First I want to say that I am still chuckling over a blog I just read. "Whitestone" is bald from chemo and is visiting her daughter (here in MN). She decided to try some shampoo her daughter had for "curly" hair(!). She reported that, no, it didn't make her bald head curly--it was just wishful thinking! She signed off as "still bald, but not curly". For some reason that last line really made me laugh out loud! Still does! Thank you, my dear, for your wonderful sense of humor!
Today at church we had a pastor(?) from the International House of Prayer in KC (IHOP) visiting. He is a prophetic minister and has the gift of healing. So after the service my family and I went up to get prayer for my cancer. This week has been really stressful and difficult for me, and I just don't know what to think or how to react to all the bad news I've gotten. I've been wondering how much worse it can get, and I'm afraid to have all my scans next week. I REALLY want to continue to praise God through all of this, and draw closer to Him. I'm praying that I will be able to hear His voice--I want that soooo badly! And I hope others will see my faith and theirs will be strengthened--that would make all of this worthwhile. But the important thing is that GOD'S will is done--not mine.
Anyway, the prayer with Graeme Walsh was really good, and freeing. I just felt a big release--of what I don't know--healing? tension? stress? Doesn't matter. It felt good.
One of the most important sermons I've ever heard was one of the ones during the "Fearless Living" series our church did recently (you can listen online at www.bridgewoodcc.org). God really wants us to rely on Him--totally and completely. That is what I am learning through all this. It is so hard to FULLY comprehend what that means. But every now and then I catch little glimpses of it, and for a moment I "get it", but when I try to grasp onto it, it disappears like smoke. But I am encouraged that God is giving me these little moments of understanding. There is just so much interference I have to work through. At times like this I actually get excited to be going through this if it means walking closer with God.
The last time through chemo He really showed me that He was there for me and hearing the prayers of everyone for me. That helped me through my lowest point. I fully expect more from God this time. This is a season I have to go through, but I don't have to go through it alone. And I hope my husband and daughters know that God is with them too, helping them through this. Don't be afraid to pray for yourselves, thinking that its all about me. You are all with me in this, and you need to be lifted up in prayer too. God will help you through, no matter what happens to me.
Ok, I went from laughing to crying in a matter of a few minutes! Such is my life right now! :) This is going to be quite a journey! Let's be excited that God loves us so much that He DESIRES us to be closer to Him. We must go through the fires to be refined into pure gold; our branches must be pruned so that we can bear fruit. (ok, I hope I didn't mess those up! lol! I'm NOT a preacher!).
"Praise the Lord, oh my soul, all that is within me praise His holy name!" Psalm 103:1
Love to all!