Yep, tomorrow is the day. One year ago my gastro doc found a large tumor in my colon. I was given some "happy" drugs to relax me, but I was awake during the whole procedure, and watching on the screen. When you have a colonoscopy (at least mine was this way) the doc puts the scope all the way in, then looks closely at the colon as he slowly pulls it back out. He zipped past the tumor, stopped, backtracked a little and said "See that? That's not supposed to be there". Then he went on with the scope and did a biopsy of the tumor when he got back to it on the way out. I didn't question anything at that point. I knew he'd talk to me after, and I wanted all the info at once. Thankfully, when he told us (Rich and me) it was most likely cancer, I was still under the affects of the drugs, so it didn't upset me too much. As we were leaving to go get some food, I told Rich to stop being so mopey about it! Poor guy, of course he was upset! We went out to eat, went home for a bit, then went to get a ct scan. Thankfully the scan didn't show anymore cancer--just a lymph node near the tumor.
I doesn't feel like its been a year, its feels like it was just a few months ago. I've been through so much this past year--My first ever surgery, chemo, radiation that put me in the hospital 2 more times, and more chemo. Some of the highest highs, and lowest lows I've ever had in my life. The highs are from all the people that cared about me, prayed for me, and sent us meals, gifts, and cards. Also feeling God's presence and the love of my family were definitely highs!
Earlier this week I experienced some anxiety over the thought of going back to work in 2 weeks. I just didn't feel that I would be ready. Everytime I thought about it my stomach would tighten up. I was mostly worried about my neuropathy and being out in the cold doing recess for an hour each day. I finally called my doc to see what he thought. His nurse talked to him, then got back to me. He said he thinks taking 2 extra weeks off would be a good idea, and he doesn't want me going back until I feel ready. I was so thankful I called. So, I'm going back on March 1st, instead of Feb. 16th. I think I'll be ready by then--I'm just hoping for an early Spring!
Another weird anxiety I had was thinking about the upcoming Wed. It was 2 weeks after my last treatment, and if I had more treatments to do, Wed. would have been the day I had to go get my labs done, see the doc, and possibly get treatment. It just felt so weird to think that I didn't need to go in this time. Everytime I thought about it I would get that yucky feeling in my stomach that the alcohol and saline flush cause. I got the same feeling now just writing about it! I think there are going to be lots of little reminders and anxieties in the days and weeks to come!
On a good note, I bought a Wii Fit last weekend and am happy to say I have some sore muscles already! I've been trying to build up strength in my legs, and today I am taking a break because my legs are still tired from yesterday's workout!
I keep finding things around the house that I needed this past year, and then I realize I don't need them anymore. A few days ago I put away all my drugs that have been in a little wood box on my bathroom counter. I don't need all those pills anymore!! Yay! I only kept out my iron pills, because my hemoglobin has been low since my surgery. I'm sure I'll find more things in the days to come.
Overall, I think I am doing very well. My fingers and toes still tingle, and I still have a little cold senstivity. I can get things out of the freezer, but not hold them for long. I'm REALLY hating this winter. Can't wait for it to be over!
Well, that's all for today!
Blessings to all!