It's a New Year!

Happy New Year!  2013 has arrived!
2012 wasn't so bad; I've heard many people say how glad they are to see it go, but for me it was a pretty good year!  The best part (besides being cancer-free still!) was baby Selah being born in October.  It is such a joy to have another baby around.  She is growing fast now and things are changing quickly!  She's got the cutest smile and dimples too!
When I look back on 2012, it seems like it was a year of settling in, and figuring things out.  It was a year without any cancer treatments (Thank God!), and I have just been trying to figure out what my 'new normal' is, what my body is doing, and what my energy levels are.  
I feel that 2013 is a year in which I need to really make some changes, and I think I'm ready to do that.  
I've been trying to figure out this last month how food affects me, and I've switched to a low residue diet.  I am not eating nuts, seeds, fresh fruits or veggies (except bananas). Only cooked/canned fruits and veggies, and esp. applesauce.  Also, no high fiber breads and cereals, except oatmeal.  This may not be the healthiest diet (we all know fresh fruits/veggies/high fiber is supposed to be the best), but it's what I need to eat because of my overactive digestive system. The problems I was experiencing were really starting to get me depressed.  I missed 2 days of work because of them in Dec.  I think I had been waiting for things to settle down on their own, and then I realized it's been long enough (almost 4 years since my colon resection), and I need to figure this out!  I remembered hearing about a low residue diet somewhere, so I thought I'd start with that.  That has really helped (so far, anyway).  I make sure I eat bananas and applesauce nearly everyday. Those 2 foods help the most.  I started taking Citrucel each morning after breakfast, but I don't think I need to do that everyday.  I've been ok without it.
The next thing to work on is my weight. I really want to lose the weight I've gained back since I've been done with chemo.  I can eat smaller portions (which also helps the digestive system!), and I especially need to exercise.  I am too young to be so out of shape!  Fatigue is a big problem for me,  but I can't let that stop me.  I've started drinking a small cup of coffee or tea every afternoon, and that helps!
Most of all, I've realized that I've just sort of been 'going through the motions' a lot this past year, and I want to live each day more fully.  I'm so blessed to be here, and I don't want to waste whatever time I've been given.  I think I needed this past year, to just 'be' (I don't know how else to explain it!), but now it's time to move on and really live! (If I can find the energy!)
If there are any people that like to pray reading this, please pray that the tiredness goes away, and doesn't keep me from being healthy.  Pray also for me physically, that my body continues to heal from the beating it's taken the last few years.  My oncologist always reminds me that I've been through a lot, and it's taken it's toll on me!  I really appreciate any prayers, and if you leave me a comment or send an e-mail, I will be sure to pray for you also!
As I close, I am sending up a prayer for everyone that stops by to read this.  May God reveal Himself to you more fully, and may the Creator and Giver of all life bless you with health, peace, and true joy in 2013!
Love,
Tina

PS: Some pictures from Christmas!

Another Update

Well, don't know if anyone is out there reading this any more, but thought it was time for an update.  I've written blog posts in my head many times, but for some reason I just haven't taken the time to actually write it here!
As always, I'll start with a health update.  I saw both my colorectal surgeon (Dr.T) and my oncologist (Dr. J) a few weeks ago. The fistula has been bleeding more, and apparently something came loose, and Dr.T fixed it.  I found out she does colonoscopies (I had been going to a gastro doc for my previous scopes) and told her I'd like to see her for my next one, which is due in March.  Because there has been some bleeding, Dr. T. said insurance wouldn't have a problem with doing it sooner, and she figured my deductible has probably been met for the year, so we may as well get it done. She assured me, a couple of times, that she doesn't think the bleeding means there is anything wrong, and I agree.  Because of the radiation damage and fistula, there will always be some bleeding.  So, I am scheduled to have my colonoscopy next Monday, Dec. 3rd (yikes!).  
My 3 month check up with Dr. J went well. My blood tests are all ok, although my hemoglobin and red blood cell count both dropped a little.  Dr. J wasn't too concerned, and I told him I started taking a daily iron pill.  He checked my reflexes this time, and my wrists and knees were fine, but my ankles still don't respond.  This is from the neuropathy in my feet. I've been noticing that my balance seems slightly worse.  Just small things, nothing major.  This is probably from the neuropathy also.  I told him next time I see him (in 3 months) I'll be 4 years out from my diagnosis  of colon cancer (and 3 years from breast cancer).  He said that if the cancer does return, it wouldn't be as aggressive as a cancer that came back sooner.  He still wants to do scans every 6 months, so if anything does turn up we would be able to fight it aggressively, because I am still young and healthy (I love hearing that I am young!).   Dr. J also asked if I have been exercising, which the answer is an obvious no.  I think that was his gentle way of telling me he noticed I've been gaining weight.  This weight thing is so frustrating!  My metabolism is almost non-existent!  Oh well...I'll just have to try harder! 
Up until about 2 weeks ago I had been in a lot of pain (backside issues).  Sometimes it gets me a bit down.  You'd think after nearly 4 years I would have figured out what causes the 'bad' days. All I know is I have more bad days than good.  Although, whenever I have a stretch of good (like now), I hope that this will become the norm, and not the bad days!
I find there are still a lot of things that bring me back to my chemo days.  Thankfully, the nausea doesn't come back though.  For instance, today I heated up a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes, and it reminded me of how I ate them a lot during chemo.  I could almost feel that fog I was in for so many days each round of chemo.  There are reminders almost daily.
I always try to make sure people know (both those that are recently dx'd with cancer, and those that don't have it) that when the treatment stops, things don't go back to "normal".  This is where the term "new normal" really fits.  Because side effects, pain, psychological effects, are all a part of my life now.  I don't mean that to sound so bad, because I truly am grateful to be here and be cancer free.  But I think people need to know, so they can understand what they might go through, or what someone else might be dealing with.
God has answered so many prayers recently for my family and me.  I'm going to press in and pray for healing for my pain issues.  I've been praying for help with my fatigue, and I am feeling a bit better.  I just get busy and unfortunately don't have much energy left to spend time in God's Word as much as I should.  I really need to do that more...there is nothing like the feeling I get when I spend time with God!
Family update:  it's been so long since I blogged, I forgot I never wrote about my new granddaughter!  Alyssa and Jaren had their baby on 10/15, 3 weeks early, but she was considered full term.  They named her Selah ("say-la") Marie.  Selah is a musical term in Psalms that means to pause, or pause and reflect.  She is a beautiful little girl, and the new family is doing great.  They have plenty of babysitters to help them out!  Here is a picture of Selah, and one of my grandsons:

Aren't they cute?  Charlie is doing so well!  He is standing by himself in this picture!  He can walk with a walker.  It's hard to believe he is the same tiny 3 and a half year old that came to us from Ukraine. What a gift he is! Brennan is as smart as ever, and at the age of 3 he is reading a few words!  Love my babies!
Shonna is doing great at college--she just registered for spring sem.  I LOVE having her back in MN!  
Thanks for reading!  Let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you readers--be sure to contact me if you have questions about cancer (chemo, radiation, breast, colon, etc., etc.)  OR if you want info about adopting a beautiful child from an orphanage.  Or maybe you want to know how you can help a child other ways besides adopting.  Please ask!  You can e-mail me at nuttyoaks@gmaildotcom.  You can also send me prayer requests, and I'll be happy to pray for you or send you some helpful Bible verses. :)
God bless!
Tina

Life Lately

I often think of things I should blog about, and even "write" posts in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting it all down for others to read.  My chemo brain definitely makes coming up with words more difficult!
There has been a lot of  "cancer" thoughts lately.  Not because of anything going on with me, but because of people around me.  There is a lady at church that just found out she has uterine cancer.  She won't know the details until after she has surgery next week.  It may be a rare, aggressive form of cancer. I knew her face, and had heard the name, but finally met her on Sunday and put the two together.  I hope I can be of some help to her. Then there is a young (19!) friend of our family who may have melanoma.  It's almost impossible to think of her with cancer!  The latest test showed it may be precancerous, but it is being sent for more testing.  I'm thankful that both of these people are strong Christians; I know their faith will help them get through whatever life throws at them.
Then there are the people I know through blogs.  One lady, Ann, finds out today if her bc has spread to her liver. (Sadly, it did. Stupid cancer! Hugs and prayers being sent!!)) Another's husband is still fighting colon cancer after 6 years!  There have been recent deaths of people who's blogs I have read. (This is especially hard for me).  It seems cancer is never very far from my thoughts!  I have a long list of people I pray for.   I know many of you also know people with cancer--it seems to affect us all in one way or another.  Keep praying for a cure!!
Speaking of "slogans", there is much discussion about breast cancer slogans and such.  And even among those that have had breast cancer, there is a variety of opinions.  I, personally, do not like such campaigns as "I Heart Boobies", and "Save the Tatas".  I think my LIFE is more important than my BREASTS.  I think these campaigns are demeaning, and, really, quite ridiculous.  We all know teenage boys are wearing "I heart Boobies" bracelets because they like the word, more than they want to save anyone's life.  I'm sure there are a few out there that know someone personally with cancer, and they wear the bracelets to show support--but that is not the majority.  Of course, there are bc survivors that like to get attention of any kind on bc, and I respect their opinions.  We all feel differently.  Having had colon cancer also, I sure would like to see more attention/awareness brought to that.  Colons are not sexy, but having yours checked may save your life!  To me, saying "Get Your Butt Checked" is not demeaning to anyone.  It might raise awareness, which colon cancer needs more than breast cancer (BOTH need cures!!).  I think I'll stop there...that's just my 2 cents.  I always appreciate and respect other's opinions.
While all these thoughts and discussions make me sad, I am thankful I don't worry about cancer returning.  That is a fear that God has taken away from me.  I rarely think about it, and if I do think about it, it is without any fear.  Wow, God has brought me through so much.  I am blessed by His refining of me!
Aside from the sadness I sometimes feel, I am very happy overall.  I am babysitting less, so I have more time to do the things I have been wanting to.  Like organizing, getting out to lunch with friends, doing things with the girls, volunteering at church.  And then there are some days, like today, I just really don't know what to do with myself!  Do I start a project?  Watch a movie?  Read? Exercise (yeah, right!)?  So many of my projects need my husband's help--and that might never happen!  Maybe I should just start digging in by myself and see what happens!  :0)  Oh-- and about the babysitting less--I still get to watch the boys about once a week, but Charlie hasn't had too many appointments lately, so Rachel hasn't needed me for Brennan very often.  I love watching them, but am glad for some "me" time.  I have waited a long time to feel well and have some time to myself!  That sounds so selfish, but hopefully you all understand.  And I am trying to use some of my "me" time to help others too!  Soon, Charlie will start physical therapy 2 days a week, and I will have Brennan those afternoons, and I look forward to that time with him!
I plan on going back to work in the fall, when school starts.  Some days I'm excited about going back, and other days I dread it.  But I cut my hours to only 3 a day, so that shouldn't be too bad.  Then I will still be available to help Rachel in the afternoons, if she needs me.  I'm so blessed to be able to cut my hours.  Sometimes I feel guilty because my husband works so hard for our family.  But his working also helps his daughter and grandsons, because then I can work less and help them out!  I figure I'll eventually have to work more--maybe if I do we can retire earlier.  I want Rich to be able to enjoy life too--and not just work all the time!
Take care everyone!  And may God bless each and everyone of you!  Prayers are being sent up for whatever your needs are--I may not know, but God does :)
Love,
Tina

Prayer (and laughter!) is a Wonderful Thing

First I want to say that I am still chuckling over a blog I just read. "Whitestone" is bald from chemo and is visiting her daughter (here in MN). She decided to try some shampoo her daughter had for "curly" hair(!). She reported that, no, it didn't make her bald head curly--it was just wishful thinking! She signed off as "still bald, but not curly". For some reason that last line really made me laugh out loud! Still does! Thank you, my dear, for your wonderful sense of humor!
Today at church we had a pastor(?) from the International House of Prayer in KC (IHOP) visiting. He is a prophetic minister and has the gift of healing. So after the service my family and I went up to get prayer for my cancer. This week has been really stressful and difficult for me, and I just don't know what to think or how to react to all the bad news I've gotten. I've been wondering how much worse it can get, and I'm afraid to have all my scans next week. I REALLY want to continue to praise God through all of this, and draw closer to Him. I'm praying that I will be able to hear His voice--I want that soooo badly! And I hope others will see my faith and theirs will be strengthened--that would make all of this worthwhile. But the important thing is that GOD'S will is done--not mine.
Anyway, the prayer with Graeme Walsh was really good, and freeing. I just felt a big release--of what I don't know--healing? tension? stress? Doesn't matter. It felt good.
One of the most important sermons I've ever heard was one of the ones during the "Fearless Living" series our church did recently (you can listen online at www.bridgewoodcc.org). God really wants us to rely on Him--totally and completely. That is what I am learning through all this. It is so hard to FULLY comprehend what that means. But every now and then I catch little glimpses of it, and for a moment I "get it", but when I try to grasp onto it, it disappears like smoke. But I am encouraged that God is giving me these little moments of understanding. There is just so much interference I have to work through. At times like this I actually get excited to be going through this if it means walking closer with God.
The last time through chemo He really showed me that He was there for me and hearing the prayers of everyone for me. That helped me through my lowest point. I fully expect more from God this time. This is a season I have to go through, but I don't have to go through it alone. And I hope my husband and daughters know that God is with them too, helping them through this. Don't be afraid to pray for yourselves, thinking that its all about me. You are all with me in this, and you need to be lifted up in prayer too. God will help you through, no matter what happens to me.
Ok, I went from laughing to crying in a matter of a few minutes! Such is my life right now! :) This is going to be quite a journey! Let's be excited that God loves us so much that He DESIRES us to be closer to Him. We must go through the fires to be refined into pure gold; our branches must be pruned so that we can bear fruit. (ok, I hope I didn't mess those up! lol! I'm NOT a preacher!).
"Praise the Lord, oh my soul, all that is within me praise His holy name!" Psalm 103:1
Love to all!
Tina

Excitement

OK, that might be a weird name for a blog of someone who has cancer, but today has been a good day, overall. I started a little down (I suddenly got overwhelmed last night--I had been mostly ok before that), but all the wonderful people I work with (and the kids too!) lifted my spirits. Thanks for all the hugs and cards!
When I got home there was a big package for me that came in the mail. It was a wonderfully SOFT robe sent by a dear friend who lives up north. We've been friends since about 9th grade. It was the PERFECT gift, since I still haven't bought a robe, and was going to go out tonight to look for one. Thank you Diane! Love you girl!
About 5pm Rich and I went to church (Bridgewood). They were having their leadership meeting and invited us in for prayer. It was sooo powerful. I left there floating on a cloud and so excited! God can and does do miracles. Wouldn't it be great if the surgeon gets a big surprise when he opens me up? I'll be sure to tell him where it came from!! I'm glad they prayed for Rich and the girls too, because I worry about them. I hate causing anyone any stress. One lady prayed for peaceful, restful sleep for my family. Rich had just told me on the way to church that he hadn't been sleeping well, so that prayer was directly from God. I'm hoping this feeling carries me through until I'm put under Friday.:-) No matter what path God wants me to walk, I'll be fine knowing He is with me always. Its worth it to go through this, if just to feel God's presence. If anyone is looking for a Biblical, Christian church, I highly recommend Bridgewood Community Church.
One thing I've discovered about myself is that its best if I don't read about colon cancer. Which is sort of weird for me because normally I like to research medical issues, and I definitely like to be informed about anything that is happening to me. But everytime I read something, I start feeing down. There is so many different ways this can turn out, I've decided I'm just going to wait and see what's in store for me, instead of worrying about all the different possibilities. Like I've stated before, its in God's hands.
Well, I've told some people at work to keep me posted on everything, and they've assured me they will. I'm looking forward to lots of e-mails to read while I'm recovering!! I'm really going to miss everyone and the kids (except one particular group in the lunchroom--right Sandy??) And Sandy, I owe you one --big time!!
Love and Blessings to you all! I'm remembering your kindnesses in my prayers! (you can send prayer requests my way, because I'll have plenty of time to pray!)
Tina

Getting nervous

Hey everyone!
Thanks for the comments and e-mails!
I have to say I am getting nervous about this surgery. I don't feel sick, and I'm not in any pain, yet I have to go and get my colon resectioned! Weird! When I get to the hospital Friday, I'm going to tell them to get me on some drugs ASAP. Something to help me relax :-).
The last few days were very normal, and at times I could forget that I have cancer. But then, of course, something would remind me. I went to see my primary care doc for my pre-op, and that even made me nervous--just another step closer to making this surgery a reality. She (my doc) said she was surprised when she saw the results of the colonoscopy. She was very kind. I asked her if I was doing the right thing, because everything has happened so fast I haven't really thought about if there are other options. She definitely felt I was doing what I should. She said the time I might want a second opinion is after surgery, when we are deciding on a treatment plan. It was comforting to have her opinion. All decisions have been made for me, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something.
Sunday I went to church for the first time since this has all happened. I was nervous about going because I knew I would cry. I often get tears during worship anyway, and this time was much worse. The awesomeness (sp?) of God is just overwhelming. I know He loves me and cares for me. After service I went up for prayer and Pastor Tom annointed my head with oil and prayed for me. I felt soooooo much better afterward. It was worth the tears! I felt God's peace so strongly! All I really need from God is to feel His presence and know He's there. I can handle anything if I know that. Wed. Rich and I are going to church during their staff meeting to have them all pray for us--like the verse James 5:14 says. Thank you to all the people at Bridgewood! What a wonderful church!
So now I want to put in a plug for Facebook! Any COUSINS of mine reading this should start a facebook and search for my name and "friend" me. I've been wanting to start a group where we can post pics and keep in touch, and I think facebook is the best way cuz its private, easy, and alot of people have them anyway now.
So that's my update for now. I'm off to work soon--only 2 days left, then I'm off for about 6 weeks.
Love ya all!!
Tina