Just in case you were wondering how I really felt about it!
This morning, as I checked my e-mail, I found 2 e-mails from colon cancer survivors that now think they may have breast cancer. One woman I've "known" for a while through her blog, and the support she gave me while I was going through treatment for colon cancer, and the other I just "met" today, when she contacted me through my blog. What a bummer!
I will be praying for them both, and doing what I can to help them and answer their questions. I've mentioned the website, breastcancer.org, to both of them. There are women on that site that are going or have gone through just about everything. It can be a little overwhelming at first, because, of course, people on there share their bad experiences, but when you get connected with some others (like I am part of the "June Chemo" thread) it can be incredibly supportive. I wish there was something similar for colon cancer. None of the colon cancer sites I've found compare to the bc site.
I've found there are differences between the 2 cancers. At first, the bc didn't scare me as much as the cc. And, it still doesn't, but the it's the treatment that scares me. I hope to NEVER go through chemo again! The cc (colon cancer) was less disfiguring, and when I was done with chemo, I was DONE. With bc, the treatment seems to go on forever. Everyone is different, but many of us will have more than one surgery, chemo, radiation, and then possibly Herceptin(1 year) or an estrogen inhibitor(5 years!). I had no idea there were so many different types of bc. Then, of course, there is the loss of hair and eyelashes, which makes you look like a cancer patient--something I didn't have with cc. For me, though, the loss of my breast was the most difficult. It's not such a big deal to me now, but it sure was difficult at the time. It's something that I had to work through with God.
Then there are so many other cancers out there! We lost one of our bloggers this past week. I think it may have even been on Thanksgiving. A young woman, early 30's, who has been battling lung cancer for the past 2 years. She was such a vibrant, adventurous woman. So sad.
Well, that should give you some reason for the title of my blog!
On a better note...
I had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family. Our group was Rich, me, Rachel, Ken, Brennan, Alyssa, Jaren (he was in Iraq last year!), Shonna, and my sister, Dee. I've come down with some sinus crap, so everyone really chipped in and helped me out. Rachel and Jaren both had to work, so we had an early dinner--about 1:30. I have soooo much to be thankful to God for!! He is so good!!!
I'm starting to feel a little better today. I slept in and stayed home from church. Shonna just left to head back to Kansas City. I haven't done any shopping yet--just some looking online and gathering ideas. Hope my head clears soon, so I can get things done and not get too far behind. I'm going to have Rich get the Christmas stuff out from under the steps, and I'll work on that this week.
I've had 20 (I think) out of 33 radiation treatments so far. I've had a 4 day break, and my skin is still pretty red. My hair is coming in, but it's so light and fine that I still look bald; it'll be awhile before I can go without a hat or scarf! My eyelashes are growing, but still too sparse and short for mascara--hopefully soon!
I had my MUGA (heart function) scan on Friday, and I will get the results of that on Wed. when I see my onc. After rads on Wed. I will go to the cancer center (all at Regions Hospital), and get labs done, see my onc., and then get another Herceptin infusion. I'm hoping I will find that my hemoglobin is back up near normal, and my other counts are all ok. My Rad Onc said this radiation should not affect my white blood counts, because it's not hitting much of my bone marrow. This will be the last time I see my onc. for a while (I think), so I will ask him what the plan is for future scans and tests, for both cancers. I'll also talk to him about going back to work.
Rachel and Ken's fundraiser for their adoption is coming up on Friday. I will post more about this tomorrow, but if you click on Joshua's button on the side of my blog, you will find info there and a link to Rachel's blog. On her blog, there is a tab at the top with fundraiser info. There will be a concert, silent auction, door prizes, free cookies, and other items for sale. Hope to see many of you there!!
Blessings!!
Tina
Showing posts with label hair loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair loss. Show all posts
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A LONG week!
Well, I see I haven't written since last Wed. The "yucks" were just starting to set in at that time...seems like a loooong time ago! Thurs., Friday, and Sat. were spent just as expected--just trying to get through each day, spending a lot of time in bed. Sat. morning I managed to get out for a very short shaky-legged walk, and in the evening Rich took me on a little drive and we got a DQ. Unfortunately I've been craving chocolate malts--which is unusual for me! Looks like I won't be losing as much weight this time around! Sunday morning I still felt like crap, and when I took a shower I started to black out--literally eyes going dark. Rich came in and helped me get to the bed, and I layed in front of the fan for a bit. We debated calling my oncologist--it was the 4th, and I didn't want to spend time in the ER (not that I was going to do anything else that day!). I've also had some chest congestion and a cough for over a week--I was concerned that might have had something to do with the blacking out. I just took it easy the rest of the day. Rich went to Jaren's parent's house for their 4th of July party, and I stayed home and played Facebook games! (don't worry--he called and texted me often, and he was only 5 min. away!). The next day, yesterday, I felt light-headed again in the shower, but caught it quickly so I didn't start losing vision. Again, I layed down for a bit. Then, since my hair has been coming out in handfuls, Rich and I went out on the deck and he cut it short, and buzzed the back with his trimmers. Later I went out to the garage to watch the heavy rain with Rich, and felt woozy, and had to go sit down. By this time I also had a little fever (99.5), so I thought I better call the doc. I spoke with the on-call nurse (everything was closed yesterday!), and she was concerned about my heart and wanted me to come in right away. She even said the safest thing to do would be to call 911 and take an aspirin. Ummm, no. I was worried about my heart, because one of my chemo drugs can cause heart problems (though supposedly rare), but didn't feel I was having a heart attack. So Rich took me down to Regions ER. The nurse had let them know I was coming, and because of possible heart issues, I got taken in within a few minutes. I wore a scarf for the first time--one with a cap attached because my hair is falling out all over. I felt guilty and that people were thinking--oh sure, the cancer lady gets to go right in....Although no one probably even noticed. Anyways--long story short (sort of!)--I spent several hours there, and didn't find out much! I think the light-headedness is low blood pressure from the chemo. My bp did go pretty low once while I was there (99/45ish). The heart and chest were ok. The biggest problem they found, and what took so long, was my white blood cell count was extremely low. It took awhile because it was so low they ran it again to make sure. The ER doc called one of the on call oncologists(my onc's partner) to discuss what to do. They said I could go home, if I felt ok doing so, and they would talk to my onc. in the morning and he would call me. So I came home, with strict orders to come back if my temp reached 100.4 (I always wonder where they come up with that number?), or if I had a near fainting spell again.
When I got home I took some Tylenol (for a different pain), and about an hour later I was feeling sort of "agitated"--tense, uncomfortable. Took my temp, and sure enough it was going up--100.2! But I was tired, Rich needed to sleep and go to work in the morning, and by the time I got to the ER, the temp would probably be down from the Tylenol! So I went to sleep! I figured I could deal with it in the morning!
My temp was in the mid 99's all morning (normal for me is mid 97's), and I finally called my onc to see if he had all the info from last night. His nurse called me back. He prescribed an antibiotic because of the fever, and the fact that I have no wbc's to fight an infection.
So, that's all I know. I feel better today, and didn't have any woozy spells. Still lack of energy, but was able to move around and do a few things. I feel MUCH better being on an antibiotic (altho he always gives me the scary one with all the warnings! Its called Levaquin). I finally took some Tylenol, and that brought my temp down and helped me to feel better too.
Rich and I just went out for a short walk--thought I could do the block, but legs got shaky and started sweating not far from home. But any moving is a good thing. I don't know what my platelets are, but I worry about blood clots, since I had one last summer.
I am soooooooo disappointed to be feeling this crappy 8 days out from my last chemo. There are things I need to do! Really frustrated...
I want to say thanks to my sis for bringing us meals almost every night last week! We were well fed, and had lots of leftovers. She calls whenever she's out and about to see if I need anything (Sunday I "needed" a choc. Frosty from Wendy's!). Today she picked up my prescription for me. The wonderful peeps at church sent a meal the week before, and a neighbor also sent some food over! How nice to be thought of! I continue to get the occasional card and e-mail too---just friends and family making sure I know they are still thinking about me.
Speaking of family, my cousin is in MN for the first time in 8 years, and having a grad party for her daughter. Its about 2 (3?) hours away in the Rochester area. I am hoping to go (its Sat.), but now I'm not so sure if I'll feel like it. I SHOULD feel like it--but unfortunately things never work out the way they SHOULD with this cancer crap! (Did I mention I was frustrated?)
Tomorrow night I am going to a class called "Look Good, Feel Better". Its a popular class put on by the Am. Cancer Soc. They teach you make up tips (how to draw on eyebrows, etc.), and hair loss tips. I'm hoping they will teach me how to tie scarves. Alyssa has been practicing with the scarf she got (matches one of mine), so I asked her to go with me. I'll get a bunch of make up to bring home too.
Thursday I have another bra fitting. Insurance pays for 6 a year, and I only have 1 good one (bra that is! lol!).
I find myself going to my list of Bible verses at the top of this page quite often. On my worst "out of it" days, I unfortunately don't feel like praying much either--not because of any 'issue" I have with God, just because I don't care much about anything. But I am often awake in the middle of the night, and that is when God reminds me to talk to Him. I'll admit to a bit of "why me" lately--but as soon as I even think that I am reminded that He is with me ALWAYS, and watching over me.
Thanks for checking in!
God's blessings to all!
Tina
ps Watch for my next post with pics of Rich cutting my hair!
When I got home I took some Tylenol (for a different pain), and about an hour later I was feeling sort of "agitated"--tense, uncomfortable. Took my temp, and sure enough it was going up--100.2! But I was tired, Rich needed to sleep and go to work in the morning, and by the time I got to the ER, the temp would probably be down from the Tylenol! So I went to sleep! I figured I could deal with it in the morning!
My temp was in the mid 99's all morning (normal for me is mid 97's), and I finally called my onc to see if he had all the info from last night. His nurse called me back. He prescribed an antibiotic because of the fever, and the fact that I have no wbc's to fight an infection.
So, that's all I know. I feel better today, and didn't have any woozy spells. Still lack of energy, but was able to move around and do a few things. I feel MUCH better being on an antibiotic (altho he always gives me the scary one with all the warnings! Its called Levaquin). I finally took some Tylenol, and that brought my temp down and helped me to feel better too.
Rich and I just went out for a short walk--thought I could do the block, but legs got shaky and started sweating not far from home. But any moving is a good thing. I don't know what my platelets are, but I worry about blood clots, since I had one last summer.
I am soooooooo disappointed to be feeling this crappy 8 days out from my last chemo. There are things I need to do! Really frustrated...
I want to say thanks to my sis for bringing us meals almost every night last week! We were well fed, and had lots of leftovers. She calls whenever she's out and about to see if I need anything (Sunday I "needed" a choc. Frosty from Wendy's!). Today she picked up my prescription for me. The wonderful peeps at church sent a meal the week before, and a neighbor also sent some food over! How nice to be thought of! I continue to get the occasional card and e-mail too---just friends and family making sure I know they are still thinking about me.
Speaking of family, my cousin is in MN for the first time in 8 years, and having a grad party for her daughter. Its about 2 (3?) hours away in the Rochester area. I am hoping to go (its Sat.), but now I'm not so sure if I'll feel like it. I SHOULD feel like it--but unfortunately things never work out the way they SHOULD with this cancer crap! (Did I mention I was frustrated?)
Tomorrow night I am going to a class called "Look Good, Feel Better". Its a popular class put on by the Am. Cancer Soc. They teach you make up tips (how to draw on eyebrows, etc.), and hair loss tips. I'm hoping they will teach me how to tie scarves. Alyssa has been practicing with the scarf she got (matches one of mine), so I asked her to go with me. I'll get a bunch of make up to bring home too.
Thursday I have another bra fitting. Insurance pays for 6 a year, and I only have 1 good one (bra that is! lol!).
I find myself going to my list of Bible verses at the top of this page quite often. On my worst "out of it" days, I unfortunately don't feel like praying much either--not because of any 'issue" I have with God, just because I don't care much about anything. But I am often awake in the middle of the night, and that is when God reminds me to talk to Him. I'll admit to a bit of "why me" lately--but as soon as I even think that I am reminded that He is with me ALWAYS, and watching over me.
Thanks for checking in!
God's blessings to all!
Tina
ps Watch for my next post with pics of Rich cutting my hair!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Been Busy!
I've been busy since I last posted on Monday. Tues. my prosthetic fitter appt. got cancelled, but I did go down to see the physical therapist. She mostly taught me about lymphedema-what it is, how to prevent it, and what to do if I get it. We talked a little about exercises for the arm and shoulder, but I have most of my movement back in my arm already.
Wed. I went to Superior Med. to be fitted for a prosthesis and bras. That's the place the lady that I was supposed to meet with on Tues. is from. Its in a nearby town--closer than the hospital. Since it had only been 2.5 weeks since my surgery, she didn't think I'd want the real deal yet--just the soft form. But I told her I need the real thing because the soft ones are too light and too hard to match. I can always switch later in the day if it gets to be too much. Every morning when I put my bra on with the "falsie" I think to myself I can't believe I'm doing this. It still seems so weird to me. I'm not sad about it anymore--but its still hard to believe it really happened.
After that I went to Party City with Rachel and Alyssa to buy stuff for Shonna's grad party. Brennan was with too and he looked so cute sitting up in the shopping cart! What a big boy he is now!
Thursday a good friend and prayer warrior, Marge, stopped by for a short visit and brought us a meal. We ate it that night, as I was tired from shopping. Thanks Marge!! It was very good! Later in the afternoon my mom, Alyssa and I went to Sam's Club to do some more shopping for the grad party. Wow, have I spent a lot of money the last few days!!
Friday I was supposed to go for a wig fitting at the American Cancer Society. I can get one free there because insurance doesn't pay for it (I'm not complaining--insurance has paid for everything else, including my prosthesis and bras!). I don't want to spend a lot of money on something I'll only wear for a few months. Anyways, I said "supposed to go" because I woke up very sick and could hardly move! I think it was some sort of flu. Thankfully not the stomach kind! But all my joints and back ached and I had a fever. I took lots of ibuprofen and Tylenol throughout the day. The saddest part was that I couldn't go to see my baby graduate! My head hurt too bad and I was very weak feeling. Jaren recorded it for me and Rich took pictures. And it will be playing on our local TV station too. Shonna didn't seem to mind, but I cried! I'm so proud of her. She is a "graduate with distinction" and had her pic in the local paper, along with the other top academic achievers. We are so blessed to have such wonderful daughters!
Today started off slow. I was still very achy over night and ended up sleeping on the recliner for a few hours. Still had the fever this morning, but I think it is gone now. I'm just a little weak and tired. I was able to go to a grad party this afternoon.
I still have so much to do for Shonna's party next week. I start chemo on Monday, and have a wig appt. on Wed. I hope I can make it to that one. I need to get one asap. My hair should start to fall out about 10-14 days after my first chemo. I need more scarves and hats too! I think I'm going to get it cut shorter later this week, and then figure out a plan for getting it shaved when the time comes. Another thing I have a hard time believing I'll have to do!! NOT looking forward to it. Its going to be hard not to just hibernate for the next 6 months or so. I'm so thankful for my church family because I know they will see me through this, and not care what I look like! And, of course, my family is soooo supportive too.
The good thing about starting chemo is that I'll feel like I'm doing something to fight the cancer. I do worry about it traveling to other parts of my body. That's my human nature. But the Holy Spirit, living inside me, reminds me that its not for me to worry about--it's all in God's hands.
When I was at the hospital on Tues. I stopped into the cancer center and asked one of the nurses of I could take an Ativan with the type of chemo I'm getting. She said yes! So I will be taking one before I go on Monday. It's for anxiety and nausea. I think I'll have both just walking in there knowing I have to get chemo again. I'm a bit nervous about being back in that chair! Thankfully I have wonderful nurses caring for me. And Rich will be right there with me too. :)
Well, that's a long post! I guess it usually ends up that way doesn't it?
Thanks for the continued prayers! God really is faithful and hears them. There is a reason....
Love you all!
Tina
Wed. I went to Superior Med. to be fitted for a prosthesis and bras. That's the place the lady that I was supposed to meet with on Tues. is from. Its in a nearby town--closer than the hospital. Since it had only been 2.5 weeks since my surgery, she didn't think I'd want the real deal yet--just the soft form. But I told her I need the real thing because the soft ones are too light and too hard to match. I can always switch later in the day if it gets to be too much. Every morning when I put my bra on with the "falsie" I think to myself I can't believe I'm doing this. It still seems so weird to me. I'm not sad about it anymore--but its still hard to believe it really happened.
After that I went to Party City with Rachel and Alyssa to buy stuff for Shonna's grad party. Brennan was with too and he looked so cute sitting up in the shopping cart! What a big boy he is now!
Thursday a good friend and prayer warrior, Marge, stopped by for a short visit and brought us a meal. We ate it that night, as I was tired from shopping. Thanks Marge!! It was very good! Later in the afternoon my mom, Alyssa and I went to Sam's Club to do some more shopping for the grad party. Wow, have I spent a lot of money the last few days!!
Friday I was supposed to go for a wig fitting at the American Cancer Society. I can get one free there because insurance doesn't pay for it (I'm not complaining--insurance has paid for everything else, including my prosthesis and bras!). I don't want to spend a lot of money on something I'll only wear for a few months. Anyways, I said "supposed to go" because I woke up very sick and could hardly move! I think it was some sort of flu. Thankfully not the stomach kind! But all my joints and back ached and I had a fever. I took lots of ibuprofen and Tylenol throughout the day. The saddest part was that I couldn't go to see my baby graduate! My head hurt too bad and I was very weak feeling. Jaren recorded it for me and Rich took pictures. And it will be playing on our local TV station too. Shonna didn't seem to mind, but I cried! I'm so proud of her. She is a "graduate with distinction" and had her pic in the local paper, along with the other top academic achievers. We are so blessed to have such wonderful daughters!
Today started off slow. I was still very achy over night and ended up sleeping on the recliner for a few hours. Still had the fever this morning, but I think it is gone now. I'm just a little weak and tired. I was able to go to a grad party this afternoon.
I still have so much to do for Shonna's party next week. I start chemo on Monday, and have a wig appt. on Wed. I hope I can make it to that one. I need to get one asap. My hair should start to fall out about 10-14 days after my first chemo. I need more scarves and hats too! I think I'm going to get it cut shorter later this week, and then figure out a plan for getting it shaved when the time comes. Another thing I have a hard time believing I'll have to do!! NOT looking forward to it. Its going to be hard not to just hibernate for the next 6 months or so. I'm so thankful for my church family because I know they will see me through this, and not care what I look like! And, of course, my family is soooo supportive too.
The good thing about starting chemo is that I'll feel like I'm doing something to fight the cancer. I do worry about it traveling to other parts of my body. That's my human nature. But the Holy Spirit, living inside me, reminds me that its not for me to worry about--it's all in God's hands.
When I was at the hospital on Tues. I stopped into the cancer center and asked one of the nurses of I could take an Ativan with the type of chemo I'm getting. She said yes! So I will be taking one before I go on Monday. It's for anxiety and nausea. I think I'll have both just walking in there knowing I have to get chemo again. I'm a bit nervous about being back in that chair! Thankfully I have wonderful nurses caring for me. And Rich will be right there with me too. :)
Well, that's a long post! I guess it usually ends up that way doesn't it?
Thanks for the continued prayers! God really is faithful and hears them. There is a reason....
Love you all!
Tina
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Busy Busy
I have thought often, this last week, about updating my blog. But either I have been busy, or just too tired. I'm pretty tired right now too. I can hardly do anything after work these days. Not sure why I got so tired again, I had been doing better. I know my thyroid has been messed up again, and that takes a while to get back to where its supposed to be.
Alyssa and Jaren's wedding is coming up on Sunday. I'm so glad she has everything under control, because I haven't been much help! Tomorrow night we have a rehearsal, Friday night we have some other plans, Saturday we have the groom's dinner at the Zech's, and Sunday we have to up bright and early to start getting ready for the wedding/reception. Then Monday is when I lose my left breast to the surgeon. :(
After that I'll be able to finally get some rest, while I am healing. But as soon as I feel well enough I have to try on and buy a wig, buy scarves and hats, and get my hair cut short. Then it will be time to start chemo.
I really hope this chemo doesn't make me throw up. Its supposed to be a little easier to handle than my last stuff, so I hope that's the case for me. I've been reading the discussion boards and alot of people do have some nausea, and most have a few days of fatigue--where they lay around for 2 or 3 days. That's not so bad. It's also supposed to cause constipation--which, if it doesn't get too bad, is actually kinda nice! When I took pain meds after my lumpectomy it was nice to only have to go once or twice a day! I just make sure I take Senekot or something so it doesn't get too bad.
Last Saturday I had to shop for a dress for the wedding. I was not happy that I couldn't find just the right dress, and looking at cute clothes was depressing me. I felt like crying over every little thing, and couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that I was mourning what I was about to lose. Looking at clothes and knowing it'll be a long time before I look good in them again. And I was upset about losing my hair too. It just all caught up to me and I wanted to hide and cry. But, of course we had a busy day! A friend was talking to me at a grad party at church and she wanted to know how I was REALLY doing (a true friend!), and I started crying. We went into the prayer room (with Rich too), and talked a bit, and then she prayed for me. I felt much better after that, and have been feeling better since. I'm still not happy about the whole thing, more like resigned to the fact that its going to happen. I feel like my whole life is about to change. I don't want it to! I'm so thankful I have such a loving and supportive family. They will love me and be by my side no matter what I look like! I'm also blessed to be a part of a wonderful church family. They really let Jesus shine through them!
Only 2 more days of work! I don't know when I'll be able to go back. I'll let the school know in August whether or not I'll be coming back at the start of the school year.
Well, Rich and I are going to go for a little walk--gotta be back for American Idol! I'll put up some pics of the wedding when I get a chance.
Love to all!
Tina
1Peter 1:6-7, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (NIV)
Alyssa and Jaren's wedding is coming up on Sunday. I'm so glad she has everything under control, because I haven't been much help! Tomorrow night we have a rehearsal, Friday night we have some other plans, Saturday we have the groom's dinner at the Zech's, and Sunday we have to up bright and early to start getting ready for the wedding/reception. Then Monday is when I lose my left breast to the surgeon. :(
After that I'll be able to finally get some rest, while I am healing. But as soon as I feel well enough I have to try on and buy a wig, buy scarves and hats, and get my hair cut short. Then it will be time to start chemo.
I really hope this chemo doesn't make me throw up. Its supposed to be a little easier to handle than my last stuff, so I hope that's the case for me. I've been reading the discussion boards and alot of people do have some nausea, and most have a few days of fatigue--where they lay around for 2 or 3 days. That's not so bad. It's also supposed to cause constipation--which, if it doesn't get too bad, is actually kinda nice! When I took pain meds after my lumpectomy it was nice to only have to go once or twice a day! I just make sure I take Senekot or something so it doesn't get too bad.
Last Saturday I had to shop for a dress for the wedding. I was not happy that I couldn't find just the right dress, and looking at cute clothes was depressing me. I felt like crying over every little thing, and couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that I was mourning what I was about to lose. Looking at clothes and knowing it'll be a long time before I look good in them again. And I was upset about losing my hair too. It just all caught up to me and I wanted to hide and cry. But, of course we had a busy day! A friend was talking to me at a grad party at church and she wanted to know how I was REALLY doing (a true friend!), and I started crying. We went into the prayer room (with Rich too), and talked a bit, and then she prayed for me. I felt much better after that, and have been feeling better since. I'm still not happy about the whole thing, more like resigned to the fact that its going to happen. I feel like my whole life is about to change. I don't want it to! I'm so thankful I have such a loving and supportive family. They will love me and be by my side no matter what I look like! I'm also blessed to be a part of a wonderful church family. They really let Jesus shine through them!
Only 2 more days of work! I don't know when I'll be able to go back. I'll let the school know in August whether or not I'll be coming back at the start of the school year.
Well, Rich and I are going to go for a little walk--gotta be back for American Idol! I'll put up some pics of the wedding when I get a chance.
Love to all!
Tina
1Peter 1:6-7, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (NIV)
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