Past...Present...Future

I recently got an e-mail notification that someone left a comment on my last blog entry...which was in March!  I couldn't believe it had been that long...surely I updated in May or June?  Nope.  So, I'm pretty sure no one will read this, but I thought it was time to do a little update!

Since my last update I've had a DEXA (bone density) scan, MRI, CT scans, labs, and port flushes.  All is well!  My bones show some "pre" osteoporosis, so I need to take calcium (which I keep forgetting to take!).  I'm still eating mostly low-residue, but have the occasional wheat bread, salad, fruits, and veggies.  The trick is to spread them out throughout the week, and not overdo it.  I mostly avoid carrots, cucumbers, and spaghetti sauce, but might have a small amount now and then.
I see my oncologist in 2 days, but not sure what we will talk about since I already have all the results of the tests I did last week!  I'm sure he'll ask about Rich, my grandchildren, and especially my adopted grandson, Charlie. This time I'll have some more family news to share! (More on that later...) I am most interested to find out if I can start going 1 year between scans, and do I really need those labs every 3 months?  I am 4.5 years out from the colon cancer dx, and 3.5 years from the breast cancer dx.  I know my onc. was worried about me, with all that cancer, but I'm doing well now.  And as our insurance covers less and less, we have to pay more and more of the costs of all the tests!
My worst complaint has been fatigue.  I planned to work on that this summer, and talk to my primary care physician (PCP) if things didn't improve.  I think the fatigue has improved a bit.  Last summer, even though I don't work in the summer, I was still tired a lot.  Many days, by mid-afternoon, I was just as tired as if I had worked.  Not good. Then of course during the school year I felt awful.  I worked 4.25 hours, and then came home and could barely function most days.  I was VERY frustrated!  I do know my job is draining, and does sap a lot of my energy (I don't know how anyone lasts for 6.5 hours, much less the teachers who work WAY beyond that!), but I shouldn't feel that bad!  So, this summer, I have been eating a bit better--cutting down on chemicals and processed foods--and exercising more (which I will do when I'm done writing this).  I am eating less, and have lost just a few pounds, but at least I've made the scale go down instead of up for the first time since chemo!  I'm learning what my body can do with and without (my body does NOT like to be hungry).  I started using the 'myfitnesspal' website, which counts calories for you, and helps you figure out how many calories you need each day to lose the amount you want to lose.  It's been helpful for portion control.  So, overall, I feel better.
I start back to work a week from tomorrow!  I REALLY, REALLY hope I feel better this year!  I get done with work at 1:30, which should leave me plenty of time to do other stuff.  Praying I have the energy I need!  As much as I would love to not have to work at all, I do think getting back into a routine is good for me.  I make better use of my time when there is routine.  And I really do like working with the kids!

A little family update:  Rich is doing well at his new job--he's been there about a year and a half.  Pay and benefits are good, and it's just 'normal' work stress, not the stress and low morale of his previous job.  SO BLESSED to be out of that place!  His drive is too long (26 miles one way), and sometimes we worry about lay-offs, but over all it's good.  

Rachel and her husband are doing foster care now, and are in the process of adopting another child! This is a child placed with them soon after they got their license.  He's 2 and has down syndrome also.  He is active, and smart, and lets you know what he thinks about things!  :)  They also have a very sweet little baby girl that we would all love to keep in the family, but it looks like the baby's mom will be able to take her to live with her soon.  Praying God will do what's best for baby, and if she has to go, I hope we'll still be able to see her once in awhile!  Rachel's older 2 boys are doing very well, even with other kids coming and going!  Charlie just turned 6 and will be in kindergarten this year!  He is our super-hero!  Brennan will be 4 soon.  He is as smart as ever, and there is no end to the amusing things he says!  Love those boys!

Alyssa, hubby, and baby girl are doing GREAT.  Selah is 10 months old.  She is really picking up things fast--she always amazes us!  She'll be walking soon, I think.  She is soooo adorable!  We get to watch her often, and she is a smiley, happy little girl!
Our youngest, Shonna, is starting her 2nd year at the U, and she is majoring in journalism.  She has a lot of talent as a writer. She is a junior now, and has 3 semesters left.  She may get a minor also (but I forgot in what! Oops!).  She moved out of my sister's house into an apartment closer to school.  I don't always see her as often as I would like, but we did get to spend some time shopping and antiquing recently, and I enjoyed that!  

We all managed to get to Duluth for a few days this summer. Alyssa, hubby, baby, and Shonna were with us at the beginning, then Shonna's boyfriend joined us, then Alyssa and fam had to leave, and Rachel and her 4 kids joined us the last day!  So we got to spend time with everyone (except Rachel's husband), just not at the same time!  Next year I'm thinking about staying at a resort/lodge/cabin type of place a little farther up, right on Lake Superior. I think it would be better for the kids if we can find a place that has a nice play area and beach.  I'm still thinking about getting away with just my hubby for a night or two up north this fall. We'll see~we might be too busy building a deck!

When I stop to think about where I was this time 4 years ago, I am amazed that I am here, cancer-free, and so blessed.  4 years ago I had just finished radiation, was weak and tired, was being treated for C-diff and giving myself shots for a blood clot, and had endured a very painful summer.  I was healing and gaining my strength back to do 8 more rounds of FOLFOX.  Little did I know the next summer I would be doing another difficult chemo regimen for breast cancer!  That is all behind me now.  These last scans I didn't even have any "scanxiety", except for that brief moment when I saw my oncologist's phone number on my cell phone.  His nurse was calling me to tell me all my tests were good! 

I make a point of remembering what I've been through every now and then, because it helps me to be grateful for every moment I am blessed with. It reminds me of the wonderful ways God showed up for me and helped me through those difficult times.

My future?  It looks fabulous.  Retirement someday with the man I love, doing the things we love and enjoy, being a grandma, and spending time with my children, grandchildren, and foster "grandchildren".  Yep, looks pretty good from here!
Love and blessings!

Tina

PS  Rich and I also went on our first 'real' vacation together in June--we went to Las Vegas!  But that is another story for another day...  ;)

It's September Already!

As usual, I'll start with the health stuff, because I figure that's what most people are here to read about!  All my scans were clear, and bloodwork was good! My onc. asked me if I planned to do reconstruction, and we talked about the pros and cons of that a little.  He said they have some very good and newer procedures now, but also said there is no reason to do recon.  He said I should do whatever Rich and I think is best.  He said it is unlikely that I would get cancer in my remaining breast--if I did it would be a new primary, and not a recurrence. I'm seriously considering another surgery to go completely flat and just be done with it all! I feel like I'm always uneven and it's getting annoying. Plus, I wouldn't have to have the MRIs and Mammograms any more! I keep saying this, but I really should just see a plastic surgeon, so I would at least know my options.  My biggest fear with recon is that my radiated skin won't heal properly.  So many women never achieve good results after rads.  I don't want several more surgeries and revisions.  But I could handle one more, if it would make life easier.  We'll see.  
We also talked about my neuropathy--not much new there.   I still have it, and my onc. thinks I probably always will.  I have Lhermitte's sign again, which is a tingling down my back and left leg everytime I bend my head forward.  I had that after chemo, but went away, and now it's back.  It can be a sign of MS, but it's also common after chemo.  Doc said it's nothing to be concerned about and brushed it off.  I, of course, did some research, and I agree with doc.  It's just more nerve damage from chemo.  It's been less than 2 years since I finished chemo, and I still get new and different signs of the nerve damage.  Last Fall, after going back to work and being on my feet a lot, I started getting a burning feeling on the bottom of my feet--it felt like I stepped on hot pavement.  That doesn't happen as often, but now I am getting more cramping in my feet--esp. my right foot.  When I am sitting here on the couch with my feet up, sometimes my toes and the top of my foot will just cramp up and my toes will be stuck in a certain position, until I stretch it out. 
Anyways--there wasn't much else to discuss with my onc.  He does want blood tests again in 3 months, and ct scans again in 6. I'll also have my colonoscopy then, and mammo.  I almost told him I would rather wait a year to get scanned, because I'm so sure they'll be clear again, but there is always that little fear, and I kept my mouth shut and am going to go along with his expert recommendation.
As for the fistula, it involves only a little muscle, so I could have it cut open, with the hopes that it would heal completely and be gone, but there is always the issue of my radiated skin.  I told the surgeon that I am worried it wouldn't heal.  She agreed that could happen.  We decided to leave it as it is, with the Seton in (the rubber band like thing that lays through the fistula), and keep checking on it every 3 months.  She said it can be left in for a couple of years.  It doesn't bother me too much, so that's what I'm going to do.  She also said it won't affect any of my options, and I can change my mind at any time.
Ok, enough of that.  In other news...I go back to work Tuesday, which is when the new school year starts.  I am sort of looking forward to it, but I am worried about how tired I will be.  I only work 10-1:15, but that is a busy 3.25 hours and I am on my feet a lot.  Nearly 2 hours of it is lunch and recess.  It wears me out.  I don't like coming home so exhausted I can't do anything else the rest of the day!  I've been tired a lot lately, even without working.  It's frustrating.  I've even been exercising more, because I assumed not exercising was part of my problem.  It hasn't helped, and I am often even more tired after exercising.  I have been eating better (although not this weekend!!), and that hasn't helped either.  I might go see my family doc, but really, there is not much that can be done for "fatigue". One thing I would like to try though, is taking Synthroid (brand name) instead of generic meds for my thyroid.  I've read several times that the generic is not always as good as the name brand in this case. Another dr. appointment to make....
How did that turn into talking about my health again?  In OTHER news....Alyssa is 31 weeks pregnant now, and getting big.  She is more beautiful than ever!  Her baby shower is coming in 2 weeks!  She is working 2 jobs, and has been feeling too stressed (a lot of other stuff going on too), so she will soon be quitting 1 job.  She needs to take it easy and have time to relax, enjoy her new house and spend quality time with her husband.
My grandson Charlie is starting preschool in a new school district this week.  He just turned 5, but will do another year of preschool before starting kindergarten.  But, wow, he is learning fast now!  He knows lots of signs (sign language), and is starting to be more and more verbal.  Brennan has slimmed down and turned into a little boy over night.  No more toddler!  He will be 3 the end of this month.  He says things like "That's pretty cool" and "Are you kidding me?!" and many, many other cute things.  You can tell he listens to every word his momma says! ;)  The boys will be over tomorrow morning, to give Rachel some time to get things done, while Ken is keeping his bees company and harvesting more honey.  
Shonna starts college at our big city college on Tues.  She learned how to ride the city bus a few days ago, and checked out the campus, then flew to Louisville to photograph a friend's wedding.  We picked her up this afternoon.  It's going to be a crazy busy week for her!
September is not my favorite month, because of the busy-ness.  It just rushes by in a blur.  I suppose by the end of it, we are pretty settled into our routines, and then I can finally enjoy it.  I LOVE the cool fall air.  We got a taste of that earlier in Aug, but now it is back to warm and muggy (although not nearly as hot and muggy as July!).  Sept. 8th is a very special day though, as that is our anniversary (28 years!!).  Unfortunately we are often too busy to celebrate much on that day, but usually find time later in the month.  I am still considering another trip to Duluth this fall, this time just the 2 of us.  We have gone there many, many times to celebrate our anniversary!
Here are a few pictures from our family vacation in Duluth this summer:

(Just want to mention that I had just gotten a TOO short haircut, and was not happy with it--don't plan on having it that short again!)
Have a blessed week everyone!
Tina

A Loooong Overdue Update!

Well, I've been putting off updating, because so much has happened since March (I can't believe it's been that long!) that this could be a REALLY long post.  I'll do my best to shorten all the news, and hopefully update more often!
Let's start with my health~thankfully not much has changed!  I still have the Seton thingy in my fistula, and it's feeling a bit better (although sore now from sitting so long!).  I recently had an ultrasound of the area, but I can't get in to see my surgeon again until Aug 7th to find out the results and what we do next.  Remember, this was caused by the radiation I had for colon cancer, and the radiated skin makes this a bit more tricky. For now, we wait and see what the surgeon says.  She is really good, and I trust her judgement.
In May I had my 3 month check up with my oncologist and had my labs done.  Everything looks good--some things, like hemoglobin and platelets, have improved. I continue to have problems with neuropathy, esp. in my feet, I continue to be tired a lot, and I still have a lot of bowel issues from my Low Anterior Resection.  But I'm happy to be here, and be alive!  My surgery was over 3 years ago--can you believe it?!
In Aug. I'll have labs, CT scans, MRI, and see my onc. again.  I had an MRI and Mammogram in Feb., but he wants to start staggering them and doing one of them every 6 months.  So, I'll have the MRI in Aug., and the mammo  next Feb.  My oncologist is keeping a close eye on me, so if there ever is a recurrence, of either cancer, we'll catch it early!
Ok, on to other news!  In my last post I wrote about Rich going to a job interview that sounded promising--well he got that job!  The pay is BETTER, the people are nice, and the job is interesting, rewarding, and less stressful! The drive is about 24 miles one way (nearly double what he drove before), but it's not so bad.  He leaves early to beat the worst of the rush, and he is trying different routes.  What we thought might be a major trial, was God just answering my many prayers to get Rich a better job!   We have an AMAZING God (and He is amazing whether or not we go through difficult times!). Rich was miserable at the other place the last few years. Life is too short to live like that!
I have not found another job, and am thinking my little part time job at the school is really a blessing.  Although it doesn't bring in much money (enough for a car payment or 2), I get to spend more time with my girls and grandkids.  And those 3.25 hours a day I do work wear me out, so longer hours would be worse!  I still keep my eyes open for a quieter paperwork kind of job though.  That wouldn't wear me out as much as working with kids does.  But then I wouldn't have summers off, would I?
Now for the REALLY GOOD news! Alyssa is pregnant!!  And she is having a GIRL!  I am sooooo excited!  I was really hoping for a girl, because we've got the 2 boys.  Alyssa was hoping for a girl too, because she LOVES pink!  She warned Jaren that there might be 'pink overload'.  He is so good to her.  It makes him happy just to see her so happy about the baby.  Funny thing is, this wasn't planned, and they had actually just talked about putting off having kids for a long time.  God had other plans for them!  They will be great parents, and they will have lots of help!  Baby girl is due Nov. 5th.
Brennan and Charlie are growing like little weeds!  Charlie is walking with a walker, and can walk holding on to furniture.  He is so awesome.  He is happy, giggly, and loves to hug and be held! He'll soon be 5!  Brennan will be 3 the end of Sept.  He is so funny and has a great sense of humor.  Talks and sings all the time.
Alyssa and Jaren bought a house only 4 miles away.  They moved in mid-May.  Rachel and Ken sold their house in just a few days, and bought a house a little farther away.  They are about 25 min. away, instead of 5, but are a little closer to Ken's work.  Rachel is always planning and thinking about the next child they will adopt, but for now, there is work to be done on their new house, and 2 adorable little boys to give lots of attention to!
Shonna did move back home and we are so happy to have her back in MN!  She will be going to the the U of M!  Not the school I ever expected, but it is a lot less expensive than the Christian schools (even with some good scholarships she got!).  She adopted 2 cute bunnies, and they are taking up most of my family room!  But I love rodents, and these 2 are cute and have a lot of personality!  Shonna will eventually be going to live down the street with my sister.
Ok, how did I do?  Not too long I hope! I plan to do a post soon on some of the emotions and issues we cancer survivors can have.  I've experienced a lot of highs and lows lately.  But that's for another day....
May God greatly bless each reader that stops by here...love to all!
Tina

Done With Radiation!!!

Yes!! Today I finished radiation!  I AM SO HAPPY TO BE DONE!! I had 33 treatments, starting the end of Oct.  There were 4 delays--3 because of the machine, and 1 to give the skin a break. 
Overall, I am pleased with how well my skin held up.  There are areas that are very red, and could get a little worse the next few days, but hardly any pain at all.  Just some discomfort now and then, and some itchiness.  My fatigue is the worst part.  It's almost as bad as when I had chemo!  The fatigue might last a few weeks. 
I was told to keep moisturizing for a few weeks, and to keep that area covered with sun block anytime it is exposed (like my clavicle area if I wear tank tops, because the lymph nodes there were radiated).  I will need to do this for the rest of my life.  Also the area will have a tan look forever.
I have some"cording" on my inner arm on that side.  It is deep inside from the armpit to the elbow, and hurts if I touch it or reach for anything.  Cording has something to do with the tendons, where they feel like cords and are very painful.  I don't think I'll need a physical therapist, I just have to do a lot of stretching.
I brought my "team" (techs, nurse, doc, and front desk staff) some treats--a bowl of fresh fruit, and some homemade treats.  I got a few hugs, and was told they never wanted to see me again (unless it was to just stop in and say hi!).  They are a great, caring bunch of people.
Nothing new with my heart.  I seem to be tolerating the new med ok--no signs of low blood pressure.  I have my next heart scan on Dec. 29th.  Next Wed. I'll have another Herceptin infusion and more blood tests.  I won't see my onc. until 3 weeks after that.
Did I mention I was tired?  I have been doing a lot of shopping after rad. treatment, and including tomorrow (Thurs.) I will have had Brennan here 3 days this week.  I love that kiddo, but I really don't have the energy for him right now!  But he sure makes me laugh!  Tomorrow won't be so bad because I can take it easy in the morning since I don't have to go to rads!  Then B. will be here around 1:30.  Then Friday will be my first day with NOTHING scheduled!  I am staying home and getting some Christmas stuff done--like wrapping or cards and stuff.  I've got most of my shopping done, and I'll do the last minute stuff next week.
Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, and Sat. is Rich's birthday.  Then Christmas, and the week after that--Alyssa's birthday! She is a new years baby.  :)
I hope everyone is staying warm!  Even my friend in the Fort Myers, FL area is cold!  I hope we get a little break from the cold soon.  The cold affects my fingers and feet because of the neuropathy.
Love and Blessings!!
Tina

Takin' a Little Longer....

Its taking me a little longer than I hoped to feel better. I figured Tues. would be the worst, then each day improve a little. But yesterday was the worst, so far. I stayed in bed pretty much ALL day. Not even a shower! The tiredness was there, but its the nausea that really makes me feel yucky. Not feeling much better today. I've taken 2 anti-nausea meds so far, and soon I'll take some more. I am trying to give the other ones time to work, because the next ones I take will make me sleepy and I was trying to avoid them. I guess I am doing a little better today, because I did shower already!
I wish food would taste better! An empty stomach makes me feel worse, but nothing is appealing to me so its hard to want to eat.
I'm trying to stay positive, because this is the last chemo treatment in awhile, and once I start feeling better,I know it'll last for awhile. The problem is I'm impatient and want to start feeling better NOW! But it'll come. I know it could be so much worse. There's just so much I want to do! And it does scare me a little(alot?) when I think ahead to my next 8 treatments after radiation. I guess I shouldn't let myself think about what that might be like...just take each day as it comes, right? *sigh*
Today is a big day for my youngest. Its Shonna's last day of 11th grade, and since she's going to college next year full time, its her last day at the high school! Congrats Baby Girl!!! I hope she keeps in touch with all her friends(she has some awesome friends!), and doesn't miss out on the fun "senior" stuff next year. We are hoping she can join the Bethel choir too, but don't know much about that yet. Now we just have to figure out where she should go to college after next year! She, of course, would like to go to some famous, well-known, college, like Harvard or something. Keep dreaming honey! :) She'll go wherever she gets the most scholarships for!
Rachel is 15 weeks pregnant now, and has really popped out! She can already feel the baby move a little too. Its sooo exciting! Her and Ken are going to Duluth for their 2nd anniversary.
Alyssa is busy with cheerleading tryouts (she's asst. coach at the high school next year), and getting ready for Jaren's visit. He's coming home on leave in a few weeks(yay!!). She's a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding soon too, so she has some planning to do for that. She still has not found a regular job, but I believe that is God's plan, because I really rely on her here to help me. She gets me anything I need, helps Rich with groceries (he's clueless! {love you honey!}), and makes to-do lists for him. I love it!! Last night she had a list for him to do when he got home from work, and he did it all--cleaned the sink and did dishes, took out garbage, and killed a spider! Poor guy didn't have a chance to sit hardly. AND she plans movie nights for us. She's waiting until I feel well enough to watch Pinocchio. The funny thing is she doesn't ask--she just stands the movie up on top of the tv and then we know what we'll be watching that evening! (watch out Jaren--she'll soon be yours!!)
I am so blessed! I feel better already just writing about my girls, and writing about how I'm feeling.
Well, just got off the phone with my mom (she's up north with my brother), talked to Alyssa for awhile (she's off somewhere-busy, busy), and then Rachel and Ken stopped by on their way to Duluth (I poked her belly, tee-hee)! Also got an e-mail from work about my assignment for next year, and now I can't wait to go back. Never realized how much I'd miss it!
I'm obviously feeling better than yesterday! Thank you God!!
I think I'm gonna try making some rice--or maybe soup? Something simple and warm. :)
Thanks for the continued prayers!
Love,
Tina

More on Round 4

Hi Everyone!
Today is one of the rough days. Been sleeping most of it. I think its weird when I'm already drifting off in the recliner before noon! Finally went back to bed and slept most of the afternoon. Nausea is present too, altho not too bad at the moment. I also am getting very light-headed when I get up; don't know what's causing that.

The weekend was pretty good. Had my pump removed yesterday. Sat. I was able to get out grocery shopping with Rich, and we had Culver's for lunch. Yesterday I was more tired, but sat outside a lot. Felt pretty yucky by bedtime, but slept well.

Now I've got a few days of yuck to get thru, and then I should start to feel better! As always, I'm looking forward to cold stuff--or even cool at this point!

I miss everyone at school! Thanks for the meals, snacks, and e-mails! Keep in touch over the summer!
Take care everyone!
Love,
Tina

Round 3 Blahs

Today is a little better. Yesterday was the worst day of this cycle, I think. Very tired, layed in bed alot looking out the windows and listening to the birds. Lots of nausea (but thankfully no vomiting yet!). Its hard to explain the tiredness. At times its just impossible to move your body. Every movement wears you out. Rich did some dishes, and it was so hard not to go show him how to do things "correctly". I just layed in bed and was thankful they were getting done at all! Thank you honey for helping out! He's been helping his dad out too with yard work. Another burden he does not need, but I'm proud of him for doing it. I wish the 2 of us could just escape somewhere until this is all over. No job pressures, no family pressures, just us. Of course I wouldn't be happy if the kids were too far away!
Its a gorgeous day today! Supposed to hit 80! I love the springtime colors and birds. They soothe me. I'm going to go lay down for awhile (1 of my anti-nausea drugs makes me sleepy!), then hopefully sit outside for a bit.
Rachel is having a garage sale on Thurs., Fri., and Sat. She's in the Willow Creek area of Shoreview--stop by to say hi. I'll be there after 2:30 Thurs., and Fri. We'll have a trumpet, aquarium, lawn mower, and lots of clothes and household!
A friend from work will be delivering supper tonight--perfect day for it! We still have gift cards, and frozen items for other dinners. I should feel like cooking in a day or 2 (maybe :-). Thanks to everyone for helping us out. We REALLY appreciate it.
Love you all!
Tina