Past...Present...Future

I recently got an e-mail notification that someone left a comment on my last blog entry...which was in March!  I couldn't believe it had been that long...surely I updated in May or June?  Nope.  So, I'm pretty sure no one will read this, but I thought it was time to do a little update!

Since my last update I've had a DEXA (bone density) scan, MRI, CT scans, labs, and port flushes.  All is well!  My bones show some "pre" osteoporosis, so I need to take calcium (which I keep forgetting to take!).  I'm still eating mostly low-residue, but have the occasional wheat bread, salad, fruits, and veggies.  The trick is to spread them out throughout the week, and not overdo it.  I mostly avoid carrots, cucumbers, and spaghetti sauce, but might have a small amount now and then.
I see my oncologist in 2 days, but not sure what we will talk about since I already have all the results of the tests I did last week!  I'm sure he'll ask about Rich, my grandchildren, and especially my adopted grandson, Charlie. This time I'll have some more family news to share! (More on that later...) I am most interested to find out if I can start going 1 year between scans, and do I really need those labs every 3 months?  I am 4.5 years out from the colon cancer dx, and 3.5 years from the breast cancer dx.  I know my onc. was worried about me, with all that cancer, but I'm doing well now.  And as our insurance covers less and less, we have to pay more and more of the costs of all the tests!
My worst complaint has been fatigue.  I planned to work on that this summer, and talk to my primary care physician (PCP) if things didn't improve.  I think the fatigue has improved a bit.  Last summer, even though I don't work in the summer, I was still tired a lot.  Many days, by mid-afternoon, I was just as tired as if I had worked.  Not good. Then of course during the school year I felt awful.  I worked 4.25 hours, and then came home and could barely function most days.  I was VERY frustrated!  I do know my job is draining, and does sap a lot of my energy (I don't know how anyone lasts for 6.5 hours, much less the teachers who work WAY beyond that!), but I shouldn't feel that bad!  So, this summer, I have been eating a bit better--cutting down on chemicals and processed foods--and exercising more (which I will do when I'm done writing this).  I am eating less, and have lost just a few pounds, but at least I've made the scale go down instead of up for the first time since chemo!  I'm learning what my body can do with and without (my body does NOT like to be hungry).  I started using the 'myfitnesspal' website, which counts calories for you, and helps you figure out how many calories you need each day to lose the amount you want to lose.  It's been helpful for portion control.  So, overall, I feel better.
I start back to work a week from tomorrow!  I REALLY, REALLY hope I feel better this year!  I get done with work at 1:30, which should leave me plenty of time to do other stuff.  Praying I have the energy I need!  As much as I would love to not have to work at all, I do think getting back into a routine is good for me.  I make better use of my time when there is routine.  And I really do like working with the kids!

A little family update:  Rich is doing well at his new job--he's been there about a year and a half.  Pay and benefits are good, and it's just 'normal' work stress, not the stress and low morale of his previous job.  SO BLESSED to be out of that place!  His drive is too long (26 miles one way), and sometimes we worry about lay-offs, but over all it's good.  

Rachel and her husband are doing foster care now, and are in the process of adopting another child! This is a child placed with them soon after they got their license.  He's 2 and has down syndrome also.  He is active, and smart, and lets you know what he thinks about things!  :)  They also have a very sweet little baby girl that we would all love to keep in the family, but it looks like the baby's mom will be able to take her to live with her soon.  Praying God will do what's best for baby, and if she has to go, I hope we'll still be able to see her once in awhile!  Rachel's older 2 boys are doing very well, even with other kids coming and going!  Charlie just turned 6 and will be in kindergarten this year!  He is our super-hero!  Brennan will be 4 soon.  He is as smart as ever, and there is no end to the amusing things he says!  Love those boys!

Alyssa, hubby, and baby girl are doing GREAT.  Selah is 10 months old.  She is really picking up things fast--she always amazes us!  She'll be walking soon, I think.  She is soooo adorable!  We get to watch her often, and she is a smiley, happy little girl!
Our youngest, Shonna, is starting her 2nd year at the U, and she is majoring in journalism.  She has a lot of talent as a writer. She is a junior now, and has 3 semesters left.  She may get a minor also (but I forgot in what! Oops!).  She moved out of my sister's house into an apartment closer to school.  I don't always see her as often as I would like, but we did get to spend some time shopping and antiquing recently, and I enjoyed that!  

We all managed to get to Duluth for a few days this summer. Alyssa, hubby, baby, and Shonna were with us at the beginning, then Shonna's boyfriend joined us, then Alyssa and fam had to leave, and Rachel and her 4 kids joined us the last day!  So we got to spend time with everyone (except Rachel's husband), just not at the same time!  Next year I'm thinking about staying at a resort/lodge/cabin type of place a little farther up, right on Lake Superior. I think it would be better for the kids if we can find a place that has a nice play area and beach.  I'm still thinking about getting away with just my hubby for a night or two up north this fall. We'll see~we might be too busy building a deck!

When I stop to think about where I was this time 4 years ago, I am amazed that I am here, cancer-free, and so blessed.  4 years ago I had just finished radiation, was weak and tired, was being treated for C-diff and giving myself shots for a blood clot, and had endured a very painful summer.  I was healing and gaining my strength back to do 8 more rounds of FOLFOX.  Little did I know the next summer I would be doing another difficult chemo regimen for breast cancer!  That is all behind me now.  These last scans I didn't even have any "scanxiety", except for that brief moment when I saw my oncologist's phone number on my cell phone.  His nurse was calling me to tell me all my tests were good! 

I make a point of remembering what I've been through every now and then, because it helps me to be grateful for every moment I am blessed with. It reminds me of the wonderful ways God showed up for me and helped me through those difficult times.

My future?  It looks fabulous.  Retirement someday with the man I love, doing the things we love and enjoy, being a grandma, and spending time with my children, grandchildren, and foster "grandchildren".  Yep, looks pretty good from here!
Love and blessings!

Tina

PS  Rich and I also went on our first 'real' vacation together in June--we went to Las Vegas!  But that is another story for another day...  ;)

Another Update

Well, don't know if anyone is out there reading this any more, but thought it was time for an update.  I've written blog posts in my head many times, but for some reason I just haven't taken the time to actually write it here!
As always, I'll start with a health update.  I saw both my colorectal surgeon (Dr.T) and my oncologist (Dr. J) a few weeks ago. The fistula has been bleeding more, and apparently something came loose, and Dr.T fixed it.  I found out she does colonoscopies (I had been going to a gastro doc for my previous scopes) and told her I'd like to see her for my next one, which is due in March.  Because there has been some bleeding, Dr. T. said insurance wouldn't have a problem with doing it sooner, and she figured my deductible has probably been met for the year, so we may as well get it done. She assured me, a couple of times, that she doesn't think the bleeding means there is anything wrong, and I agree.  Because of the radiation damage and fistula, there will always be some bleeding.  So, I am scheduled to have my colonoscopy next Monday, Dec. 3rd (yikes!).  
My 3 month check up with Dr. J went well. My blood tests are all ok, although my hemoglobin and red blood cell count both dropped a little.  Dr. J wasn't too concerned, and I told him I started taking a daily iron pill.  He checked my reflexes this time, and my wrists and knees were fine, but my ankles still don't respond.  This is from the neuropathy in my feet. I've been noticing that my balance seems slightly worse.  Just small things, nothing major.  This is probably from the neuropathy also.  I told him next time I see him (in 3 months) I'll be 4 years out from my diagnosis  of colon cancer (and 3 years from breast cancer).  He said that if the cancer does return, it wouldn't be as aggressive as a cancer that came back sooner.  He still wants to do scans every 6 months, so if anything does turn up we would be able to fight it aggressively, because I am still young and healthy (I love hearing that I am young!).   Dr. J also asked if I have been exercising, which the answer is an obvious no.  I think that was his gentle way of telling me he noticed I've been gaining weight.  This weight thing is so frustrating!  My metabolism is almost non-existent!  Oh well...I'll just have to try harder! 
Up until about 2 weeks ago I had been in a lot of pain (backside issues).  Sometimes it gets me a bit down.  You'd think after nearly 4 years I would have figured out what causes the 'bad' days. All I know is I have more bad days than good.  Although, whenever I have a stretch of good (like now), I hope that this will become the norm, and not the bad days!
I find there are still a lot of things that bring me back to my chemo days.  Thankfully, the nausea doesn't come back though.  For instance, today I heated up a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes, and it reminded me of how I ate them a lot during chemo.  I could almost feel that fog I was in for so many days each round of chemo.  There are reminders almost daily.
I always try to make sure people know (both those that are recently dx'd with cancer, and those that don't have it) that when the treatment stops, things don't go back to "normal".  This is where the term "new normal" really fits.  Because side effects, pain, psychological effects, are all a part of my life now.  I don't mean that to sound so bad, because I truly am grateful to be here and be cancer free.  But I think people need to know, so they can understand what they might go through, or what someone else might be dealing with.
God has answered so many prayers recently for my family and me.  I'm going to press in and pray for healing for my pain issues.  I've been praying for help with my fatigue, and I am feeling a bit better.  I just get busy and unfortunately don't have much energy left to spend time in God's Word as much as I should.  I really need to do that more...there is nothing like the feeling I get when I spend time with God!
Family update:  it's been so long since I blogged, I forgot I never wrote about my new granddaughter!  Alyssa and Jaren had their baby on 10/15, 3 weeks early, but she was considered full term.  They named her Selah ("say-la") Marie.  Selah is a musical term in Psalms that means to pause, or pause and reflect.  She is a beautiful little girl, and the new family is doing great.  They have plenty of babysitters to help them out!  Here is a picture of Selah, and one of my grandsons:

Aren't they cute?  Charlie is doing so well!  He is standing by himself in this picture!  He can walk with a walker.  It's hard to believe he is the same tiny 3 and a half year old that came to us from Ukraine. What a gift he is! Brennan is as smart as ever, and at the age of 3 he is reading a few words!  Love my babies!
Shonna is doing great at college--she just registered for spring sem.  I LOVE having her back in MN!  
Thanks for reading!  Let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you readers--be sure to contact me if you have questions about cancer (chemo, radiation, breast, colon, etc., etc.)  OR if you want info about adopting a beautiful child from an orphanage.  Or maybe you want to know how you can help a child other ways besides adopting.  Please ask!  You can e-mail me at nuttyoaks@gmaildotcom.  You can also send me prayer requests, and I'll be happy to pray for you or send you some helpful Bible verses. :)
God bless!
Tina

It's September Already!

As usual, I'll start with the health stuff, because I figure that's what most people are here to read about!  All my scans were clear, and bloodwork was good! My onc. asked me if I planned to do reconstruction, and we talked about the pros and cons of that a little.  He said they have some very good and newer procedures now, but also said there is no reason to do recon.  He said I should do whatever Rich and I think is best.  He said it is unlikely that I would get cancer in my remaining breast--if I did it would be a new primary, and not a recurrence. I'm seriously considering another surgery to go completely flat and just be done with it all! I feel like I'm always uneven and it's getting annoying. Plus, I wouldn't have to have the MRIs and Mammograms any more! I keep saying this, but I really should just see a plastic surgeon, so I would at least know my options.  My biggest fear with recon is that my radiated skin won't heal properly.  So many women never achieve good results after rads.  I don't want several more surgeries and revisions.  But I could handle one more, if it would make life easier.  We'll see.  
We also talked about my neuropathy--not much new there.   I still have it, and my onc. thinks I probably always will.  I have Lhermitte's sign again, which is a tingling down my back and left leg everytime I bend my head forward.  I had that after chemo, but went away, and now it's back.  It can be a sign of MS, but it's also common after chemo.  Doc said it's nothing to be concerned about and brushed it off.  I, of course, did some research, and I agree with doc.  It's just more nerve damage from chemo.  It's been less than 2 years since I finished chemo, and I still get new and different signs of the nerve damage.  Last Fall, after going back to work and being on my feet a lot, I started getting a burning feeling on the bottom of my feet--it felt like I stepped on hot pavement.  That doesn't happen as often, but now I am getting more cramping in my feet--esp. my right foot.  When I am sitting here on the couch with my feet up, sometimes my toes and the top of my foot will just cramp up and my toes will be stuck in a certain position, until I stretch it out. 
Anyways--there wasn't much else to discuss with my onc.  He does want blood tests again in 3 months, and ct scans again in 6. I'll also have my colonoscopy then, and mammo.  I almost told him I would rather wait a year to get scanned, because I'm so sure they'll be clear again, but there is always that little fear, and I kept my mouth shut and am going to go along with his expert recommendation.
As for the fistula, it involves only a little muscle, so I could have it cut open, with the hopes that it would heal completely and be gone, but there is always the issue of my radiated skin.  I told the surgeon that I am worried it wouldn't heal.  She agreed that could happen.  We decided to leave it as it is, with the Seton in (the rubber band like thing that lays through the fistula), and keep checking on it every 3 months.  She said it can be left in for a couple of years.  It doesn't bother me too much, so that's what I'm going to do.  She also said it won't affect any of my options, and I can change my mind at any time.
Ok, enough of that.  In other news...I go back to work Tuesday, which is when the new school year starts.  I am sort of looking forward to it, but I am worried about how tired I will be.  I only work 10-1:15, but that is a busy 3.25 hours and I am on my feet a lot.  Nearly 2 hours of it is lunch and recess.  It wears me out.  I don't like coming home so exhausted I can't do anything else the rest of the day!  I've been tired a lot lately, even without working.  It's frustrating.  I've even been exercising more, because I assumed not exercising was part of my problem.  It hasn't helped, and I am often even more tired after exercising.  I have been eating better (although not this weekend!!), and that hasn't helped either.  I might go see my family doc, but really, there is not much that can be done for "fatigue". One thing I would like to try though, is taking Synthroid (brand name) instead of generic meds for my thyroid.  I've read several times that the generic is not always as good as the name brand in this case. Another dr. appointment to make....
How did that turn into talking about my health again?  In OTHER news....Alyssa is 31 weeks pregnant now, and getting big.  She is more beautiful than ever!  Her baby shower is coming in 2 weeks!  She is working 2 jobs, and has been feeling too stressed (a lot of other stuff going on too), so she will soon be quitting 1 job.  She needs to take it easy and have time to relax, enjoy her new house and spend quality time with her husband.
My grandson Charlie is starting preschool in a new school district this week.  He just turned 5, but will do another year of preschool before starting kindergarten.  But, wow, he is learning fast now!  He knows lots of signs (sign language), and is starting to be more and more verbal.  Brennan has slimmed down and turned into a little boy over night.  No more toddler!  He will be 3 the end of this month.  He says things like "That's pretty cool" and "Are you kidding me?!" and many, many other cute things.  You can tell he listens to every word his momma says! ;)  The boys will be over tomorrow morning, to give Rachel some time to get things done, while Ken is keeping his bees company and harvesting more honey.  
Shonna starts college at our big city college on Tues.  She learned how to ride the city bus a few days ago, and checked out the campus, then flew to Louisville to photograph a friend's wedding.  We picked her up this afternoon.  It's going to be a crazy busy week for her!
September is not my favorite month, because of the busy-ness.  It just rushes by in a blur.  I suppose by the end of it, we are pretty settled into our routines, and then I can finally enjoy it.  I LOVE the cool fall air.  We got a taste of that earlier in Aug, but now it is back to warm and muggy (although not nearly as hot and muggy as July!).  Sept. 8th is a very special day though, as that is our anniversary (28 years!!).  Unfortunately we are often too busy to celebrate much on that day, but usually find time later in the month.  I am still considering another trip to Duluth this fall, this time just the 2 of us.  We have gone there many, many times to celebrate our anniversary!
Here are a few pictures from our family vacation in Duluth this summer:

(Just want to mention that I had just gotten a TOO short haircut, and was not happy with it--don't plan on having it that short again!)
Have a blessed week everyone!
Tina

A Loooong Overdue Update!

Well, I've been putting off updating, because so much has happened since March (I can't believe it's been that long!) that this could be a REALLY long post.  I'll do my best to shorten all the news, and hopefully update more often!
Let's start with my health~thankfully not much has changed!  I still have the Seton thingy in my fistula, and it's feeling a bit better (although sore now from sitting so long!).  I recently had an ultrasound of the area, but I can't get in to see my surgeon again until Aug 7th to find out the results and what we do next.  Remember, this was caused by the radiation I had for colon cancer, and the radiated skin makes this a bit more tricky. For now, we wait and see what the surgeon says.  She is really good, and I trust her judgement.
In May I had my 3 month check up with my oncologist and had my labs done.  Everything looks good--some things, like hemoglobin and platelets, have improved. I continue to have problems with neuropathy, esp. in my feet, I continue to be tired a lot, and I still have a lot of bowel issues from my Low Anterior Resection.  But I'm happy to be here, and be alive!  My surgery was over 3 years ago--can you believe it?!
In Aug. I'll have labs, CT scans, MRI, and see my onc. again.  I had an MRI and Mammogram in Feb., but he wants to start staggering them and doing one of them every 6 months.  So, I'll have the MRI in Aug., and the mammo  next Feb.  My oncologist is keeping a close eye on me, so if there ever is a recurrence, of either cancer, we'll catch it early!
Ok, on to other news!  In my last post I wrote about Rich going to a job interview that sounded promising--well he got that job!  The pay is BETTER, the people are nice, and the job is interesting, rewarding, and less stressful! The drive is about 24 miles one way (nearly double what he drove before), but it's not so bad.  He leaves early to beat the worst of the rush, and he is trying different routes.  What we thought might be a major trial, was God just answering my many prayers to get Rich a better job!   We have an AMAZING God (and He is amazing whether or not we go through difficult times!). Rich was miserable at the other place the last few years. Life is too short to live like that!
I have not found another job, and am thinking my little part time job at the school is really a blessing.  Although it doesn't bring in much money (enough for a car payment or 2), I get to spend more time with my girls and grandkids.  And those 3.25 hours a day I do work wear me out, so longer hours would be worse!  I still keep my eyes open for a quieter paperwork kind of job though.  That wouldn't wear me out as much as working with kids does.  But then I wouldn't have summers off, would I?
Now for the REALLY GOOD news! Alyssa is pregnant!!  And she is having a GIRL!  I am sooooo excited!  I was really hoping for a girl, because we've got the 2 boys.  Alyssa was hoping for a girl too, because she LOVES pink!  She warned Jaren that there might be 'pink overload'.  He is so good to her.  It makes him happy just to see her so happy about the baby.  Funny thing is, this wasn't planned, and they had actually just talked about putting off having kids for a long time.  God had other plans for them!  They will be great parents, and they will have lots of help!  Baby girl is due Nov. 5th.
Brennan and Charlie are growing like little weeds!  Charlie is walking with a walker, and can walk holding on to furniture.  He is so awesome.  He is happy, giggly, and loves to hug and be held! He'll soon be 5!  Brennan will be 3 the end of Sept.  He is so funny and has a great sense of humor.  Talks and sings all the time.
Alyssa and Jaren bought a house only 4 miles away.  They moved in mid-May.  Rachel and Ken sold their house in just a few days, and bought a house a little farther away.  They are about 25 min. away, instead of 5, but are a little closer to Ken's work.  Rachel is always planning and thinking about the next child they will adopt, but for now, there is work to be done on their new house, and 2 adorable little boys to give lots of attention to!
Shonna did move back home and we are so happy to have her back in MN!  She will be going to the the U of M!  Not the school I ever expected, but it is a lot less expensive than the Christian schools (even with some good scholarships she got!).  She adopted 2 cute bunnies, and they are taking up most of my family room!  But I love rodents, and these 2 are cute and have a lot of personality!  Shonna will eventually be going to live down the street with my sister.
Ok, how did I do?  Not too long I hope! I plan to do a post soon on some of the emotions and issues we cancer survivors can have.  I've experienced a lot of highs and lows lately.  But that's for another day....
May God greatly bless each reader that stops by here...love to all!
Tina

Merry Christmas!!

Just wanted to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!"
I hope everyone is able to spend some time with their loved ones, and enjoy the sights and sounds of the holiday season.  I'm praying for anyone that might read this who isn't looking forward to Christmas and is sad and/or lonely.  May God give you a miracle as we celebrate the birth of His son.  May He comfort you and give you the peace that only He can give.  May you feel his arms around you and feel safe and loved beyond your wildest imagination. Accept the gift of His Son, Jesus, and you'll have a new home (Heaven) and a new family (the body of Christ)!
I'm posting some recent pictures of my family.  The one with all of us is on Thanksgiving (2011), the one where Rich is giving me a foot rub I included because this shows how I sometimes have to deal with the neuropathy in my feet!  Rich's foot rubs really help!  The other 2 were taken 12-18-11 on Charlie's Dedication day ( at our church we dedicate babies to the Lord, and they can choose to be baptized when they are older).

Love and blessings!
Tina

Cancer: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The title of my blog is something you hear frequently in the cancer world.  It's not very often a person who has had cancer doesn't have some lingering side effects, either physical or psychological, or both.  I have been dealing with some painful side effects lately.  2 years ago I finished radiation for my colon cancer, and I am still suffering from the damage that caused.  It's not something I can talk about in too much detail, because it's just too personal, but I'll just say that some pretty tender tissues are fried!  And having 18" of colon removed causes some changes in the gastro system that contribute to the problem also.  I complain to my dear husband, and today I gave my nurse an earful!  I had to go in to get my port flushed, and my usual nurse, whom I adore, was there.  She started asking how I was doing and I said fine, except....then I told her everything, in detail.  It was SO NICE to be able to tell someone what's been going on with me.  And really, I wouldn't have told her so much, except, being the great nurse she is, she kept asking questions, and of course she will fill my oncologist in on everything too.  I told her I may be needing some more Percocet soon, as my bottle is a year old, so it's good that she will be filling the doc in on everything.  That way when I come asking for more drugs, he'll know why. :)  Percocet not only stops the pain, but it also slows down my system, which is helpful.
My shoulder has been hurting more lately, and that all started after my mastectomy.  I thought it was all better, but it started hurting again mid August.  Sometimes if I hold my arm a certain way for a while, when I move it, I get really sharps pains.  Like it gets stuck and it takes a bit for it to move without hurting again.  The pain is right in front of my shoulder socket--kind of a weird place.  Then the last few days it's started hurting up by the clavicle.  That is a spot that was hit by radiation, so that concerns me a little bit.  If either of these continue, I will go see my primary physician.
Then there is the ever present neuropathy.  There was an article recently about a study done on Oxaliplatin, which is the chemo that causes the most trouble with neuropathy.  It showed that in many cases, the neuropathy got worse for a few months after chemo, and is sometimes permanent.  They are finding that it is worse than they thought.  My neuropathy really is just a minor nuisance though.  I'm so thankful it isn't painful like some people's.
Who knew that cancer keeps giving and giving?  Sort of like the song that never ends...except this is the disease that never ends!
Ok, after all that negative stuff I just want to say that life is really good right now, and I count my many blessings everyday!  God is good, I'm alive, my cancer has not spread, my family is wonderful, and I have the 2 cutest grandsons ever!
Speaking of the boys, Charlie is healing really well from surgery.  Brennan is very happy to have his family all back together and at home!  He missed his brother! He gave him lots of hugs, and played with him a lot those first few days at home.    Charlie will be resuming physical, occupational and speech therapy 2 days a week next week, and starting preschool in 2 weeks!
May God bless you all!
Tina

Pictures of Charlie, Brennan, and Me

Brennan and Charlie their first day together.

Grandpa Rich and Charlie

Brennan playing on our deck

Brennan in his "ball pit" (at his house)

My hair!!

Having Fun With My Grandson!

Some more pictures!  The top 2 are Charlie, and the bottom is Brennan (he LOVES playing in the laundry basket!)
Brennan is still with us.  He went to his other grandparents' house again this weekend, and we got him back after church.  He didn't look too excited to see me at first (but he wasn't sad either), but after church he walked up to me and hugged my legs and when I picked him up I got more hugs!  I'm convinced there isn't a sweeter boy on this planet!  He's also very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents that love him to pieces and spoil him!  In the carseat on the way home he was "talking" to himself and giggling.  We ate lunch and then it was nap time. He has been going down for his naps and bedtime really well.  He used to fuss a bit at first, but now he just lays right down and smiles at me.  I'm getting strong "mom" arms again from carrying him.  The other day my arms were sore because I was holding him upside down (he loves that!) and he wanted to do it over and over!   Grandpa is having fun playing with him after work, and he gets hugs too!
Rachel and Ken will be home late Wed. night.  They will come over Thurs. morning to get Brennan.  It'll be interesting to see his reaction.  I think they will get lots of hugs!  He might be a little mad at them later though, you just never know how kids react--I've heard lots of different stories from people.  We have been skyping every day with Rachel and Ken, and I think that has been a good thing for Brennan.
Next Friday (April 1st) will be 1 year since I found out that I did have breast cancer.  I will have some tests done April 14th and then I should be declared cancer free, or NED (No Evidence of Disease).  I don't think I will be able to say "cured" though. I'm actually not sure of all the details on that--at what point I can say cured.  I thought my onc said at the beginning of the breast cancer that we can cure it at this stage (2b), but that might have been before we knew it was 2b.  I'll have to ask him, but I don't see him for a long time.  Maybe my nurses will know.  I'll ask when I get my next Herceptin infusion (April 6th).
I believe I am cured though. God has given me such peace about all of this. I haven't been nervous AT ALL for any of my tests, or anytime I have to go to the cancer center.  That is something only God could do, because I used to get nauseated every time I went, and tests would make me nervous about what they might find.  I'm always amazed at how freeing being a believer is.  With Jesus, I have the Truth, and it has set me free! (John 8:32)  I don't need to fear anything, because God is with me always!  I am still human, though, and imperfect, so there may be times when fear creeps up on me.  If that happens I will get out my Bible and read God's promises to me!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10
Have a great week!
Blessings!
Tina

Daughter Meets Her Son

The top picture is of Rachel earlier today when she went to the orphanage and got to hold her son for the first time.  It is such a beautiful picture, I just had to share it.  The other 2 pictures are of Brennan this past week--wearing Grandpa's sunglasses, and sitting in his little chair after his bath this morning.
We have been able to skype with Rachel almost everyday.  The first 2 times were a little confusing for Brennan and made him sad, but now he smiles, waves "hi" and goes off and plays.  Brennan is at his other grandparents' house now for the weekend.  He loves them too, and loves to be over there.  At first he was a little shy around his other grandpa, and clung to me, but then he got a better look at him (he was busy putting in the carseat) and was happy to go with him.  I was so relieved!  I worry about Brennan so much, being away from his mommy and daddy, so I was very glad to see him laughing in the carseat, ready to go!  He has been keeping me busy this week!  I will miss him, but enjoy a little R & R.
Rachel and Ken got to sight-see in the capitol city for a few days, and then they took an overnight train to the town where the orphanage is.  They spent some time with Charlie (they have pretty much settled on that name), holding him and playing with him.  He is 3.5 years old, but only about as tall as Brennan, and much thinner.  Rachel said he and Ken started playing a little game that Charlie picked up on very quickly.  I think in the right environment he will learn very quickly. They will be over there another week or so, then come home for about 10 days and go back.  When they go back they will finally be able to bring Charlie home!
Tonight Rich and I are going out to dinner and we have a little shopping to do this weekend.  Like I said, I'll be resting a lot and taking it easy too.  I had my Herceptin infusion on Wed., and that always makes me a little more tired.  I really just want to sleep in--I've been setting my alarm to get up before Brennan--no alarm tomorrow!
I've been sort of frustrated with how tired I've been lately, even before Brennan got here.  I want to get into a routine of exercising and see if that helps, but with Brennan here I don't have the time.  I'm not getting up any earlier, and by the time he goes to sleep I am way too tired!  If it ever really warms up (and stays warm for more than a day!), I can take Brennan out in the stroller.  Alyssa and Jaren took him out a few days ago; he likes getting outside. 
Well, I really don't have much else to say! 
Please pray for Rachel and Ken's safety, and keep Charlie in your prayers too.  I'm praying this whole adoption process goes really smoothly and quickly! 
Blessings!
Tina

Pink and Blue

Some pictures of things that have going on lately. Top is of Alyssa at one of her bridal showers; next one is Rachel, Ken and Brennan on Brennan's dedication day, then Shonna's Prom, and a happy Brennan!

TGIF! I'm so glad its Friday! My feet need a break, and so does my bum! Ok, I don't usually talk about that because a lot of family, friends and co-workers read this, but if I'm going to talk about how I'm doing, then I need to talk about unpleasant things. This is a fact of life if you have colon cancer! Let me just say just that the toilet paper at school is the worst I've come across, and it contributes to my pain and tenderness. I'm hoping a week of being at home and being able to keep clean will help heal things up. Yup, its not real fun; actually I'd call it a pain in the a**!! This is why it's a cancer people don't like to talk about. But we shouldn't be afraid to talk about normal body functions and body parts. (ok, if you know me you KNOW I still don't talk about that stuff much--oh well!) Now go get your butt checked!

Now on to the "pleasant" cancer. First I have to say I'm SICK OF PINK!! Its EVERYWHERE! We know breasts are great, but seriously? Can't we just raise money and awareness for ALL cancers? More people die from lung and colon cancer than breast cancer. Thanks for letting me vent. :)

As most of you know, I'm having my lumpectomy on Monday. Yesterday I had my pre-op and had a cbc done. I've been wondering how my blood counts were doing since I've been done with chemo. During chemo you get them checked every 2 weeks, and then all of a sudden you go months without any tests. I guess I got used to knowing what was going on in my body. My hemoglobin is up to 11.7, which is almost normal (normal is 12-14). It hasn't been above 12 since last Feb. ('09). My platelets are ok, but not as high as they used to be, and the white blood cells are good. I'm good to go for my surgery!

I asked the nurse practitioner if swelling of the feet was normal with neuropathy and she said yes. I also asked if being on my feet so much would cause any damage and she said no. That's good to know. Most websites that talk about neuropathy just talk about what it feels like, and don't really say anything about what you should or shouldn't do. I still think the neuropathy is getting slightly worse. I had hoped that by now it would be getting better. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I burnt my fingers on Easter by picking up a hot glass lid (it had been in the oven) . I think because of my numb fingers I didn't feel how hot it was right away. The burn wasn't real bad, but was painful for awhile!

I talked to the nurse navigator at the breast health center about my surgery, and she said most people take 4 or 5 days off work, so I took the whole week. I should be ready to go back to work the following Monday. Then the Friday after that (May 7th) I have my CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvic area. This is to check for colon cancer that may have spread. The Wed. after that (May 12th), I meet with my oncologist. My meeting with Dr. J was supposed to be just for the colon cancer, but now we will also be talking about the next steps for the breast cancer. By then we should know if I need hormone therapy, and he'll probably tell me when I should start radiation. I hope the radiation can wait until school is out. I feel bad about missing so much work. Well, a little bad. Last year I was in tears about having to call in sick all the time from the chemo. I've decided the stress isn't healthy for me and I need to let it go.

Gosh, that seems like such a long time ago, when I started chemo. I was a different person then. I've been through so much...

The people I work with have been great, and I know many of them will be thinking about me Monday, and some will be praying for me. The surgery shouldn't be too bad. I know what pain pills work best for me! I won't even spend a night in the hospital. Sleeping might be difficult; maybe I'll plan on sleeping in the recliner the first night. I'm not worried about radiation either. It should be MUCH easier than the radiation I've already been through. And God will be with me through it all!

My husband is a wonderful man, and is by my side through everything. He goes with me to every appointment. Its sooooo comforting to have him there. I always tell him I can go by myself (and I can if I need to!) but I'm always happy when he can go with me.

My beautiful grandson is getting big and is so much fun to spend time with! Brennan is almost 7 months old! He's smiley, and I'm so impressed with how well he goes down for a nap! The only problem is he doesn't like to fall asleep while being held anymore, so getting him to take a nap when we are out and about is difficult!

Life is good for all 3 of my girls. I am so blessed to have such wonderful daughters! And their husbands aren't too bad either! :)

Please pray that I have a quick and easy surgery, and that I'm not too uncomfortable, or nervous! It may not be major surgery, but its not going to be fun!

I'll try to update you Monday night or Tuesday. I hope everyone has a great weekend! I plan on enjoying every minute!

Blessings,

Tina

Still Here...

I'm still here! :) I'm usually too tired to do much after work, and haven't felt like updating the blog. And there really isn't much new.
The neuropathy is still there--my feet up to my ankles feel numb, and the tips of my fingers, especially on my right hand, feel numb too. Cold makes them feel worse--I always have my slippers on! I was reading some forums on a cancer website, and it sounds like the neuropathy often gets worse before it starts getting better.
I have some VERY annoying bowel/"backside" issues, and some days it makes me crabby. I get tired of dealing with the same issues day after day. But when I start to get down, I stop and remind myself of all I've been through, and then I feel happy to just be alive. These things are minor problems compared to how bad things could be. My life has changed forever, and my body will never be the same as it was, but I am here enjoying each and every day.
Speaking of enjoying each day...today I got to spend time with my wonderful little grandson! He's almost 6 months old now! He's getting a little more vocal, and letting everyone know his likes and dislikes, but he's still a joy to spend time with!
On Sunday, Rachel is having a bridal shower for Alyssa. It should be a lot of fun! Then next week I have Spring Break, but I won't be able to enjoy too much of it because on Monday I have my biopsy, and on Tuesday I plan on finishing my taxes. The rest of the week I'll be cleaning and getting ready to have my family over for Easter. Not sure yet if I'll make it to church on Easter; I'll probably have too much to do that morning. But that's ok...its not like I'm going to forget the significance of the day! Its because of Jesus' death and resurrection that I'll be able to spend eternity with Him! Then again, I'd really like to go--sigh--I can't make up my mind! Bridgewood is having a pancake breakfast, and Pastor Mark is going to play a centurion in a drama. It sounds like it'll be very moving. Rich is ushering at the 11:15 service, but I'd have to go to one of the earlier services. Easter services will be at 8, 9:30, and 11:15 if anyone wants to come!
I love Bridgewood church. They have been so good to me. They've prayed for me (and with me), made meals for us, and just made us feel loved and cared for. That's what a church should be like--they have shown me Jesus through their actions. I often ask God to richly bless them!
Work is going well. I get to read with the kids in reading groups alot and I love doing that. My feet get very sore some days! I get home, put them up and they are just throbbing. They get a little swollen too. I am very tired too, and don't get much done after work. Recess is ok on the nice days, but today was REALLY cold! Then I don't like it! I would gladly give up that part of my job. I just don't want to deal with the cold anymore (or the heat and humidity we have sometimes!). I've been praying about it a lot--seeing if God has something else for me.
Well that's my update! Thanks for checking in!
Blessings to all!
Tina

Neuropathy Getting Worse

I added a link to the side bar on my blog for the National Cancer Institute. The link takes you to the page about colon and rectal cancer. It is full of information and even has a risk assessment link. It also has info on prevention, genetics, treatment, etc. So check it out.
I think my neuropathy is getting worse instead of better. Before it was just the bottom of my feet that were numb and tingly, but now it has moved up to my ankle, esp. on my right foot. I came home from work a little early on Friday because my foot hurt and felt a little swollen and I wanted to put my feet up. Its still achy today, but not as bad as Friday. But it is still numb around the ankle. My finger tips feel a little more numb too.
I am so achy all over. I wonder if chemo somehow made my arthritis worse. I'll have to ask my doc when I see him in May.
I was really tired all weekend, which was a bummer because I didn't feel like I had a break before going back to work. Today I feel better--just my normal "tired after work" feeling.
I enjoy being at work, but I sure miss being able to do stuff with my daughters. Rachel has needed a babysitter a few times, and Shonna needed to go prom dress shopping (our weekends have been too busy and I'm too tired after work to hike around the mall!). Shonna decided to ask Alyssa to go with her today since I wasn't available. Haven't heard yet if she found anything.
Brennan's dedication on Sunday was very nice(No, its not the same as a baptism--he'll do that when he gets older!). We went to Rachel's after for snacks and cake. Brennan is so cute! He smiles and "talks" all the time now. He is sleeping in his crib now--he looks so tiny in it! Today Rachel said instead of napping he was talking to the cow painted on the wall!
Along with the tiredness this weekend I felt a little down. But that's done now--even tho I ache all over, its still WAY better than how I was feeling a few months ago! I just keep counting my blessings!
Love and Blessings!
Tina

Well, this has been my last week off before I go back to work. It's been a busy couple of weeks! Looking at my calendar there is something written on almost everyday. Today was the first day in awhile that I didn't have anything planned. So I did laundry! And went out to lunch with Alyssa and Shonna--won't be able to do that for awhile!
Last Sunday my friend Pam wanted to get the elders of the church to pray for me. So after the service she tracked a few down and the senior pastor, Tom, anointed my head with oil and they prayed for me. It felt so awesome! I really have nothing to fear--God is watching over me, and He loves me and cares for me. I need to put on the full armor of God and stand strong against Satan!
Today I talked to my Primary doctor and she will set up the biopsy for the calcifications in my left breast. I told her I either want to do it during Spring Break (the end of March), or wait until school is out in June. She thought it best if I get it done during Spring Break. She didn't think it was a good idea to wait so long. So, I guess that's what I'll do! I just don't want to miss anymore work than I have to.
Next week I only work 3 days. We have Friday off so I scheduled my colonoscopy for then, but I need to take the day before (Thurs.) off to prep. Weird prep this time. Instead of just drinking the large jug of "go-litely" stuff, I have to mix Miralax with Gatorade, take 2 dulcolax pills, and drink some other stuff 4 hours before the test (which means I have to get up at 5am, because my test is at 9:15!). Sounds alot more complicated!
Really tired tonight. Not sure why--I don't think I slept too well last night. My mind was busy thinking about going back to work.
Brennan is cute as ever and getting big! I think he's over 16 pounds now. He's 5 months old today. He's getting strong. I've had the chance to babysit him a few times the last 2 weeks. That's the worst part about going back to work--now I won't be able to watch him for Rachel if she needs me during the day. Shonna's happy tho--she figures she'll get him more often now!
Alyssa and Jaren are doing well. He's back working as the CSO at our local police station. Alyssa had a bridal shower at Jaren's Godmother's house on Sat. It was very nice, and she got lots of great gifts.
Hope all is well with everyone!
Love,
Tina

Here's to Many "Lasts"

2 recent pictures of my grandson!

Friday I had my 5FU chemo pump removed for the last time, and took my last shower where I had to tape up my port with Glad Press N Seal! Yesterday I happily removed the hook from the wall near the shower where I hung my pump. I hated toting that thing around. I was always getting the tubing stuck on the kitchen drawer handles and such.
Saturday I did my last Neupogen shot. I had one left, so the doc said I may as well use it. We know that my wbc will drop, so this one shot will help keep them up a little and protect me from illness. My platelets were still low too, so they will be dropping lower after this last chemo. I'll have to remember to be careful the next week or 2 until they start coming back up.
It will be a long time (4 months!) before I get my blood checked again. I wish I could get it checked sooner, just so I would know that all my levels went back up.
Today is a crappy day. Woke up with nausea--I think I forgot to take my Zofran last night. Finally managed to have some oatmeal, warm oj, and coffee. Now I'm starting to feel yucky again--I'll probably take an Ativan soon. After eating and some coffee, I had just enough energy to take a quick shower, but it really tired me out!
I feel bad that I couldn't go to church--Shonna is singing with the worship team, and also doing the offering song. Rich and Alyssa are recording it for me on my new camcorder Rich gave me for Christmas. I hope all is going well! She gets nervous sometimes, but always does great once she starts singing. I don't know if I've said this before, but next Fall she is going to a music school run by The International House of Prayer (aka IHOP) in Kansas City. She wants to see what God has in store for her, and has no idea where it will take her. I find it very exciting, and am very proud of her for stepping out in faith like that.
Rachel's hubby left on a business trip today, so she will be taking care of Brennan on her own for a few days. Of course she knows she can always bring the little guy over here if she needs a break or a nap! Brennan still doesn't sleep much, he eats often. But he is 11 pounds now! A little chunker! :)
Alyssa's hubby should be home sometime this week!! We are so excited! He's in the US, but had to do some Sargent training before he came home. I think he's back in Fort Lewis, WA. He was in Utah for the training. We all want to see him right away, but we are going to let him decide when he's ready to see everyone. He may need some time to adjust to being home..and he and Alyssa probably need some time alone together! We haven't seen him since June. Speaking of "lasts" hopefully this will be Jaren's last deployment!
Even tho today is a yucky day, it makes it easier to handle knowing that I only have a few more days of this, and then I'll start feeling better for good! Not for just a week, then back to sick again!
I just hope I can get my strength back in the next few weeks for work. So much to do....
I hope this makes some sort of sense, and there are not too many errors! I'm too tired to proof read it again.
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina