It's a New Year!

Happy New Year!  2013 has arrived!
2012 wasn't so bad; I've heard many people say how glad they are to see it go, but for me it was a pretty good year!  The best part (besides being cancer-free still!) was baby Selah being born in October.  It is such a joy to have another baby around.  She is growing fast now and things are changing quickly!  She's got the cutest smile and dimples too!
When I look back on 2012, it seems like it was a year of settling in, and figuring things out.  It was a year without any cancer treatments (Thank God!), and I have just been trying to figure out what my 'new normal' is, what my body is doing, and what my energy levels are.  
I feel that 2013 is a year in which I need to really make some changes, and I think I'm ready to do that.  
I've been trying to figure out this last month how food affects me, and I've switched to a low residue diet.  I am not eating nuts, seeds, fresh fruits or veggies (except bananas). Only cooked/canned fruits and veggies, and esp. applesauce.  Also, no high fiber breads and cereals, except oatmeal.  This may not be the healthiest diet (we all know fresh fruits/veggies/high fiber is supposed to be the best), but it's what I need to eat because of my overactive digestive system. The problems I was experiencing were really starting to get me depressed.  I missed 2 days of work because of them in Dec.  I think I had been waiting for things to settle down on their own, and then I realized it's been long enough (almost 4 years since my colon resection), and I need to figure this out!  I remembered hearing about a low residue diet somewhere, so I thought I'd start with that.  That has really helped (so far, anyway).  I make sure I eat bananas and applesauce nearly everyday. Those 2 foods help the most.  I started taking Citrucel each morning after breakfast, but I don't think I need to do that everyday.  I've been ok without it.
The next thing to work on is my weight. I really want to lose the weight I've gained back since I've been done with chemo.  I can eat smaller portions (which also helps the digestive system!), and I especially need to exercise.  I am too young to be so out of shape!  Fatigue is a big problem for me,  but I can't let that stop me.  I've started drinking a small cup of coffee or tea every afternoon, and that helps!
Most of all, I've realized that I've just sort of been 'going through the motions' a lot this past year, and I want to live each day more fully.  I'm so blessed to be here, and I don't want to waste whatever time I've been given.  I think I needed this past year, to just 'be' (I don't know how else to explain it!), but now it's time to move on and really live! (If I can find the energy!)
If there are any people that like to pray reading this, please pray that the tiredness goes away, and doesn't keep me from being healthy.  Pray also for me physically, that my body continues to heal from the beating it's taken the last few years.  My oncologist always reminds me that I've been through a lot, and it's taken it's toll on me!  I really appreciate any prayers, and if you leave me a comment or send an e-mail, I will be sure to pray for you also!
As I close, I am sending up a prayer for everyone that stops by to read this.  May God reveal Himself to you more fully, and may the Creator and Giver of all life bless you with health, peace, and true joy in 2013!
Love,
Tina

PS: Some pictures from Christmas!

Another Update

Well, don't know if anyone is out there reading this any more, but thought it was time for an update.  I've written blog posts in my head many times, but for some reason I just haven't taken the time to actually write it here!
As always, I'll start with a health update.  I saw both my colorectal surgeon (Dr.T) and my oncologist (Dr. J) a few weeks ago. The fistula has been bleeding more, and apparently something came loose, and Dr.T fixed it.  I found out she does colonoscopies (I had been going to a gastro doc for my previous scopes) and told her I'd like to see her for my next one, which is due in March.  Because there has been some bleeding, Dr. T. said insurance wouldn't have a problem with doing it sooner, and she figured my deductible has probably been met for the year, so we may as well get it done. She assured me, a couple of times, that she doesn't think the bleeding means there is anything wrong, and I agree.  Because of the radiation damage and fistula, there will always be some bleeding.  So, I am scheduled to have my colonoscopy next Monday, Dec. 3rd (yikes!).  
My 3 month check up with Dr. J went well. My blood tests are all ok, although my hemoglobin and red blood cell count both dropped a little.  Dr. J wasn't too concerned, and I told him I started taking a daily iron pill.  He checked my reflexes this time, and my wrists and knees were fine, but my ankles still don't respond.  This is from the neuropathy in my feet. I've been noticing that my balance seems slightly worse.  Just small things, nothing major.  This is probably from the neuropathy also.  I told him next time I see him (in 3 months) I'll be 4 years out from my diagnosis  of colon cancer (and 3 years from breast cancer).  He said that if the cancer does return, it wouldn't be as aggressive as a cancer that came back sooner.  He still wants to do scans every 6 months, so if anything does turn up we would be able to fight it aggressively, because I am still young and healthy (I love hearing that I am young!).   Dr. J also asked if I have been exercising, which the answer is an obvious no.  I think that was his gentle way of telling me he noticed I've been gaining weight.  This weight thing is so frustrating!  My metabolism is almost non-existent!  Oh well...I'll just have to try harder! 
Up until about 2 weeks ago I had been in a lot of pain (backside issues).  Sometimes it gets me a bit down.  You'd think after nearly 4 years I would have figured out what causes the 'bad' days. All I know is I have more bad days than good.  Although, whenever I have a stretch of good (like now), I hope that this will become the norm, and not the bad days!
I find there are still a lot of things that bring me back to my chemo days.  Thankfully, the nausea doesn't come back though.  For instance, today I heated up a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes, and it reminded me of how I ate them a lot during chemo.  I could almost feel that fog I was in for so many days each round of chemo.  There are reminders almost daily.
I always try to make sure people know (both those that are recently dx'd with cancer, and those that don't have it) that when the treatment stops, things don't go back to "normal".  This is where the term "new normal" really fits.  Because side effects, pain, psychological effects, are all a part of my life now.  I don't mean that to sound so bad, because I truly am grateful to be here and be cancer free.  But I think people need to know, so they can understand what they might go through, or what someone else might be dealing with.
God has answered so many prayers recently for my family and me.  I'm going to press in and pray for healing for my pain issues.  I've been praying for help with my fatigue, and I am feeling a bit better.  I just get busy and unfortunately don't have much energy left to spend time in God's Word as much as I should.  I really need to do that more...there is nothing like the feeling I get when I spend time with God!
Family update:  it's been so long since I blogged, I forgot I never wrote about my new granddaughter!  Alyssa and Jaren had their baby on 10/15, 3 weeks early, but she was considered full term.  They named her Selah ("say-la") Marie.  Selah is a musical term in Psalms that means to pause, or pause and reflect.  She is a beautiful little girl, and the new family is doing great.  They have plenty of babysitters to help them out!  Here is a picture of Selah, and one of my grandsons:

Aren't they cute?  Charlie is doing so well!  He is standing by himself in this picture!  He can walk with a walker.  It's hard to believe he is the same tiny 3 and a half year old that came to us from Ukraine. What a gift he is! Brennan is as smart as ever, and at the age of 3 he is reading a few words!  Love my babies!
Shonna is doing great at college--she just registered for spring sem.  I LOVE having her back in MN!  
Thanks for reading!  Let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you readers--be sure to contact me if you have questions about cancer (chemo, radiation, breast, colon, etc., etc.)  OR if you want info about adopting a beautiful child from an orphanage.  Or maybe you want to know how you can help a child other ways besides adopting.  Please ask!  You can e-mail me at nuttyoaks@gmaildotcom.  You can also send me prayer requests, and I'll be happy to pray for you or send you some helpful Bible verses. :)
God bless!
Tina

It's September Already!

As usual, I'll start with the health stuff, because I figure that's what most people are here to read about!  All my scans were clear, and bloodwork was good! My onc. asked me if I planned to do reconstruction, and we talked about the pros and cons of that a little.  He said they have some very good and newer procedures now, but also said there is no reason to do recon.  He said I should do whatever Rich and I think is best.  He said it is unlikely that I would get cancer in my remaining breast--if I did it would be a new primary, and not a recurrence. I'm seriously considering another surgery to go completely flat and just be done with it all! I feel like I'm always uneven and it's getting annoying. Plus, I wouldn't have to have the MRIs and Mammograms any more! I keep saying this, but I really should just see a plastic surgeon, so I would at least know my options.  My biggest fear with recon is that my radiated skin won't heal properly.  So many women never achieve good results after rads.  I don't want several more surgeries and revisions.  But I could handle one more, if it would make life easier.  We'll see.  
We also talked about my neuropathy--not much new there.   I still have it, and my onc. thinks I probably always will.  I have Lhermitte's sign again, which is a tingling down my back and left leg everytime I bend my head forward.  I had that after chemo, but went away, and now it's back.  It can be a sign of MS, but it's also common after chemo.  Doc said it's nothing to be concerned about and brushed it off.  I, of course, did some research, and I agree with doc.  It's just more nerve damage from chemo.  It's been less than 2 years since I finished chemo, and I still get new and different signs of the nerve damage.  Last Fall, after going back to work and being on my feet a lot, I started getting a burning feeling on the bottom of my feet--it felt like I stepped on hot pavement.  That doesn't happen as often, but now I am getting more cramping in my feet--esp. my right foot.  When I am sitting here on the couch with my feet up, sometimes my toes and the top of my foot will just cramp up and my toes will be stuck in a certain position, until I stretch it out. 
Anyways--there wasn't much else to discuss with my onc.  He does want blood tests again in 3 months, and ct scans again in 6. I'll also have my colonoscopy then, and mammo.  I almost told him I would rather wait a year to get scanned, because I'm so sure they'll be clear again, but there is always that little fear, and I kept my mouth shut and am going to go along with his expert recommendation.
As for the fistula, it involves only a little muscle, so I could have it cut open, with the hopes that it would heal completely and be gone, but there is always the issue of my radiated skin.  I told the surgeon that I am worried it wouldn't heal.  She agreed that could happen.  We decided to leave it as it is, with the Seton in (the rubber band like thing that lays through the fistula), and keep checking on it every 3 months.  She said it can be left in for a couple of years.  It doesn't bother me too much, so that's what I'm going to do.  She also said it won't affect any of my options, and I can change my mind at any time.
Ok, enough of that.  In other news...I go back to work Tuesday, which is when the new school year starts.  I am sort of looking forward to it, but I am worried about how tired I will be.  I only work 10-1:15, but that is a busy 3.25 hours and I am on my feet a lot.  Nearly 2 hours of it is lunch and recess.  It wears me out.  I don't like coming home so exhausted I can't do anything else the rest of the day!  I've been tired a lot lately, even without working.  It's frustrating.  I've even been exercising more, because I assumed not exercising was part of my problem.  It hasn't helped, and I am often even more tired after exercising.  I have been eating better (although not this weekend!!), and that hasn't helped either.  I might go see my family doc, but really, there is not much that can be done for "fatigue". One thing I would like to try though, is taking Synthroid (brand name) instead of generic meds for my thyroid.  I've read several times that the generic is not always as good as the name brand in this case. Another dr. appointment to make....
How did that turn into talking about my health again?  In OTHER news....Alyssa is 31 weeks pregnant now, and getting big.  She is more beautiful than ever!  Her baby shower is coming in 2 weeks!  She is working 2 jobs, and has been feeling too stressed (a lot of other stuff going on too), so she will soon be quitting 1 job.  She needs to take it easy and have time to relax, enjoy her new house and spend quality time with her husband.
My grandson Charlie is starting preschool in a new school district this week.  He just turned 5, but will do another year of preschool before starting kindergarten.  But, wow, he is learning fast now!  He knows lots of signs (sign language), and is starting to be more and more verbal.  Brennan has slimmed down and turned into a little boy over night.  No more toddler!  He will be 3 the end of this month.  He says things like "That's pretty cool" and "Are you kidding me?!" and many, many other cute things.  You can tell he listens to every word his momma says! ;)  The boys will be over tomorrow morning, to give Rachel some time to get things done, while Ken is keeping his bees company and harvesting more honey.  
Shonna starts college at our big city college on Tues.  She learned how to ride the city bus a few days ago, and checked out the campus, then flew to Louisville to photograph a friend's wedding.  We picked her up this afternoon.  It's going to be a crazy busy week for her!
September is not my favorite month, because of the busy-ness.  It just rushes by in a blur.  I suppose by the end of it, we are pretty settled into our routines, and then I can finally enjoy it.  I LOVE the cool fall air.  We got a taste of that earlier in Aug, but now it is back to warm and muggy (although not nearly as hot and muggy as July!).  Sept. 8th is a very special day though, as that is our anniversary (28 years!!).  Unfortunately we are often too busy to celebrate much on that day, but usually find time later in the month.  I am still considering another trip to Duluth this fall, this time just the 2 of us.  We have gone there many, many times to celebrate our anniversary!
Here are a few pictures from our family vacation in Duluth this summer:

(Just want to mention that I had just gotten a TOO short haircut, and was not happy with it--don't plan on having it that short again!)
Have a blessed week everyone!
Tina

Pictures of Charlie, Brennan, and Me

Brennan and Charlie their first day together.

Grandpa Rich and Charlie

Brennan playing on our deck

Brennan in his "ball pit" (at his house)

My hair!!

Having Fun With My Grandson!

Some more pictures!  The top 2 are Charlie, and the bottom is Brennan (he LOVES playing in the laundry basket!)
Brennan is still with us.  He went to his other grandparents' house again this weekend, and we got him back after church.  He didn't look too excited to see me at first (but he wasn't sad either), but after church he walked up to me and hugged my legs and when I picked him up I got more hugs!  I'm convinced there isn't a sweeter boy on this planet!  He's also very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents that love him to pieces and spoil him!  In the carseat on the way home he was "talking" to himself and giggling.  We ate lunch and then it was nap time. He has been going down for his naps and bedtime really well.  He used to fuss a bit at first, but now he just lays right down and smiles at me.  I'm getting strong "mom" arms again from carrying him.  The other day my arms were sore because I was holding him upside down (he loves that!) and he wanted to do it over and over!   Grandpa is having fun playing with him after work, and he gets hugs too!
Rachel and Ken will be home late Wed. night.  They will come over Thurs. morning to get Brennan.  It'll be interesting to see his reaction.  I think they will get lots of hugs!  He might be a little mad at them later though, you just never know how kids react--I've heard lots of different stories from people.  We have been skyping every day with Rachel and Ken, and I think that has been a good thing for Brennan.
Next Friday (April 1st) will be 1 year since I found out that I did have breast cancer.  I will have some tests done April 14th and then I should be declared cancer free, or NED (No Evidence of Disease).  I don't think I will be able to say "cured" though. I'm actually not sure of all the details on that--at what point I can say cured.  I thought my onc said at the beginning of the breast cancer that we can cure it at this stage (2b), but that might have been before we knew it was 2b.  I'll have to ask him, but I don't see him for a long time.  Maybe my nurses will know.  I'll ask when I get my next Herceptin infusion (April 6th).
I believe I am cured though. God has given me such peace about all of this. I haven't been nervous AT ALL for any of my tests, or anytime I have to go to the cancer center.  That is something only God could do, because I used to get nauseated every time I went, and tests would make me nervous about what they might find.  I'm always amazed at how freeing being a believer is.  With Jesus, I have the Truth, and it has set me free! (John 8:32)  I don't need to fear anything, because God is with me always!  I am still human, though, and imperfect, so there may be times when fear creeps up on me.  If that happens I will get out my Bible and read God's promises to me!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10
Have a great week!
Blessings!
Tina

Daughter Meets Her Son

The top picture is of Rachel earlier today when she went to the orphanage and got to hold her son for the first time.  It is such a beautiful picture, I just had to share it.  The other 2 pictures are of Brennan this past week--wearing Grandpa's sunglasses, and sitting in his little chair after his bath this morning.
We have been able to skype with Rachel almost everyday.  The first 2 times were a little confusing for Brennan and made him sad, but now he smiles, waves "hi" and goes off and plays.  Brennan is at his other grandparents' house now for the weekend.  He loves them too, and loves to be over there.  At first he was a little shy around his other grandpa, and clung to me, but then he got a better look at him (he was busy putting in the carseat) and was happy to go with him.  I was so relieved!  I worry about Brennan so much, being away from his mommy and daddy, so I was very glad to see him laughing in the carseat, ready to go!  He has been keeping me busy this week!  I will miss him, but enjoy a little R & R.
Rachel and Ken got to sight-see in the capitol city for a few days, and then they took an overnight train to the town where the orphanage is.  They spent some time with Charlie (they have pretty much settled on that name), holding him and playing with him.  He is 3.5 years old, but only about as tall as Brennan, and much thinner.  Rachel said he and Ken started playing a little game that Charlie picked up on very quickly.  I think in the right environment he will learn very quickly. They will be over there another week or so, then come home for about 10 days and go back.  When they go back they will finally be able to bring Charlie home!
Tonight Rich and I are going out to dinner and we have a little shopping to do this weekend.  Like I said, I'll be resting a lot and taking it easy too.  I had my Herceptin infusion on Wed., and that always makes me a little more tired.  I really just want to sleep in--I've been setting my alarm to get up before Brennan--no alarm tomorrow!
I've been sort of frustrated with how tired I've been lately, even before Brennan got here.  I want to get into a routine of exercising and see if that helps, but with Brennan here I don't have the time.  I'm not getting up any earlier, and by the time he goes to sleep I am way too tired!  If it ever really warms up (and stays warm for more than a day!), I can take Brennan out in the stroller.  Alyssa and Jaren took him out a few days ago; he likes getting outside. 
Well, I really don't have much else to say! 
Please pray for Rachel and Ken's safety, and keep Charlie in your prayers too.  I'm praying this whole adoption process goes really smoothly and quickly! 
Blessings!
Tina

Some Pics and an Update

The top pic is of me getting the "red devil" (Adriamycin) at my first chemo on June 14th.  The nurse has to slowly inject it into my port tubing.  It is a toxic drug and can cause a lot of damage if it should leak out of the vein.  That is why the nurse has to do it, instead of it hanging in an iv bag like the other chemo drugs.  Notice that she gets gown, gloves, and glasses, and I don't :).  This nurse is one of 2 that I usually have.  Her name is Andrea, and we just love her (well, we love them all!).  She is so perky and happy, and she reminds us of our niece Kyla.  We love to hear her stories about her toddler, and she loves to look at our pics of family, and especially Brennan!  I hope she can always stay positive--she is such a bright face in a place that can be so depressing.  I don't know how those nurses do it!  It's definitely a God-given gift!

The 2nd pic is a few days later when I got my new haircut.  Everyone seems to really like it.  On Facebook I joked how I paid $38 for a 10 day haircut, because it should be falling out soon.  I'm glad I tried something new first.  Gotta have a little fun, right?  And now I'll have less hair to fall out.

I have to say that I had some "down" days last week.  Not really depressed, just down.  I had so hoped that this chemo would be easier than my last stuff. But it really wasn't. Maybe I was a little less "out of it", but just barely, and this was only my first round.  Thank goodness I only have 4 rounds of this stuff, instead of 12 like last time!  I will have more chemo (Taxol) after these 4 rounds, but maybe that won't be as bad?  I think I've heard that its not--but with me, you never know!  My nausea has been there most every day, but thankfully, no vomiting.  Today was the first day I didn't need any anti-nausea meds.  The past few days I've just needed one.  I also have had more mouth sores.  It got to the point where my whole mouth felt pretty hacked up, but it didn't get too painful.  I've been pretty good about rinsing my mouth with baking soda and water.  Today my mouth seems to be getting better.

The day after chemo I had to get a Neulasta shot.  I had no bone pain at all from it--until yesterday!  I suppose that makes sense, because the shot works for 2 weeks, and now is the time in my chemo cycle when my white blood counts are taking a hit.  I took ibuprofen and Tylenol (and a claritin), and it didn't get too bad.  I will keep alternating the pills to stay ahead of the pain. 

We had Shonna's grad party on Sunday at our church.  My sister, Dee, and my friend, Heidi, did a TON of work for the party.  I had lots of other helpers too!  I was a little out of it, and had to sit a lot, but I'm very happy with how things turned out.  And glad its over with!  That was the last graduation for my hubby's family.  We have a few years to wait before the last one on my side!  Emma is going in to 6th grade, I think?

Well, I'm sure there was more I was going to write about, but can't think of what that might be.  I'm feeling good today, and hoping to have some more good days before round 2 on Monday.  There's so much to do!  I need to just accept that I won't be able to do much next week, and go with it.  Its when I try to fight it, and can't, that I start to feel depressed.  Cancer really sucks (I so hate that word, but nothing sounds as right).  I will try to remember to spend more time reading Psalms and reading my Bible verses that helped me so much last time.  Like I said before, I kept trying to fight the fatigue, instead of finding ways to make it through better.  Be warned, family!  I'll be taking to my room and doing what I have to, to get through this!  I know it sucks for them too.  I'm sure they're just as sick and tired of watching me be sick and tired, as I am feeling that way (did that make sense?).  But they are wonderful and strong and take good care of me!  Keep them in your prayers!

Love and blessings to you all!

Tina

Pink and Blue

Some pictures of things that have going on lately. Top is of Alyssa at one of her bridal showers; next one is Rachel, Ken and Brennan on Brennan's dedication day, then Shonna's Prom, and a happy Brennan!

TGIF! I'm so glad its Friday! My feet need a break, and so does my bum! Ok, I don't usually talk about that because a lot of family, friends and co-workers read this, but if I'm going to talk about how I'm doing, then I need to talk about unpleasant things. This is a fact of life if you have colon cancer! Let me just say just that the toilet paper at school is the worst I've come across, and it contributes to my pain and tenderness. I'm hoping a week of being at home and being able to keep clean will help heal things up. Yup, its not real fun; actually I'd call it a pain in the a**!! This is why it's a cancer people don't like to talk about. But we shouldn't be afraid to talk about normal body functions and body parts. (ok, if you know me you KNOW I still don't talk about that stuff much--oh well!) Now go get your butt checked!

Now on to the "pleasant" cancer. First I have to say I'm SICK OF PINK!! Its EVERYWHERE! We know breasts are great, but seriously? Can't we just raise money and awareness for ALL cancers? More people die from lung and colon cancer than breast cancer. Thanks for letting me vent. :)

As most of you know, I'm having my lumpectomy on Monday. Yesterday I had my pre-op and had a cbc done. I've been wondering how my blood counts were doing since I've been done with chemo. During chemo you get them checked every 2 weeks, and then all of a sudden you go months without any tests. I guess I got used to knowing what was going on in my body. My hemoglobin is up to 11.7, which is almost normal (normal is 12-14). It hasn't been above 12 since last Feb. ('09). My platelets are ok, but not as high as they used to be, and the white blood cells are good. I'm good to go for my surgery!

I asked the nurse practitioner if swelling of the feet was normal with neuropathy and she said yes. I also asked if being on my feet so much would cause any damage and she said no. That's good to know. Most websites that talk about neuropathy just talk about what it feels like, and don't really say anything about what you should or shouldn't do. I still think the neuropathy is getting slightly worse. I had hoped that by now it would be getting better. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I burnt my fingers on Easter by picking up a hot glass lid (it had been in the oven) . I think because of my numb fingers I didn't feel how hot it was right away. The burn wasn't real bad, but was painful for awhile!

I talked to the nurse navigator at the breast health center about my surgery, and she said most people take 4 or 5 days off work, so I took the whole week. I should be ready to go back to work the following Monday. Then the Friday after that (May 7th) I have my CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvic area. This is to check for colon cancer that may have spread. The Wed. after that (May 12th), I meet with my oncologist. My meeting with Dr. J was supposed to be just for the colon cancer, but now we will also be talking about the next steps for the breast cancer. By then we should know if I need hormone therapy, and he'll probably tell me when I should start radiation. I hope the radiation can wait until school is out. I feel bad about missing so much work. Well, a little bad. Last year I was in tears about having to call in sick all the time from the chemo. I've decided the stress isn't healthy for me and I need to let it go.

Gosh, that seems like such a long time ago, when I started chemo. I was a different person then. I've been through so much...

The people I work with have been great, and I know many of them will be thinking about me Monday, and some will be praying for me. The surgery shouldn't be too bad. I know what pain pills work best for me! I won't even spend a night in the hospital. Sleeping might be difficult; maybe I'll plan on sleeping in the recliner the first night. I'm not worried about radiation either. It should be MUCH easier than the radiation I've already been through. And God will be with me through it all!

My husband is a wonderful man, and is by my side through everything. He goes with me to every appointment. Its sooooo comforting to have him there. I always tell him I can go by myself (and I can if I need to!) but I'm always happy when he can go with me.

My beautiful grandson is getting big and is so much fun to spend time with! Brennan is almost 7 months old! He's smiley, and I'm so impressed with how well he goes down for a nap! The only problem is he doesn't like to fall asleep while being held anymore, so getting him to take a nap when we are out and about is difficult!

Life is good for all 3 of my girls. I am so blessed to have such wonderful daughters! And their husbands aren't too bad either! :)

Please pray that I have a quick and easy surgery, and that I'm not too uncomfortable, or nervous! It may not be major surgery, but its not going to be fun!

I'll try to update you Monday night or Tuesday. I hope everyone has a great weekend! I plan on enjoying every minute!

Blessings,

Tina

Here's to Many "Lasts"

2 recent pictures of my grandson!

Friday I had my 5FU chemo pump removed for the last time, and took my last shower where I had to tape up my port with Glad Press N Seal! Yesterday I happily removed the hook from the wall near the shower where I hung my pump. I hated toting that thing around. I was always getting the tubing stuck on the kitchen drawer handles and such.
Saturday I did my last Neupogen shot. I had one left, so the doc said I may as well use it. We know that my wbc will drop, so this one shot will help keep them up a little and protect me from illness. My platelets were still low too, so they will be dropping lower after this last chemo. I'll have to remember to be careful the next week or 2 until they start coming back up.
It will be a long time (4 months!) before I get my blood checked again. I wish I could get it checked sooner, just so I would know that all my levels went back up.
Today is a crappy day. Woke up with nausea--I think I forgot to take my Zofran last night. Finally managed to have some oatmeal, warm oj, and coffee. Now I'm starting to feel yucky again--I'll probably take an Ativan soon. After eating and some coffee, I had just enough energy to take a quick shower, but it really tired me out!
I feel bad that I couldn't go to church--Shonna is singing with the worship team, and also doing the offering song. Rich and Alyssa are recording it for me on my new camcorder Rich gave me for Christmas. I hope all is going well! She gets nervous sometimes, but always does great once she starts singing. I don't know if I've said this before, but next Fall she is going to a music school run by The International House of Prayer (aka IHOP) in Kansas City. She wants to see what God has in store for her, and has no idea where it will take her. I find it very exciting, and am very proud of her for stepping out in faith like that.
Rachel's hubby left on a business trip today, so she will be taking care of Brennan on her own for a few days. Of course she knows she can always bring the little guy over here if she needs a break or a nap! Brennan still doesn't sleep much, he eats often. But he is 11 pounds now! A little chunker! :)
Alyssa's hubby should be home sometime this week!! We are so excited! He's in the US, but had to do some Sargent training before he came home. I think he's back in Fort Lewis, WA. He was in Utah for the training. We all want to see him right away, but we are going to let him decide when he's ready to see everyone. He may need some time to adjust to being home..and he and Alyssa probably need some time alone together! We haven't seen him since June. Speaking of "lasts" hopefully this will be Jaren's last deployment!
Even tho today is a yucky day, it makes it easier to handle knowing that I only have a few more days of this, and then I'll start feeling better for good! Not for just a week, then back to sick again!
I just hope I can get my strength back in the next few weeks for work. So much to do....
I hope this makes some sort of sense, and there are not too many errors! I'm too tired to proof read it again.
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina

I'm DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

The top picture is the certificate that the chemo nurses gave me for being done. The 2nd picture is the angels that have cared for me all these months. From left to right: Carol, Cheryl (my nurse for the first several rounds), me, Andrea (my main nurse for the last few months), and Sheryl. I've gotten to know all the nurses, as they all help each other out when one is at lunch or busy with another patient. They are all wonderful, as are the receptionists, and of course the doctors. Not a crabby one in the whole place. I highly recommend Regions Cancer Care Center!

I will have to go in every 4-6 weeks to get my port flushed. Andrea told me to make sure I bring in pictures of Baby Brennan! I'll keep the port at least until I have my ct scan (in 4 months), then I'll probably have it removed. What have others done? I'll have ct scans every 6months for awhile. Is it worth it to keep it in?

A few days before my scan, I'll see the doc and get blood tests done. He saw me in the infusion room today and said he didn't want to see me again for several weeks! I said "I don't want to see you either!", and we both laughed. I will miss all of them.

The end of Feb. I'll have my colonoscopy. The doc said depending on what things look like then, I would have one done every 1-3 years. I'm sort of glad to be having one done ( I know, I'm weird!), because I'm so curious to see what things look like after having 18" of my colon removed. My insides have been rearranged and I want to know what's going on in there! I'm hoping it won't hurt. I think sometimes it does after surgery because there might be scar tissue, or it might be narrower. The first one didn't hurt at all--but I'll never forget what that tumor looked like!

24 hours after I have the pump removed, Sat. afternoon, I'll do my last Neupogen shot. It will help keep my wbc from getting too low, and help me to stay healthy.

I've been warned several times that my neuropathy might take 6months or longer to go away. I'm hoping the cold sensitivity goes away enough in 4 weeks so I can stand outside for an hour doing recess at work. I'm supposed to go back to work on Tues. Feb. 16th--4 weeks from yesterday. I'm nervous about going back! I hope I'm not too tired after work, and I hope my chemo brain isn't too bad--I've forgotten alot of the kids' names! Plus I'll have to learn all new ones in Kindergarten. Thankfully the teachers and staff I work with are very kind and understanding!

Well, I've got about a week of yuckiness to get through, then when I start to feel better, I'll keep feeling better...and better, and better!

Here's to the rest of my life!! I'm praying that I'll be around for a long, long time!!

Love and Blessings to All!

Tina

A Very Nice Weekend!

Not a great picture of me--but note the sweatshirt! Windy and 60's!
The Clemens garden on Friday night--lots of different color themes, and water fountains.

The Musinger Garden we visited on Sat. morning.

Rich and I did get away overnight on Friday, but we went to St. Cloud instead of Duluth. Duluth is so busy (and expensive!) on the weekends, and the Hell's Angels were supposed to be taking over most of the town too. When I'm done with radiation we might try to go up there on a weekday, instead of a weekend. I really should plan a trip to Chicago too, before chemo starts. Shonna wants to look at some colleges in the area. Anyone have any recommendations as to where to stay or what colleges might be good? I've never been there before. I think its about an 8 hour drive from here.

Anyways, back to the weekend. In St. Cloud there are some gardens on the Mississippi River that are so beautiful. I love being by the river! We went to one garden on Friday night, and the other one near it on Sat. morning. We ate at a Ground Round, which is one of our favorite restaurants, but there aren't any in the twin cities anymore. Its the first "real" restaurant Rich took me to, on our 2nd date. (McDonald's drive thru was our first date--and a blind date at that!) At Ground Round they used to give you a basket of peanuts and you just threw the shells on the floor. Now they give you a basket of popcorn instead. Love their shrimp! I enjoyed the whole meal, which hasn't happened in a long time! (Except for the KFC buffet the night before--that was the first time I felt like eating meat.) Before we left town Sat., we ate at a Grizzley's restaurant. I don't think we have them in the cities either, but I've seen them in Duluth before. I ate about 2/3 of my hamburger, and 1/2 my fries--tasted good, but didn't want to overdo it. Plus, we planned on stopping in Elk River on our way home for DQ!

I've been feeling pretty good, except for the tiredness. I took an Ambien last night at 12:45, when I woke up to use the bathroom. That helped me alot! Usually I can't get back to sleep after I wake up, and I toss and turn and keep Rich awake too--eventually I leave the bedroom and go out to the recliner. But the Ambien helped me get back to sleep and I slept until 6, got up briefly and fell back to sleep until about 8--awesome! What a difference a little sleep makes! I made it to church and was so happy to be there worshipping God. I can feel His presence so strongly that I cry--its just beautiful! I'm always amazed at what He has done for me!!

Well, tomorrow starts another week of radiation. I have only 8 treatments left!! I hope I can keep my energy levels up;I get so frustrated when all I do is run to radiation, then come home and nap and watch tv. There is so much I should be doing! So, pray for a good week folks!

Love you all!

Tina

A Nice Drive

Rich had the day off work, and I had the day off from radiation, so we decided to go for a drive. We miss our little summer get-a-ways--usually to Duluth--so we decided to get out for the day. We drove up to Mille Lacs Lake--about a 2 hour drive. We took the slower, 2 lane road on the way up, and the traffic wasn't bad at all and we cruised pretty fast. There are so many old, falling down barns on that road--Shonna would love it for photos! When we got to the lake we drove along the south shore over to hwy 169. That road was stop and go traffic for many miles! Lots of boat trailers and campers!. We got up to Garrison and finally found a decent place to eat, then walked over to the park that's on the lake and hung out there for awhile. We took 169 home (4 lanes and much faster going away from the lakes). Some of the clouds were starting to look a little dark up there, and looking at radar, it looks like there are some strong thunderstorm cells there now--glad we missed that! I started feeling nauseous when we were getting ready to leave Garrison, and after a while I decided to take one of my pills (never leave home without them! ), and now I feel a little better. We eat out alot so sometimes I just wonder if its the restaurant food, or the chemo. I haven't had any nausea since the first couple of days of radiation. All in all, it was a very nice day tho.

Yesterday, at radiation, they were having trouble with the machine, so I had to sit in the waiting room for awhile. I saw a woman with the same pump bag as mine and asked her about it. Turns out she has colon cancer also, and the same exact treatment as I do! She's almost done with her radiation, so she was able to give me some insight on how I might be feeling toward the end of treatment. She said fatigue kicked in about 2 weeks ago, and she hasn't had too much trouble with diarrhea, just a few days here and there. Her hair is thinning also, altho you can't tell yet. My hair has really started to thin again this last week or so. I was hoping it was the other chemo drug that caused that, but I guess the drug in my pump(5FU) causes it. It was nice to meet someone who has the same treatment as I do. Most that have radiation have tumors to shrink and often have different chemo drugs than I do. I really wanted to meet someone who has gone thru the same thing I am. Unfortunately, the nurse called her back before I could get her name! I hope I see her again.
Well, I was going to add some pics of our day trip, but something seems to be wrong with the usb connections! So I'll try again later!
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina

A Secret Elopement!

This was soooo hard to keep off my blog last week!! My daughter Alyssa and her fiance, Jaren, got married Wednesday in our backyard! When Jaren found out a few weeks ago that he was coming home on leave in June (he's with the Nat'l Guard in Basra, Iraq), he told Alyssa he wanted to get married. He said his biggest regret was that they didn't get married before he left. They will still have a ceremony and reception next year in May, as planned. It was a beautiful ceremony--very personal and romantic. There were many tears! Here are some pics:














The next 2 pics were taken on the bridge over the wetlands behind our house. Its our house you can see over their shoulders.

Well, tomorrow I start radiation. The first of 28 treatments. Plus I'll get labs done, meet with oncologist, and get my pump with the 5FU chemo drug attached to me. I'm a little nervous, but less so after going to church today. 3 of the pastors at church today told me they were continuing to pray for me, and the sermon reminded me that God is right by my side when I'm going thru difficult times. It was sort of a "duh" moment. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I know He has been answering my prayers, but I never thought of Him as being by my side. That will help me alot tomorrow!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

Amen!

Love to all!!

Tina

Memorial Weekend

Happy Memorial Day (tomorrow!)!!!!

Please take time to remember our fallen soldiers and remember that FREEDOM ISN'T FREE!!!! So many lives have been lost so we can live free in this GREAT country! And pray for those who continue to serve, like my almost-son-in-law, Jaren.

Here are a few pics from our little barbecue today. They didn't turn out quite the way I wanted, but that's impossible with these kiddos! The weather is perfect!! Low 70's, and lots of birds singing!

Shonna, me, Rachel, Alyssa

Rachel and Alyssa

Ken (son-in-law), Shonna, Rich(master griller), Rachel, Alyssa

My stomach is still giving me a lot of trouble (couldn't enjoy much of the yummy food today!), but at least I'm getting my energy back and not stuck in bed-just stuck at home :).

Have a good one!

God Bless!

Tina

Almost Normal!

Today has been a good day! Yes, the nausea is still there, but mostly under control. And the tiredness is MUCH improved. Whew! I made it to the other side (hopefully!!!). I still cannot get over how much I slept on Monday--apparently its just a side effect of my chemo--I think the 5FU. I am very disappointed that I had to miss so much work, but thankfully everyone has been sooo understanding. Hopefully I can continue this way until the end of the year (only 26 more days?). We'll worry about next Fall in August.
I told Rich how good it felt to be at work! It really lifts my spirits being there. And being outside feels WONDERFUL! Even tho I have to wear a scarf over my mouth and gloves! The kids didn't think anything of it! They think we are always over dressed anyways! I hope we don't have to have indoor recess tomorrow, due to rain. Got sprinkled on a little today.
I'm praying there are no more unforeseen setbacks the rest of this week!
Thanks to the wonderful people that sent snacks for the cancer center--they were so thrilled and send their thanks!! Rich and I had our lunch there on Wed. We had small cans of soup and crackers--and Rich managed to find a pack of choc. chip cookies in the basket!

I want to let everyone know that Jaren is safely in Kuwait (115 degrees the other day!), and should be going into Iraq in the next day or 2. I thought he was going to be there 2 weeks before he went to Iraq, but they are moving them in waves. He's a little nervous being over there, but his faith and commitment to our country are rock-solid. His buddies know who to come to when they have questions about faith, and he's always ready for an impromptu Bible study!! So, please keep this American hero in your prayers!! And the other Red Bulls too. If anyone wants to know what they can send over to Iraq, please let me know. One thing for sure is ATT international calling cards.
Rachel is doing as well as can be expected with the nausea and all. Hopefully that part of her pregnancy will be over soon. She's 10 weeks now. Blood sugars are all over the place, but she keeps in frequent contact with her Endo. She's working at it!! Anyone have any maternity clothes to get rid of? She's about 5'5" and usually wears a med. She's excitedly shopping garage sales these days! (yes they are doing fine financially--she's just "thrifty"!!)
That's my update for today. Thank you to everyone at work for being so supportive--it gets me thru, it really does!
Love and Blessings!
Tina