Oct. 2014: Summer's Gone; Fall is Here!

I've been thinking of writing this blog post since the end of August!  I realize I've lost most of my readers by now, but I would still like to share the "after cancer" life.  Many who stop by here have cancer, and I feel it might be helpful for them to know what life might be like after treatment is over. Also, it's important to me to let others, who haven't experienced cancer, know what life can be like.
How many of you thought that if you get cancer, and it hasn't spread, that you go through some treatments that make you sick and lose your hair, and then when you are finished you go on your merry way--never to think about cancer again? Show of hands?? Mine is raised too!  I think I probably realized that life might be a little different for a survivor--you know, they stop and smell the roses more, that type of thing.  Let me share a bit with you what life is really like.
FOLFOX is the standard chemo regimen for colorectal cancer.  It does a great job of killing cancer cells.  It also kills good things--like nerves, hair follicles, toenails, the skin on the hands and feet, etc.  I've heard of people losing their hearing and having heart attacks from it.  If you've ever had FOLFOX, you will probably have some sort of after effects from it.  4.5 years after finishing, I still have burning, numbness, and tingling in my hands and feet.  I also had AC+T chemo for breast cancer.  I completely lost my hair (which is still thinner now than before), and the Taxol made my neuropathy worse.  It's another nasty combo that can also cause heart trouble.
Then there is the colon surgery.  If you are fortunate enough to have a tumor that is high in the colon, you may not have as many issues as a person with a low tumor.  But it is still a major surgery, and your colon will work differently, and there is always the risk of strictures and blockages caused by scar tissue. People with low tumors (like mine) have all sorts of changes in their bowels.  Some days they can hardly leave the bathroom, and then, without warning they can be constipated for for several days. Some can't work because the issues are so bad.  Some who had a temporary stoma, that was reversed and their colon was reconnected, have asked to go back to a bag because having to constantly "go" is ruining their life.  Breast cancer surgery can cause "frozen shoulder" which can last for years, and some people never regain full use of their arm/s.  Some surgeries move muscle around and then those people need physical therapy, and, again, they may never be able to get back to where they were before surgery.  If lymph nodes are removed that person will always be at risk for lymphedema--which is swelling in the arm.  They may need special massages, phys. therapy, and wear special sleeves.  Once it starts, it never goes away. Oh, and it's usually not just one surgery for breast cancer, but many, over the course of many years. Did you expect your co-worker who had breast surgery to come back to work and be able to lift and carry and do everything they did before?  Well, they may need to do things differently, and may be gone a lot for therapies and surgeries--be kind to them!  And pray it never happens to you!
Some people who have cancer also have to have radiation.  I had it for both my colorectal cancer, and my breast cancer.  For some, this is the worst of all.  There are lots of internal organs that also get blasted, esp. when the cancer is in the stomach or pelvic area.  There are too many problems that can happen to even list here.  Some are scar tissue build-up, colon and bladder scar tissue and bleeding, skin that never heals or is always easily irritated, weakening of structures that can lead to fistulas, hernias, and ruptures, and on and on.  Other than tightening of the skin on my chest and armpit, I have not had too many side effects of the rads I had for breast cancer.  It most likely caused some scarring on my heart and lungs, but hopefully I will never notice that.  It also increased my risk for skin cancer and lung cancer--it is radiation after all! Both chemo and rads increase risk for cancer in the future.
Ok, those are only some things that can happen to colorectal and breast cancer survivors--there are many other types of cancer, each with their own set of problems. If you read all that, I want to thank you. You are a person who cares about others and wants to be aware of what people with cancer go through.  Expecting your friend, co-worker, or loved one to be back to "normal" after their cancer is gone is not helpful.  Ask them how they are doing, what side effects they still have, what help they may still need. I have a friend that just finished a long and difficult treatment for stage 4 colorectal cancer, and she is getting a break, but no one knows for how long.  Her family has been pressuring her to go back to work, and they don't want to hear about any of her problems--she was even told she was making stuff up while she was still getting chemo!! I can't imagine!  I'm sooooo very thankful for my family.  They know I still have some difficult days, and sometimes I need to miss an event (which when I do I usually end up in tears because I'm sad and frustrated I have to stay home!).  Thankfully, those days are getting fewer.  5.5 years out from my colon resection things are still slowly improving.  I'm STILL learning what I can and can't eat, although sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to it!  Overall, I am doing better, and even my fatigue is better and I'm not completely exhausted every day after work.  
Today is a "bad tummy" day, which causes me a lot of pain (you know, all those radiated areas!), and I came home from work and took a pain pill. (Which is why I have time to sit and write this--I can't do much else right now!) I hurt so bad that I wasn't going to suffer one more minute! Taking a pain pill is very rare--I took a 1/2 a pill about 2-3 weeks ago, and before that it had been about 6 weeks since I needed one.  I had another surgery on my backside in Aug, and will need another one soon.  Repairing things "back there" is tricky.  One wrong cut could leave me needing diapers or a colostomy (bag) for the rest of my life. Also, radiated skin doesn't heal very well, so I could end up with a gaping wound that takes months and months to heal.  
I had acupuncture this summer for neuropathy, and it helped a bit, but I think I'll save that for another post.  I also need to tell you about my trip to Florida with my "Pearls" (breast cancer sisters!)!  There are some blessings that came out of my cancer journey, and they are a huge blessing to me!
So, that gives me a few reasons to update again soon!  If anyone with cancer comes across this blog, and wants to talk more, my e-mail address is nuttyoaks at gmail dot com.  I have some great resources I can share with you, and am always willing to share my experiences and help you through your treatment!
God bless you all!  Look for another update soon!
Tina

Past...Present...Future

I recently got an e-mail notification that someone left a comment on my last blog entry...which was in March!  I couldn't believe it had been that long...surely I updated in May or June?  Nope.  So, I'm pretty sure no one will read this, but I thought it was time to do a little update!

Since my last update I've had a DEXA (bone density) scan, MRI, CT scans, labs, and port flushes.  All is well!  My bones show some "pre" osteoporosis, so I need to take calcium (which I keep forgetting to take!).  I'm still eating mostly low-residue, but have the occasional wheat bread, salad, fruits, and veggies.  The trick is to spread them out throughout the week, and not overdo it.  I mostly avoid carrots, cucumbers, and spaghetti sauce, but might have a small amount now and then.
I see my oncologist in 2 days, but not sure what we will talk about since I already have all the results of the tests I did last week!  I'm sure he'll ask about Rich, my grandchildren, and especially my adopted grandson, Charlie. This time I'll have some more family news to share! (More on that later...) I am most interested to find out if I can start going 1 year between scans, and do I really need those labs every 3 months?  I am 4.5 years out from the colon cancer dx, and 3.5 years from the breast cancer dx.  I know my onc. was worried about me, with all that cancer, but I'm doing well now.  And as our insurance covers less and less, we have to pay more and more of the costs of all the tests!
My worst complaint has been fatigue.  I planned to work on that this summer, and talk to my primary care physician (PCP) if things didn't improve.  I think the fatigue has improved a bit.  Last summer, even though I don't work in the summer, I was still tired a lot.  Many days, by mid-afternoon, I was just as tired as if I had worked.  Not good. Then of course during the school year I felt awful.  I worked 4.25 hours, and then came home and could barely function most days.  I was VERY frustrated!  I do know my job is draining, and does sap a lot of my energy (I don't know how anyone lasts for 6.5 hours, much less the teachers who work WAY beyond that!), but I shouldn't feel that bad!  So, this summer, I have been eating a bit better--cutting down on chemicals and processed foods--and exercising more (which I will do when I'm done writing this).  I am eating less, and have lost just a few pounds, but at least I've made the scale go down instead of up for the first time since chemo!  I'm learning what my body can do with and without (my body does NOT like to be hungry).  I started using the 'myfitnesspal' website, which counts calories for you, and helps you figure out how many calories you need each day to lose the amount you want to lose.  It's been helpful for portion control.  So, overall, I feel better.
I start back to work a week from tomorrow!  I REALLY, REALLY hope I feel better this year!  I get done with work at 1:30, which should leave me plenty of time to do other stuff.  Praying I have the energy I need!  As much as I would love to not have to work at all, I do think getting back into a routine is good for me.  I make better use of my time when there is routine.  And I really do like working with the kids!

A little family update:  Rich is doing well at his new job--he's been there about a year and a half.  Pay and benefits are good, and it's just 'normal' work stress, not the stress and low morale of his previous job.  SO BLESSED to be out of that place!  His drive is too long (26 miles one way), and sometimes we worry about lay-offs, but over all it's good.  

Rachel and her husband are doing foster care now, and are in the process of adopting another child! This is a child placed with them soon after they got their license.  He's 2 and has down syndrome also.  He is active, and smart, and lets you know what he thinks about things!  :)  They also have a very sweet little baby girl that we would all love to keep in the family, but it looks like the baby's mom will be able to take her to live with her soon.  Praying God will do what's best for baby, and if she has to go, I hope we'll still be able to see her once in awhile!  Rachel's older 2 boys are doing very well, even with other kids coming and going!  Charlie just turned 6 and will be in kindergarten this year!  He is our super-hero!  Brennan will be 4 soon.  He is as smart as ever, and there is no end to the amusing things he says!  Love those boys!

Alyssa, hubby, and baby girl are doing GREAT.  Selah is 10 months old.  She is really picking up things fast--she always amazes us!  She'll be walking soon, I think.  She is soooo adorable!  We get to watch her often, and she is a smiley, happy little girl!
Our youngest, Shonna, is starting her 2nd year at the U, and she is majoring in journalism.  She has a lot of talent as a writer. She is a junior now, and has 3 semesters left.  She may get a minor also (but I forgot in what! Oops!).  She moved out of my sister's house into an apartment closer to school.  I don't always see her as often as I would like, but we did get to spend some time shopping and antiquing recently, and I enjoyed that!  

We all managed to get to Duluth for a few days this summer. Alyssa, hubby, baby, and Shonna were with us at the beginning, then Shonna's boyfriend joined us, then Alyssa and fam had to leave, and Rachel and her 4 kids joined us the last day!  So we got to spend time with everyone (except Rachel's husband), just not at the same time!  Next year I'm thinking about staying at a resort/lodge/cabin type of place a little farther up, right on Lake Superior. I think it would be better for the kids if we can find a place that has a nice play area and beach.  I'm still thinking about getting away with just my hubby for a night or two up north this fall. We'll see~we might be too busy building a deck!

When I stop to think about where I was this time 4 years ago, I am amazed that I am here, cancer-free, and so blessed.  4 years ago I had just finished radiation, was weak and tired, was being treated for C-diff and giving myself shots for a blood clot, and had endured a very painful summer.  I was healing and gaining my strength back to do 8 more rounds of FOLFOX.  Little did I know the next summer I would be doing another difficult chemo regimen for breast cancer!  That is all behind me now.  These last scans I didn't even have any "scanxiety", except for that brief moment when I saw my oncologist's phone number on my cell phone.  His nurse was calling me to tell me all my tests were good! 

I make a point of remembering what I've been through every now and then, because it helps me to be grateful for every moment I am blessed with. It reminds me of the wonderful ways God showed up for me and helped me through those difficult times.

My future?  It looks fabulous.  Retirement someday with the man I love, doing the things we love and enjoy, being a grandma, and spending time with my children, grandchildren, and foster "grandchildren".  Yep, looks pretty good from here!
Love and blessings!

Tina

PS  Rich and I also went on our first 'real' vacation together in June--we went to Las Vegas!  But that is another story for another day...  ;)

February is looking Busy!

Seems I'm doing about 1 blog a month now.  I guess that's good--means nothing too bad is happening health-wise!  :)  Life is busy though, and that's good too.
Work is going well.  Every time I complain about it I remember 1. it's only 3 hours, and 2. I get lots of days off! The 3 hours part can be deceiving though. It's a very busy 3 hours, and 1 hour of it is outside.  It gets hard on my neuropathy, not to mention my poor aging skin!  I have other problems that are aggravated by so much walking around too.
There is another job, though, that I've been thinking about, and may see if I can do it temporarily over the summer.  It involves lots of paper work, and sounds like heaven!  My sister was describing it to me and everything she said just made it sound better and better.  Most people wouldn't like to be searching through stacks of papers and working on the computer, but to me, that is the PERFECT job.  The pay is less, but I would be working year round and therefore would be making more money annually than I do now.  Just something I'm thinking about at this point.
Another job I would like to do would be helping out the elderly--especially with their computers.  Many want to get e-mail and be on Facebook to see what everyone is doing, and look at pictures, but don't know how.  Think anyone would hire me to come over once or twice a week and help them get online? It's just one of those thoughts that tumble around in my head!
Excuse me if I ramble on a bit today.  I had to take a pain pill, and that makes me a little loopy!  I will fill you in a bit on some issues I have been having, but don't want to get in to too much detail because of the "delicate" nature of these issues. (If you have read my blog from the beginning, you know that I used to just tell it like it is, since it's hard not to when talking about colon and breast cancer. But it's been awhile since I've had to talk much about these things).  Last Thursday I saw the colon-rectal surgeon again that I saw back in Oct. or Nov.  I definitely have a fistula this time.  My backside has been very painful; some days worse than others (like today).  There are also tender skin issues from radiation and today is a day when both things are painful at the same time! A fistula is a tunnel that develops under the skin, between two organs, or from the inside to the skin surface.  Normally the surgeon would cut the top off of it and then it would fill in and close up with scar tissue. I can't have surgery back there because my radiated skin might not heal.  Also my surgeon told me the procedure could leave me incontinent (because of radiation or my colon resection, or maybe both)--no thanks!!  In Feb. I will be having a procedure where my surgeon can "explore" the area and hopefully put in a tiny tube to help it drain (not sure if this will help it close up?).  This will be done under anesthesia.  Sounds fun doesn't it? Another side effect of that wonderful radiation. (A side note--someone asked me how to word a blurb about the radiation her daughter would be having--I told her the right way to word it, then told her there are many other words I could put with the word radiation--and none of them very nice!! It's the only time I swear, or think of swearing, these days!)
Also coming up in Feb. will be my labs, ct scans (for colon cancer), and 3 month visit with my oncologist; also a visit with my primary for a pre-op check up.  I plan on talking to her about my neuropathy at that time, to see if there is anything more I should be doing to keep it from getting worse. So, it will be a busy month!  Feb. 6th will be 3 years since my tumor was found during a colonoscopy, and on the 20th it will be 3 years since 18" of my colon was removed.
March is my "breast cancer" month. I'll have a mammogram and MRI.  
It's crazy what I've been through in the last 3 years!  Sometimes it seems so far away, and other times it seems like it was just yesterday I was lying in bed in a chemo fog, unable to even shower!  I am so grateful to still be here, 3 years later. Even with all the side effects, life is still wonderful.  The blog community has lost several lovely people to cancer the last few months (from young children, to mom's with young children, to the elderly), and others have had their cancer get worse.  I know how blessed each day is that I am cancer-free.  My prayer list grows long...
Well, I think that's enough for today.  Maybe in a few days I'll post more about non-cancer related parts of my life (like my awesome little grandsons!). Stay tuned!
Love and blessings!
Tina

Life Lately

I often think of things I should blog about, and even "write" posts in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting it all down for others to read.  My chemo brain definitely makes coming up with words more difficult!
There has been a lot of  "cancer" thoughts lately.  Not because of anything going on with me, but because of people around me.  There is a lady at church that just found out she has uterine cancer.  She won't know the details until after she has surgery next week.  It may be a rare, aggressive form of cancer. I knew her face, and had heard the name, but finally met her on Sunday and put the two together.  I hope I can be of some help to her. Then there is a young (19!) friend of our family who may have melanoma.  It's almost impossible to think of her with cancer!  The latest test showed it may be precancerous, but it is being sent for more testing.  I'm thankful that both of these people are strong Christians; I know their faith will help them get through whatever life throws at them.
Then there are the people I know through blogs.  One lady, Ann, finds out today if her bc has spread to her liver. (Sadly, it did. Stupid cancer! Hugs and prayers being sent!!)) Another's husband is still fighting colon cancer after 6 years!  There have been recent deaths of people who's blogs I have read. (This is especially hard for me).  It seems cancer is never very far from my thoughts!  I have a long list of people I pray for.   I know many of you also know people with cancer--it seems to affect us all in one way or another.  Keep praying for a cure!!
Speaking of "slogans", there is much discussion about breast cancer slogans and such.  And even among those that have had breast cancer, there is a variety of opinions.  I, personally, do not like such campaigns as "I Heart Boobies", and "Save the Tatas".  I think my LIFE is more important than my BREASTS.  I think these campaigns are demeaning, and, really, quite ridiculous.  We all know teenage boys are wearing "I heart Boobies" bracelets because they like the word, more than they want to save anyone's life.  I'm sure there are a few out there that know someone personally with cancer, and they wear the bracelets to show support--but that is not the majority.  Of course, there are bc survivors that like to get attention of any kind on bc, and I respect their opinions.  We all feel differently.  Having had colon cancer also, I sure would like to see more attention/awareness brought to that.  Colons are not sexy, but having yours checked may save your life!  To me, saying "Get Your Butt Checked" is not demeaning to anyone.  It might raise awareness, which colon cancer needs more than breast cancer (BOTH need cures!!).  I think I'll stop there...that's just my 2 cents.  I always appreciate and respect other's opinions.
While all these thoughts and discussions make me sad, I am thankful I don't worry about cancer returning.  That is a fear that God has taken away from me.  I rarely think about it, and if I do think about it, it is without any fear.  Wow, God has brought me through so much.  I am blessed by His refining of me!
Aside from the sadness I sometimes feel, I am very happy overall.  I am babysitting less, so I have more time to do the things I have been wanting to.  Like organizing, getting out to lunch with friends, doing things with the girls, volunteering at church.  And then there are some days, like today, I just really don't know what to do with myself!  Do I start a project?  Watch a movie?  Read? Exercise (yeah, right!)?  So many of my projects need my husband's help--and that might never happen!  Maybe I should just start digging in by myself and see what happens!  :0)  Oh-- and about the babysitting less--I still get to watch the boys about once a week, but Charlie hasn't had too many appointments lately, so Rachel hasn't needed me for Brennan very often.  I love watching them, but am glad for some "me" time.  I have waited a long time to feel well and have some time to myself!  That sounds so selfish, but hopefully you all understand.  And I am trying to use some of my "me" time to help others too!  Soon, Charlie will start physical therapy 2 days a week, and I will have Brennan those afternoons, and I look forward to that time with him!
I plan on going back to work in the fall, when school starts.  Some days I'm excited about going back, and other days I dread it.  But I cut my hours to only 3 a day, so that shouldn't be too bad.  Then I will still be available to help Rachel in the afternoons, if she needs me.  I'm so blessed to be able to cut my hours.  Sometimes I feel guilty because my husband works so hard for our family.  But his working also helps his daughter and grandsons, because then I can work less and help them out!  I figure I'll eventually have to work more--maybe if I do we can retire earlier.  I want Rich to be able to enjoy life too--and not just work all the time!
Take care everyone!  And may God bless each and everyone of you!  Prayers are being sent up for whatever your needs are--I may not know, but God does :)
Love,
Tina

Having Fun With My Grandson!

Some more pictures!  The top 2 are Charlie, and the bottom is Brennan (he LOVES playing in the laundry basket!)
Brennan is still with us.  He went to his other grandparents' house again this weekend, and we got him back after church.  He didn't look too excited to see me at first (but he wasn't sad either), but after church he walked up to me and hugged my legs and when I picked him up I got more hugs!  I'm convinced there isn't a sweeter boy on this planet!  He's also very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents that love him to pieces and spoil him!  In the carseat on the way home he was "talking" to himself and giggling.  We ate lunch and then it was nap time. He has been going down for his naps and bedtime really well.  He used to fuss a bit at first, but now he just lays right down and smiles at me.  I'm getting strong "mom" arms again from carrying him.  The other day my arms were sore because I was holding him upside down (he loves that!) and he wanted to do it over and over!   Grandpa is having fun playing with him after work, and he gets hugs too!
Rachel and Ken will be home late Wed. night.  They will come over Thurs. morning to get Brennan.  It'll be interesting to see his reaction.  I think they will get lots of hugs!  He might be a little mad at them later though, you just never know how kids react--I've heard lots of different stories from people.  We have been skyping every day with Rachel and Ken, and I think that has been a good thing for Brennan.
Next Friday (April 1st) will be 1 year since I found out that I did have breast cancer.  I will have some tests done April 14th and then I should be declared cancer free, or NED (No Evidence of Disease).  I don't think I will be able to say "cured" though. I'm actually not sure of all the details on that--at what point I can say cured.  I thought my onc said at the beginning of the breast cancer that we can cure it at this stage (2b), but that might have been before we knew it was 2b.  I'll have to ask him, but I don't see him for a long time.  Maybe my nurses will know.  I'll ask when I get my next Herceptin infusion (April 6th).
I believe I am cured though. God has given me such peace about all of this. I haven't been nervous AT ALL for any of my tests, or anytime I have to go to the cancer center.  That is something only God could do, because I used to get nauseated every time I went, and tests would make me nervous about what they might find.  I'm always amazed at how freeing being a believer is.  With Jesus, I have the Truth, and it has set me free! (John 8:32)  I don't need to fear anything, because God is with me always!  I am still human, though, and imperfect, so there may be times when fear creeps up on me.  If that happens I will get out my Bible and read God's promises to me!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10
Have a great week!
Blessings!
Tina

Herceptin #13 Update

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since I posted last!  I think about it a lot, I just don't like taking the time to do it!
Last week I had another MUGA scan (for heart function). My heart function was 65% before I started treatment (which is very good), and after starting Herceptin it went down to 51.  Then my onc. put me on Enalapril (a blood pressure med), and my heart function has increased to 56!  And I haven't had any side effects from the med.  I was worried about my bp dropping too low, but I am on a very low dose and am tolerating it well.
Other good news--my hemoglobin finally made it up to 12, which is the bottom of the normal range.  It hasn't been normal since last April.
We scheduled some upcoming tests--a CT scan and another MUGA on Feb. 21st (6 weeks), and an MRI and mammogram sometime in April.  The CT scan is for the colon cancer--to watch for a recurrence.  My onc. wants me to have them every 6 months for awhile.  He said because I'm so young, he wants to make sure if anything does show up again we catch it early.  He did say, though, that he thinks we did a pretty good job of fighting it so it shouldn't come back!
I do not need another colonoscopy for 2 years (3 years from my last one), and after this mammo and mri I won't need another one for a year.
Some side effects I still have are neuropathy (numbness) in my fingers and feet, and just tired and out of shape!  I am starting to work on building my strength and stamina. I have a lot of damage from the colon cancer radiation, and also issues that have to do with missing 18" of my colon!  These are annoyances that I will have to live with, although they may get better with time.  I am also praying that God will take these problems away and restore to me what cancer has taken.  I can be very persistent!  I also need to continue to stretch my left arm and shoulder, or it quickly stiffens up.  When I had my MUGA last week I had to have my left arm above my head for 10 minutes and that really hurt!  Stretching helps a lot, I guess I just have to keep doing it!
I am very pleased with how well my skin did with radiation.  I was expecting much worse! The scar area peeled, but it didn't hurt.  The whole area, including by the clavicle, is tan looking, and will probably always be that way.  I will need to protect it with sunscreen anytime it's exposed (like with tank tops and scoop neck tops) for the rest of my life.
Family update:  Shonna is still here on break.  She goes back to KC this weekend.  Alyssa and Jaren will be leaving on a mission trip next weekend (the 22nd).  Rachel and Ken are almost ready to submit all their paperwork to the country they are adopting from.  Hopefully they will get to go over sometime in March or April.  They have to wait for the country to contact them with the date.
Life is good!  God is better!! 
Love and blessings!
Tina

I Hate Cancer

Just in case you were wondering how I really felt about it!
This morning, as I checked my e-mail, I found 2 e-mails from colon cancer survivors that now think they may have breast cancer.  One woman I've "known" for a while through her blog, and the support she gave me while I was going through treatment for colon cancer, and the other I just "met" today, when she contacted me through my blog. What a bummer!
I will be praying for them both, and doing what I can to help them and answer their questions.  I've mentioned the website, breastcancer.org, to both of them.  There are women on that site that are going or have gone through just about everything.  It can be a little overwhelming at first, because, of course, people on there share their bad experiences, but when you get connected with some others (like I am part of the "June Chemo" thread)  it can be incredibly supportive.  I wish there was something similar for colon cancer.  None of the colon cancer sites I've found compare to the bc site.
I've found there are differences between the 2 cancers.  At first, the bc didn't scare me as much as the cc.  And, it still doesn't, but the it's the treatment that scares me.  I hope to NEVER go through chemo again!  The cc (colon cancer) was less disfiguring, and when I was done with chemo, I was DONE. With bc, the treatment seems to go on forever. Everyone is different, but many of us will have more than one surgery, chemo, radiation, and then possibly Herceptin(1 year) or an estrogen inhibitor(5 years!).  I had no idea there were so many different types of bc.  Then, of course, there is the loss of hair and eyelashes, which makes you look like a cancer patient--something I didn't have with cc.  For me, though, the loss of my breast was the most difficult.  It's not such a big deal to me now, but it sure was difficult at the time.  It's something that I had to work through with God.
Then there are so many other cancers out there!  We lost one of our bloggers this past week.  I think it may have even been on Thanksgiving.  A young woman, early 30's, who has been battling lung cancer for the past 2 years.  She was such a vibrant, adventurous woman.  So sad.
Well, that should give you some reason for the title of my blog!
On a better note...
I had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family.  Our group was Rich, me, Rachel, Ken, Brennan, Alyssa, Jaren (he was in Iraq last year!), Shonna, and my sister, Dee.  I've come down with some sinus crap, so everyone really chipped in and helped me out.  Rachel and Jaren both had to work, so we had an early dinner--about 1:30.  I have soooo much to be thankful to God for!!  He is so good!!!
I'm starting to feel a little better today.  I slept in and stayed home from church.  Shonna just left to head back to Kansas City.  I haven't done any shopping yet--just some looking online and gathering ideas.  Hope my head clears soon, so I can get things done and not get too far behind.  I'm going to have Rich get the Christmas stuff out from under the steps, and I'll work on that this week.
I've had 20 (I think) out of 33 radiation treatments so far.  I've had a 4 day break, and my skin is still pretty red.  My hair is coming in, but it's so light and fine that I still look bald; it'll be awhile before I can go without a hat or scarf!  My eyelashes are growing, but still too sparse and short for mascara--hopefully soon!
I had my MUGA (heart function) scan on Friday, and I will get the results of that on Wed. when I see my onc.  After rads on Wed. I will go to the cancer center (all at Regions Hospital), and get labs done, see my onc., and then get another Herceptin infusion.  I'm hoping I will find that my hemoglobin is back up near normal, and my other counts are all ok.  My Rad Onc said this radiation should not affect my white blood counts, because it's not hitting much of my bone marrow.  This will be the last time I see my onc. for a while (I think), so I will ask him what the plan is for future scans and tests, for both cancers.  I'll also talk to him about going back to work. 
Rachel and Ken's fundraiser for their adoption is coming up on Friday.  I will post more about this tomorrow, but if you click on Joshua's button on the side of my blog, you will find info there and a link to Rachel's blog.  On her blog, there is a tab at the top with fundraiser info.  There will be a concert, silent auction, door prizes, free cookies, and other items for sale.  Hope to see many of you there!!
Blessings!!
Tina

Busy Busy

I have thought often, this last week, about updating my blog. But either I have been busy, or just too tired. I'm pretty tired right now too. I can hardly do anything after work these days. Not sure why I got so tired again, I had been doing better. I know my thyroid has been messed up again, and that takes a while to get back to where its supposed to be.
Alyssa and Jaren's wedding is coming up on Sunday. I'm so glad she has everything under control, because I haven't been much help! Tomorrow night we have a rehearsal, Friday night we have some other plans, Saturday we have the groom's dinner at the Zech's, and Sunday we have to up bright and early to start getting ready for the wedding/reception. Then Monday is when I lose my left breast to the surgeon. :(
After that I'll be able to finally get some rest, while I am healing. But as soon as I feel well enough I have to try on and buy a wig, buy scarves and hats, and get my hair cut short. Then it will be time to start chemo.
I really hope this chemo doesn't make me throw up. Its supposed to be a little easier to handle than my last stuff, so I hope that's the case for me. I've been reading the discussion boards and alot of people do have some nausea, and most have a few days of fatigue--where they lay around for 2 or 3 days. That's not so bad. It's also supposed to cause constipation--which, if it doesn't get too bad, is actually kinda nice! When I took pain meds after my lumpectomy it was nice to only have to go once or twice a day! I just make sure I take Senekot or something so it doesn't get too bad.
Last Saturday I had to shop for a dress for the wedding. I was not happy that I couldn't find just the right dress, and looking at cute clothes was depressing me. I felt like crying over every little thing, and couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that I was mourning what I was about to lose. Looking at clothes and knowing it'll be a long time before I look good in them again. And I was upset about losing my hair too. It just all caught up to me and I wanted to hide and cry. But, of course we had a busy day! A friend was talking to me at a grad party at church and she wanted to know how I was REALLY doing (a true friend!), and I started crying. We went into the prayer room (with Rich too), and talked a bit, and then she prayed for me. I felt much better after that, and have been feeling better since. I'm still not happy about the whole thing, more like resigned to the fact that its going to happen. I feel like my whole life is about to change. I don't want it to! I'm so thankful I have such a loving and supportive family. They will love me and be by my side no matter what I look like! I'm also blessed to be a part of a wonderful church family. They really let Jesus shine through them!
Only 2 more days of work! I don't know when I'll be able to go back. I'll let the school know in August whether or not I'll be coming back at the start of the school year.
Well, Rich and I are going to go for a little walk--gotta be back for American Idol! I'll put up some pics of the wedding when I get a chance.
Love to all!
Tina

1Peter 1:6-7, "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (NIV)

Corrected HER2/neu Information

I've been saying that Her2 is a hormone, like estrogen and progesterone. But that is not the case. Here's what breastcancer.org says:

"Oncogenes are bits of genetic information inside the body's cells that usually work to protect us from cancer, by keeping cell growth in check.
Oncogene overexpression happens when an oncogene (such as the one called HER2/neu) malfunctions and "overexpresses" itself (like screaming instead of talking) by making excess normal or abnormal proteins and receptors. This can lead to cancer. Cancers that result from overexpressed oncogenes such as HER2/neu tend to be more nasty or belligerent and are more likely to recur than other cancers. They also may respond to different types of treatment than other breast cancers."
Herceptin is a newer drug used to block the cancer cells from receiving growth signals. I will be taking it for about 7 months, through an infusion each week. This regimen won't start until I'm done with the first 2 chemo drugs. Being HER2 positive used to be a bad thing, because it is more aggressive, but now with Herceptin, it can be treated.
So, I found all that interesting. I've still got alot to learn about my type of breast cancer. I was surprised at how many variations there can be. Mine is stage 2B, grade 2 (unless that changed with the new path report), 3.4cm, 3/9 nodes, er-/pr-/HER2+. I think that's all. :)
Good night!

I'm Sure There's a Silver Lining Somewhere...

My oncologist, Dr. Jahagirdar, called me tonight (about 7 pm) to give me the results of my path report. Not much good news there, unfortunately. So, here goes:
The area of cancer (not necessarily a tumor) is 3.5cm (1 1/4"?); 3 of 9 lymph nodes have cancer; stage 2B; estrogen and progesterone negative; Her 2 positive. Her 2 is a hormone that, in my case, causes the tumor to grow, so I will have to get herceptin infusions to block the hormone.
The plan will probably look something like this: Adriamycin and Cytoxin (not sure about spelling yet!) chemo cocktail every 2 weeks x 4 (2months), then another chemo drug, Taxol, once per week for 12 weeks. I will start the Herceptin at the same time as the Taxol, and the Herceptin will continue on for 7 (?) months.
Also, the margins of the lumpectomy were not clear, so I will need another surgery(re-excision) to remove more tissue. Dr. J. thinks I should consider a mastectomy, because then I wouldn't have to have radiation, and I wouldn't have to worry about the margins coming back clear. It is possible that if I have a re-excision that the margins still may not be clear and I'd have to go back in again. Now, I do have a lot of tissue, but removing even more tissue could leave me quite lopsided and disfigured. I want to wait until we have the genetic test results and talk to my surgeon about all my options before I make any decision.
Next Friday I have my ct scans scheduled, and Dr. J wants to try to get some other tests done too. He wants me to have a bone scan (breast cancer sometimes travels to the bones), and an EKG and Muga test for my heart. Some chemo drugs are hard on the heart so they do the tests first. Someone should be calling me tomorrow to schedule everything for next week. I took next week off too because my surgeon didn't want me going back to work yet.
We are all a bit bummed right now. I'm leaning heavily on God. I'm scared of what the scans might find, because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
Rest assured though, God is with me.
Love
Tina