Monday was the toughest day this cycle. I end up feeling like just a lump of flesh--no desire/will to do anything but lay around or sleep. Although I feel very nauseous, I'm so glad I don't actually vomit. At least I haven't yet. I feel really bad for those that get really sick from chemo. I have a few miserable days, but nothing compared to what some go through. I do sometimes have a tough time emotionally. I think that's pretty normal when you aren't feeling well. I feel like I have a dark cloud over my head, and as I start feeling better, it feels like the sun starting to come out. It helps when the sun is actually out! This snow is ridiculous!! Still moving slow today, and still the nausea, but each day is better than the previous one.
I have a cousin just a few years younger than me that was just diagnosed with stage 2 lymphoma, and has a large mass under her sternum. Its such a downer to hear of someone else you know getting cancer. You just don't want anyone else to have to go through this, or become part of this "club". Her life is forever changed now, but I have to say, that the change isn't all bad. I was reading Michelle's blog today and she reminded me of the blessings that can come from all of this. It takes a while to start feeling the blessings--and for awhile one even questions how there could possibly be anything good that comes from this. Its hard for me to put into words how blessed I feel. There is an incredible joy that I have on my good days--joy I haven't felt before. And my relationship with God--amazing that He loves me and cares for me so much! He has shown me, once again, that I am truly important to Him--EVERYONE is!! And I'm so proud of my husband and daughters, how they've stepped up to help, or even just made me smile and feel loved.
So, I would say to my cousin--you're tough!!--you'll make it through this, and there is good that can come out of this-->beauty from ashes. Hang in there!! I'm here for you!!
Love and blessings to you all!
Tina
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