Some more pictures! The top 2 are Charlie, and the bottom is Brennan (he LOVES playing in the laundry basket!)
Brennan is still with us. He went to his other grandparents' house again this weekend, and we got him back after church. He didn't look too excited to see me at first (but he wasn't sad either), but after church he walked up to me and hugged my legs and when I picked him up I got more hugs! I'm convinced there isn't a sweeter boy on this planet! He's also very blessed to have 2 sets of grandparents that love him to pieces and spoil him! In the carseat on the way home he was "talking" to himself and giggling. We ate lunch and then it was nap time. He has been going down for his naps and bedtime really well. He used to fuss a bit at first, but now he just lays right down and smiles at me. I'm getting strong "mom" arms again from carrying him. The other day my arms were sore because I was holding him upside down (he loves that!) and he wanted to do it over and over! Grandpa is having fun playing with him after work, and he gets hugs too!
Rachel and Ken will be home late Wed. night. They will come over Thurs. morning to get Brennan. It'll be interesting to see his reaction. I think they will get lots of hugs! He might be a little mad at them later though, you just never know how kids react--I've heard lots of different stories from people. We have been skyping every day with Rachel and Ken, and I think that has been a good thing for Brennan.
Next Friday (April 1st) will be 1 year since I found out that I did have breast cancer. I will have some tests done April 14th and then I should be declared cancer free, or NED (No Evidence of Disease). I don't think I will be able to say "cured" though. I'm actually not sure of all the details on that--at what point I can say cured. I thought my onc said at the beginning of the breast cancer that we can cure it at this stage (2b), but that might have been before we knew it was 2b. I'll have to ask him, but I don't see him for a long time. Maybe my nurses will know. I'll ask when I get my next Herceptin infusion (April 6th).
I believe I am cured though. God has given me such peace about all of this. I haven't been nervous AT ALL for any of my tests, or anytime I have to go to the cancer center. That is something only God could do, because I used to get nauseated every time I went, and tests would make me nervous about what they might find. I'm always amazed at how freeing being a believer is. With Jesus, I have the Truth, and it has set me free! (John 8:32) I don't need to fear anything, because God is with me always! I am still human, though, and imperfect, so there may be times when fear creeps up on me. If that happens I will get out my Bible and read God's promises to me!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Have a great week!
Blessings!
Tina
The top picture is of Rachel earlier today when she went to the orphanage and got to hold her son for the first time. It is such a beautiful picture, I just had to share it. The other 2 pictures are of Brennan this past week--wearing Grandpa's sunglasses, and sitting in his little chair after his bath this morning.
We have been able to skype with Rachel almost everyday. The first 2 times were a little confusing for Brennan and made him sad, but now he smiles, waves "hi" and goes off and plays. Brennan is at his other grandparents' house now for the weekend. He loves them too, and loves to be over there. At first he was a little shy around his other grandpa, and clung to me, but then he got a better look at him (he was busy putting in the carseat) and was happy to go with him. I was so relieved! I worry about Brennan so much, being away from his mommy and daddy, so I was very glad to see him laughing in the carseat, ready to go! He has been keeping me busy this week! I will miss him, but enjoy a little R & R.
Rachel and Ken got to sight-see in the capitol city for a few days, and then they took an overnight train to the town where the orphanage is. They spent some time with Charlie (they have pretty much settled on that name), holding him and playing with him. He is 3.5 years old, but only about as tall as Brennan, and much thinner. Rachel said he and Ken started playing a little game that Charlie picked up on very quickly. I think in the right environment he will learn very quickly. They will be over there another week or so, then come home for about 10 days and go back. When they go back they will finally be able to bring Charlie home!
Tonight Rich and I are going out to dinner and we have a little shopping to do this weekend. Like I said, I'll be resting a lot and taking it easy too. I had my Herceptin infusion on Wed., and that always makes me a little more tired. I really just want to sleep in--I've been setting my alarm to get up before Brennan--no alarm tomorrow!
I've been sort of frustrated with how tired I've been lately, even before Brennan got here. I want to get into a routine of exercising and see if that helps, but with Brennan here I don't have the time. I'm not getting up any earlier, and by the time he goes to sleep I am way too tired! If it ever really warms up (and stays warm for more than a day!), I can take Brennan out in the stroller. Alyssa and Jaren took him out a few days ago; he likes getting outside.
Well, I really don't have much else to say!
Please pray for Rachel and Ken's safety, and keep Charlie in your prayers too. I'm praying this whole adoption process goes really smoothly and quickly!
Blessings!
Tina
I suppose I shouldn't call him "Baby B" anymore--he is a toddler now! But I think he'll always be Baby B to me :)
Brennan came to stay with us yesterday (Sunday, March 13th). Rich drove Rachel and Ken to the airport about 11:30 am. Rachel left pretty quickly, to avoid crying--although I don't think that worked too well! She said that she said goodbye to Brennan earlier that morning. I know I was having a hard time not crying when she left! Partly sympathy, partly the fact that I will miss her too!
She and Ken made it to Munich yesterday (or early this morning?), then they have a 10 hour (!) layover before flying to UKnown country ( ;) ). They will arrive sometime tonight. Wed. is their court date, and, if all goes as planned, they can take the overnight train to the town where the orphanage is on Thurs., and meet their little boy on Friday. They hope to be back home in 2 weeks.
Brennan was all smiles and silliness this morning at breakfast. After playing for awhile, he started getting a little tired and went to the gate (at the top of the stairs) and whined a little. He was wanting his mommy to come get him and take him home :( . To distract him, we (my mom and I) got him ready and took him to the store! I needed to go to the post office, and mom wanted some yarn from Michael's. He was pretty happy in the car seat, chattering and laughing, and he behaved very well in the store. He is an experienced shopper! Rachel rarely stays home a full day with him. She is always running somewhere! When we came back it was time for lunch and nap. He is such a good boy! Please pray that everything will go quickly for Rachel and Ken--no delays! God can make this work for them!
I think we'll do some coloring this afternoon, and maybe play-dough. Tomorrow I might take him to the library for family storytime. The only problem is it starts near his lunchtime. I can give him a snack before we go though. It all depends on what time he wakes up in the morning, and how well he sleeps. It won't be much fun if he's tired, hungry, and crabby!
I have another Herceptin infusion on Wed. Ken's sister is going to take him that morning for me. She is a teacher and is on Spring break this week--perfect timing! Then on Friday Ken's dad will pick Brennan up after work and they will keep him for the weekend. It'll be a nice break, but I'm sure I'll miss him!
I am doing well! Still tired a lot, which is frustrating for me. I'm sleeping ok, so I feel like I shouldn't be so tired. I might try to do the treadmill in a bit, while B is napping. Maybe some exercise will wake me up!
Love and blessings!!
Tina
Well, I said I'd write more after I saw my onc., and I didn't! Hmmm. We discussed my clear CT, and some odd little things that showed up on there--my ureters (the tubes that carry urine from the kidney to the bladder) look dilated (bigger). There doesn't appear to be any blockage, so we'll keep an eye on it. I have had some bladder issues since my colon surgery, but nothing too major. I remember the surgeon telling me after the surgery that he had a kidney specialist come in and look at things and everything seemed to be working ok. I'm not real clear on why he needed the kidney doc to come in though.
Anyways...the MUGA showed more improvement on the heart function. It's up to 61% now (59 last time and 51 at the lowest point). The blood pressure med I'm on seems to be working! My potassium is good--not too high like it was before. I still have to be careful about getting too much, so I still am not drinking orange juice. I have an occasional clementine or tangerine though.
Not much else to say about that. I don't need to see the onc for 3 months, and I'll have another MUGA at that time. I will continue to get the Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks. My neuropathy has improved quite a bit, but is still there and holding steady right now. My left shoulder ( surgery side) still hurts, but I try to move it and stretch it daily. I might eventually have to have physical therapy for it.
I'm still working on some "female" issues from radiation, and a cyst in my ovary that is causing some discomfort (not pain though). I have another ultrasound in a few weeks for that. Might eventually have an oophorectomy (ovaries removed), but I'm not to keen on another surgery, so we'll see!
I have been tired again the past week. Hoping I'll get over this soon! I haven't been exercising because I've been pretty busy. Seems I'm always running somewhere, or babysitting Brennan (which I love!).
Well, speaking of Brennan--starting Sunday, he'll be here for about 2 and a half weeks! Rachel and Ken got the date to go over to the country they are adopting from (don't know if I'm allowed to say the country's name on here yet--the country doesn't want people thinking they don't take care of their orphans!). They have a meeting there on Wed., 3/16, and will hopefully get to meet their little boy (she thinks she's going to name him Charlie) on Friday. Then they'll have another court-type meeting about 2 weeks after the first one, and then they can come home for about 10 days before going back over to get Charlie. Ken will be staying home and working, and Rachel will be going back hopefully with Shonna to help her. Then, I think it'll be about 2 weeks more before they can actually leave with Charlie. I guess to get better details you should just read Rachel's blog--the link to her blog "Love is Sugar Free" is on the side of my page---->
We are very excited, and a little nervous to have Brennan here for so long. He's going to miss his parents (he already clings to Rachel when she tries to leave him at the nursery at church!), but he's so young, I think it won't affect him too much. He had his first sleepover here the weekend before last, and he did great. Ken's parents are going to take him on the weekends, and there are others that will help during the week too, to give me a little break. My mom is here to help too--thank God! She can watch him while I take my shower in the morning!
There is so much swirling through my head right now! Shonna is home on break until Friday, and that is keeping me busy! All of us girls are going to lunch today--Rachel (and Brennan--our only boy!), Alyssa, Shonna, Mom, Dee, and I.
I'm still doing the Beth Moore Breaking Free Bible study on Thursday mornings and I love it! The study is SUPER good, and I am learning and growing in God. I also love the fellowship of the women. I need to find a way to make that continue after the study is over.
This study has helped me realize what things I need to just give over to God. You know you hear from a lot of cancer patients that they learn who is there for them and who is not when going through something like this. That is true for me as well. I know who my friends are, and what family members I can count on. There are those I haven't heard from since my diagnoses. That bothered Rich and I for awhile, and especially the ones who don't even acknowledge my kids--heard nothing for graduation or a wedding! I've come to realize that I just need to give it over to God--not hold a grudge, not want to treat them like they've treated me. I choose to ignore their behavior. I will treat them with kindness, and continue to pray for them. I have God--what can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6).
Well, going to lunch in an hour--better go get ready! I actually have enough hair that I have to put a little shaping cream in it to help control it a bit! Maybe I'll post a pic soon!
Love and blessings!!
Tina
I had my 6 month CT scan and my 6 week MUGA scan today. The MUGA was first--at 10 am.(Rich drove me in the truck because the roads were bad from over a foot of snow! He's my hero!) The nurse accessed my port, then withdrew some blood. They have to call for an RN to do the port--the tech can draw blood from veins, but not the port. They mix the blood with a tracer (nuclear stuff), let it set for 20 minutes to combine, then put it back in me. For the scan I lay on a flat, narrow table and a machine moves over me and stays in one place for 10 minutes, then it moves closer and stays there for another 10 minutes, then it's done! Very easy! Well, unless you have a painful shoulder, like I do! My left shoulder has been bothering me since my mastectomy. It is getting worse. For the first of the 2 scans I had to have my left arm above my head for the whole 10 min. It hurt so bad. I'm glad the tech left, because if he had been in there I would have told him to stop the scan. I could hardly stand it--my whole body was screaming out for me to move my arm. I was praying and praying and thankfully the time did seem to go faster. The 2nd 10 min. scan I was able to keep my arms down--and that scan seemed to take forever. But I didn't mind--I was happy to just rest there after the pain I had just endured!
When that was done I went back to the imaging waiting room for the CT scan. I had to drink 4 cups of that awful berry flavored chalk. I remember thinking this stuff wasn't so bad (I've heard of people throwing up from it!), but this time it made me gag. The other flavor was banana, but I hate banana flavored stuff. After an hour of drinking that it was time for the scan. The scan itself is very quick; I think I was only gone for 15 minutes. At the end of the scan they inject me with some "contrast". The contrast is different somehow from the stuff you have to drink, and helps them see different things on the scan. I have what's called a power port, or smart port, so the contrast can go right in through the port. If you don't have one of these, then they put it in through an IV. Another reason I love my port! Anyway, sometimes at the end of the scan I get this intense nausea that only lasts about 5 minutes, but feels awful! I told the tech that so she could run the contrast in slower. That seems to help, as I did not get the nausea this time.
After my tests were done, Rich and I went to eat at a Chinese buffet. I was very hungry, but my stomach was starting to gurgle, and I wanted to get home, so we didn't stay too long. I forgot how that stuff affects my guts. Let's just say there has been much gurgling and frequent bathroom trips! Right now I just feel sort of wiped out, have a headache, and my stomach still doesn't feel to great. If it doesn't get better before bed I may just sleep in the recliner. That is my favorite place to be when my stomach bothers me (which happens quite a bit since my colon resection!). It also helps Rich sleep--he gets up so early, and doesn't sleep well the way it is, and I don't want to be bothering him all night.
So, about 3 hours after the ct was done, I got a call from my oncologist's nurse, Carol. She said Dr. J has seen the scan results and wanted me to know everything looked clear! So, good news!! I still have that mammo and mri to get through in April, then I will be really excited!
I really had no "scanxiety" this time. I kept waiting for it, assuming it would hit, but it never did. I am so thankful to God for giving me peace! He took away my fears, and took away the nausea that I used to get everytime I was on my way to Regions Hospital. Yes, He allowed me to go through 2 cancer diagnoses, but He has been right by my side through it all. I have learned so much about my Lord, and that's what really matters. As I like to say---it's not about me, it's all about GOD!
I'll check back in a few days, after meeting with my wonderful Dr. Jahagirdar!
Please say a prayer for my cousin Jim, as he lost his wife unexpectedly this weekend--very sad!
Tina
As most of you know, my daughter Rachel is in the process of adopting a 3 (almost 4!) year old boy from an Eastern Europe country. She is adopting through an organization called Reece's Rainbow. Most of the kids on their website have Down Syndrome, as does the little boy she is adopting. Rachel's papers (dossier) have been submitted in the country, so now she waits to find out that they were approved and what date she needs to be over there. Hopefully she and hubby will be traveling in 5-7 weeks! Well, my point in all of this is to tell you about the blog Rachel has started to advocate for orphans. She tells about many of them that desperately need families (and lets us know when they get their family!), and she lists many ways people can help. Many of us feel we aren't called to adopt, but there are so many other ways to help. Sharing her blog, giving financially to the kids (You can pick which one you want to help and donate directly to that child's fund!), and buying supplies for the orphanage are just a few ways you can help. These children are the "least of these" that Jesus talks about. They need our help. Ignoring them isn't an option. Please visit her blog, and if nothing else, pray for the children. Click HERE. Thank you!!
Now for a little update about me. I've had some tests lately, and so far, so good! I had an ultrasound to see what my ovaries are doing (I've had cysts in the past and we also wanted to see if things look menopausal), and some blood tests. The u/s showed that I still have a cyst, which seems to always be there, and we are going to check it again in 6 weeks. I heard the words "with your history" several times from my obgyn, and that is why we are watching things more carefully. I also had the ca-125 test, which is for ovarian cancer. It's only reliable if the number is high--then something is wrong. But if the # is normal, is doesn't mean you don't have cancer. We are pretty sure, though, that I don't have ovarian cancer...but with my history....sigh. We also did the FSH blood test which gives an idea if I am producing any estrogen. At the moment I am not, but that could be from radiation and chemo, so my menopause may not be permanent. There is no way to tell. In 6 weeks we might discuss having the ovaries removed--my obgyn seems to want that, but technically there is no reason other than something less to worry about. I'll have to take that up with God--I'm not sure removing body parts "just in case" (when it's not even a high risk) is something He would think is a good idea. We'll see. I'll discuss it with my onc this week too.
Monday I have a ct scan (I think chest, abdomen and pelvic area again), and a MUGA scan. The CT is for the colon cancer (to look for mets) and the MUGA is to check on my heart to make sure it's still functioning well. You may recall that my heart function decreased from the Herceptin, but the bp med (Enalapril) increased it. I see my onc on Wed., when I will have labs done and get my next Herceptin infusion. We'll discuss everything then.
I don't have my mammo and MRI scheduled yet, but they should be in April--then I will be declared cancer free! Can't wait!!
I complain about being poked, prodded, and nuked, but these tests do give me a sense of security. My onc wants me to have a ct scan every 6 months for awhile, and that's ok with me. Most of us that have had cancer worry about what might be going on in our body when we are not being tested!
I am still enjoying my time off, but not getting nearly as much done as I wanted! I seem to be pretty busy running here and there. Doc and test appointments take up a lot of time. I get frustrated sometimes with how tired I still feel. I'm still working on making exercise a routine. I do it only if I "have time", or "feel like it". It needs to happen more often!! Yeah, the dieting is not going so well either...
Oh--big news!! I went "topless" (with out a scarf) for the first time today! I went to the women's breakfast at church this morning and of course everyone noticed. Everyone was real nice and said I looked great! I knew the first time was going to be the hardest, because everyone would notice, so I just had to do it and get it over with! I felt really awkward at first. Too bad it's so darn cold! I hate the cold on my neck and ears!
Well, that's all for now! I'll update later this week, after seeing my oncologist on Wed.
Love and blessings!
Tina
Sunday, February 6th, was 2 years since I first found out I had cancer. That was the day I had the colonoscopy and the tumor was found. Boy, how life changes when you hear "you have cancer"!! You can read about what I've been through by clicking on the tab "My Journey" above.
I had my 14th Herceptin infusion last Wed. (the 2nd). This one made me more tired than usual. I'm not sure why. I watched Brennan that afternoon, and thankfully Rich came home a little early from work to help out! The next day I made it to Bible Study at 9:30, but I was still really tired. And Friday I took mom to get groceries (she came home from Craig's on Wed. eve), still very tired! It even lasted into the weekend. Also, my stomach was a little upset, sort of gurgly, and moments of nausea. So, in 3 weeks, when I get my next one, I won't plan ANYTHING for the 2 or 3 days after. Except Bible study.
This Friday I have an ultrasound (for female troubles--some of which were caused by radiation--the gift that keeps on giving!), and the Mon. before my next Herceptin I have a CT scan (to make sure the colon cancer didn't spread anywhere) and a MUGA scan (for the heart to make sure the Herceptin isn't doing anymore damage). Sometime in April I will have a mammo and mri, and hopefully after all those tests I will be declared NED (No Evidence of Disease)!! That will be a happy day!!
Enough about me--Alyssa and Jaren are back from their mission trip. It was a good trip and they both enjoyed it. Alyssa took care of kids all week while the moms were in a Bible study (they used Beth Moore's Esther study), and Jaren helped pour concrete for the foundation of a new room. There were a few nights that they had a Marriage conference also. Both of them gave their testimony about their relationship, and Alyssa shared a bit of her testimony at the women's study. I am so very proud of them both!
Jaren is currently going to school to be a cop, while working for 2 of our nearby police departments as a Community Service Officer (CSO). He is still a member of the Nat'l Guard, and spends 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer with them. Hopefully no more trips to Iraq or Afghanistan! He is a busy boy!
Alyssa is still a cheerleading coach, and decided to continue doing it next year too. She loves the job and the girls she coaches! She finished her Assoc. degree in Bus. Management and is looking for a part time job (anyone need a great receptionist or office worker? She has great customer service skills!)
Rachel submitted all her paperwork to the country of her little boy. We are hoping it will be submitted to the judge (or whoever) on Thurs. Then about 2 weeks after that, if it is approved, she will be contacted with the date to go over there! We are getting closer! Rich and I will have Brennan here while Rachel and Ken are overseas. We need to get his room ready!
Sat. Rachel and Ken had the flu, and I had to take Rachel to the ER around 11 pm. She was getting very dehydrated. Also, being diabetic, that can be dangerous. So we went in and she got a couple of bags of fluids, they ran a few blood tests, and we got to go home. I got home a little after 3am. Needless to say, I didn't get up for church Sunday!(I did listen to the sermon online today--very good!) That really threw me off! I think I was either still feeling the effects of the Herceptin, or fighting off the flu myself. We went to Alyssa's for the Superbowl, but left before it was done because I wasn't feeling well. Still tired yesterday, but today I feel pretty good. Sadly, the Steelers lost.
We are trying to plan little trip to see Shonna in KC. We might go this weekend. We want to go see all the Harry Truman stuff in Independence, Mo. Rich and I toured his home about 20 years ago. Shonna is a history buff, like us, and would like to see it too. Her schedule is so busy that Sundays are about the only day she can do anything.
Mom and Dee are going to Mexico soon, for a vacation. I could go, but it's not something I want to spend money on. I'm saving my pennies for a Duluth vacation this summer on my birthday--remember I'm going to be cancer free for this birthday and I want to celebrate because the last 2 I was too sick!
Well, another long and rambling blog entry for you all. HI to my relatives! Hope everyone is healthy and staying warm!
Love and blessings!
Tina
ps I put some new links on the side of my blog. One of them is "This Little Light" (on the blog list) and it's Rachel's blog for orphan advocacy--check it out! Also, her other blog is there too-"Love is sugar free".
