Oct. 2014: Summer's Gone; Fall is Here!

I've been thinking of writing this blog post since the end of August!  I realize I've lost most of my readers by now, but I would still like to share the "after cancer" life.  Many who stop by here have cancer, and I feel it might be helpful for them to know what life might be like after treatment is over. Also, it's important to me to let others, who haven't experienced cancer, know what life can be like.
How many of you thought that if you get cancer, and it hasn't spread, that you go through some treatments that make you sick and lose your hair, and then when you are finished you go on your merry way--never to think about cancer again? Show of hands?? Mine is raised too!  I think I probably realized that life might be a little different for a survivor--you know, they stop and smell the roses more, that type of thing.  Let me share a bit with you what life is really like.
FOLFOX is the standard chemo regimen for colorectal cancer.  It does a great job of killing cancer cells.  It also kills good things--like nerves, hair follicles, toenails, the skin on the hands and feet, etc.  I've heard of people losing their hearing and having heart attacks from it.  If you've ever had FOLFOX, you will probably have some sort of after effects from it.  4.5 years after finishing, I still have burning, numbness, and tingling in my hands and feet.  I also had AC+T chemo for breast cancer.  I completely lost my hair (which is still thinner now than before), and the Taxol made my neuropathy worse.  It's another nasty combo that can also cause heart trouble.
Then there is the colon surgery.  If you are fortunate enough to have a tumor that is high in the colon, you may not have as many issues as a person with a low tumor.  But it is still a major surgery, and your colon will work differently, and there is always the risk of strictures and blockages caused by scar tissue. People with low tumors (like mine) have all sorts of changes in their bowels.  Some days they can hardly leave the bathroom, and then, without warning they can be constipated for for several days. Some can't work because the issues are so bad.  Some who had a temporary stoma, that was reversed and their colon was reconnected, have asked to go back to a bag because having to constantly "go" is ruining their life.  Breast cancer surgery can cause "frozen shoulder" which can last for years, and some people never regain full use of their arm/s.  Some surgeries move muscle around and then those people need physical therapy, and, again, they may never be able to get back to where they were before surgery.  If lymph nodes are removed that person will always be at risk for lymphedema--which is swelling in the arm.  They may need special massages, phys. therapy, and wear special sleeves.  Once it starts, it never goes away. Oh, and it's usually not just one surgery for breast cancer, but many, over the course of many years. Did you expect your co-worker who had breast surgery to come back to work and be able to lift and carry and do everything they did before?  Well, they may need to do things differently, and may be gone a lot for therapies and surgeries--be kind to them!  And pray it never happens to you!
Some people who have cancer also have to have radiation.  I had it for both my colorectal cancer, and my breast cancer.  For some, this is the worst of all.  There are lots of internal organs that also get blasted, esp. when the cancer is in the stomach or pelvic area.  There are too many problems that can happen to even list here.  Some are scar tissue build-up, colon and bladder scar tissue and bleeding, skin that never heals or is always easily irritated, weakening of structures that can lead to fistulas, hernias, and ruptures, and on and on.  Other than tightening of the skin on my chest and armpit, I have not had too many side effects of the rads I had for breast cancer.  It most likely caused some scarring on my heart and lungs, but hopefully I will never notice that.  It also increased my risk for skin cancer and lung cancer--it is radiation after all! Both chemo and rads increase risk for cancer in the future.
Ok, those are only some things that can happen to colorectal and breast cancer survivors--there are many other types of cancer, each with their own set of problems. If you read all that, I want to thank you. You are a person who cares about others and wants to be aware of what people with cancer go through.  Expecting your friend, co-worker, or loved one to be back to "normal" after their cancer is gone is not helpful.  Ask them how they are doing, what side effects they still have, what help they may still need. I have a friend that just finished a long and difficult treatment for stage 4 colorectal cancer, and she is getting a break, but no one knows for how long.  Her family has been pressuring her to go back to work, and they don't want to hear about any of her problems--she was even told she was making stuff up while she was still getting chemo!! I can't imagine!  I'm sooooo very thankful for my family.  They know I still have some difficult days, and sometimes I need to miss an event (which when I do I usually end up in tears because I'm sad and frustrated I have to stay home!).  Thankfully, those days are getting fewer.  5.5 years out from my colon resection things are still slowly improving.  I'm STILL learning what I can and can't eat, although sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to it!  Overall, I am doing better, and even my fatigue is better and I'm not completely exhausted every day after work.  
Today is a "bad tummy" day, which causes me a lot of pain (you know, all those radiated areas!), and I came home from work and took a pain pill. (Which is why I have time to sit and write this--I can't do much else right now!) I hurt so bad that I wasn't going to suffer one more minute! Taking a pain pill is very rare--I took a 1/2 a pill about 2-3 weeks ago, and before that it had been about 6 weeks since I needed one.  I had another surgery on my backside in Aug, and will need another one soon.  Repairing things "back there" is tricky.  One wrong cut could leave me needing diapers or a colostomy (bag) for the rest of my life. Also, radiated skin doesn't heal very well, so I could end up with a gaping wound that takes months and months to heal.  
I had acupuncture this summer for neuropathy, and it helped a bit, but I think I'll save that for another post.  I also need to tell you about my trip to Florida with my "Pearls" (breast cancer sisters!)!  There are some blessings that came out of my cancer journey, and they are a huge blessing to me!
So, that gives me a few reasons to update again soon!  If anyone with cancer comes across this blog, and wants to talk more, my e-mail address is nuttyoaks at gmail dot com.  I have some great resources I can share with you, and am always willing to share my experiences and help you through your treatment!
God bless you all!  Look for another update soon!
Tina

Neglected Blog!

Well now, I've neglected this blog for over 6 months!  Anyone just stopping by for the first time, make sure you check out the tab at the top labeled "My Journey".  That will give you an overview of my 2 cancers and treatments, and also give you links to take you to the beginning of each cancer diagnosis.
I recently had several tests done and met with my oncologist for my 6 month check up.  I've had CT scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis, a brain MRI, lots of labs, a mammogram, and .....I think that's it, although I feel like I'm missing something.  Bottom line---everything looks good!! And yes, I DO have a brain!  ;)
I won't have to have any more CT scans, because I've reached my 5 year anniversary for the colon cancer, which means NO MORE colon cancer!  I will still have a chest MRI for the breast cancer, and see my onc. every 6 months.
My brain MRI was because of some unusual headaches I've been having.  Still don't know what's causing them, but it's not brain cancer (THANK YOU LORD!!!!!).  That is the only test that has really scared me.  I REALLY was afraid that they might find a tumor up there.  I can handle tumors almost anywhere else--just NOT MY BRAIN.
The other thing I've been having issues with is the neuropathy in my feet.  I talked to my primary physician, and she put me on Neurontin (gabepentin).  I only stayed on it 9 days because it made me so groggy. I was supposed to double the dose on day 14, but there was no way I was going to do that.  My onc. wants me to try acupuncture, which surprised me because he's sort of a skeptic about things, but we've both heard many people say they've had improvement with it.  I haven't done it yet...I keep forgetting to call my insurance to see if they cover it.  If that doesn't work, Cymbalta might help. My neuropathy isn't too bad, but the burning feeling on the bottoms of my feet has been getting worse.  It's never terribly painful, just annoying.  It hurts worse when I've been on my feet a lot, or with any extreme temperature.  Too hot or too cold--they both cause that burning feeling.
Stomach/digestive issues are still there, but probably always will be due to the type of  colon resection surgery I had (Low Anterior Resection).  Things are better, but I find the side effects from cancer treatment to be very annoying some days.  I get tired of it and it gets me down sometimes.  I realized a while ago that I am almost always in some kind of pain/discomfort--no wonder I feel blue sometimes!  But don't worry, overall I feel happy and blessed!  Because, hey, I'm alive and cancer free, right??  :)
Well, that's my little update for now.  March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness month, so if you are over 50, and haven't had your colonoscopy, GO GET IT DONE ASAP.  Colorectal cancer can be PREVENTED by getting your screenings done!  If you are younger and have any bowel changes, bleeding, etc. INSIST on getting a colonoscopy.  More and more young people are getting colon and rectal cancer now.  The best way to fight this disease is to catch it early!
Blessings!!
Tina

Four Years!

February 6th was the 4 year anniversary of my tumor being found during a colonoscopy.  I was having some symptoms that my primary Dr.(pcp) and gastro Dr. both thought were irritable bowel or colitis.  Thankfully, before my pcp looked further into my symptoms, she wanted me to have a colonoscopy, and then we'd know more what we were dealing with.  We were ALL surprised when the tumor was found. The gastro doc doing the procedure saw it right away (I was given some good drugs, but was fully awake) and said "See that? That shouldn't be there".  After the exam the doc came in and told us he was sure it was cancer, although we needed to wait for the pathology report for the 'official' word. I am so grateful Rich was with me!  We just held each other when the Dr. left.  Then he came back, and told me he had set up a CT scan for me that afternoon.  Things moved really fast!  I remember the nurse giving me a hug when she walked us out and telling me I was going to be ok.  That was so sweet, and yet scared me because I didn't really realize the gravity of the situation yet.  Thanks to my 'happy drugs', I wasn't too upset yet--I told Rich in the truck after to stop looking so gloomy!  Poor guy, he just found out his wife had cancer!  I'm sure he was overwhelmed! (I don't think I'll ever know how hard all of this was on him, as he did a good job of keeping it from me.  He was an EXCELLENT caregiver, and I'll always be grateful for that!)
Like I said, things moved quickly.  My CT scan didn't show any other areas of cancer (except a possible lymph node).  My gastro doc also contacted a surgeon, and an appt. to see him was scheduled, then my pre-op, then the surgery on Feb. 20th, just 2 weeks later.  During surgery, 18" of my colon was removed and I was able to be reconnected.  I came close to needing a colostomy, but am thankful I didn't!  It was a tough surgery, and I was in the hospital 8 days.  2 of 20 lymph nodes had cancer, and I was stage 3b.
My wonderful oncologist told me this type of cancer could be CURED.  Because of my young age (44),  I was given everything they could possibly throw at me!  None of my chemos were reduced, even with bad side effects.  Once he even let me get chemo when my counts were really low--the nurse had to go ask him if the orders were correct!  But he knew my counts always bounced back quickly when I had a neupogen shot, so he wasn't worried! I think it made a difference that my onc knew me well enough to know that I really wanted to complete all the treatments.  If I had said it was too hard and I wanted to back off a bit he probably would have, as I think he would have respected my wishes.  Same thing with radiation.  That was even more difficult, and I was told I didn't need to finish, but it was important to me to finish those last 3, and I did!  Although, I have to say, I never realized all the side effects I would have to live with!
Sometimes I have a hard time remembering how awful it all was, and other times I remember too well! I get frustrated dealing with painful side effects, but mostly, I am just so glad to be living life, cancer free.  I am enjoying my children and grandchildren.  My girls are such a blessing to me!  They really stepped up and did everything they could to help me get through those tough days of cancer treatment. I'm sure it was hard to watch their mom get cancer TWICE.  They are amazing young women!
Enough reminiscing...my 6 month CT scans are coming up next Monday, Feb. 18th.  I'll also get my labs done that day too.  Then the following week I see my oncologist and have a mammogram.  This coming Thurs. (the 14th) I'll see my colorectal surgeon about the fistula, and I'm thinking I'll have to have surgery on that soon. That is a side effect from surgery and radiation.  :(   
1 more year and I'll hit that 5 year mark!  I'm going to ask Dr. J about being 'cured'; if that still fits my case or not.  I don't remember if the breast cancer will ever be considered cured--maybe because I was  only stage 2b, I can be cured of that too.  I'm not sure--I hope I remember to ask! April 1st will be 3 years from the breast cancer diagnosis.
Life goes on, and God is good! :)
Love,
Tina

Another Update

Well, don't know if anyone is out there reading this any more, but thought it was time for an update.  I've written blog posts in my head many times, but for some reason I just haven't taken the time to actually write it here!
As always, I'll start with a health update.  I saw both my colorectal surgeon (Dr.T) and my oncologist (Dr. J) a few weeks ago. The fistula has been bleeding more, and apparently something came loose, and Dr.T fixed it.  I found out she does colonoscopies (I had been going to a gastro doc for my previous scopes) and told her I'd like to see her for my next one, which is due in March.  Because there has been some bleeding, Dr. T. said insurance wouldn't have a problem with doing it sooner, and she figured my deductible has probably been met for the year, so we may as well get it done. She assured me, a couple of times, that she doesn't think the bleeding means there is anything wrong, and I agree.  Because of the radiation damage and fistula, there will always be some bleeding.  So, I am scheduled to have my colonoscopy next Monday, Dec. 3rd (yikes!).  
My 3 month check up with Dr. J went well. My blood tests are all ok, although my hemoglobin and red blood cell count both dropped a little.  Dr. J wasn't too concerned, and I told him I started taking a daily iron pill.  He checked my reflexes this time, and my wrists and knees were fine, but my ankles still don't respond.  This is from the neuropathy in my feet. I've been noticing that my balance seems slightly worse.  Just small things, nothing major.  This is probably from the neuropathy also.  I told him next time I see him (in 3 months) I'll be 4 years out from my diagnosis  of colon cancer (and 3 years from breast cancer).  He said that if the cancer does return, it wouldn't be as aggressive as a cancer that came back sooner.  He still wants to do scans every 6 months, so if anything does turn up we would be able to fight it aggressively, because I am still young and healthy (I love hearing that I am young!).   Dr. J also asked if I have been exercising, which the answer is an obvious no.  I think that was his gentle way of telling me he noticed I've been gaining weight.  This weight thing is so frustrating!  My metabolism is almost non-existent!  Oh well...I'll just have to try harder! 
Up until about 2 weeks ago I had been in a lot of pain (backside issues).  Sometimes it gets me a bit down.  You'd think after nearly 4 years I would have figured out what causes the 'bad' days. All I know is I have more bad days than good.  Although, whenever I have a stretch of good (like now), I hope that this will become the norm, and not the bad days!
I find there are still a lot of things that bring me back to my chemo days.  Thankfully, the nausea doesn't come back though.  For instance, today I heated up a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes, and it reminded me of how I ate them a lot during chemo.  I could almost feel that fog I was in for so many days each round of chemo.  There are reminders almost daily.
I always try to make sure people know (both those that are recently dx'd with cancer, and those that don't have it) that when the treatment stops, things don't go back to "normal".  This is where the term "new normal" really fits.  Because side effects, pain, psychological effects, are all a part of my life now.  I don't mean that to sound so bad, because I truly am grateful to be here and be cancer free.  But I think people need to know, so they can understand what they might go through, or what someone else might be dealing with.
God has answered so many prayers recently for my family and me.  I'm going to press in and pray for healing for my pain issues.  I've been praying for help with my fatigue, and I am feeling a bit better.  I just get busy and unfortunately don't have much energy left to spend time in God's Word as much as I should.  I really need to do that more...there is nothing like the feeling I get when I spend time with God!
Family update:  it's been so long since I blogged, I forgot I never wrote about my new granddaughter!  Alyssa and Jaren had their baby on 10/15, 3 weeks early, but she was considered full term.  They named her Selah ("say-la") Marie.  Selah is a musical term in Psalms that means to pause, or pause and reflect.  She is a beautiful little girl, and the new family is doing great.  They have plenty of babysitters to help them out!  Here is a picture of Selah, and one of my grandsons:

Aren't they cute?  Charlie is doing so well!  He is standing by himself in this picture!  He can walk with a walker.  It's hard to believe he is the same tiny 3 and a half year old that came to us from Ukraine. What a gift he is! Brennan is as smart as ever, and at the age of 3 he is reading a few words!  Love my babies!
Shonna is doing great at college--she just registered for spring sem.  I LOVE having her back in MN!  
Thanks for reading!  Let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you readers--be sure to contact me if you have questions about cancer (chemo, radiation, breast, colon, etc., etc.)  OR if you want info about adopting a beautiful child from an orphanage.  Or maybe you want to know how you can help a child other ways besides adopting.  Please ask!  You can e-mail me at nuttyoaks@gmaildotcom.  You can also send me prayer requests, and I'll be happy to pray for you or send you some helpful Bible verses. :)
God bless!
Tina

A Loooong Overdue Update!

Well, I've been putting off updating, because so much has happened since March (I can't believe it's been that long!) that this could be a REALLY long post.  I'll do my best to shorten all the news, and hopefully update more often!
Let's start with my health~thankfully not much has changed!  I still have the Seton thingy in my fistula, and it's feeling a bit better (although sore now from sitting so long!).  I recently had an ultrasound of the area, but I can't get in to see my surgeon again until Aug 7th to find out the results and what we do next.  Remember, this was caused by the radiation I had for colon cancer, and the radiated skin makes this a bit more tricky. For now, we wait and see what the surgeon says.  She is really good, and I trust her judgement.
In May I had my 3 month check up with my oncologist and had my labs done.  Everything looks good--some things, like hemoglobin and platelets, have improved. I continue to have problems with neuropathy, esp. in my feet, I continue to be tired a lot, and I still have a lot of bowel issues from my Low Anterior Resection.  But I'm happy to be here, and be alive!  My surgery was over 3 years ago--can you believe it?!
In Aug. I'll have labs, CT scans, MRI, and see my onc. again.  I had an MRI and Mammogram in Feb., but he wants to start staggering them and doing one of them every 6 months.  So, I'll have the MRI in Aug., and the mammo  next Feb.  My oncologist is keeping a close eye on me, so if there ever is a recurrence, of either cancer, we'll catch it early!
Ok, on to other news!  In my last post I wrote about Rich going to a job interview that sounded promising--well he got that job!  The pay is BETTER, the people are nice, and the job is interesting, rewarding, and less stressful! The drive is about 24 miles one way (nearly double what he drove before), but it's not so bad.  He leaves early to beat the worst of the rush, and he is trying different routes.  What we thought might be a major trial, was God just answering my many prayers to get Rich a better job!   We have an AMAZING God (and He is amazing whether or not we go through difficult times!). Rich was miserable at the other place the last few years. Life is too short to live like that!
I have not found another job, and am thinking my little part time job at the school is really a blessing.  Although it doesn't bring in much money (enough for a car payment or 2), I get to spend more time with my girls and grandkids.  And those 3.25 hours a day I do work wear me out, so longer hours would be worse!  I still keep my eyes open for a quieter paperwork kind of job though.  That wouldn't wear me out as much as working with kids does.  But then I wouldn't have summers off, would I?
Now for the REALLY GOOD news! Alyssa is pregnant!!  And she is having a GIRL!  I am sooooo excited!  I was really hoping for a girl, because we've got the 2 boys.  Alyssa was hoping for a girl too, because she LOVES pink!  She warned Jaren that there might be 'pink overload'.  He is so good to her.  It makes him happy just to see her so happy about the baby.  Funny thing is, this wasn't planned, and they had actually just talked about putting off having kids for a long time.  God had other plans for them!  They will be great parents, and they will have lots of help!  Baby girl is due Nov. 5th.
Brennan and Charlie are growing like little weeds!  Charlie is walking with a walker, and can walk holding on to furniture.  He is so awesome.  He is happy, giggly, and loves to hug and be held! He'll soon be 5!  Brennan will be 3 the end of Sept.  He is so funny and has a great sense of humor.  Talks and sings all the time.
Alyssa and Jaren bought a house only 4 miles away.  They moved in mid-May.  Rachel and Ken sold their house in just a few days, and bought a house a little farther away.  They are about 25 min. away, instead of 5, but are a little closer to Ken's work.  Rachel is always planning and thinking about the next child they will adopt, but for now, there is work to be done on their new house, and 2 adorable little boys to give lots of attention to!
Shonna did move back home and we are so happy to have her back in MN!  She will be going to the the U of M!  Not the school I ever expected, but it is a lot less expensive than the Christian schools (even with some good scholarships she got!).  She adopted 2 cute bunnies, and they are taking up most of my family room!  But I love rodents, and these 2 are cute and have a lot of personality!  Shonna will eventually be going to live down the street with my sister.
Ok, how did I do?  Not too long I hope! I plan to do a post soon on some of the emotions and issues we cancer survivors can have.  I've experienced a lot of highs and lows lately.  But that's for another day....
May God greatly bless each reader that stops by here...love to all!
Tina

Cancer: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

The title of my blog is something you hear frequently in the cancer world.  It's not very often a person who has had cancer doesn't have some lingering side effects, either physical or psychological, or both.  I have been dealing with some painful side effects lately.  2 years ago I finished radiation for my colon cancer, and I am still suffering from the damage that caused.  It's not something I can talk about in too much detail, because it's just too personal, but I'll just say that some pretty tender tissues are fried!  And having 18" of colon removed causes some changes in the gastro system that contribute to the problem also.  I complain to my dear husband, and today I gave my nurse an earful!  I had to go in to get my port flushed, and my usual nurse, whom I adore, was there.  She started asking how I was doing and I said fine, except....then I told her everything, in detail.  It was SO NICE to be able to tell someone what's been going on with me.  And really, I wouldn't have told her so much, except, being the great nurse she is, she kept asking questions, and of course she will fill my oncologist in on everything too.  I told her I may be needing some more Percocet soon, as my bottle is a year old, so it's good that she will be filling the doc in on everything.  That way when I come asking for more drugs, he'll know why. :)  Percocet not only stops the pain, but it also slows down my system, which is helpful.
My shoulder has been hurting more lately, and that all started after my mastectomy.  I thought it was all better, but it started hurting again mid August.  Sometimes if I hold my arm a certain way for a while, when I move it, I get really sharps pains.  Like it gets stuck and it takes a bit for it to move without hurting again.  The pain is right in front of my shoulder socket--kind of a weird place.  Then the last few days it's started hurting up by the clavicle.  That is a spot that was hit by radiation, so that concerns me a little bit.  If either of these continue, I will go see my primary physician.
Then there is the ever present neuropathy.  There was an article recently about a study done on Oxaliplatin, which is the chemo that causes the most trouble with neuropathy.  It showed that in many cases, the neuropathy got worse for a few months after chemo, and is sometimes permanent.  They are finding that it is worse than they thought.  My neuropathy really is just a minor nuisance though.  I'm so thankful it isn't painful like some people's.
Who knew that cancer keeps giving and giving?  Sort of like the song that never ends...except this is the disease that never ends!
Ok, after all that negative stuff I just want to say that life is really good right now, and I count my many blessings everyday!  God is good, I'm alive, my cancer has not spread, my family is wonderful, and I have the 2 cutest grandsons ever!
Speaking of the boys, Charlie is healing really well from surgery.  Brennan is very happy to have his family all back together and at home!  He missed his brother! He gave him lots of hugs, and played with him a lot those first few days at home.    Charlie will be resuming physical, occupational and speech therapy 2 days a week next week, and starting preschool in 2 weeks!
May God bless you all!
Tina

A LONG week!

Well, I see I haven't written since last Wed.  The "yucks" were just starting to set in at that time...seems like a loooong time ago!  Thurs., Friday, and Sat. were spent just as expected--just trying to get through each day, spending a lot of time in bed.  Sat. morning I managed to get out for a very short shaky-legged walk, and in the evening Rich took me on a little drive and we got a DQ.  Unfortunately I've been craving chocolate malts--which is unusual for me!  Looks like I won't be losing as much weight this time around!  Sunday morning I still felt like crap, and when I took a shower I started to black out--literally eyes going dark.  Rich came in and helped me get to the bed, and I layed in front of the fan for a bit.  We debated calling my oncologist--it was the 4th, and I didn't want to spend time in the ER (not that I was going to do anything else that day!).  I've also had some chest congestion and a cough for over a week--I was concerned that might have had something to do with the blacking out.  I just took it easy the rest of the day.  Rich went to Jaren's parent's house for their 4th of July party, and I stayed home and played Facebook games!  (don't worry--he called and texted me often, and he was only 5 min. away!).  The next day, yesterday, I felt light-headed again in the shower, but caught it quickly so I didn't start losing vision.  Again, I layed down for a bit.  Then, since my hair has been coming out in handfuls, Rich and I went out on the deck and he cut it short, and buzzed the back with his trimmers.  Later I went out to the garage to watch the heavy rain with Rich, and felt woozy, and had to go sit down.  By this time I also had a little fever (99.5), so I thought I better call the doc.  I spoke with the on-call nurse (everything was closed yesterday!), and she was concerned about my heart and wanted me to come in right away.  She even said the safest thing to do would be to call 911 and take an aspirin.  Ummm, no.  I was worried about my heart, because one of my chemo drugs can cause heart problems (though supposedly rare), but didn't feel I was having a heart attack.  So Rich took me down to Regions ER.  The nurse had let them know I was coming, and because of possible heart issues, I got taken in within a few minutes.  I wore a scarf for the first time--one with a cap attached because my hair is falling out all over.  I felt guilty and that people were thinking--oh sure, the cancer lady gets to go right in....Although no one probably even noticed. Anyways--long story short (sort of!)--I spent several hours there, and didn't find out much!  I think the light-headedness is low blood pressure from the chemo.  My bp did go pretty low once while I was there (99/45ish).  The heart and chest were ok.  The biggest problem they found, and what took so long, was my white blood cell count was extremely low.  It took awhile because it was so low they ran it again to make sure.  The ER doc called one of the on call oncologists(my onc's partner) to discuss what to do.  They said I could go home, if I felt ok doing so, and they would talk to my onc. in the morning and he would call me.  So I came home, with strict orders to come back if my temp reached 100.4 (I always wonder where they come up with that number?), or if I had a near fainting spell again.
When I got home I took some Tylenol (for a different pain), and about an hour later I was feeling sort of "agitated"--tense, uncomfortable.  Took my temp, and sure enough it was going up--100.2!  But I was tired, Rich needed to sleep and go to work in the morning, and by the time I got to the ER, the temp would probably be down from the Tylenol!  So I went to sleep!  I figured I could deal with it in the morning! 
My temp was in the mid 99's all morning (normal for me is mid 97's), and I finally called my onc to see if he had all the info from last night.  His nurse called me back.  He prescribed an antibiotic because of the fever, and the fact that I have no wbc's to fight an infection. 
So, that's all I know.  I feel better today, and didn't have any woozy spells.  Still lack of energy, but was able to move around and do a few things.  I feel MUCH better being on an antibiotic (altho he always gives me the scary one with all the warnings!  Its called Levaquin).  I finally took some Tylenol, and that brought my temp down and helped me to feel better too.
Rich and I just went out for a short walk--thought I could do the block, but legs got shaky and started sweating not far from home.  But any moving is a good thing.  I don't know what my platelets are, but I worry about blood clots, since I had one last summer.
I am soooooooo disappointed to be feeling this crappy 8 days out from my last chemo.  There are things I need to do!  Really frustrated...
I want to say thanks to my sis for bringing us meals almost every night last week!  We were well fed, and had lots of leftovers.  She calls whenever she's out and about to see if I need anything (Sunday I "needed" a choc. Frosty from Wendy's!).  Today she picked up my prescription for me. The wonderful peeps at church sent a meal the week before, and a neighbor also sent some food over!  How nice to be thought of!  I continue to get the occasional card and e-mail too---just friends and family making sure I know they are still thinking about me. 
Speaking of family, my cousin is in MN for the first time in 8 years, and having a grad party for her daughter.  Its about 2 (3?) hours away in the Rochester area.  I am hoping to go (its Sat.), but now I'm not so sure if I'll feel like it.  I SHOULD feel like it--but unfortunately things never work out the way they SHOULD with this cancer crap!  (Did I mention I was frustrated?)
Tomorrow night I am going to a class called "Look Good, Feel Better".  Its a popular class put on by the Am. Cancer Soc.  They teach you make up tips (how to draw on eyebrows, etc.), and hair loss tips.  I'm hoping they will teach me how to tie scarves.  Alyssa has been practicing with the scarf she got (matches one of mine), so I asked her to go with me.  I'll get a bunch of make up to bring home too.
Thursday I have another bra fitting.  Insurance pays for 6 a year, and I only have 1 good one (bra that is! lol!).
I find myself going to my list of Bible verses at the top of this page quite often.   On my worst "out of it" days, I unfortunately don't feel like praying much either--not because of any 'issue" I have with God, just because I don't care much about anything.  But I am often awake in the middle of the night, and that is when God reminds me to talk to Him.  I'll admit to a bit of "why me" lately--but as soon as I even think that I am reminded that He is with me ALWAYS, and watching over me.
Thanks for checking in!
God's blessings to all!
Tina
ps  Watch for my next post with pics of Rich cutting my hair!

Some Pics and an Update

The top pic is of me getting the "red devil" (Adriamycin) at my first chemo on June 14th.  The nurse has to slowly inject it into my port tubing.  It is a toxic drug and can cause a lot of damage if it should leak out of the vein.  That is why the nurse has to do it, instead of it hanging in an iv bag like the other chemo drugs.  Notice that she gets gown, gloves, and glasses, and I don't :).  This nurse is one of 2 that I usually have.  Her name is Andrea, and we just love her (well, we love them all!).  She is so perky and happy, and she reminds us of our niece Kyla.  We love to hear her stories about her toddler, and she loves to look at our pics of family, and especially Brennan!  I hope she can always stay positive--she is such a bright face in a place that can be so depressing.  I don't know how those nurses do it!  It's definitely a God-given gift!

The 2nd pic is a few days later when I got my new haircut.  Everyone seems to really like it.  On Facebook I joked how I paid $38 for a 10 day haircut, because it should be falling out soon.  I'm glad I tried something new first.  Gotta have a little fun, right?  And now I'll have less hair to fall out.

I have to say that I had some "down" days last week.  Not really depressed, just down.  I had so hoped that this chemo would be easier than my last stuff. But it really wasn't. Maybe I was a little less "out of it", but just barely, and this was only my first round.  Thank goodness I only have 4 rounds of this stuff, instead of 12 like last time!  I will have more chemo (Taxol) after these 4 rounds, but maybe that won't be as bad?  I think I've heard that its not--but with me, you never know!  My nausea has been there most every day, but thankfully, no vomiting.  Today was the first day I didn't need any anti-nausea meds.  The past few days I've just needed one.  I also have had more mouth sores.  It got to the point where my whole mouth felt pretty hacked up, but it didn't get too painful.  I've been pretty good about rinsing my mouth with baking soda and water.  Today my mouth seems to be getting better.

The day after chemo I had to get a Neulasta shot.  I had no bone pain at all from it--until yesterday!  I suppose that makes sense, because the shot works for 2 weeks, and now is the time in my chemo cycle when my white blood counts are taking a hit.  I took ibuprofen and Tylenol (and a claritin), and it didn't get too bad.  I will keep alternating the pills to stay ahead of the pain. 

We had Shonna's grad party on Sunday at our church.  My sister, Dee, and my friend, Heidi, did a TON of work for the party.  I had lots of other helpers too!  I was a little out of it, and had to sit a lot, but I'm very happy with how things turned out.  And glad its over with!  That was the last graduation for my hubby's family.  We have a few years to wait before the last one on my side!  Emma is going in to 6th grade, I think?

Well, I'm sure there was more I was going to write about, but can't think of what that might be.  I'm feeling good today, and hoping to have some more good days before round 2 on Monday.  There's so much to do!  I need to just accept that I won't be able to do much next week, and go with it.  Its when I try to fight it, and can't, that I start to feel depressed.  Cancer really sucks (I so hate that word, but nothing sounds as right).  I will try to remember to spend more time reading Psalms and reading my Bible verses that helped me so much last time.  Like I said before, I kept trying to fight the fatigue, instead of finding ways to make it through better.  Be warned, family!  I'll be taking to my room and doing what I have to, to get through this!  I know it sucks for them too.  I'm sure they're just as sick and tired of watching me be sick and tired, as I am feeling that way (did that make sense?).  But they are wonderful and strong and take good care of me!  Keep them in your prayers!

Love and blessings to you all!

Tina

Life is Good!

I've had a busy week. I like being busy, but the house sure suffers when I'm gone alot! And it makes the days pass too quickly. There are still things I'm hoping to get done before I go back to work on the 1st of March.
Wed. I went to church to do some copying for the Children's pastor, who happens to be a good friend of mine. It was nice to visit with her! I used to help her out once a week after work, and it felt good to be able to help out again! I plan on going there every week again like I used to.
After helping out at church, I had lunch with a retired friend from work. It was a nice lunch, and I'm glad we could finally get together!
After lunch I went to Target to get groceries. By the time I got home, my legs were really tired! Too much standing and walking around. I guess I still got some work to do on building my strength back up!
Today I had my mammogram. It was 6 months over due. I was more nervous than usual. I guess knowing that there could still be cancer cells floating around in my body made me wonder if they could end up in my breasts. I have a family history of breast cancer, and always assumed if I did get cancer, that's where I'd get it. The tech that did the test on me today told me that if more pictures were needed they'd call me Mon. or Tues. She said a couple of times that she can't read the scans, the radiologist did that. I kept wondering if she saw something and just wasn't telling me. I think I was reading WAY too much into it. :)
After the mammogram I had lunch with Rich, Jaren, and Alyssa. I had been wanting Chinese for awhile and there was a good buffet nearby. After we were done eating Rich took a lens cleaning wipe out of his pocket to clean his sunglasses (I think). The smell of alcohol from the wipe immediately made me feel sick to my stomach. I was surprised at my response. Its from having the nurses wipe my port with alcohol (or something that smells like it) before chemo. I don't like
having psychological responses to things--it makes me feel like I'm not in control of myself. I expected to have that response when I get my port flushed, but not everytime I smell alcohol, no matter where I am!
I am sort of looking forward to having my port flushed, because it'll be nice to see the nurses again, but I am nervous too, because of the nausea. And it'll just be weird being back there. I would like to volunteer at the cancer center, if I didn't have to work. I might do it in the summer, when I have off.
Tomorrow I'm having lunch with a former classmate that I haven't seen since 1982! I found her on facebook and found out she is a cancer survivor too. She has a very positive, supportive attitude that has helped me through some rough days. There are many others that cheered me on too!
Friday night Rich and I are having dinner with friends that used to be our neighbors. Its been a year or 2 since we have gotten together with them, and I expect it to be a fun evening. Its soooo nice to finally feel well enough to get out and see people again! I used to put off getting together with friends, thinking there would always be time later. Now I know that there might not be time later, and friendships have become much more important to me. Especially those who have stood by me through this past year.
Its been more than 3 weeks since my last chemo, and I still have the neuropathy. It hasn't faded much. My cold sensitivity is hardly noticeable. I just can't hold frozen items for long, but I can have ice water, and ice cream again! Also, my eyes are still watering, but it seems to have slowed down a bit in the last few days.
I've been using the Wii Fit to try and build my strength up and keep from gaining weight. Its been helping my legs get stronger, but not so much the weight! I'm really trying to eat better, but all this going out to eat makes it difficult. I'll have to work harder at the exercise!
Oh--Brennan is coming over in the morning. Shonna will be here to watch him when I leave for lunch. He really brightens my day!
Well, that's my rambling update. Life is good!
Love and blessings!
Tina

My First "Cancerversary" Tomorrow

Yep, tomorrow is the day. One year ago my gastro doc found a large tumor in my colon. I was given some "happy" drugs to relax me, but I was awake during the whole procedure, and watching on the screen. When you have a colonoscopy (at least mine was this way) the doc puts the scope all the way in, then looks closely at the colon as he slowly pulls it back out. He zipped past the tumor, stopped, backtracked a little and said "See that? That's not supposed to be there". Then he went on with the scope and did a biopsy of the tumor when he got back to it on the way out. I didn't question anything at that point. I knew he'd talk to me after, and I wanted all the info at once. Thankfully, when he told us (Rich and me) it was most likely cancer, I was still under the affects of the drugs, so it didn't upset me too much. As we were leaving to go get some food, I told Rich to stop being so mopey about it! Poor guy, of course he was upset! We went out to eat, went home for a bit, then went to get a ct scan. Thankfully the scan didn't show anymore cancer--just a lymph node near the tumor.
I doesn't feel like its been a year, its feels like it was just a few months ago. I've been through so much this past year--My first ever surgery, chemo, radiation that put me in the hospital 2 more times, and more chemo. Some of the highest highs, and lowest lows I've ever had in my life. The highs are from all the people that cared about me, prayed for me, and sent us meals, gifts, and cards. Also feeling God's presence and the love of my family were definitely highs!
Earlier this week I experienced some anxiety over the thought of going back to work in 2 weeks. I just didn't feel that I would be ready. Everytime I thought about it my stomach would tighten up. I was mostly worried about my neuropathy and being out in the cold doing recess for an hour each day. I finally called my doc to see what he thought. His nurse talked to him, then got back to me. He said he thinks taking 2 extra weeks off would be a good idea, and he doesn't want me going back until I feel ready. I was so thankful I called. So, I'm going back on March 1st, instead of Feb. 16th. I think I'll be ready by then--I'm just hoping for an early Spring!
Another weird anxiety I had was thinking about the upcoming Wed. It was 2 weeks after my last treatment, and if I had more treatments to do, Wed. would have been the day I had to go get my labs done, see the doc, and possibly get treatment. It just felt so weird to think that I didn't need to go in this time. Everytime I thought about it I would get that yucky feeling in my stomach that the alcohol and saline flush cause. I got the same feeling now just writing about it! I think there are going to be lots of little reminders and anxieties in the days and weeks to come!
On a good note, I bought a Wii Fit last weekend and am happy to say I have some sore muscles already! I've been trying to build up strength in my legs, and today I am taking a break because my legs are still tired from yesterday's workout!
I keep finding things around the house that I needed this past year, and then I realize I don't need them anymore. A few days ago I put away all my drugs that have been in a little wood box on my bathroom counter. I don't need all those pills anymore!! Yay! I only kept out my iron pills, because my hemoglobin has been low since my surgery. I'm sure I'll find more things in the days to come.
Overall, I think I am doing very well. My fingers and toes still tingle, and I still have a little cold senstivity. I can get things out of the freezer, but not hold them for long. I'm REALLY hating this winter. Can't wait for it to be over!
Well, that's all for today!
Blessings to all!
Tina

9 Days Post Chemo

Yesterday I went to a staff meeting at work (MAJOR budget cuts in our school district!). It was only a few degrees above zero at the time, and I probably should have stayed home! The school is only a 1/2 mile from my house, but since I was going to start the car up I thought I'd run up to the post office first. BAD IDEA! The car never really had time to warm up. By the time I got to the school my fingers and toes were tingling pretty bad from the cold. I had a scarf over my mouth to protect my throat, and that was a BIG help. Its -4 right now....I don't think I'll be going out today! Rich has been taking the dog out before work, and either Alyssa or Shonna take her out in the afternoon for me. I am so thankful for such a thoughtful family.
It was so nice to see my co-workers again and get some much needed hugs! I work with great people!
My cold sensitivity seems just a little worse this time, and the neuropathy in my finger tips and bottom of my feet seems a little worse too. My hair has started thinning more again--it had slowed down the last 2 weeks.
When I was getting ready for the meeting yesterday(you know, trying to do something with the hair and putting on a little make up), I thought I looked a little haggard. Everyone said I looked great, which was very nice to hear, but I knew that I wasn't looking my best. I had bags under my eyes, and for some reason, around this time in my chemo cycle, my "age spots" get darker brown on my face and hands, and lines are brownish too. This usually fades in a few days. Hopefully next time I see everyone at work I'll look even better! I plan on going back on Feb. 16th.
I've been thinking alot about how I'm going to keep the weight off (I'm still down 22 pounds!), and how I'm going to get my strength back for work. I'm a little worried about working with chemo brain, and still being weak. Monday I hope to start some type of exercise routine--either the treadmill or a pilates or aerobics dvd. I will start very slow, but I have to get moving somehow. My legs are so weak. I also like to lift weights, so I might do a little of that too.
So here's a chemo brain story: last night we were in a rush to go out to eat so Rich could make it to his class at church. Alyssa, Jaren, and Shonna were going with us. My sister stopped by and gave me a hug and said something about seeing me after her vacation (my mom, sis, and sis-in-law are on their way to Mexico right now!), and she wanted to talk to Shonna about taking care of her dogs. I kind of brushed her off, cuz we were on our way out the door. I couldn't figure out what the hurry was--they had a day or 2 before they left, right? Well, later Dee (my sis) called about moving cars around and such, and after the call I starting thinking--what day is it? Is it possible its TOMORROW morning they are leaving? I asked Alyssa what day it was and then I realized that it WAS tomorrow (Friday at 4 am!) that they were leaving and THAT was why Dee came to give me a hug and was in such a hurry to get everything done! It never once occurred to me during the day, so I never said good-bye to my mom. By the time I figured it all out she was already in bed. So I wrote her a note and put it on her suitcase. And I called Dee to apologize and wish her a wonderful trip. She laughed at me and said if she had known my chemo brain was that bad she would have played a trick on me--like telling me I owed her $400, and I just forgot that I agreed to pay it! Jeez, I hope somebody doesn't really play a trick on me like that--I'd probably fall for it! I've heard people say chemo brain can last for a year, and some have even had to change the way they learn something new. I may have to ask my special ed para/teacher friends for tips on how to learn new things! lol! My family laughs at me, but they are really supportive and helpful, thank goodness! Oh, btw, I got my steak and salad at Applebee's that I had been craving--yummy!
Ok, I always say "a little update" , and we all know that's not usually the case, so better end here! Maybe I'll have some more chemo brain stories for you next time :D

God is Good!!
Love,
Tina

Here's to Many "Lasts"

2 recent pictures of my grandson!

Friday I had my 5FU chemo pump removed for the last time, and took my last shower where I had to tape up my port with Glad Press N Seal! Yesterday I happily removed the hook from the wall near the shower where I hung my pump. I hated toting that thing around. I was always getting the tubing stuck on the kitchen drawer handles and such.
Saturday I did my last Neupogen shot. I had one left, so the doc said I may as well use it. We know that my wbc will drop, so this one shot will help keep them up a little and protect me from illness. My platelets were still low too, so they will be dropping lower after this last chemo. I'll have to remember to be careful the next week or 2 until they start coming back up.
It will be a long time (4 months!) before I get my blood checked again. I wish I could get it checked sooner, just so I would know that all my levels went back up.
Today is a crappy day. Woke up with nausea--I think I forgot to take my Zofran last night. Finally managed to have some oatmeal, warm oj, and coffee. Now I'm starting to feel yucky again--I'll probably take an Ativan soon. After eating and some coffee, I had just enough energy to take a quick shower, but it really tired me out!
I feel bad that I couldn't go to church--Shonna is singing with the worship team, and also doing the offering song. Rich and Alyssa are recording it for me on my new camcorder Rich gave me for Christmas. I hope all is going well! She gets nervous sometimes, but always does great once she starts singing. I don't know if I've said this before, but next Fall she is going to a music school run by The International House of Prayer (aka IHOP) in Kansas City. She wants to see what God has in store for her, and has no idea where it will take her. I find it very exciting, and am very proud of her for stepping out in faith like that.
Rachel's hubby left on a business trip today, so she will be taking care of Brennan on her own for a few days. Of course she knows she can always bring the little guy over here if she needs a break or a nap! Brennan still doesn't sleep much, he eats often. But he is 11 pounds now! A little chunker! :)
Alyssa's hubby should be home sometime this week!! We are so excited! He's in the US, but had to do some Sargent training before he came home. I think he's back in Fort Lewis, WA. He was in Utah for the training. We all want to see him right away, but we are going to let him decide when he's ready to see everyone. He may need some time to adjust to being home..and he and Alyssa probably need some time alone together! We haven't seen him since June. Speaking of "lasts" hopefully this will be Jaren's last deployment!
Even tho today is a yucky day, it makes it easier to handle knowing that I only have a few more days of this, and then I'll start feeling better for good! Not for just a week, then back to sick again!
I just hope I can get my strength back in the next few weeks for work. So much to do....
I hope this makes some sort of sense, and there are not too many errors! I'm too tired to proof read it again.
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina

Rachel Wants To Know How I'm Doing....

So I will update my blog just for her! Because, gosh, I haven't seen her in 2 whole days and she lives a whole 5 minutes away! (Love you Rachel!)
There really isn't a whole lot to say. I've been feeling better and better each day. It'll be 3 weeks tomorrow since my last chemo, and the only side effects I have are tingling fingers and toes (my fingers tingle with each tap on the keyboard!), and my legs are still weak. Shopping still wears me out!
I've been sleeping well--making it all night with no trips to the bathroom, or staring at the ceiling with my mind racing. I do notice that I fall asleep much faster than I ever did before. Rich and I listen to old time radio shows on the Ipod at bedtime each night, and I hardly ever make it to the end of the show, even though they are only 25-30 minutes long. That rarely happened pre-cancer.
I am able to enjoy cold things now, but my teeth seem extra sensitive to cold, esp. my molars. Eating an orange from the fridge hurts my teeth, as does rinsing my mouth with cold water.
Last week I didn't care too much about chemo being delayed, but now I'm REALLY hoping I can get it tomorrow. So please pray that all my blood counts are ok so I can have my final round! Its so hard to go back to feeling sick after feeling so good. I just want it done so I NEVER have to experience those awful days again!
Tonight I'll get my bag ready for chemo tomorrow. My pump, a notepad, and a hot choc. packet are already in there, and I'll put in some magazines, a book, an applesauce cup, a pudding cup, and then Rich will add his books too. Oh, can't forget my scarf! I have to keep my nose and mouth covered when I leave, and I also drink the hot chocolate to keep my throat warm. I'll never forget that feeling of not being able to swallow and how awful that felt. It was after my 4th round last Spring, and my throat froze up from the a/c in the hosp. Regions has a new underground parking ramp (opened just in time for winter!), and Rich usually parks in the 2nd level because its warmer down there. I don't like being underground, but it is much warmer than the other ramp!
Shonna is singing with the worship team next Sunday at church. She hasn't done it in a while because she's been too busy. I'm a little bummed because I don't usually feel well enough to make it to church the Sunday after chemo. We have a new camcorder, so if I absolutely can't make it, I'll have Rich record it for me. Hopefully she'll have a solo--she usually does, but not always. Bridgewood Community church is a great church if anyone wants to come! Contemporary worship, relevant messages, Bible based and VERY friendly! Its on Lexington, just north of 109th, in Blaine.
Well, Rachel, if you want to know anymore, you and Brennan should come for a visit!! :)
To all my blog friends, I want you to know that you are all on my prayer list and I pray for you often! God is listening and He loves you all!
Take care!
Tina

Will Tomorrow be The Day??

I'm hoping tomorrow will be my last chemo. We have to wait and see if my platelets are ok; the doc and I think they might be too low. I did my 2 shots of Neupogen, so I'm sure my wbc will be ok. If chemo has to be delayed, that's ok too.
I have alot of back pain from the shots this time, so my wbc must have been low. I've said before that alternating ibuprofen and Tylenol really helps with the pain, but this time I can't take ibuprofen due to my low platelets. I woke up with alot of pain and ate some applesauce so I could take Tylenol, but it hasn't helped much. Soon I'm going to take one of my Percosets, but since it has Tylenol in it I have to wait at least 4 hours from when I took it this morning. I was hoping to go shopping with Shonna today, but had to cancel that :( . Oh well, such is life with cancer--you never know if you can follow through with your plans or not!
Boy, I had so much energy last Thurs. and Fri.--but it seems to have disappeared! I guess I just need to go with the flow and not feel guilty. :)
I've read that others are having trouble with their finger and toenails, from the chemo. While my chemo isn't as harsh as some have had, I've lost my little toenails and my fingernails have ridges and some are peeling from the bottom up. But they aren't too bad. My hands also look awful. Any age spots or freckles have gotten darker, and there are dark lines too. The spots on my face have gotten darker too. I'm hoping this all goes away once the chemo gets out of my system.
I have definitely been colder lately. I'm wondering if my hemoglobin has gotten lower. It seems stores and restaurants just aren't heating their buildings much! Yesterday at Target the bottom of my feet were tingling from being cold! That doesn't usually happen when I'm walking around a store! At night I really pile on the blankets too, and have a hard time warming up when I first get into bed. I think we'll have to start using the little heater that Shonna has in her room (she's REALLY a freeze-baby!). I'll just use it to heat up our room before bedtime.
Well, hope everyone else around the country is staying warm! Hopefully this little heat wave we are having will last awhile! Its supposed to be 34 here tomorrow! (for those of you in warmer climes--34 is really good!)
Love and blessings!
Tina

Round 5, Day 1 and 2

So I'm going to start my log of round 5. I think I'll just add to this blog for a few days, then start a new one for the next 3 days or so, and so on until its time for round 6. Follow along if you want!

Today I probably shouldn't have had chemo because my neutrophils and overall white blood cell counts were pretty low. The doc let me go ahead, knowing I respond quickly to neupogen shots, and knowing that I wouldn't be able to have Thanksgiving at all if we waited until next week. He did say we are taking a risk, and I should wear a mask if I'm around anyone sick (remember before he told me I didn't need a mask?). I need to watch for fevers and signs of infection, and call immediately with any concerns. I wasn't too worried until I went back to the infusion room to start chemo and my nurse (who had seen my blood counts) was REALLY surprised the doc was letting me get chemo. She assumed I wasn't. She said that's the lowest she's seen the doc allow. THEN I started to worry! But really I'm not too concerned. Unfortunately Shonna is sick with a cold, but she's been sick alot this Fall and I haven't caught anything yet. She's good about washing her hands and I put out a separate hand towel in the bathroom just for me to use. I'll stay home for the next few days too--no running to Target or going out to eat. I have to do a shot on Sunday, after my pump is disconnected, then one on Monday. Tuesday I won't need to do a shot if I get a lot of back pain from it on Sun and Mon, because the back pain indicates the bone marrow is making more white blood cells. If I don't have much pain, then I'll do a 3rd shot on Tues. Then 2 days before my next chemo I'll do one more shot. Last round I did 2 shots at home and didn't have much pain at all, which was unusual.

Side effects for today are: cramping of hands, calves, lips, and throat, and extreme cold sensitivity in my hands and feet. My calves are twitching as I sit here and I do a funny stiff legged walk. The throat thing makes it a little hard to swallow, and I have to keep it warm or it gets worse. Other than the cold sensitivity, the other cramping and such should be gone tomorrow. I feel a little tired and out of it, but not too bad.

Brennan update:
Rachel was very excited when she called me this afternoon. Brennan exceeded his minimum amount of milk at the 3pm check today! (and he pooped on his own too!) He is finally making HUGE improvements. Rachel and Ken are spending the weekend in a family room at the hospital and will have Brennan in the room with them. We might actually have him here for Thanksgiving! I'm soooo excited. Alyssa and Shonna have never held their nephew and really want to see him too.

Oh, I wanted to add something about Jaren too--he and a few other guys are leaving the Basra base and heading up near Baghdad. Something about driving around a General. Anyway, please pray for his safety. He should be heading back to the US (Utah, I think) for some training on Dec. 30th, then home around Feb 1st. Alyssa and I have been apartment hunting, and she hopes to move into someplace Jan 1st, so it will be all ready for Jaren when he comes home. Its tough to make that final decision on an apartment tho! She's being very thorough and I know she will make the right choice.

Tomorrow I'll add to this blog, and change the title to "Round 5, Day 1 and 2".

Until then, take care everyone!!
Love,
Tina

DAY 2
I didn't sleep very much last night, only a few hours. The decadron they give me in my IV with the Zofran keeps me awake. Hopefully I can sleep tonight! I do have Ambien to take, but I don't like to take it with the steroid. Not sure why, just seems like too many drugs at once.
I still have some muscle cramps, but not as bad as yesterday. I've had a little nausea when my stomach gets hungry, so have been snacking alot today.
Took my second Emend pill at 12:30. They give me 1 larger dose pill before chemo, then I take a smaller 1 for the 2 days after. I also take Zofran first thing in the morning and then Decadron after I eat. Then I take them both at bedtime too. I'll continue the Zofran for several days, but only take Decadron til tomorrow, then I'll be done with that. Although, I might try a Decadron on one of my really bad days to see if it perks me up a little. I mentioned it to the nurse, and she agreed that it might help a little, and said to just take one in the morning.
Shonna is still sick with a bad sore throat and stuffy head. I wanted her to go to a Minute Clinic or urgent care today, but she worked instead. She was going to leave early, but decided not to. Maybe tomorrow before she works at 1. I will be relieved when I finally do my Neupogen shot tomorrow eve. to raise my white blood count!
Thanks Ken for the info on the masks again. I'm not going to make Shonna wear a mask, but I do worry about surfaces she touches, even tho she is good about washing her hands. I wipe stuff down with disinfectant wipes.
Thank you to the Bridgewood folks for the 2 meals this week!! Much appreciated! Rich was just going to have cereal last night, but instead we all had yummy soup (and too much cake :)
Tomorrow I'll start a new blog--this one is getting too long. :)
Blessings!
Tina

Grumble

Ok, I HAVE to complain! This cold thing is ridiculous!! I wore gloves to take Sadie out in 60 degree weather, then decided since I'm feeling mostly "ok", and its so beautiful out, I would do a few minutes of garden raking, just to get it started. I took my jacket off, cuz I was starting to sweat, but noticed after I started breathing heavy that my throat was getting sore from the cool air! When I went in to get a drink (warm apple juice) my throat and lips felt tight. Ugh! I have to wear slippers on the cool bathroom and kitchen floor, wear gloves to take anything out of the fridge, and even the cans in the cupboard are cool enough to make my fingers tingle. Anything metal is too cool--even my eyelash curler! What I found to be really painful was taking the cold clothes out of the wash machine to put them in the dryer!! Alyssa is going to have to do that from now on! My fingers had that pins and needles feeling for about 20 minutes after--even after running them under warm water.
Needless to say, I'm learning to be very careful. I now make sure I wait for the water to warm up before washing my hands, or taking a drink.
Other than that, I'm not doing too bad. I joked that I'm glad I feel well enough to be so annoyed, and most of the time I'm actually chuckling at the weirdness of it all.
Another new side effect is my calves and hands seem to stiffen up occasionally, making me have to do a funny shuffle walk. And as for sleeping--it took a long time to get to sleep because of the steroids, so I came out to the recliner to let Rich sleep. I think I fell asleep by 1 or so, not too bad! The pharmacy didn't have my prescription sleeping med, so that wasn't an option last night. They should have it today.
The Oncologist called me last night, and after reviewing my labs decided I should take some iron pills, so he called in a scrip for that. I have to wait a few days to take them, until my tummy feels ok, and then try and take them 3 times a day. He said I should take them between meals with apple juice--they work best that way. I've always taken them with meals because they are hard on the stomach, so we'll see how it goes.
I took my Zolfran about 6:45am, then stayed in bed until 7:30, got up and ate 2 cinnamon rolls and apple juice, then took the steroid pill. It seemed to work pretty well. I started feeling nauseous after raking (more from being hungry than the activity, I think), so I took a Compazine and had some crackers and more apple juice. I got tired of warm cherry Kool-aid! Now I'm going to take it easy for awhile, feeling a little tired and woozy, and still hungry, but not sure what to eat. I kinda want a bologna sandwich, but not sure if that would be too cold to eat? I don't feel like eating anything else, and don't want anything with sugar--had too much of that for breakfast! Maybe oatmeal...
Rachel came over and made some Fettucine Alfredo--so I'm going to go eat that!
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina

Anybody Get The License of That Truck?!?!

You know, the one that hit me yesterday??
So, after my glowing report and giddiness on Tuesday, I had a HORRIBLE day yesterday! I have no idea what happened, or why.
Tuesday night Rich and I needed to make a trip to Wal-mart. I suggested something cheap and quick to eat, so we had Wendy's. Ok, I KNOW all you health nuts are rolling your eyes, thinking someone fighting cancer SHOULD NOT be eating crappy fast food, but let me just say that at this point, I pretty much get to eat WHAT I want, WHEN I want. Especially because not much tastes good, and eating something is better than nothing. And the ketchup tasted REALLY good. :-) For the record, I did have carrot sticks and fruit at work that day! Ok-back to my story-I was very tired after going out, and went to bed early to read and relax. I was probably asleep not much after 10pm. I woke up about 1am to use the bathroom and still felt fine, but COULD NOT get back to sleep. I finally snuck a peek at the clock and it was 4:11! I was getting very hungry so I got up at 4:45 and had some cereal. The milk did bother my stomach a little, but I went to the recliner and started drifting off. Of course, then it was time for Rich to get up, and I always have to keep an ear open to make sure Shonna gets up, so I really didn't get much sleep then either. I tried to get up about 8:30, to make it to work, but I was so weak and shaky that I had to call in. It wasn't until about then that I started feeling nausea. I kept thinking it should go away, but I was so out of it I don't think I knew what to do. It got really bad, probably the worst I've had so far. I had to have Rachel come over to get my taxes to mail (don't trust putting them in the mailbox!), and she took Sadie out for me. That dog knows when I'm not feeling well; she just snoozed on the couch all morning and didn't even bother trying to get me to take her out--she waited until almost noon for Rachel! It'll be interesting to see what happens to my taxes--I shoved what I think was a full copy of the Fed. forms into the envelope with the state, but I probably missed something. Oh well, I mailed in a check too, so that should keep the state happy, right? Anyway, to make a long story less long--the nausea was better by last evening-I even made Rich take me for a slow little walk, just to feel the nice outside air, and get out of the chair. Maybe it was the Wendy's? But why couldn't I sleep? I didn't even nap that afternoon. So weird! I couldn't even talk to Alyssa when she called--thankfully Rachel was here then and could talk to her. That's pretty bad, and it probably worried her cuz I ALWAYS want to talk to my girls! Btw, she made it to Tacoma just fine, and they were going to head to the zoo at Puget Sound yesterday. Hope to hear from her again soon!
So, here I am this morning, drinking my coffee, and hoping for the best. I feel the tiniest bit queasy, and still sort of out of it, but since I slept most of the night I should be able to make it thru the day. I really, really wanted to get to Bridgewood to help Heidi out a little after work ( I used to help copy Sunday School stuff once a week) but I told her I had better just plan on coming home after work. If I should happen to have some energy left, I'll go up just to see her. She's good medicine! Always a big hug and hello!
Thanks for checking in; send me some e-mails to let me know how everyone else is doing out there! Thanks for the continued prayers and support for myself, my husband, and family. When you really think about it, this is quite the growing time for my family. Not only do they have to deal with the illness itself, but they are a little, shall we say, spoiled, ;))) as I've always felt that was my job as mom and wife! Hang in there loves! I shall spoil you all again!! I promise!!
Love to all~
Tina

Gotta Love Those Frogs!

The frog's are back! Our wetlands (aka swamp!) are full of the sounds of them. I LOVE it! Sounds like Spring has finally arrived. I opened some windows so I can hear them better. Its 56 out, but for some reason it feels warmer; I think the air is a little thicker today.

Well, I made it thru Easter, and went back to work today. Easter was nice--it was soo nice to spend time with the family and I didn't have to do a thing! (no, I never did get the veggies and dip-sorry everyone!) Church was great too. They had a continental breakfast, so I had 2 small danishes, and some warmish oj! My friend Pam prayed over me before we left church, and that ALWAYS boosts my mood and makes me feel so much better. Thank you Pam!

Sat. and Sun. (am) I was feeling a little blue about everything. 8 months of this is not going to be fun! But don't worry, as soon as I say or think that I remind myself that 8 months is actually a short time compared to a lifetime! And as my new friend Michelle tells me--I'm now on my way to kicking this cancer in the butt!! Thanks, as always, Michelle and Carol for making me smile, and cry alittle too. Your concern and good wishes overwhelm me at times! I hope to meet both of you someday!

When I had to get up for work today, I was VERY glad I switched my hours to only 3.5. I kept telling myself I can do this! Still have the yucky nausea feelings, the bad taste, and the "binding" problem that the anti-nausea meds cause. The cold sensation is fading! I haven't tried ice water yet, but I can drink it cool from the tap! I even took hamburger out of the freezer and it felt colder than normal--but didn't hurt. I was really hoping all this would be gone by this time--esp. since this was my first chemo. It supposed to get worse each time! But I guess I shouldn't think ahead and borrow trouble-right? One day at a time!

My family is wonderful, and I hate being a burden on them, but I know they are strong enough to handle it--I don't doubt you guys at all! Keep them in your prayers. Alyssa leaves tomorrow to fly to WA to visit her fiance before he leaves for Iraq. Its going to be quite the experience for her and I'm proud of her for doing it (not that anything would stop her!) We miss Jaren here, and can't wait til he gets home next Feb. or March.

I'll try and post some pics soon, but now I'm going to take my book and go rest!

Love to all!!

Tina

Blah

"blah" is about the only way I can describe how I feel right now, so I'll probably use that word alot when writing about chemo!
Last night I was overly tired, had a headache and normal body aches that come with being so tired, so I finally took some tylenol about 9:15 (I was too lazy to take it earlier). We went bed not long after that and I put my anti nausea drugs and some warm water next to the bed to take awhile after the tylenol. I told Rich that I was so happy to not feel sick to my stomach, that I didn't care if I couldn't get to sleep or not! I tried for over an hour to get comfy and fall asleep, and I knew I was waking Rich up everytime I rolled over. I finally went out to the living room. Shonna was still up, but I told her I didn't care, I just didn't want to be in the bedroom any longer. She put her dvd into the computer and watched it with her headphones, and I finished reading one of my books. She went to bed about 12:15, and I still couldn't sleep, so I moved to the recliner chair (I had been on one of the recliners on the loveseat). Finally about 1 I fell asleep! I slept until Rich got up for work about 6:15, then I went back to the bed. I dozed off and on until Rachel called at 8:05 to see what the temp was going to be for the day (!). Then I turned the radio on and listened to the news. I started feeling hungry, and I thought uh-oh, cuz I was worried I'd start feeling nauseous, and of course a little while later I did. I got up and choked down some saltines, and took my drugs. Then I had a bowl of oatmeal (no cold cereal for me!). I felt queasy until about 10:45, at which time I finally dragged my butt into the shower!
I covered my port with Glad press and seal for the shower, but it didn't work as well as it should have, and the port covering got a little wet. I was very careful the rest of the shower, and just made it a quick one. I toweled it off good, and seems to be ok.
I have NO energy. I did make tomato soup and rice ( I love rice in my soup!) for lunch, and that didn't taste as good as I wanted, but still ok. After I'm done with this I think I'll go back to bed and listen to my new cd--something about rain and a garden. Don't know if I'll sleep--didn't yesterday when I tried to nap, but it will feel good to just relax and listen to rain. When I'm feeling better I need to get a cheap mp3 player and put some soothing music on it. Rich's small Ipod has the Bible on it, but I've been too lazy to figure out how to work it--I seem to be having a hard time concentrating or even caring about anything right now! Just want to get thru it and get some energy back! I'm making a mental "to-do" list of things to have ready next time.
Some wierd side effects: my cheeks and nose have been bright red and warm feeling since I got up this morning; my jaws hurt with the first few bites of any food--esp. bad with tart stuff, goes away after a few bites; and last night tears popped up during a touching moment on American Idol, and I had sharp pain behind my eyes for a few seconds. Its like things that might normally cause a little ache, now hurt worse--esp. my on my face. I've also been sneezing alot, altho I don't feel any allergy symtoms.
Normal side effects are: some mild nausea; can't touch, eat or drink cold; tiredness, yucky taste in mouth that affects the taste of foods I eat.
So, even with all my complaining, I am pleased with how I am doing. God has been hearing and answering everyone's prayers! So far, its nothing bad or too uncomfortable. I'm glad I took the day off, so there is really nothing I have to do all day. I feel a little guilty having so much "me" time, but I plan to stuff that guilt and soak it up! I warned Rich that if he keeps spoiling me so much I'm going to be hard to live with when this is all over!
Well, I'm gonna try eating a cinnamon roll (mom bought some-it better taste ok!!), and then go rest.
Hope everyone else's day is going well!
Love to all!
Tina