (19!) friend of our family who may have melanoma. It's almost impossible to think of her with cancer! The latest test showed it may be precancerous, but it is being sent for more testing. I'm thankful that both of these people are strong Christians; I know their faith will help them get through whatever life throws at them.
Then there are the people I know through blogs. One lady, Ann, finds out today if her bc has spread to her liver. (Sadly, it did. Stupid cancer! Hugs and prayers being sent!!)) Another's husband is still fighting colon cancer after 6 years! There have been recent deaths of people who's blogs I have read. (This is especially hard for me). It seems cancer is never very far from my thoughts! I have a long list of people I pray for. I know many of you also know people with cancer--it seems to affect us all in one way or another. Keep praying for a cure!!
Speaking of "slogans", there is much discussion about breast cancer slogans and such. And even among those that have had breast cancer, there is a variety of opinions. I, personally, do not like such campaigns as "I Heart Boobies", and "Save the Tatas". I think my LIFE is more important than my BREASTS. I think these campaigns are demeaning, and, really, quite ridiculous. We all know teenage boys are wearing "I heart Boobies" bracelets because they like the word, more than they want to save anyone's life. I'm sure there are a few out there that know someone personally with cancer, and they wear the bracelets to show support--but that is not the majority. Of course, there are bc survivors that like to get attention of any kind on bc, and I respect their opinions. We all feel differently. Having had colon cancer also, I sure would like to see more attention/awareness brought to that. Colons are not sexy, but having yours checked may save your life! To me, saying "Get Your Butt Checked" is not demeaning to anyone. It might raise awareness, which colon cancer needs more than breast cancer (BOTH need cures!!). I think I'll stop there...that's just my 2 cents. I always appreciate and respect other's opinions.
While all these thoughts and discussions make me sad, I am thankful I don't worry about cancer returning. That is a fear that God has taken away from me. I rarely think about it, and if I do think about it, it is without any fear. Wow, God has brought me through so much. I am blessed by His refining of me!
Aside from the sadness I sometimes feel, I am very happy overall. I am babysitting less, so I have more time to do the things I have been wanting to. Like organizing, getting out to lunch with friends, doing things with the girls, volunteering at church. And then there are some days, like today, I just really don't know what to do with myself! Do I start a project? Watch a movie? Read? Exercise (yeah, right!)? So many of my projects need my husband's help--and that might never happen! Maybe I should just start digging in by myself and see what happens! :0) Oh-- and about the babysitting less--I still get to watch the boys about once a week, but Charlie hasn't had too many appointments lately, so Rachel hasn't needed me for Brennan very often. I love watching them, but am glad for some "me" time. I have waited a long time to feel well and have some time to myself! That sounds so selfish, but hopefully you all understand. And I am trying to use some of my "me" time to help others too! Soon, Charlie will start physical therapy 2 days a week, and I will have Brennan those afternoons, and I look forward to that time with him!
I plan on going back to work in the fall, when school starts. Some days I'm excited about going back, and other days I dread it. But I cut my hours to only 3 a day, so that shouldn't be too bad. Then I will still be available to help Rachel in the afternoons, if she needs me. I'm so blessed to be able to cut my hours. Sometimes I feel guilty because my husband works so hard for our family. But his working also helps his daughter and grandsons, because then I can work less and help them out! I figure I'll eventually have to work more--maybe if I do we can retire earlier. I want Rich to be able to enjoy life too--and not just work all the time!
Take care everyone! And may God bless each and everyone of you! Prayers are being sent up for whatever your needs are--I may not know, but God does :)
Love,
Tina
